Thanks for kind support as me and my ... - Positive Wellbein...

Positive Wellbeing During Self-Isolation

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Thanks for kind support as me and my Mum excluded from her sisters son Grand Wedding

Roukaya profile image
62 Replies

I am always thankful to those who have given me solid advice since I have been here .

All of us have our own cross to bear and I should understand this .

I expect I have been wanting to find a direction in life since my Fathers passing

My Mother’s younger sister son is getting married next week and both me and Mum not invited .

The sister ignored us at her others sons engagement and we were ignored at the engagement party

From then onwards Mum would not allow anyone to openly reject us both like this

It still hurts that the sisters son is getting married at a grand lavish wedding ceremony

Also my Mother has helped her sister when she was in dire need and now everything going well for the sister she ignores us both

But this makes me realise it does nothing matter how hurtful others are to us , it is for us to manage our lives positively and progressively .

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Roukaya profile image
Roukaya
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62 Replies
Jennymary profile image
Jennymary

I wouldn't worry about it, between them my cousin's have 5 grown up children between them, 2 are married, as, a family, my mum was their Great Aunt, we weren't even told about about the weddings, as we weren't told we couldn't even send a card to acknowledge theur special day, last year when my God Daughter got married when the photos were being taken and it was family only, I was told to be a part of the group even though we aren't blood relations, I went to school with her mum, I left school in 1978, so just long standing family friend

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply toJennymary

Good evening

I hope you are well

I realise the honesty of your reply

I suppose it us the feeling of being excluded and I am

a sensitive person

But this Aunt has a record of treating me and Mum as inferiors and would only contact us if she needs money

Thanks for your reply

Ghounds profile image
GhoundsReading Rabbits

Depending on where the ceremony is taking place it's likely you wouldn't be able to travel anyway. Even if you could a large gathering is potentially a covid risk. If these relatives haven't treated you and your mother with respect they aren't worth getting upset about.

You can choose your friends but not who is related to you!

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply toGhounds

Good evening

I hope you are well

The Wedding is overseas and as there seems to be no Covid despite a few cases at the beginning, they think they are immune

But in reality no is immune we all have to be careful

I did some spiritual reading today to understand our connection with the divine and I learnt how important is to trust in God , the power of prayer and that God in his mercy always provides the right answer in time

Have you planned anything nice for your birthday apart from toast

Ghounds profile image
GhoundsReading Rabbits in reply toRoukaya

I hope you gained comfort from your reading and prayer.

No plans as yet! I think I will see what the weather is like on the day.

Agoodenough profile image
Agoodenough

I think that's mean of them but I think it's best to choose not to be offended. 💚

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply toAgoodenough

Very true

But this Aunt has always used others for her own benefit

ddmagee1 profile image
ddmagee1 in reply toRoukaya

I’ve learned in life, to stay away from users! Many people, who are narcissistic, for example, use other people, especially relatives, as a means to an end, so I just have as little to do with those people, as is practically possible!

MaggieSylvie profile image
MaggieSylvie in reply toddmagee1

ABSOLUTELY!

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya

Good evening

I hope you are well

Thank you for reply

The wedding is overseas and there is a very low Covid rate by which the sister is of the view the wedding will be Covid free .

But given the behaviour of the Aunt , it is best we are not part the Wedding

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya

Very true

Even though the Wedding is overseas, it is still in my view to be careful

in reply toRoukaya

On that day, come here to post. Throw a wedding-well-wishing party and let us celebrate YOU and your mum that day.

Sunfloweronline profile image
Sunfloweronline

Don’t dwell on sad ☹️ family members R, you are showing how much better you are at not going down the road to let others have a negative impact!!

Q What did the peanut say when it sneezed?

A Cashew!!

X🌻😊

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply toSunfloweronline

Good evening

How are you

I see you also have a great sense of humour

You made me smile

Kind of you

In Turkey when I used to visit due to the number of English tourists , I would haggle prices at the market

The Turkish market traders would say Asda Price

I miss Turkey

Beautiful country

I will give you another joke

Towards the end of my Fathers life he was always getting into trouble

I would say you will be the oldest Asian pensioner to get an Asbo

He was such a rebellious person , that he would wear it as a badge of honour

He had a great sense of humour

Once he accidentally left his grill on , he was connected with Derby Care links and I ad well as the fire brigade were notified

When the female firefighter appeared , he said she looks like Brigitte Bardot

I thought never mind the charcoal grilled toast avc the fact your home was at risk

