Coping with Isolation, sadness and an... - Positive Wellbein...

Positive Wellbeing During Self-Isolation

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Coping with Isolation, sadness and anxiety

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya

I often writers here seeking support

Today I have noticed that I am overwhelmed with sadness and anxiety which I am trying to walk away from

There are days I can cope and days I feel sad

The slightest worry triggers me

I wonder if anyone is willing to comment

71 Replies

I am exactly the same Roukaya.Some days are terrible then I wake up to a good day.

You are not alone I can assure you.Take every day as it comes and things will get better.

Xx

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to Chocolate41

Hello

Thank you for reply

How are you managing in LockDown

Do you like chocolate given your name ?

Chocolate41 profile image
Chocolate41 in reply to Roukaya

I love chocolate.I am coping went out for the first time today for 11weeks.It was hard but I did it.I must get back into the swing of things but will do it slowly.

You take care and things slowly.

X

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to Chocolate41

Well done for going out for the first time in eleven weeks

Would you like to say where you went ?

Chocolate41 profile image
Chocolate41 in reply to Roukaya

Went for a walk just around the block where we live.

It was lovely 😊 Just a short walk.

My next goal is to go to the supermarket but not until 9pm in the evening when they are not to busy.x

Hidden profile image
Hidden in reply to Chocolate41

Well done for having gone out after 11 weeks in!

asenath profile image
asenath in reply to Chocolate41

Well done Chocolate41, I have yet to bite the bullet! x bit scary I think but.... one of these days. Keep safe.x

Oh dear Roukaya. Try to think positively. I’m sorry you are having a bad day. Could you listen to Upbeat music to lift your spirits. 💚

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to Agoodenough

Hello

How are you ?

I think I am quite concerned with the video I filmed of myself to the agency

Secondly I am concerned with the quote I have asked for in order to do the repairs for a flat as this is my main income

How are you ?

How did you spend you day ?

Agoodenough profile image
Agoodenough in reply to Roukaya

I honestly don’t think the video is as bad as you think. I remember you said about this earlier. Remember you will be more critical as it’s you. The people looking at it will know that it’s a difficult circumstance and that you may come across clumsy, awkward, nervous etc. Be kind to yourself Roukaya. Also bear in mind you suffer from anxiety which is another reason that you may possibly jump to the worst case scenario. (I am speaking on my past experience, I have been there).

Was the quote very expensive? I’ve had work done to my house recently and can’t believe how expensive it is to pay someone to do work for you. Is this your concern?

Ali

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to Agoodenough

I hope you are well

Thank you for your kind reply

I am waiting for the quote

To be honest every time a tenant leaves I am faced with a bill to repair the property to a standard suitable for renting

It is expensive as I have been spending since 2016 and each and every time a tenant leaves I am faced with repairs

I think I would like to sell the flat and buy a home but I was hoping to find employment before I put the flat for sale

Also my Mother puts her worries on me

I realise she is on her own in Lock Down and her worries she projects on me

How did you spend your day ?

Agoodenough profile image
Agoodenough in reply to Roukaya

Oh really. That’s annoying. I only rented a house out once and it turned into a nightmare so I understand it must be very frustrating.

As far as your mother is concerned. The thing is This. If you were a counsellor and people were telling you their problems then you could not take on everyone’s problems, which is obvious. If your mother has problems can you help her resolve them or does she need to resolve them herself. You can’t make other people’s problems your problems as you’d have all your own problems which everyone has plus everyone else’s. Who could cope with that.

If you take on other peoples problems it is this scenario....

The person is in a hole. You either jump in the hole with them and now you’ve both got a problem or you stay on the outside and help them out.

I’ve been doing some watercolour painting today which I started to learn in the lockdown. Before I could barely draw a line 😂 but I’m really enjoying finding my creative side which I have to admit was well And truly buried!

Ali

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to Agoodenough

I think you have given a brilliant analogy of me taking on the worries of my Mother

Both of us jumping in a hole really dies double the problem and prevents a logical and rational solution

I think it is best I listen and try to help her to resolve her problems as I am unable to be there with her

Very sound and logical thinking

Also I have been looking at taking up elocution lessons which I think will help me to be more confident in my speaking ability

How can I aspire to work in Wills snd Probate and advise a client whilst speaking as a five year old

Again I hope you are keeping well

I thank you for being kind enough to listen and reply

Thank you

This is very true

Self belief and determination to realise our goals and aims

I think I spend too much time worrying than focusing on solutions

Hidden profile image
Hidden

Sorry to hear you’re having a bad day Roukaya , we all have good days when we feel we can cope with anything the world throws at us, then other days when we just want to hide away, I think the trick is to recognise when we’re having a bad day that it will not last and tomorrow things will look different, as I’ve said before try and think, This too will pass, which it does, We’re all here for you take care,

Thank you

How are you

How did you spend your day ?

