I wouldn't worry about it, between them my cousin's have 5 grown up children between them, 2 are married, as, a family, my mum was their Great Aunt, we weren't even told about about the weddings, as we weren't told we couldn't even send a card to acknowledge theur special day, last year when my God Daughter got married when the photos were being taken and it was family only, I was told to be a part of the group even though we aren't blood relations, I went to school with her mum, I left school in 1978, so just long standing family friend
Depending on where the ceremony is taking place it's likely you wouldn't be able to travel anyway. Even if you could a large gathering is potentially a covid risk. If these relatives haven't treated you and your mother with respect they aren't worth getting upset about.
You can choose your friends but not who is related to you!
The Wedding is overseas and as there seems to be no Covid despite a few cases at the beginning, they think they are immune
But in reality no is immune we all have to be careful
I did some spiritual reading today to understand our connection with the divine and I learnt how important is to trust in God , the power of prayer and that God in his mercy always provides the right answer in time
Have you planned anything nice for your birthday apart from toast
I’ve learned in life, to stay away from users! Many people, who are narcissistic, for example, use other people, especially relatives, as a means to an end, so I just have as little to do with those people, as is practically possible!
Hi Roukaya nice to see you are in good humour! Your Aunt should be treated with the disdain she deserves! You 're a far better person than she, just rise above it all, flashy weddings are so 1970's you know A complete waste of money as far as I can see. You, I am sure would rather that money went to feeding hungry children or animal charities? So don't be sad at not being involved, rather be pleased not to be !!
Even Victor Meldrew's Asian daughter would have a smile, she would be laughing at what a miserable so and so he is! Take a leaf out of your father's book, be a rebel
Whatever Roukaya, don't let other people get you down. If others are mean to you, it is they that are at fault, it is they that are small. You are a Lioness, beautiful, proud and above all loving. Remember, you are amazing! With love, Laurie xx
I missed this earlier! We who have values have basically the same values, we all love, we all care and we all want the best for the whole of mankind ❤️ Xxx
Roukaya, it has been a pleasure for me too and so lovely to see your sense of humour coming out again, long may that last!! Enjoy your biscuits, we can blame any weight gain on Bazzak, all his fault for even mentioning chocolate!! We wouldn't have dreamt of eating any otherwise would we??!!
Please let me come to the chocolate factory too, maybe you could start up your swimming again? xx
I'm pleased to see you are in good spirits. You are a lovely lady who hasn't done anything wrong. Yes, rise above it all. Hey, just thought. Your Aunt could be an Umpa Lumpa bet that would be funny. Seriously though, just try and ignore her, like other people have said you are far better than she is. I think you are very strong to have coped with what life has thrown at you so you can hold your head up high and be very proud of yourself.
Thanks for sharing that!! I have had a family experience, where I and my wife had been excluded from a sister’s son’s lavish wedding, and it hurts, emotionally! I have not shared that experience with anybody on social media, but, will make an exception here. An only sibling, in our family, did that exclusion, to us, just about a year ago, and, we have little contact with them and their family now! They didn’t tell us why we were excluded, and when I wrote, and asked politely, for an address, to send a wedding gift, they deliberately ignored me, and would not give me an address, for the new bride and groom!! One good thing, is that they live, a two day trip, away from us, so we don’t have to see them, regularly, and put up with their rudeness. It does hurt our feelings, though, because, we have never done anything to cause discord in the family, and we have always been supportive of them! So, I certainly can relate to how hurt you, and your Mom, must feel! Try to think of other things, and not let this fester, and bother you so much, that it makes you upset easily!! As I have found out, it just isn’t worth, worrying about, and getting upset!! Take care, and know that there are kind, understanding, supportive people, within this forum, whom you can turn to, when in need!
Unfortunately you inherit your relatives, but there's no Charity shop that would accept them!
Fortunately, you can choose your friends, and I have done that, my father's family are pretty stand-offish, so they don't figure in my plans, and I don't even know where they all live nowadays. One aunt and her husband descended like a locust swarm when I was clearing my father's house, and too many things went missing.
My daughter is married with a son, but we(my son and I) have little to do with them now. My son keeps in touch with them but my daughter never calls, except when she wants money, etc. Fortunately, we are pretty self- sufficient.
Yes, things get a little lonely with all the restrictions, and Wales has said that people from high infection areas will not be allowed into Wales, in order to help keep the infection rate down.
Well, it's time to get my Halloween and Christmas lights untangled and new batteries put in, Still need to make the robe for my Grim Reaper skeleton as well!.
I would not mind being , called for some wedding, as a few of my cousin brother's son and daughter's wedding have taken place, without our whole family invitation, but we didn't take it to heart. Not bothered, it's up to them and the parents.
If we went , we would have given them something, and our blessings. Not wanted, not invited, doesn't bother us any more. Why cry over split milk.
