My Mother puts all her worries on me - Positive Wellbein...

Positive Wellbeing During Self-Isolation

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My Mother puts all her worries on me

Roukaya profile image

I hope you are well

I have been feeling very demoralised these days and I may need to go and see the Doctor as I am not coping well

My Mother had a huge argument with the neighbour over a car park space and she has a habit of always putting her worries on me

We are in lock down I have absolutely no one and this is why when Mum in trouble I would go over

But during Lock Down I was able to study and pass one exam and hopefully take one in January

This is may be why I have been unable to move ahead because as I suffer from anxiety since the loss of my Father I struggle to cope

22 Replies

Hi Roukata,

The infamous car parking. It causes so much anger. I have had a car parked across my drive for the last two weeks. At one time I would have been trying to find the owner and phoning the police but now I have parked behind his car and will speak to him if I see him. I guess your mom is feeling frustrated too and perhaps needs support from you.

Many of us are feeling demoralised because of the lack of concise instructions regarding what we can and can’t do during the COVID lockdown. The ever changing, often conflicting instructions are exhausting. If the demoralising feelings you are having continue then you should certainly talk to your doctor.

Congratulations on passing one exam and good look for the second in January.

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to Catmad10

Good Morning

I hope you are well

I agree with what you have said

I live far away from my Mother and I have been alone for many years but due to Lockdown and having been able to visit Mum this year makes it harder

My Mother is somebody who I will always support but is someone who has always put herself first

I lost my Father two years ago and since then trying to find a years work experience and pass the exams

I spent my forties taking care of an elderly Father and his business hence why I am trying to restudy and retrain

As I am fifty one , I become sad that I am still trying at this age but I also realise it is our life path that is written out like this

Learning to cope with the various hurdles and life lessons are part of our character transformation

In the end this is about a car parking space and I may ask Mum and the fact she owns three properties in the block causes envy and jealousy with others

May be but I am thinking of seeking Psychotherapy to understand what I can do to help me feel better mentally

Thank you for listening

Catmad10 profile image
Catmad10 in reply to Roukaya

No problem hun, I lost my dad in 2005 and my mom in 2014 and miss them every day. Since going to university many many years ago I have mainly lived on my own and never regretted it or felt lonely. This second lockdown though has got to me more than the first.

Take good care of yourself.

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to Catmad10

Good Morning

I hope you are well

I think you are doing well to go back to University

I think it takes tremendous strength and courage to study

I would like to ask out of interest what are you studying

When I hear of my Mothers worries I become a rabbit in the head lights with anxiety

I am looking into get help with a Psychotherapist to assist with my mental health issues and constant feeling of struggling with my aim of trying to requalify in Wills and Probate

Catmad10 profile image
Catmad10 in reply to Roukaya

I did my main university studies in my twenties up to PhD in economics and politics. In my thirties, whilst holding down a full time job I home studied for a LLB (bachelor of law) and spent my working like as a lawyer in the oil and gas sector. Bit that was hard work, I couldn’t do it now. I’m semi retired now and only take on work that interests me.

How old is your mom? I have a friend who tries to put her problems on to me. I realise that I’m just a sounding block and I settle down to listen. A few sympathetic grunts from me are all that is often required 😸.

Don’t you give up on your studies. Use this awful time to your advantage and requalify.

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to Catmad10

Very interesting

I studied for Degree in Languages and Politics in my twenties and studied for a law conversion degree in my early thirties

But I never obtained the practical training to become a Solicitor and I spent my forties caring for an elderly Father and managing his Properties

I was broken hearted not to have qualified so this is why I am seeking to requalify in Wills and Probate

Thanks for telling me to continue

I also have mental health issues which plague me this is why may I should seek a Psychotherapist

Catmad10 profile image
Catmad10 in reply to Roukaya

Most certainly see a psychotherapist if it will help you put your life in perspective. It is certainly a way forward to achieve your goals and I’m sure you will achieve them. What shines through the disappointment is your determination to not let the past define who you are now.