Both of my parents incredible sense of humour

Sunfloweronline profile image
Sunfloweronline in reply toRoukaya

I’m remembering when I worked with a teacher- me a nursery nurse/ TA

As we met in the morning, her greeting always

Good Moaning

I’m smiling at the thought of it- oh happy days! Have you been to the cafe yet with your book/ magazine and your smile?😊

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply toSunfloweronline

Hello

I hope you are well

I used to go out quite a lot until Lock Down

I will try to go out but I don’t know about the smile

May be I am Victor Meldrews Asian daughter

I used to like Step toe and son

I am showing my age now

I am no spring chicken

Sunfloweronline profile image
Sunfloweronline in reply toRoukaya

Well, ur not as old as me R!

So there’s another 😊for ya 🌹😉

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply toSunfloweronline

My Father would always say Tar instead of thank you

Whenever I made him a cup of tea , he would say in Cockney rhyming slang

Lavely cup of tea

You are a lovely and kind lady

I am pleased you keep in contact with me

Sunfloweronline profile image
Sunfloweronline in reply toRoukaya

I’m nothing special R!

And ditto! as to the contact 😉

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply toSunfloweronline

Don’t ever think you are not special

Important to be kind to yourself

Never undermine yourself

Sunfloweronline profile image
Sunfloweronline in reply toRoukaya

Thanks for that R 😊

But as long as you also promote your positivity 😉

Enough now hey!! I’m getting 👁 strain 👋

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply toSunfloweronline

Thank you for talking

Take care

leo60 profile image
leo60 in reply toRoukaya

Hi Roukaya :) nice to see you are in good humour! Your Aunt should be treated with the disdain she deserves! You 're a far better person than she, just rise above it all, flashy weddings are so 1970's you know ;) A complete waste of money as far as I can see. You, I am sure would rather that money went to feeding hungry children or animal charities? So don't be sad at not being involved, rather be pleased not to be !!

Even Victor Meldrew's Asian daughter would have a smile, she would be laughing at what a miserable so and so he is! Take a leaf out of your father's book, be a rebel :)

Whatever Roukaya, don't let other people get you down. If others are mean to you, it is they that are at fault, it is they that are small. You are a Lioness, beautiful, proud and above all loving. Remember, you are amazing! With love, Laurie xx

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply toleo60

Hello

I am touched with your kind words

I am but like the Lion in the Wizard of Oz

I don’t have much courage

My Dad a real Rebel

I would often call him a trail blazer and hell raiser

In our religion we are taught not to over indulge in extravagant expenses but to apply wealth to those who need it the most

You have spoken of the core Islamic values to share and to care

I should try to be a rebel with a cause

I hope you are well

I hope all your fellow lions are keeping well

Thanks for talking to me

I appreciate you kind words

leo60 profile image
leo60 in reply toRoukaya

I missed this earlier! We who have values have basically the same values, we all love, we all care and we all want the best for the whole of mankind ❤️ Xxx

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply toleo60

Very uplifting words

Makes me smile

As bazzak has eaten three wagon wheels , I have dug up three chocolate biscuits

I am thinking of going on a day trip to Cadbury’s

It is like being on Willy Wonka’ s chocolate factory

May be

It is on the eve of the exam results

It has has been a real pleasure talking to you

You made me forget about my Aunts Wedding

You also have a great sense of humour

leo60 profile image
leo60 in reply toRoukaya

Roukaya, it has been a pleasure for me too and so lovely to see your sense of humour coming out again, long may that last!! Enjoy your biscuits, we can blame any weight gain on Bazzak, all his fault for even mentioning chocolate!! We wouldn't have dreamt of eating any otherwise would we??!!

Please let me come to the chocolate factory too, maybe you could start up your swimming again? ;) xx

Have a good night and speak soon xx ROAR xx

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply toleo60

Good evening

Let’s blame the over eating of chocolates on Bazzak , good idea .

I would have liked to take you to Cadbury’s Chocolate Factory

I hope to resume the swimming

Thank you for your sense of humour as well

Lovely talking to you

Roar 🐯

leo60 profile image
leo60 in reply toRoukaya

Great! We can swim in chocolate!! Yum yum!! Night Roukaya, speak to you soon I hope xx Take care and stay safe my lovely lioness xx

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply toleo60

Thank you

Swimming in chocolate

Really does sound like a scene in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

Who would be the Umpa Lumpas

I wish you a very good night

Roar like a Lion 🦁

Sunfloweronline profile image
Sunfloweronline in reply toRoukaya

Morning R, sending you a😊and best wishes for today!!

