I love my furniture.. me and my recliner go way back.
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I once went to an open air Queen concert. There was a terrible electrical storm during the performance.
Thunderbolts and lightning. Very, very frightening..
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Curly was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a Genie's lamp. She picked it up and rubbed it, and lo-and-behold a Genie appeared. Amazed Curly asked if she was going to receive the usual three wishes.
The Genie said, "Nope ... due to inflation, constant downsizing, low wages in third-world countries, and fierce global competition, I can only grant you one wish. So ... what'll it be?"
Curly didn't hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other."
The Genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Gadzooks, Curly ! These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm good, but not THAT good! I don't think it can be done. Make another wish."
Curly thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never been able to find the right man. You know, one that's considerate and fun, likes to cook and helps with the house cleaning, is good in bed and gets along with my mam, and loves cats called pixie, doesn't watch sports all the time, and is faithful. That's what I wish for ... a good mate."
The Genie let out a long sigh and said, "Let me see that bleeding map!".
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Marnie, Maria and Charlie were discussing the travails of getting older. Marnie said, "Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand in front of the refrigerator and can't remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich."
Charlie chimed in, "Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can't remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down."
Maria responded," Well, I'm glad I don't have that problem, knock on wood," as she rapped her knuckles on the table, then told them "That must be the door, I'll get it!"..
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.What do you call a Christmas tree that knows karate?
Spruce Lee!.
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Is it just me or should the creator of the knock knock jokes win the no bell peace prize?.
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.When I first met my wife I took her back to my place, and she was looking through my book collection.
"How come you've got so many copies of 'War and Peace?'" she asked.
"It's a long story ..." I said
I received a letter in the post today asking me to support the helpless and unloved in their hour of need.
I wrote back and told them to get lost and I wouldn't be renewing my Sheffield United season ticket. 😊Sorry Maria 😘😘
