I would like to communicate with someone
I live by mystic totally on my own and I am trying to observe Ramadan
I have an elderly Mother who lives overseas and she puts all her worries and sadnesses on me
I am tired of everything
Stress of Self Isolation with Ramadan... - Positive Wellbein...
Positive Wellbeing During Self-Isolation
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Stress of Self Isolation with Ramadan and Lock Down
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Roukaya
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142 Replies
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I’m sorry that you are burdened by her phone calls. Could you not answer the phone or ask a sibling to take her calls. You have to protect yourself. Your emotional well-being is very important.
I hope that you look for peace in the moment
Thank you for answering
I do not have any Brother or Sister
My life since 2012 has revolved caring for an Elderly Father until he died snd I have struggled ever since to requalify and find employment
I hope you are safe and well
I’m so sorry you are going through so much. I hope that you can ask others for what you need. Take care. Glad you reached out today.
I expect this is your polite way of saying speak to someone else
No. It was supposed to be encouragement in your life
I seemed to have misunderstood in my initial reply to you
Thank you for you reply
I'm so sorry Roukaya for you that you are burdened with this. I have a dear friend who also observes Ramadan, she always looks forward to this time of year but of course it's very different this year.
I'm so sorry you are alone, do you have any friends that you can call or others you know that observe Ramadan?
Please carry on posting on here as we will try and support you as much as we can. I can only understand how hard it is for you with your mother, my husband has the same problem with his and I can see how it affects him.
Please take care and speak out and say how you feel as this is an excellent group for supporting others.
Alicia
Roukaya• in reply to
Thank you for being kind enough to listen
I had to take card of my Father until he died
Since 2017 I have failed in my exams and failed to find employment
Plus my elderly and demanding Mother who lives overseas puts all her worries on me
I think I am saddened because when she had a male friend she put him first
Now as she is on her own I am expected to sort out all her worries
It does not matter how others treat me it is always her who comes first
• in reply toRoukaya
You are welcome.
I can only imagine how hard it was for you when you had to take care of your dad.
When you are feeling better, which you will, you can look at studying again. Because you have failed exams and not found a job doesn't mean you are a failure. I spent years thinking I was a failure, it took be a long time to realise I'm not. It's time to be kind to yourself.
I don't know how often you ring your mum or if she rings you but is there a possibility you can ease off and not speak to her so often? Just a thought.
Also, have you been honest with your mum to say how much it hurts you?
Have you ever tried meditation/deep breathing or even yoga, they're all very relaxing.
Anyway, please carry on and voice your concerns on here, we are here to listen.
Take care xx
Roukaya• in reply to
Good morning
I hope you are safe and well
I realise it is the long days of fasting as well as the worries of my Mother that impacted on me yesterday
I hope you day goes well
I hope one day we can resume our lives and learn from this experience
I realise the only one who can really help me is myself
I think because I had to take care of my Dad until he passed on then trying to sit for exams with little success and the continual worries of my Mother made me feel quite anxious yesterday
I will fast with days of in between
Look to reapply and restudy and not let the worries of my Mother impact on me
I wonder how you will spend your day today
• in reply toRoukaya
Hi Roukaya
Sorry I didn't reply earlier, I've been out on my bike.
I'm so pleased that you have pinpointed why you felt like you did yesterday, that's really good that you've managed to do that as it's not easy.
We can definitely learn from this experience, all a lot of us ever did before was rush around but now things have had to slow down.
I can fully understand the difficulty in caring for your dad and then having to deal with your mother, it's not easy. The timing of your exams wasn't ideal and I can see why you weren't successful. When my mum died suddenly I was supposed to write a letter of appeal for my grade being dropped in work but I just couldn't do it. What I'm saying is that if you have a lot on your plate it's difficult to keep going.
Well done and be kind to yourself and look after your needs and I applaud you by you saying that you won't let the worries of your mother impact on you.
I've been cycling today and loved every minute, exercise is my way of destressing.
Take care and have a relaxing evening.
Alicia 
xx
Roukaya• in reply to
Good Afternoon
I hope you are well
I am sure exercise is a way of being happy and carefree in the fresh air without a care in the world
I realise yesterday that I can no longer live with the fear and anxiety my Mother has put on me since 2012
She is elderly and very independent and is still quite capable at 72
I have recognised why I have kept failing and understand even why I was not able to sustain a job never mind a career
We all learn but I hope you remain safe and well
• in reply toRoukaya
I'm good thank you Roukaya and I'm so glad to hear you are much better today as you certainly sound more positive which is really good.