Please don’t feel I’m needing a reply,

Q what kind of button doesn’t open?

A a bellybutton 😎🖐

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya

I agree

You can never be too careful

Hi Roukaya

I'm pleased to see you are in good spirits. You are a lovely lady who hasn't done anything wrong. Yes, rise above it all. Hey, just thought. Your Aunt could be an Umpa Lumpa bet that would be funny. Seriously though, just try and ignore her, like other people have said you are far better than she is. I think you are very strong to have coped with what life has thrown at you so you can hold your head up high and be very proud of yourself.

All my love Lynne xxxx ❤️💜

ddmagee1 profile image
ddmagee1

Thanks for sharing that!! I have had a family experience, where I and my wife had been excluded from a sister’s son’s lavish wedding, and it hurts, emotionally! I have not shared that experience with anybody on social media, but, will make an exception here. An only sibling, in our family, did that exclusion, to us, just about a year ago, and, we have little contact with them and their family now! They didn’t tell us why we were excluded, and when I wrote, and asked politely, for an address, to send a wedding gift, they deliberately ignored me, and would not give me an address, for the new bride and groom!! One good thing, is that they live, a two day trip, away from us, so we don’t have to see them, regularly, and put up with their rudeness. It does hurt our feelings, though, because, we have never done anything to cause discord in the family, and we have always been supportive of them! So, I certainly can relate to how hurt you, and your Mom, must feel! Try to think of other things, and not let this fester, and bother you so much, that it makes you upset easily!! As I have found out, it just isn’t worth, worrying about, and getting upset!! Take care, and know that there are kind, understanding, supportive people, within this forum, whom you can turn to, when in need!

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply toddmagee1

Good morning

I hope you are well

I appreciate you honestly in telling me if your own experience at being excluded from the same grand wedding

I think it is designed to cause maximum hurt but in retrospect my Aunt is a gold digger and she only likes those who are wealthy or Doctors

We were rejected at her others sons engagement party and the actual wedding last year took place in the date of my actual birthday

The best thing to do in life is to concentrate on the task at hand and appreciate that this so called relative is a gold digga in my Fathers words

He had a great sense of strength and resilience and I will let go of those who cause me hurt

But there is a God and he is all knowing and fair and he will witness the pain and humiliation she has caused to me and Mum

In this day and age , important to be kind and understanding and in reality even if I could afford a wedding it would be a simplistic wedding.

I hope I time the pain you also experienced will disappear and may God give you something better

Midori profile image
MidoriVisually impaired in reply toRoukaya

Unfortunately you inherit your relatives, but there's no Charity shop that would accept them!

Fortunately, you can choose your friends, and I have done that, my father's family are pretty stand-offish, so they don't figure in my plans, and I don't even know where they all live nowadays. One aunt and her husband descended like a locust swarm when I was clearing my father's house, and too many things went missing.

My daughter is married with a son, but we(my son and I) have little to do with them now. My son keeps in touch with them but my daughter never calls, except when she wants money, etc. Fortunately, we are pretty self- sufficient.

Yes, things get a little lonely with all the restrictions, and Wales has said that people from high infection areas will not be allowed into Wales, in order to help keep the infection rate down.

Well, it's time to get my Halloween and Christmas lights untangled and new batteries put in, Still need to make the robe for my Grim Reaper skeleton as well!.

Cheers, Midori

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply toMidori

Good morning

I hope you are well

You are honest and open and I respect you for this .

I think this is why my Aunt has rejected me and Mum because she is a gold digga

It is me to took charge of my Fathers finances and you put it I have become by Gods Grace financially independent

However I am reliant on a monthly rental income as I bought the flat I live in and paid off the mortgage of the rental flat .

My Mothers sister thought she could grab more from me and Mum

When no offer was coming from me and Mum this is when the frosty attitude started hence the rejection

I think you have a sense of humour and strong enough to make your own life

I wish you well for your Halloween fright night and Christmas

embroy profile image
embroy in reply toRoukaya

I would not mind being , called for some wedding, as a few of my cousin brother's son and daughter's wedding have taken place, without our whole family invitation, but we didn't take it to heart. Not bothered, it's up to them and the parents.

If we went , we would have given them something, and our blessings. Not wanted, not invited, doesn't bother us any more. Why cry over split milk.

