Coping with a demanding and elderly M... - Positive Wellbein...

Positive Wellbeing During Self-Isolation

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Coping with a demanding and elderly Mother

Roukaya•

5 years ago•18 Replies

I hope you are all well

I am trying to cope with resitting a Diploma in Wills and Probate and finding a years work experience

My Mother will put all her worries on me and expect me to sort out her situation even though I am far away

It is this behaviour which has over taken my ability to focus on my studies and find a years work experience

It is exhausting given the fact we are in the climate of Lock Down as a result of Lock Down

So many are going through their own issues and I write on this site for support and understanding

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Roukaya

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18 Replies

•

5 years ago

Hi Roukaya, I do know what a challenge your mum can be for you at times, and it's not easy trying to deal with the problems of someone who is living so far away from you. You've learned to handle her demands much better, and I think this has to become a habit for you as you try to get that qualification you so badly want. Don't let her get under your skin. She's your mum and deserves your help, but only to the extent that you are able to give it. And you need to set your rules with her, around this, as if you try to oblige her every time, she will only come to believe that this is easy for you, which clearly it isn't. Always happy to be of help in any way we can. Take care. 🙏

Roukaya• in reply to5 years ago

Good morning

I hope you are well

Thank you for being kind enough to answer

I think like the Psychotherapist explained my Mother has a tendency to behave like a child and want immediate answers

A friend of hers is becoming nasty and may be trying to create a case of arrears against her even though he is refusing to accept her payment

Again all I can do is offer her the correct advice and learn to erect boundaries

I think I understand how to handle her behaviour better because I know how overwhelming she can be

I thank you for being kind enough to answer

MidoriVisually impaired5 years ago

Keep going Roukaya, you are beginning to stand up to her. You may be her daughter, but you are no longer a little girl.Don't let her bully you.

It is important now that you sort out your own future. Her needs are secondary, she has family and friends in Mauritius.

Cheers, Midori

Roukaya• in reply toMidori5 years ago

Good morning

I hope you are well

Thank you for your answer

You are quite right she has friends and family and I am still trying over here

It is because her former friend is refusing payment in an attempt to create a case of arrears against her

I have offered her the correct advice and by solving my patents problems my Father now gone I become tired to solve my own

Then when I go overseas I am told

Don’t you work

I hope you are well

How is your home progressing

Thank you for answering my post

MidoriVisually impaired• in reply toRoukaya5 years ago

No problem, always here to help.

Cheers, Midori

Roukaya• in reply toMidori5 years ago

Hello

Thank you for answering the post

How are you managing with your home

MidoriVisually impaired• in reply toRoukaya5 years ago

We are getting along OK.

A big sofa coming in on Monday, which should more or less complete the Living Room, apart from some (More!) new Curtains. Blackout blinds as well as it is on the South side and very hot at present.

The garage is full of packing boxes which we have to put out a few at a time for the Bin men, and when they are gone I will be getting a chest freezer.

Planning to redo the kitchen, because it's half the size of my old one, and badly designed. The sink needs moving as its in a corner. and there's a section which can do with more cupboard and worktop space. Then a small conservatory on the back to take the dining room table.

Next will be reworking the bathroom into a Wet room, instead of a Wheelchair shower, which is difficult for my son to get me out of if I fall.

The retaining wall in the garden needs to be replaced, as it is beginning to fail, and I don't want half of the neighbour's garden to fall into mine! All lots of money, which I think I have enough for, with the funds from my old house.

Cheers, Midori

Roukaya• in reply toMidori5 years ago

It is sounds as if it is a complete renovation but it will look very nice once completed

You are very right to make a new start from the funds of your former house

It will be a great sense of accomplishment once you have completed everything

bobbybobbAmbassador5 years ago

Hi Roukaya, your mum needs to know that at the moment your focus needs to be on your revision and study, her needs must come secondary to that at the moment and you must place your self first if you want to achieve your set goals. Stressful distraction will hinder your study. Maybe tell your mum, whilst you are studying for your resits, you may limit your phone calls just for this short period, so you can concentrate and maintain that focus. 😊🌸🌞

Roukaya• in reply tobobbybobb5 years ago

Thank you for your reply

My Mother has always put herself first

When she met her male friend she made this very clear

When she discovered she was targeting her Assets the friendship ended and she came back

I have explained I keep failing the exams over three years

The male friend is becoming nasty by not accepting her payment towards management fees and he is trying to create a case of arrears against her

I have tried to speak to one of her friends and he has advised she needs to keep records of payments as proof

I hope you can understand

Thank you for your reply

Roukaya• in reply tobobbybobb5 years ago

Good Afternoon

I hope you are well

I would like to thank you for your understanding and I hope my constant worries are not becoming too much

I think my mind wanders too much and I do suffer from anxiety with a demanding Mother

bobbybobbAmbassador5 years ago

No, not at all Roukaya, I am puzzled as to why you would ask. I think anxiety is a terrible thing to suffer from. My own daughter suffer's from it. I too once suffered from it a very long time ago. To offer a kind word or an idea, or a thought about something, or encouragement, that is nothing for anyone to do. I will always try and give encouragement to everyone who needs it because being a human being is about, not just looking after yourself but supporting other's where you can. 😊🌼🌼

Roukaya• in reply tobobbybobb5 years ago

Thank you for your understanding

I am sure you are of great support to your daughter who suffers from anxiety

This is why I struggle with the demands of my Mother given my own issues

bobbybobbAmbassador• in reply toRoukaya5 years ago

Your mum does not see to understand that your anxiety issues have such a big impact on your life. I think, sometimes parent's choose not to see problems with their children, no matter how old they are. I think it is because they are frightened of what might surface or they completely choose to ignore it because they don't know how to deal with it. Of course, if your mum has anxiety issues that have not been dealt with, it's unlikely she will recognize you difficulties. This is why at times you must put yourself first to get what you want to do done. 😊🌼🌞

Roukaya• in reply tobobbybobb5 years ago

Good Afternoon

I thank you for your reply

I think it is a series of life events which have made me have anxiety issues

This has impacted on my search and quest to requalify back in Wills and Probate

I am aware of my Mother and she always puts herself first

I will learn to do the same

I will listen and offer her advice and I create the habit of putting my own needs first otherwise I will never get there

Thank you for being kind enough to listen

I hope you enjoy the good weather

bobbybobbAmbassador• in reply toRoukaya5 years ago

Yes and with your resits coming up, please put yourself first for a couple of months and get through them. Hope you are enjoying the weather also. 🌞🌞🌞

Roukaya• in reply tobobbybobb5 years ago

Thank you

I wish you a peaceful afternoon

5 years ago

Your mum is not your responsibility hundred percent although we all like to help others you can only offer advice and love and support if it's too much for you listen and just don't take it all in you can avoid the phone or computer at times,I'm in the bath😉shopping studying ya know xx

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Positive Wellbeing During Self-Isolation

Coping with a demanding and elderly Mother

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