Yes exercise is excellent for keeping the body and mind healthy, if I don't go out and exercise I feel a bit sluggish.
I'm so glad you have realised you can no longer feel anxious and realise that your mother is independent and is able to fend for herself.
It takes a lot to realise why things don't work out and well done for noticing the reasons why, now you can move forward.
We are learning all our lives and we all make mistakes, there's no such thing as perfection.
Take care and stay safe.
Roukaya• in reply to
I am pleased you said that
There is no such thing as perfection very true
In the Asian culture those who are fair are defined as being more beautiful
My own Father once said
Look how dark you are
I said I may be dark but there was a time I had very little money to change my skin colour
I may have a little more today but I would never pay to change my skin colour
He said but you take after me
It is so true that we are all born as God made us
• in reply toRoukaya
There certainly isn't and your father sounded very wise. What a lovely sounding man.
We are born with our skin colour whatever it is and should be proud.
Yiu are definitely on the right road.
Take care and stay safe xx
Roukaya• in reply to
Our road is strewn with obstacles we must try to surmount with faith and self belief
Again always value in struggle as we learn to appreciate what we have
Thank you for your kind words
• in reply toRoukaya
It certainly is and we learn as we go along to overcome them and you are doing just that so well done.
Be kind to yourself as you are important.
Take care xx
It is so difficult for you, away from your Mum and trying to qualify under the current conditions.
Do you have contacts with other women at your local mosque at all? Could you reach out to the local Muslim Community for help? Surely they would help if they knew you were so isolated from people.
We can talk with you and encourage you, but not a great deal more. Have you approached your GP about your depression? It might be an idea.
Cheers, Midori
I hope you are well
Thank you for asking
How is your house
As the steps to remove Lock Down are taking place , I wonder that you might be able to buy new furniture
You had a lot of strength to move away from your daughter
There is no one that I know of the Muslim community
In the Muslim community because I am not working and unmarried at fifty I will be stigmatised and this will make me feel even worse
I do speak to a Psychotherapist on a regular basis
I wonder if you had a Mother like mine , how would you approach her ?
Thank you for reply
Every day my life has to revolve around my Mother
Even though she is overseas
Ramadan ends on 23rd May
I try to do as many fasts as I can other wise I take a day off and start again
How are you
How do you spend your time
GhoundsReading Rabbits
Sorry to hear you're having a bad day. Any joy with the letting agent yet?
Thank you for asking
I hope you are well
I really do not understand what is going on
The deductions have been divided to the disputed and agreed deductions
The agreed deductions should go to me and and the disputed deductions will be put on hold to the Dispute Adjudicator
But apparently I was told I have to hear the tenants view point
But this is not true as this can be taken to the Independent Adjudication Process
Oh dear. Worrying for you. Try not to dwell on it too much.
That is the key
Not to worry
But I also have a very demanding elderly Mother who expects from everyone and everybody
And she gets disappointed she is on her own in forced isolation until the beginning of June
I hope you are well
People do sometimes become demanding in old age, it's hard when you're the only outlet she has. You must be worried about her being so far away but try not to let her dominate your thoughts. There are millions of people in her situation and worse as she has a home at least. I don't expect she would like you to say that though! For some of isolation will last until there's a vaccine! I am well thank you.
I wonder, and forgive me if I've asked before, but does your Mother have any other relatives in Mauritius? If you are an only child it is difficult,, but your Mum must be frightened on her own.
Could she approach her mosque for assistance at all? Or could you approach her mosque for her? It would show her that even though you are so far away, you still care for her and worry about her.