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply toembroy

Good evening

I hope you are well

I would to say there is more to this

Two years ago my Aunt rang me out of the blue begging for help

When the help was given and she found success she dumped both me and my Mother

My Mother is becoming quite sad at this and as the Weddings religious ceremony takes place tomorrow my Mum is quite upset with this

My Mother and I are both quite religious abs God himself will judge my Aunt as she has used us

As you say we will not have our blessings just hurt feelings

How are you managing?

embroy profile image
embroy in reply toRoukaya

We are managing as best we can, not bothered, and I don't care attitude helps, don't worry you will get used to it. We have each other to talk to...

bobbybobb profile image
bobbybobbAmbassador

You have come to understand that these are character failings of your relatives and you are able to be mature enough to let these hurtful situations pass by. Let them get on with it and try not let it affect you. You are a good person with worth and that’s what matters. 👍😊🌸

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply tobobbybobb

Good morning

I hope you are well

Thank you for your reply

I have come to realise I really do not need the validation or acceptance of my Aunt and her grand wedding

I live in UK and even though I struggle with Wills and Probate in every sense I hope to persevere

Many relatives have laughed and humiliated me saying how old I am at pursuing this path but it is something I wholeheartedly believe in

Something happened to me yesterday to make me realise how important it is to lift someone from their troubles and to make there life on Earth that much easier

It was something I resonated with

I dread the exam results plus I will continue to apply knowing I have a valuable service to provide one day

By Gods Grace the day I realise my vision ,my Aunts Wedding will not matter to me

I hope you are ok

bobbybobb profile image
bobbybobbAmbassador in reply toRoukaya

I’m fine thanks Roukaya, have been painting over the weekend as usual. 😊👍🌸

Want2BHappy3 profile image
Want2BHappy3

That’s a good attitude to take, you had No control over what you’re moms sister does. Something like that happened to our family, 2 of my brothers remarried not only were we Not invited to the wedding, we didn’t meet their New wives for years later. To add insult to injury one of my brothers sent my mom a wedding picture!!! I asked my mom about it? She didn’t say anything the Hurt look on her face said it All? We Never said anything to them just moved On, nothing else we could do? I have to say that the family does like the second wives Better 👍😷

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya

Good morning

I hope you are well

I appreciate your honestly and knowing that sibling rivalry can exist in all families

In retrospect this Aunt is an Asian version of Hyancith Bouquet

Since her younger son married into a family of wealthly Doctors me and Mum have been rejected

But she is also a Gold Digger so this Wedding is done to show to everyone look how well we are

It really does not matter as I realise that kindness , humility and compassion is what matters the most

Also since I lost my Father I have learnt to appreciate what is important

Before I was sad that I gave up my Forties to care for an elderly and vulnerable adult

But now I think God that God allowed me to care for Dad in his last years

I am aiming to become a Wills and Probate lawyer but I struggle with the exams as it is designed for those working

This is partly why I get demoralised

May be the day I actually pass and obtain the years work experience I can put such hurt behind me and help others in a similar plight to Dad

He did not have much time for Gold Diggas

I miss Dad and his sense of humour

But the only reason I persevere is because of what he taught me in his living years

It really does not matter how my Aunt excludes me or Mum

Doing something that brings happiness and joy to others is what really matters

I hope you are keeping well

Thank you for your reply

Stub007 profile image
Stub007

It seems to me that such actions often become their own “reward.” Never fear: Such is repaid, or so I believe.

If I hurt someone, I end up hurting myself; it simply doesn’t pay good dividends!

Thinking of you; don’t agonize over such things.

Best,

Don

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply toStub007

Good Afternoon

I hope you are well

It will be hard to come to terms with the rejection but it would seem my so called Aunt only befriends you if there is big financial reward

I realise this but causing other people pain is not good karma

Whatever we see we reap

Ironically we are in an Islamic Holy month by which the birth of the Holy Prophet the Prophet of Mercy is remembered

In this month all Muslims are to have mercy and kindness to one another in order to emulate the holy Prophet but God I know will judge my Aunt for such a rejection

My Father used to have a joke of my Mum whenever her demands became too much he would call her

Gold Digga not Gold Digger

I said you are the husband of Mum , it is part of what you do

I miss Dad and his rebellious nature

How are you coping ?

MaggieSylvie profile image
MaggieSylvie

Good morning Roukaya,

I think all the people who have written here have said it all, really, so I have little to add other than to say I have experience of gold-digging vultures just waiting for me to die. They seem to think I have a lot to leave! If you went to the wedding, you would most likely wish you hadn't spent the time and money getting there.