You have come to understand that these are character failings of your relatives and you are able to be mature enough to let these hurtful situations pass by. Let them get on with it and try not let it affect you. You are a good person with worth and that’s what matters. 👍😊🌸
I have come to realise I really do not need the validation or acceptance of my Aunt and her grand wedding
I live in UK and even though I struggle with Wills and Probate in every sense I hope to persevere
Many relatives have laughed and humiliated me saying how old I am at pursuing this path but it is something I wholeheartedly believe in
Something happened to me yesterday to make me realise how important it is to lift someone from their troubles and to make there life on Earth that much easier
It was something I resonated with
I dread the exam results plus I will continue to apply knowing I have a valuable service to provide one day
By Gods Grace the day I realise my vision ,my Aunts Wedding will not matter to me
That’s a good attitude to take, you had No control over what you’re moms sister does. Something like that happened to our family, 2 of my brothers remarried not only were we Not invited to the wedding, we didn’t meet their New wives for years later. To add insult to injury one of my brothers sent my mom a wedding picture!!! I asked my mom about it? She didn’t say anything the Hurt look on her face said it All? We Never said anything to them just moved On, nothing else we could do? I have to say that the family does like the second wives Better 👍😷
It will be hard to come to terms with the rejection but it would seem my so called Aunt only befriends you if there is big financial reward
I realise this but causing other people pain is not good karma
Whatever we see we reap
Ironically we are in an Islamic Holy month by which the birth of the Holy Prophet the Prophet of Mercy is remembered
In this month all Muslims are to have mercy and kindness to one another in order to emulate the holy Prophet but God I know will judge my Aunt for such a rejection
My Father used to have a joke of my Mum whenever her demands became too much he would call her
Gold Digga not Gold Digger
I said you are the husband of Mum , it is part of what you do
I think all the people who have written here have said it all, really, so I have little to add other than to say I have experience of gold-digging vultures just waiting for me to die. They seem to think I have a lot to leave! If you went to the wedding, you would most likely wish you hadn't spent the time and money getting there.
I am hoping against hope that you pass your exam this time so that you have something of your own to celebrate. I would be furious with anyone who told me that at 50 it was too late to pursue the path you have chosen. It's your life - you have many more years to work and enjoy it - and it's nothing to do with them at all. They clearly have problems that are not yours. Poor things, what sad lives they must lead!
I would like to explain that I sat for two exams and I have reservations for one exam
I spoke to the course administrator who explained those who seem to pass are those working in Practice
This puts me at a distinct disadvantage but I have a course tutor who has written exam papers herself and told me to keep trying if yet again I fall short
I have started applying for roles as a Trainee Wills and Probate Paralegal and it would seem I have to keep sending until a firm realises there is a need for what I can do to assist
I studied law twenty years ago but did not get my practical training in law so twenty later I am trying but in Wills and Probate
I have life experience and some maturity and I have a financial basis to start again but I am still reliant on a monthly rental income and in a way this us why I would like to requalify and eventually sell the rental flat
As for the Wedding which starts tomorrow
I feel bad for both me and Mum but realise this Wedding is hugely extravagant and it meant to be a society wedding even though the parents have a very modest background
I believe that we make our own destiny and ultimately we are responsible for ourselves
The Aunt through the years only likes you if she needs you for monetary gain
I could see this very clearly as me and Mum were ignored and rejected by her at her other sons engagement party
I have learnt that true validation really comes how we view ourselves
As for the other Aunt who said I will study until I die, she is based overseas but her two sisters in Essex are equally as cruel as one said I am an Orphan even though my Mother is still alive
After these cruel remarks I have decided to keep away from such toxic relatives and make my own way in life
I hope you are well
What right do good digging relatives have to what you have worked so hard for
I am older and somewhat wiser
I am no longer overpowered by my little Mum
I have explained if I miss the pass mark I hope to visit in January by Gods Grace
I may be lonely but I am beginning to understand where I am in life
There are will-writing services where you do not have to be attached to a lawyer's office, so that is always an option for you.
My partner is fine, thank you. The vultures are his children and their husbands who are very well off and always bragging about it. One family in particular has been pleading with me to take on the (distance) role of being grandmother to their children and having them call me "granny" instead of my name. I have no children of my own and my partner did not think fit to marry me. We rarely see any of his grandchildren and I don't like their attitude towards me. I would rather leave my estate to charity where it is needed but we have mirror wills and the executors are this couple (who have just this week separated!) It's all wrong, whichever way you look at it. We have been invited to wedding anniversaries by this couple in the past but having driven a long way and paid to stay overnight in a hotel, we found ourselves there just to make up the numbers. It made my partner very sad not to be included in family activities. It seems that we are only "family" when it suits them.
Roukaya, everyone is lonely at the moment with all the restrictions in place and the fear of catching the virus. I am sure that eventually we will get control of it, even if not complete control, and then we can all meet with friends again, go to work and generally get more LIFE.