Cheers, Midori
Thank you for your question
She is on her own but she has a few friends who can help her
She has been targeted by her own family for her money and I expect she is under Lock Down until 1st June she may well be frightened
She can manage I hope until the 1st June but the root of her worry is a male friend she had
He again targeted her for her Assets
And now as he manages one of her properties he is not cashing the cheques she makes towards its maintainsnce
She is scared he may take her to Court for non payment even though she has been trying to pay
She puts this worry on me
But when she first met him she put me aside and now she is by herself she is scared
Just sending a virtual hug to all bc we all need one xoxo this too shall pass
Thank you for virtual hug
bobbybobbAmbassador
Hi Roukaya, I am sorry you are not having such a good day today. I know you normally manage your mum's stresses. So I'm thinking your anxiety is increased at the moment. I remember you saying a relative phoned you not so long ago. Have either of you stayed in touch. Would it do to give them a call just to say hello. I know you have stresses with your property at the moment so that doesn't help matters when you feel like this. Can you plan your day out for tomorrow or even the weekend so you are focusing on something positive. You do so well and you have the odd day like this. This day will pass. Tomorrow is a new day. Go to bed tonight with a positive thought that when you wake up you will make a small part of the day better and really focus on doing that. It is very easy to feel we are tired of everything and that's when we have to be strong and push through these negative thought's when they hit us. Stay positive.xx
Thank you for your encouraging words
I think the long fast does not help
I think I should concentrate on what I can do and not focus on the things that make me sad
Thank you for being kind enough to answer
Yes, so try do do this. We have to accept some things make us sad, this is true for everyone. You have said it yourself and solved this problem for yourself. Some of us may have sadness in our lives but what we need to focus on is, what we can do and how we can improve the situation, rather than focusing solely on the sadness. Of course when you are fasting your blood sugars may be low or you may dehydrate. This will cause some mood disturbance and can make you feel physically and mentally weak. So, you are aware of this and know it won't last. Make sure you keep well hydrated during this time. xx
Good morning
Thank you for your kind understanding
I hope you are safe and well
I am pleased to find support on this site
I was quite anxious yesterday and as I already have anxiety issues when my Mother puts her worries on me it makes it worse
I have no one in UK and I have been trying to make a life for myself for the past three years
I have learnt I cannot take on the worries of my Mother as this is causing my inability to concentrate on my own goals
I have decided to take the occasional day off from Fasting given the long hours
I am to take two days off a week and fast the remainder of the week
I will try to resume the studies and look into my file in order to do speculative job applications
They say God helps those who help themselves
I hope you have a peace and restful day
You sound much more positive today Roukaya. I am glad you are preparing a plan of action. This is great as it keeps you occupied and your mind busy. I think it's a good idea to take the occasional day off from fasting. The body and mind can become ever so weak quickly, through lack of nourishment. We can always find ways to help ourselves, sometimes we might feel it is a hard task but we can do it. I am glad you are going to resume your studies and look into your files, this is all positive. I hope you have a very pleasant day and if you can try to go for a brief walk if the weather permit's. 🌸🌷🌸
Good morning
I hope you are well.
I think I should try to take steps to attempt to create a life for myself
I realise the only person who can help me is me but I am grateful that I am able to find support on this site
I hope your day goes well
Do you have anything planned for today ?
I am well thank you. It is important you create a life for yourself. You deserve some happiness. Today, I have got to go shopping. I will leave it till a bit later on in the day when I know the queues will not be as large. Some housework. Nothing extra special, just pottering about. I hope your day goes well also. I am sure it will . 😊😊
You have us for emotional support Roukaya; even if we cannot help physically, we are here for you. Never be afraid to reach out to us.
Cheers, Midori
Good morning
How are you
I hope you are safe and well
I will try to keep in touch with the other Muslim subscriber as we are in Ramadan
How are you managing
I do suffer from stress and anxiety at times
Good Afternoon
How are you
You were kind enough to talk to me yesterday
I hope everything going well with your new home
Hello Roukaya,
Yes, things look a little better today, because the sun is out! I'm always more cheerful on a sunny day. The house is getting there, with being disabled it can be hard at times, so for me its always make haste slowly. 
I'm still waiting for my son to make a start on my flatpack bedroom furniture; need places to store stuff! The garage isn't suitable, and its all getting very untidy. His computer desk has arrived, and its Massive! I'm so glad he has the biggest bedroom to keep it in. Couldn't go in the living room as my desk is in there.
Today, I've been repotting things, a Rhododendron, and two Japanese Maples. I have now stopped for a rest! I still have Salvias, Busy Lizzies, and Lavenders to go, and I have to earth up the potatoes before they start trying to flower! Then I need to get my herbs in, and the edible flowers. I won't get them all in today, for sure. I think I may just leave the seeds for another day, although I mustn't leave them too long or it will be too late in the season. At least I can start the seeds indoors, as long as I don't run out of potting compost!
Hope you are feeling a little more settled today in your mind.
Cheers, Midori
Hello
I hope you are well
I am pleased to talk to you
I seem to be ok
The fasting is a sacrifice and it is for spiritual purification
I am beginning to understand that I let my anxiety overwhelm me snd I also let my Mothers worries over power me
She tries her best but as she is by herself and very independent she is dependent on others during the Lock Down
And as she is a strong independent lady like you she becomes furious when people let her down
I have noticed this and it is just how she is
How are you?