Let me know how you get on. xx

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to Catmad10

Very well said

I hope you are keeping well

I have spent most of the morning looking for a suitable Psychotherapist

I think I have found one abs clearly having some one with the professional expertise will assist with the downward spiral I feel once I have spoken with the demanding little lady called Mum

I think you must have a wealth of life experience and I realise that deep down I can achieve my aim with the appropriate self belief and determination

I hope you are keeping well

How are you managing in Lock Down

I thank you for your honesty and listening ear

Thank you

It's amazing how something like parking can bring up so much anger and resentment in people!

Good Morning

I hope you are well

My Mother is overseas and it is due to shared access of a car parking space with a shelter

My Mother had the shelter built years ago and neighbour entered into an agreement to rent the car park space

He resents my Mother as she owns three properties abs he has a mortgage and a family to feed

I think mentally I have been feeling very low these days and my Mothers demanding nature makes it worse

I think I am hoping to sit for the exam in January and visit Mum then

She is on her own but I cannot continually rescue her as in the past she has put her own self interests first

I have been ignored by the Islamic Priest and also this is a disappointment

Thank you for listening

in reply to Roukaya

I was disappointed and upset yesterday afternoon over that interview as they were rude to me when it started and had kept me waiting 30 mins as well so I put the phone down on them and went out of the flat and had a walk to calm down and had felt better after.

With regard to the parking it's nothing to do with trivial things like that in itself in my view it's the little things that bring out anger and resentment over deeper things and parking is the excuse that sets you off.

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to

I would like to explain that clearly this job was not meant for you and there will be something much better for you

I realise that those who value you and your abilities will treat you with greater respect and understanding

I think you are very right that it is not the car park issue

It the fact Mum is the only of three priority ex and owns an expensive prestige car which causes resentment to the offending neighbour

Thanks for listening

I was heartbroken last week when I was told by an owner of a Indian Snack Bar daughter succeeded in Wills and Probate

I told him I failed at interview but he kept saying how his daughter is working for them

As I came home I was almost crying so I have decided never to go there again as it brings out painful feelings of inadequacy

Again this interview upsetting as it is should remind you to thank God that you have seen what they are like even before working for them

in reply to Roukaya

I feel myself I have had a lucky escape in regard to yesterdays interview!

I wouldn't have enjoyed the job anyway.

Yes I remember last week you said you were devastated over not having got that job back in January you had set your heart on and the way it was shoved in your face as its always hard to take when you have really set your heart on something and then the door is slammed in your face!

There's plenty of other eating places in Derby that want customers and that snack bar isn't the only one in Derby and if they are going to be unkind then its the best decision not to go back there!

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to

Good Morning

I hope you are keeping well

I think interviews always take it out of me

I was broken hearted when I did not get the job but coming home alone I felt so much worse

Again I think my mental health is being affected by the isolation of the lockdown and I am hoping to do the resit in January and hopefully then visit Mum

But I find looking for a years work experience demoralising at times and constantly tell myself I could live overseas with Mum but then I would relinquish the prospect of trying to become a Wills and Probate Practitioner

Many family members laugh at me for trying and my two Aunties only contact me so that my Mum will kept an eye on their sister who said I will study until I die

I have had enough of such cruel relatives and this is why I no longer speak to them

Again I realise my Mother’s anxieties play on my mental health so I am thinking of seeing a Psychotherapist

Hi, Roukaya.

We are supposed to believe in psychiatry - but be wary of doctors - it can be a slippery slope leading to anti-depressant addiction.

A (second opinion) doctor wrote out a prescription for anti-depressants for me (without discussing non-drug alternatives) and said: "take these".

They arranged an appointment with a private psych - and they did the same tests and came to the same conclusion.

When the pharmacist told me the drugs were anti-depressants, she diagnosed bradycardia... and I was soon booked in for treatment (for Atrial Fibrillation and bradycardia).

I was depressed because I was ill - and two doctors could not see it!

Midori profile image
MidoriVisually impaired

Very Likely, I think your Mum is holding you back by always calling at inconvenient times. I know you have mentioned Psychotherapy; it may be worth investigating, as I see you continually up and down in mood, whenever your Mum calls.