I am hoping against hope that you pass your exam this time so that you have something of your own to celebrate. I would be furious with anyone who told me that at 50 it was too late to pursue the path you have chosen. It's your life - you have many more years to work and enjoy it - and it's nothing to do with them at all. They clearly have problems that are not yours. Poor things, what sad lives they must lead!

Keep smiling, Roukaya,

xx Maggie

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply toMaggieSylvie

Good Afternoon

I hope you are well

Thank you for your reply

Kind of you to answer

I would like to explain that I sat for two exams and I have reservations for one exam

I spoke to the course administrator who explained those who seem to pass are those working in Practice

This puts me at a distinct disadvantage but I have a course tutor who has written exam papers herself and told me to keep trying if yet again I fall short

I have started applying for roles as a Trainee Wills and Probate Paralegal and it would seem I have to keep sending until a firm realises there is a need for what I can do to assist

I studied law twenty years ago but did not get my practical training in law so twenty later I am trying but in Wills and Probate

I have life experience and some maturity and I have a financial basis to start again but I am still reliant on a monthly rental income and in a way this us why I would like to requalify and eventually sell the rental flat

As for the Wedding which starts tomorrow

I feel bad for both me and Mum but realise this Wedding is hugely extravagant and it meant to be a society wedding even though the parents have a very modest background

I believe that we make our own destiny and ultimately we are responsible for ourselves

The Aunt through the years only likes you if she needs you for monetary gain

I could see this very clearly as me and Mum were ignored and rejected by her at her other sons engagement party

I have learnt that true validation really comes how we view ourselves

As for the other Aunt who said I will study until I die, she is based overseas but her two sisters in Essex are equally as cruel as one said I am an Orphan even though my Mother is still alive

After these cruel remarks I have decided to keep away from such toxic relatives and make my own way in life

I hope you are well

What right do good digging relatives have to what you have worked so hard for

I am older and somewhat wiser

I am no longer overpowered by my little Mum

I have explained if I miss the pass mark I hope to visit in January by Gods Grace

I may be lonely but I am beginning to understand where I am in life

You have been very kind in your reply

How is your husband

Are you coping despite the Tier restrictions ?

MaggieSylvie profile image
MaggieSylvie in reply toRoukaya

Good afternoon Roukaya,

There are will-writing services where you do not have to be attached to a lawyer's office, so that is always an option for you.

My partner is fine, thank you. The vultures are his children and their husbands who are very well off and always bragging about it. One family in particular has been pleading with me to take on the (distance) role of being grandmother to their children and having them call me "granny" instead of my name. I have no children of my own and my partner did not think fit to marry me. We rarely see any of his grandchildren and I don't like their attitude towards me. I would rather leave my estate to charity where it is needed but we have mirror wills and the executors are this couple (who have just this week separated!) It's all wrong, whichever way you look at it. We have been invited to wedding anniversaries by this couple in the past but having driven a long way and paid to stay overnight in a hotel, we found ourselves there just to make up the numbers. It made my partner very sad not to be included in family activities. It seems that we are only "family" when it suits them.

Roukaya, everyone is lonely at the moment with all the restrictions in place and the fear of catching the virus. I am sure that eventually we will get control of it, even if not complete control, and then we can all meet with friends again, go to work and generally get more LIFE.

I wonder whether passing just the first of your papers will be sufficient to interest a firm in employing you. After all, it is a profession that will always be needed, with or without pandemics. I guess the second paper requires case studies. Always ask your tutor for feedback, and keep working at it. If you need any help from me re writing etc., don't be shy to ask. I have been helping others to get their legal problems sorted out very successfully by guiding them in letter-writing.

Anyway, inshallah, you will pass and it will be such a relief. I hope, I hope .......

xx M

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply toMaggieSylvie

Good evening

I hope you are well

Thank you for your reply

I realise it is a time of anxiety and uncertainty which can have an impact on us on

Having read your post , you may need to prepare a codicil which is to update your existing will in terms of the existing executors who are separating

You will need to find out from each of them in the case of their separation if they still wish to act as your Executor and if necessary appoint other executors by means of a codicil

This is my opinion but it would be best to obtain the professional opinion of a Wills and Probate Solicitor

I myself obtained my legal qualifications back in 2000 snd I did not obtain the practical training to become a Solicitor

The exams are based for those in Practice so I will wait and see as I have already contacted the course tutor

I myself have not prepared a will and it is essential I do otherwise under the rules of Intestacy my Gold Digger Aunt and Uncle will be the beneficiaries of my Estate