I am have been told I will get a partial payment from the former tenants deposit as the flat needs some renovations before it can be let again
This is my main income but also given the Lock Down it may take time before another tenant is found
It seems you read some of my posts on my creative writing attempts
I am the daughter of two very strong minded eccentric characters
My Father could be quite funny at times
He would always refer to my Mother as his beautiful wife and as she is in Mauritius once when he was buying my groceries he would look at a packet of sugar to see if the sugar imported from Mauritius
This was many years ago and he once saw the packet of sugar stating sugar imported from Mauritius and he hugged the packet of sugar saying my beautiful wife made in Mauritius.
He also had nicknames for friends I once had and would refer to them by the county they originated from such as how is your friend from Isle of Man or your Italian friend
He could be quite a character as well as my Mother
Evening, Roukaya.
You seem more worried and sad than usual today.
Do you know what it is that might have happened differently today for you to feel this low in spirits?
I imagine that the fasting is starting to take its toll. Would a day off help, do you think?
Forgive me if that's at all offensive to your faith; it just seems that perhaps if you were able to focus on things other than fasting for a day or two, that might benefit you? That cheesecake you told me about yesterday when I was at the hospital sounded delicious!
Remember you don't have an infinite supply of energy. When you keep expending the energy reserves you do have on issues and problems that you know you will not be able to solve in the here and now, in time, you will wear yourself out not just physically but emotionally and mentally, too.
Go easy on yourself. Self-love is important, too...
I know there are multiple worries and triggers that you have to contend with. Your property issue isn't helping and neither is your mum's attitude/manner. But your mum's woes are not your paramount responsibility and the property matter seems out of your control for now until you get a grasp of what is actually required. So - for now - put it all aside for a couple of days, gain a more thorough understanding of the property issue (sorry - I have absolutely no idea what that's about; I've just picked up dribs and drabs from what you've said here and elsewhere) and try tackling it all when you're better equipped - both in terms of information and emotional wherewithal.
Tell me - is there a close friend here in the UK that you could discuss matters with over the phone or via text/WhatsApp? Sometimes, actually verbalising your problems can result in sudden clarity. And two heads are almost always better than one.
Good morning
Thank you for being kind enough to answer
I hope you are well
I will be careful with what I say as I have be accused of being negative
I am an only child and I had to do everything for my Father
The worry my Mother puts on me is extreme snd this is why my studies suffer because I think what is the point as I may have to discard everything agsin
I suffer from anxiety and depression and to have been kind enough to answer
I hope your treatment goes well
I realise that was directed at me and if you've have read my posts correctly not once did I accuse you directly of being negative. Please can you not refer to me again in your post as I believe that to be against the rules of HU.
Afternoon, Roukaya.
You sound a tiny bit more upbeat today. A new day can often bring with it a fresh perspective.
Like you, I'm an only child, and my life has been intertwined with my mother's all my life. It's inevitable, really; with no siblings with whom to share burdens and joys, an only child will always bear the brunt of their parent's focus. Like you, I am the product of parents who separated. I look after my mother, who has lived with us for the past ten years, as she became too frail and poorly to look after herself and, given her anxiety and tearfulness, we really didn't think she would do well in a home. We do have carers who come in to help with her hygiene needs and mobilisation four times a day, but the bulk of her care falls to me, my daughter and Paul. I find that difficult, as I can't do a great deal of the physical care any more, and because my work deadlines make it all a bit frenzied and frantic. But we plod on and make it work because we have to.
I'm telling you my little story so that you see you're not alone, and I do understand.
My mother isn't demanding in the same way as your mother is, but her extreme anxiety and fear/dread of situations that may or may not materialise pose an emotional challenge every single day. I have learnt over the years how to navigate and handle her moods and fears. Another difference between your position and mine is, obviously, that she lives with us and so I don't have to worry about her safety/health, as I can monitor it constantly.
If you were able to receive those updates (re her health/safety) from someone in Mauritius whom you know and trust, you could minimise your interaction with your mother in the interests of your own mental health.
Please don't dismiss this suggestion out of hand without giving it due thought. I really do believe you need to put some emotional distance between the two of you; not only would this make things easier and healthier for you, emotionally speaking, it would also inevitably boost your general physical health and make it easier for you to focus on your own affairs. But there's another advantage: as your mother would speak with you a little less often, she could well become more self-reliant and less demanding.
Maybe focus on the pros and cons of this over the weekend and see how you feel about it in a couple of days?
It could be the key that unlocks a great deal for you.