I wonder whether passing just the first of your papers will be sufficient to interest a firm in employing you. After all, it is a profession that will always be needed, with or without pandemics. I guess the second paper requires case studies. Always ask your tutor for feedback, and keep working at it. If you need any help from me re writing etc., don't be shy to ask. I have been helping others to get their legal problems sorted out very successfully by guiding them in letter-writing.
Anyway, inshallah, you will pass and it will be such a relief. I hope, I hope .......
I realise it is a time of anxiety and uncertainty which can have an impact on us on
Having read your post , you may need to prepare a codicil which is to update your existing will in terms of the existing executors who are separating
You will need to find out from each of them in the case of their separation if they still wish to act as your Executor and if necessary appoint other executors by means of a codicil
This is my opinion but it would be best to obtain the professional opinion of a Wills and Probate Solicitor
I myself obtained my legal qualifications back in 2000 snd I did not obtain the practical training to become a Solicitor
The exams are based for those in Practice so I will wait and see as I have already contacted the course tutor
I myself have not prepared a will and it is essential I do otherwise under the rules of Intestacy my Gold Digger Aunt and Uncle will be the beneficiaries of my Estate
I do not know even who to appoint as an Executor
Worst case scenarios, I will appoint a firm of Solicitors to act as Executor
You are kind to offer your help in letter writing
I think I cried after the first paper as I was running out of time
The crux of the problem lies in finding an entry level role in Wills and Probate to build up my speed and exposure to case studies
I hope you are keeping well with your Partner
Very wise for you to have drawn up
Mirror Wills and in my case unless by some miracle I have a child the majority of my Estarr will go to a range of charitable and educational causes to remove hunger and poverty and to educate and empower orphans and to assist with the most vulnerable as well for causes such as Dementia and Cancer research
Thank you for your kind reply to my post. I apologise for taking so long to get back to you. It has been a tiring time, culminating in my being accused of not requesting an ambulance quickly enough on Sunday evening as my partner was having a hypo. I am devastated. The details of what happened can be a bit confusing so I won't bore you with them.
It is not advisable to have members of the family as executors so we did talk about getting our solicitors to do it instead. That was a few years ago and we haven't done anything about it yet. It's not because they are separating but because we can't trust them.
I would think in your case, when you get back into the community and meet some more people with interest in the legal profession, you will find someone there who would be willing to be your executor. You need to make a will while you have the time, and it will be good practice for you. We made ours when we bought the house 31 years ago. We would have been in our forties, but it was easy to do when we were already talking to a solicitor. The solicitor picked up on my insecurity and drafted a Deed of Trust at the same time, for which I am very grateful.
I am off to bed now; don't know if I will be able to sleep but painkillers might help.
I hope your Mum's appreciating your very loyal defence of her and is standing up for you in the same way, we have to stand together with loved ones in times of problems and stress xx
I mean that you are on the right track in your thinking: We cannot control the thinking and actions of others, even when we feel cruelly excluded from what we think should be happy, open occasions. We do, however, have some control over our own thoughts, feelings, and actions.
One thing you might consider is to find activities that help you feel better, instead of allowing the unseemly actions of others have such an effect on you. Replace it! Pursue your hobbies or something else that you enjoy. Do anything reasonable, except just sit and take it on the chin.
Bottom line: Those who do bad things will see them come back, some day, to haunt them, no doubt.
Keep your chin up; you have support from people on this blog. In fact, you have what you need to be happy. Go for it!
Does it really matter in the greater scheme of things, Roukaya?
Imagine if you had been invited, but only out of a sense of duty: would that have been any better than being excluded? I'm sure I'd prefer to not be invited to a 'do' than to be invited through clenched teeth!
And, besides, crowds are hazardous, no matter where you happen to be on this planet of ours.
A good coping mechanism, if you still resent being excluded, is to schedule a treat for yourself and your mum at the time that the wedding is scheduled. That way, you'll be having a little celebration of your own and not missing out on anything at all.
The Wedding is next week anyone would think it us the Royal Wedding
I keep away from my offensive relatives in Colchester
I would rather be lonely
I will wait for the results to decide when I can visit little Mum
My hair still goes like a Troll once I speak to Mum
She told me to do On line dating
My Aunt said No No No ala Amy Winehouse
Take great of yourself
Absolutely. A "grand wedding" is not a safe environment yet. Some people are kinder than others. It's hard when they show you who THEY are. You and your mum are better than that.
The ability to reply to this post has been turned off.
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.
Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.
nice to see you are in good humour! Your Aunt should be treated with the disdain she deserves! You 're a far better person than she, just rise above it all, flashy weddings are so 1970's you know 
A complete waste of money as far as I can see. You, I am sure would rather that money went to feeding hungry children or animal charities? So don't be sad at not being involved, rather be pleased not to be !!
Counting Blessings during this pandemic
A quotation for Sunday 5th April 2020