I think it is how we can resolve our problems and the efforts needed to resolve our problems

There are times I can cope and other times overwhelmed

Hidden profile image
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Exactly, we are all like that I think, no one is happy all the time, it’s just about coping each day as best we can, which is hard for everyone, especially in these times.

I’ve been pottering in the garden again , the weather is so beautiful , I can’t stay inside, I dont do too much because of my arthritis but if I rest in between I’m ok, I’ve put lots of geraniums plants in today which will last all summer, so going to give them a good watering before bed now, hope you have a good night

bobbybobb profile image
bobbybobbAmbassador

Good evening Roukaya, often it can be difficult to know how other's perceive the image we have of ourselves. I am sure the video you filmed for the agency you mention, is nothing to worry over. Your anxiety is making you doubt yourself. Which is what anxiety does. If you are not happy with the quote get other quotes until you find one that you feel happy with. Getting quotes for work is always a stressful activity. Sometimes you just have to say, I have a few people coming to do quotes so if you are successful, you will hear from me. Try to find practical ways to work through these worries. Your anxiety is hampering you at the moment but it won't last. xx

Good evening

Thank you for being kind enough to reply

The one bedroom flat is based in the South and I live in the Midlands

I only know one retired contractor who has been doing the repairs and renovations since 2016

But I think the flat is becoming too expensive to run in the long term

As I have not been working it has always been my main income until now

I think I find myself always having to take his quote because I am unable to travel to the South and obtain alternative quotes

I think eventually when I am able to find employment I would like to sell the flat and buy a small home with a garden

Also I agree anxiety makes us see things in a light which is not always right

But I think as I seem to talk like a child I may consider elocution lessons as this is something I have thought about for many years

I think if anything Covid 19 teaches us to make the best of what we have

So many people have suffered indiscriminately as a result of this savage virus

I hope you are well

You have always been kind enough to listen and thank you

bobbybobb profile image
bobbybobbAmbassador in reply to Roukaya

I can see your difficulties with the quotes. A small home with a garden would be nice for you. Certainly something to think about for the future. We must make the best of what we have and I think Covid has brought this to the forefront of everyone's mind. Things we regarded so unimportant have now become very special to us and we appreciate them much more. Remember to be kind to yourself. Even though your anxiety has returned today, you remain positive. I am well thank you. Wake up refreshed tomorrow, light in spirit and strong in mind. xx

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to bobbybobb

Thank you for your kind understanding

Much appreciated

Thank you 😊

G1llHa1n profile image
G1llHa1n in reply to Roukaya

You talk of how you speak - is the problem with your elocution or do you need to gain confidence in public speaking - you can get coaching with either of these, perhaps you can get a bit of both. It is worth being thoughtful about what will help you most.

Not elocution lessons my friend, being firm with people is your best option, especially now with the virus situation, you can tell the tradesperson what price you are willing to pay, you are polite enough, don't get ripped off! I've worked in the building trade, as a professional, and I keep my finger on the pulse as so to speak, I understand that you aren't near the property and this is causing a issue, be honest with people, and either you will be told to go elsewhere, or the job will be done,and don't mess people around, time is money, and time is something that you can't buy back,I have never messed anyone around, and I expect the same from the customer, the problem is today is that society has become greedy, and that goes for human beings, myself personally, I'm just happy seeing another person happy, that's what life is all about.

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to Cb1963

Good morning

I hope you are well

Thank you for your sound advice

I am beginning to dread the quote I have asked for concerning the repairs that are needed to be done for the flat

I have been renovating this flat since 2016 and since every tenant has left

I am becoming worried that the tradesperson may be becoming greedy

It is sad at times if someone sees their chance they try to take it

I myself am an honest person looking for a break I finding employment

I would never dream of messing people about

Sadly some people are like that

Also I am messed about as I am seeking employment and as I talk like a child I am

not taken seriously

How are you coping in a LockDown

I am thinking of trying to find a second quote but normally the person is quite busy

But I will try

Thanks for reply

Thank you for your thoughtful advice

Much appreciated

How are you managing in Lockdown

Hi Roukaya,

It's a part of what's you, that you experience these highs and lows in life, but you have learned a lot about yourself during lockdown and a new determination to handle these more than you've been able to do in the past. And being able to do that makes the difficult days easier to bear because you come to know that eventually you will feel better again.🙏

Hi Roukaya, I’m sorry you are struggling, and in pain today. I too have days when I really struggle. I can’t reach out and change things, but I can stand in witness to your pain. With me, these sad feelings get a bit better and make it easier to go on...to take another step. I hope happiness finds you.