I hate to say it, but I have the feeling she may be deliberately trying to sabotage your efforts to requalify, in the hopes you may go back to Mauritius to stay.

Personally, I'm not sure that would be good for your confidence.

Cheers, Midori

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to Midori

Good Afternoon

I hope you are well

Thank you for your reply

I am finding this second lock down hard and is slowly driving me mad

How are you and your son coping

I think I am sad and tearful snd I agree that my Mother is a Narcissist Mother whose needs always come first

As I have no one I come onto this site

I am making arrangements to see a Psychotherapist for a session of four weeks as clearly I need help with my thinking process

I hope you are able to cope

Midori profile image
MidoriVisually impaired

We are coping pretty well, thank you. Neither of us is particularly socially inclined, although I wish my son was, as he is my carer, and I worry how he will cope when I'm gone.

He is interested in metalworking, so I'm hoping to get him into some sort of Heritage work, where he can learn as he goes along, under the guidance of experienced metalworkers.

Even if he goes as a volunteer, it will be something creative for him to do, apart from waiting for me to fall over!

I must also get him driving, never had the funds to do it before.

He needs to start pretty damned pronto, as I don't know how much longer I have to go!

Cheers, Midori

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to Midori

Good Afternoon

What you have said has great resonance with me

You are the same age as my Mother and clearly you recognise your son needs to make a life and learn a craft

This is why I decided to continue to remain here and try for the resit and find a years experience

It is hard very hard to keep going when you do not see a way

I will be taking a course of Psychotherapy as I realise I suffer from self doubt , isolation and anxiety

Life in its own time has a way of working out

Someone once told me that life can be compared to a rivet , we all go through twists and turns but we find out direction the end

I also hope to do refresher lessons in driving and I am thinking of changing my voice

Every time I open my mouth due to its pitch it sounds like a five year old

I am not listened too as a result of the little child speaking

At one time when I lived in London there was a street gang made of young boys

When I tried to prevent the attack , one of the gang members said but you talk like a child

I managed to get home and find someone in the block to show I was not alone

I hope your son finds his way and stands up on his own two feet

When I lost my Father almost three years ago my strength had left me

But if he can make a start in your life time this will inspire him to continue with his life’s goals

Money is important but finding our own fulfilment according to our innate ability far transcends million

Hi,

Congratulations on passing your exam, praying for you for another exam in January.

I lost my father in 1999 and my mother in 2013 but I still cry whenever I miss them. Grieving has no timetable. Just cry whenever you miss your father and think about the good memories you had with him.

I have a friend who lives in a place that has issues in parking. It’s good that you are there for your mother. Have you found a psychotherapist yet? I hope you can find the help you need to feel better mentally.

Please keep us posted. I pray for your success as you continue your studies. Take care.

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to pink318

Good evening

I hope you are well

I think this second lockdown is driving me a little mad

All of my coping mechanisms removed

How are you coping

I expect lockdown given me the chance to reflect on the past , the here and now and the future

I never realised that grief can take its time to process

But I realise as I try to be there for my little demanding Mum , it is becoming mentally tiring

But I will always do my best because that is who I am

I expect as you do honestly say we never stop missing out parents

But our parents would want us to make the best of our life circumstances

I realise I can no cope with the cruel relatives and I have a decision to walk away from them

I explained this to Mum and she understands my reasoning

I think if you have a compassionate husband or a good friend this can act as an in built support mechanism

How are you managing in Lockdown

I realise mental health just important as physical health and I am hoping to start a course of Psychotherapy in the near future

Are you keeping well

pink318 profile image
pink318 in reply to Roukaya

Hi- Thanks for the reply :-)

Thank God, I'm coping well but in March, I was scared and worried about my family's future. This corona virus is an unseen enemy and we all have to take care of ourselves.

My faith in God has helped me to experience peace as we all face this lock down. It's hard but all I need to do is pray and knowing that this pandemic will soon be over.

I hope you will cope well. Please stay strong. Praying for you. Please stay in the forum, we are all here for each other.

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