I do not know even who to appoint as an Executor

Worst case scenarios, I will appoint a firm of Solicitors to act as Executor

You are kind to offer your help in letter writing

I think I cried after the first paper as I was running out of time

The crux of the problem lies in finding an entry level role in Wills and Probate to build up my speed and exposure to case studies

I hope you are keeping well with your Partner

Very wise for you to have drawn up

Mirror Wills and in my case unless by some miracle I have a child the majority of my Estarr will go to a range of charitable and educational causes to remove hunger and poverty and to educate and empower orphans and to assist with the most vulnerable as well for causes such as Dementia and Cancer research

Thank you for your post

I hope you continue to keep well

MaggieSylvie profile image
MaggieSylvie in reply toRoukaya

Dear Roukaya,

Thank you for your kind reply to my post. I apologise for taking so long to get back to you. It has been a tiring time, culminating in my being accused of not requesting an ambulance quickly enough on Sunday evening as my partner was having a hypo. I am devastated. The details of what happened can be a bit confusing so I won't bore you with them.

It is not advisable to have members of the family as executors so we did talk about getting our solicitors to do it instead. That was a few years ago and we haven't done anything about it yet. It's not because they are separating but because we can't trust them.

I would think in your case, when you get back into the community and meet some more people with interest in the legal profession, you will find someone there who would be willing to be your executor. You need to make a will while you have the time, and it will be good practice for you. We made ours when we bought the house 31 years ago. We would have been in our forties, but it was easy to do when we were already talking to a solicitor. The solicitor picked up on my insecurity and drafted a Deed of Trust at the same time, for which I am very grateful.

I am off to bed now; don't know if I will be able to sleep but painkillers might help.

Thank you for your concern and friendship.

Maggie

in reply toMaggieSylvie

Spend the lot with the ones you love and don't give the gold diggers a look in 👍xx

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to

My only relative is my little Mum

I am hoping to visit by Gods Grace but she can be a little fire cracker to

A tiny little lady with formidable strength

I hope you are keeping well

In the words of my Father keep away from a Gold Digga

in reply toRoukaya

I hope your Mum's appreciating your very loyal defence of her and is standing up for you in the same way, we have to stand together with loved ones in times of problems and stress xx

Stub007 profile image
Stub007

YES!!!

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply toStub007

Please explain what you mean by yes

Stub007 profile image
Stub007 in reply toRoukaya

I mean that you are on the right track in your thinking: We cannot control the thinking and actions of others, even when we feel cruelly excluded from what we think should be happy, open occasions. We do, however, have some control over our own thoughts, feelings, and actions.

One thing you might consider is to find activities that help you feel better, instead of allowing the unseemly actions of others have such an effect on you. Replace it! Pursue your hobbies or something else that you enjoy. Do anything reasonable, except just sit and take it on the chin.

Bottom line: Those who do bad things will see them come back, some day, to haunt them, no doubt.

Keep your chin up; you have support from people on this blog. In fact, you have what you need to be happy. Go for it!

Best,

Don

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply toStub007

Good Afternoon

I hope you are well

I wholeheartedly agree with what you have said

This is why I studied for Wills and Probate and I will wait until the results come out to see when it would be possible for me to meet little Mum

Tough little cookie is my little Mum

Little but ferocious

Scary Spice not a patch on Mum

I hope you are well

I hope you are able to cope in this current climate and thank you for your kind words

TheDrivenSnow profile image
TheDrivenSnow

Does it really matter in the greater scheme of things, Roukaya?

Imagine if you had been invited, but only out of a sense of duty: would that have been any better than being excluded? I'm sure I'd prefer to not be invited to a 'do' than to be invited through clenched teeth!

And, besides, crowds are hazardous, no matter where you happen to be on this planet of ours.

A good coping mechanism, if you still resent being excluded, is to schedule a treat for yourself and your mum at the time that the wedding is scheduled. That way, you'll be having a little celebration of your own and not missing out on anything at all.

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply toTheDrivenSnow

Very well written with an excellent suggestion

The Wedding is next week anyone would think it us the Royal Wedding

I keep away from my offensive relatives in Colchester

I would rather be lonely

I will wait for the results to decide when I can visit little Mum

My hair still goes like a Troll once I speak to Mum

She told me to do On line dating

My Aunt said No No No ala Amy Winehouse

Take great of yourself

Absolutely. A "grand wedding" is not a safe environment yet. Some people are kinder than others. It's hard when they show you who THEY are. You and your mum are better than that.

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