Brightest blessings to you. 🙏🙂. I often feel the same way, I have been in isolation since the lock down. My anxiety, stress and depression is overwhelming at times but I do try and do something that mentally takes me out of the box so too speak. Four walls whilst safe, often feels like I am being pressed flat.

Do you have a garden? Mine is a wild space. I am growing vegetables as it has been difficult to get them here. I find meditation, creating something - whatever that may be really helpful. I hope your day is a good one.

Good morning

How are you

I hope you are well

I live in a flat and there is no garden

I am by myself with an elderly Mother overseas who everyday tells me of her worries and today she has gone to the Dentist to see about her teeth which are falling out

By the time I listen to her and her worries I am already tired

Also I realise to make changes we need to make an effort and this is where I am clearly not applying myself

I seem to struggle each time I have a set back

I have just seen a video that in an apparent mess there is always Gods plan which is unfolding

Here I should learn to realise and accept that one day everything will make sense

How are you spending your day today

Cards21 profile image
Cards21 in reply to Roukaya

Do you have a local park you could walk in?

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to Cards21

There is a local park but it is frequented by gangs and as I am on my own I do not think I should venture

May be I should look for other parks near where I live

This is a good idea

Cards21 profile image
Cards21 in reply to Roukaya

Hope you find somewhere

suitable. I have Dee marshes with lots of walks, and a little park nearby and I am lucky to have a garden. Good luck.

Yes know those feelings. Talking via FaceTime or on here can help.

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to Cards21

Hello

I hope you are well

I often talk on here when I find I struggle to cope by myself

How are you managing

Cards21 profile image
Cards21 in reply to Roukaya

Best wishes.

Hello Roukaya,

Please don't feel sad. I for one also have many days like this and worry sick about my young girls going back to school and how safe life will be, many highs and lows of emotions.

I noted that you spent Eid on your own so this is a particularly sensitive time when you would usually be celebrating with family and relatives around you so it is quite understandable that you are experiencing these feelings.

I think it is important to reconnect with people on a daily basis, people that lift your spirits if that is possible.

Confidence is not something that comes naturally to some. If elocution lessons will make you feel more confident then do it, but you might also need to sign up for some assertiveness classes too. Having been like you myself, I do get it. You have to get it into your head that you are spending your hard earned money on this property and your end goal is that house with a garden, which you will have.

Maybe get some more quotes and use your time, if you have access to Internet, to research all about getting good workman and what to look for,knowledge is power.

Please don't lose heart. As hard as this is, the government want us to be safe.

Let us all wait and see what the next announcement is.

Take good care and look after yourself.

🌈🌺

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to BionicLady

Good morning

How are you

Thank you for answering my post

It is a kind and thoughtful reply

I expect that being on my own at the age of fifty may has come as a shock to me

I spent my forties caring for an elderly Father and running his business otherwise he would have lost everything to a younger woman

I did a video for a job agency and my childish voice came across so I will be looking to taking elocution classes

My Mother elderly lives on her own has had to go to the Dentist today and she does tell me if all her worries

You may ask , why don’t I join her

It is a country by which you need to know the right people to get a job it is all done by backing

In many ways I see unfairness and this I why I am here trying to cope

I am concerned that the tradesmen who has visited the flat may overcharge me

I gave known him for 12 years and he had done all the repairs and renovations since 2016

I only know another contact who is employed by the management of the flat and I will see if he is willing to provide a quote

I think part of me has had enough of property maintenance and in many ways it is heartbreaking

I managed my Fathers property portfolio as he was unable to manage this by himself and I sold all the properties

I am very pleased I did this as the repairs and defiant tenants costing too much

Sadly as my Father was mentally ill, many were able to take advantage of an elderly and vulnerable adult and that was my role to protect the interests of an elderly parent until he died

I will try to see if the other tradesman would be interested to give a quote

May be you can see where my personal interest derives in trying to follow through a job in wills and Probate

How are you coping and managing in Lock Down

BionicLady profile image
BionicLady in reply to Roukaya

Hello again Roukaya,

You have certainly have had a lot of responsibility to deal with and I think this has dictated your career path, maybe something that you fell into and didn't really want but wanted to protect your parents and not let them down. I totally understand culture of Asian culture and looking after your parents and sorry to hear about your father's circumstances.

You have chosen a good career path of which you will succeed.

Age doesn't come into it so please don't start to think that way, everybody has different circumstances/responsibilities to deal with that are presented at all ages, life can sometimes be very harsh but equally, very beautiful and rewarding.

You have been through so much already, all seem to be related to your family circumstances and I noted that this but you do need to sometimes look after Number 1, as selfish as that sounds, try to be strong.

The tradesman need your money too, important to know that!

I am well and thank you for asking. I am just pleased to be at home and able to work whilst keeping my children home and safe with me.

Please do take care of yourself and I wish you every success.

🌈

Your not alone I've been feeling like that too went out yesterday girl walk on the beach sorted that out !

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to Cumbremar5

You are very fortunate to be able to go out hit a walk on the beach

I feel like that most days I have said I'm in prison and I haven't done anything wrong I just wait for news about when he says it is safe to go out on my bad days I even cry so your not alone what about if we take time each day to think about all gransnet members we know someone is thinking about us

Good morning

I hope you are well

I am saddened to hear you cry

But realise you are very much alive and well

Look at those in hospital fighting for the chance to live

Think one day by Gods Grace you will emerge from the prison

Again I understand your tears and try to take courage

Good morning Roukaya, I do hope after a good nights sleep you are feeling a bit better this morning and less anxious?

We are all finding lockdown difficult for various reasons, with good days and bad.

Speaking from personal experience, as a long term sufferer of depression, I very much understand how anxiety can set in and often for no particular reason. I can go from feeling happy and positive to extremely sad, anxious and wishing I was no longer here.

But those feelings do pass, so stay strong and focus on the positive. Also think about something you could do, just for you, once life returns to what will pass as normal in the future.

Good morning

I hope you are safe and well

I thank you for being kind enough to reply

It would seem I already suffer from sadness

This was visible in the video recording I did for the job agency

I am fifty years old on my own and I expect I never thought I would be in this position today

I wonder if you have had a good nights sleep

I have an elderly Mother on her own and she has a habit of projecting her fears on to me

This is not helpful to me

I will continue to try but I expect with the Pandemic we should learn to make the best of our lives and look ahead

Every time I try to do this , I am faced with a set back

How are you looking to the future

Do you have any plans for when Lock Down comes to an end

I'm just the same, some days I am fine then all of a sudden I am overwhelmed. You are not alone dear Roukaya

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to stamford1234

Good morning

I hope you are well

I think I am aware of the anxiety and depression I seem to have which is aggravated by stressful situations or uncertainty

Do you have any mechanisms which enable you to counteract the feelings of low and anxious moods

stamford1234 profile image
stamford1234 in reply to Roukaya

Oh well, we are all different but I sometimes give myself a good talking to about worrying about stuff that might not even happen. But, if you are really low you should have a word with your Dr. In the meantime, keep talking on here, many of us are in the same boat and fully empathise x

Hidden profile image
Hidden in reply to stamford1234

I have episodes I feel that way as well!

Is that your kitty in the pic then?

stamford1234 profile image
stamford1234 in reply to Hidden

Yes it is, sadly not with us now. I still miss him

I know how you feel. Sounds like depression and anxiety which I suffer with. Please seek medical help if it continues.

Good morning

I hope you are safe and well

I am already seeing a Psychotherapist concerning the anxiety and depression

But it is also triggered by on going external worries by which it is aggravated

I wonder as you have admitted to suffering from Depression if you have sought professional help

Dear Roukaya, I am feeling much the same and I don't live on my own. I'm not sure which is worse - to live alone or to live with someone who is making one miserable. I realise that I hardly speak to anyone and don't know what I'd do without my laptop and this site.

I think soon we will all find the balance that is right for us to live our lives in the new "normal". I let someone into my house today but I told them how I was worried, and they said "open all your doors and we won't touch anything". A great solution, because now the paving stones my partner ordered, that have been outside the front for days, have now been lifted through to the back of the house (can't call it a garden). It is sad that last year I helped with the same thing and slipped a disc. It clearly didn't heal and I did it again recently, doing a much less strenuous job. Pain makes one miserable. I am grateful for good, strong neighbours.

I wonder whether this has been the standard length of time humans are able to cope with this mentally, with constant reminders on the media.

Are you able to get down to your studies?

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to MaggieSylvie

Thank you for your reply

I hope you are well

I am quite a lonely person but again may be that is because I am careful with the people I seem to meet

Ramadan is over so I will start again with the studies and looking to find employment

Life is all about the effort we put in

You are quite right

I really do not know what is worse to be by yourself or with someone who gets you down

Take care of yourself and thank you for reply

We all get dats like this when you feel helpless and unable to control the situation we are all in. Rather than give in to it try to focus in the positive that this will be over eventually and try to channel your energy into something, personally I’m writing a book about it all but it could be watching films, reading, following Joe Wicks, knitting, gardening, baking or just nice walks somewhere peaceful. Don’t forget FaceTime and the phone!

Good luck and stay safe x

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to Sheilab70

Thank you for your reply

I agree it is essential to do something positive and productive in the Lock Down

The book should be interesting

You are not alone. Some days I feel weepy all day and the slightest thing can set me off. My DH being ill makes matters worse, as even when I get up feeling reasonably OK, he gets up and is moaning from the get go and is stubborn and awkward, which soon drags me down and we then start rowing which is not good!

Hi Roukaya, I know exactly what you mean, some days anxiety and tears, another day laughter. I find doing/making something nice helps. Occupies my mind I suppose. Please take care and stay safe! x

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to asenath

Thank you

Very sweet words

Thank you for your honestly

Moaning and complaining is not a good attribute

I think subliminally I tend to complain and moan and this would seem to come through my voice

I have learnt some harsh lessons in Lock Down about my own character which I need to work on

Take patience and try the best you can

Here is n article that may help you. It give six things that can help you deal with isolation. I found it quite helpful myself.

The link is jw.org/finder?wtlocale=E&do...

I hope this helps you.

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to cljones

Dear Cljones

I hope you are safe and well

I have just written but I addressed your nabe incorrectly

Thank you for the link as it teaches us to believe that God is always there despite the hardships we must face

I am a Muslim by faith but the teachings are similar in the sense that God can give us tests and lessons to learn

God will see if we turn to him or give up on our faith

Depression and anxiety I think come from a dark place as it is way of not thinking of the presence of God

We are in testing times I hope to read the rest of the links later today

Thank you

cljones profile image
cljones in reply to Roukaya

I thought it had real practical suggestions no matter what our faith is. We all need to have our faith in God to help us get through these difficult times.

Dear clones

I hope you are well

Thank you for the video link

Even though I am

A Muslim by faith it is very interesting and important to have faith in God no matter what hardship we face

I hope you are well

Think of others all over the world like you

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to al444

Very true

I'm finding this very hard too. Some days are good and others bad. The last couple of weeks I've found challenging, think because now on week 10 but I was already isolating before this as when I went out I felt too scared. I am hoping things will get better soon, I miss social contact massively as also live alone so it is hard. I am keeping in touch with messages and calls but it isn't the same is it? Keep going, try and find things you love to do and one day we will come out the other side, fingers crossed xx

Good morning

I hope you are well

Living alone

I wonder what is better living alone or living with someone who can be unkind

I expect this is why I am alone because of difficult circumstances in my past

Do you have any plans you are looking forward for

I have struggled with anxiety and depression most years but it is as a result of a Psychotherapist who kindly made me realise my flaws

How do you manage in Lock Down

I’m the same way. I told my doctor yesterday that I have good days and bad days. She wanted to add a med but I told her let’s wait another month before adding anything. I wish that I had more good days then bad. I hope things get better for u, hang in there

Choose one good thing you enjoy that feeds your positive side - that's one a day minimum; try to get a little exercise in every day - depending on what is possible in your situation. Give credit to yourself for each thing you achieve and any helpful thing, no matter how large or small you can do for someone else.

It’s not a question of commenting as is how much you are willing to open up about & talk about! The hardest part is figuring g out what it is that you feel sad about, understanding why you are reacting to it and what do you want to happen. And, now the balls in your court.....

Good morning

I hope you are well

I thank you for being kind enough to answer

Quite a probing question ?

What makes me sad

Not working and alone

I am trying to find a years work experience and to resit exams in Wills and Probate as I have failed it several times

Not having an income

My rental flat currently empty so given the impact of the Pandemic I may have to wait a while before new tenants are found

Being lonely

I remain unmarried but careful with people I meet

I hope you are safe and well

How are you managing in Lockdown

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