I hope you are safe and well
As you are an only child you can identify somewhat with what I face everyday
I think the reason why I failed my exams for three successive years was dealing with the Family’s responsibilities as Attorney for my Fathers Personal and Business
Selling everything and dealing with organising everything until his demise
After all that I did My Mother met a male friend who befriended her
She became envious of her Assets and wanted to take control of her life
It was worse for me because when my Mother was involved with him she put him first
Now he may be threatening her with legal action as he does not cash her cheques for maintenance fees of one of her flats
As I dealt with winding up my Fathers Estate I have the fear I will have to do all of this for my Mother and yesterday this really hit me
Again I neglect my studies and aims because of the worries my Mother puts on me
I hope you are safe and well and thank you for having the time to listen to
Me
I'm OK, Roukaya: it always takes me a couple of days to recover from treatment, but I should feel better by Monday, going by experience. Thanks for asking.
I do identify with the issues that you're dealing with to some extent.
My parents had me very late in life. It was an unfortunate marriage, and they eventually separated.
My father passed away 20 years ago, when I was well and active and able to deal with bureaucracy and paperwork without it weighing me down too much, even though I had to deal with it pretty much alone. My children were still very young at the time and I had to juggle a lot of glass balls and make sure none of them shattered.
I assume your legal studies/background would have helped you when dealing with your father's estate: I did not have that advantage, and it certainly didn't come naturally to me, but you learn as you go along because you have to.
Please don't misunderstand me: I'm not complaining. It's just how it was.
I don't know how your mum is going to solve her current property issues, but it doesn't seem that you can help her with this being so distant from her.
Do you think you could take a step back, interact less frequently with your mother and get someone else in Mauritius to at least monitor her health and safety and report back to you?
I hope that you are able to recover fully from you treatment.
I realise that parents we have to do our very best for them.
I understand very clearly why I failed for three years as this is due to me allowing my personal issues and anxiety overwhelm
I was able to wind up my Fathers Estate and manage his Property Portfolio mainly because of my legal background though I failed to qualify as a Solicitor
I have explained very clearly to my Mother that her worries are impacting on my ability to find employment back in a Legal Practice for an entry level role and my ability to prepare for the Exams
I am aware of her property issues and I have told her it is best to be pro active and to prepare for the worst
I told her that her worries impinge on my ability to prepare and find employment
She has contacts to assist her and I also found legal recourse to assist her in Mauritius
I think the more painful our tests in life are the sweeter the reward
I hope you managed to have your treats
Do you like Cheesecake
My all time favourite Vanilla Cheesecake with a cup of tea
My slice of Heaven
Keep well
Thank you again for answering
What does your mother say when you tell her that her demands and worries are affecting you in so many ways?
She has people there, you've said, who can help her - even with her legal issues.
Therefore, it's time, I think, for you to put your foot down a bit and get in touch with her maybe twice a week for a catch-up (but not for a moan: the minute she starts to complain again and impose upon you, say you need to put down the phone - and then do it). She will soon see that you are not available to be trampled upon. And I think she'll start to respect you more.
Because, it seems to me that she doesn't respect you and certainly doesn't respect your boundaries.
She will have your respect but only if she respects you in return.
Please do this. For your own sanity.
My favourite flavour is vanilla. It's versatile and you can layer other flavours on top of it or under it.
They do THE most amazing baked vanilla cheesecake at Le Pain Quotidien in Covent Garden. LPQ has quite a few branches (but not where I live, unfortunately, or I'd be there every day!) If you haven't experienced it yet, you really, really must.
I promise you, you won't be disappointed.
Than you for you kind words of great understanding
My Mother has helped many people in her life and she has a part time driver, a neighbour who is also her tenant, contacts with a family friend whose husband and son are legal professionals.
I think you are very right as may be I am a door mat to her
I have explained I cannot live in fear of the worries you give me
It is no way to lead a life
It is also up to me to put my own career aspirations first and find a years work experience
I am willing to work from scratch given my absence from being employed
I think may be after dealing with all that my Father had left me to do I have become mentally tired and agitated
But everyone has the right to lead the best possible life they can
Given the impact of Covid 19 we should learn to appreciate the value of life
I have always fought very hard for every success so now is no different
If I manage to earn an income after the Lock Down I may take a visit to Le Pain Quotidien , but I live in Derby
I also love the Theatre in London
If again I manage to have an income I may go to the Theatre which is also based in LPQ
I thank you again for your reply
How is your weekend
As you work from home you are quite busy with your professional life as well as personal responsibilities
I wish you a speedy recovery
Kindest regards
I love the theatre in the West End, too! In fact that whole area around Covent Garden and Leicester Square / Picadilly Circus is my favourite part of London (though I have a soft spot for Warren Street / Tottenham Court Road, too, as I went to university in that area). Camden and Kensington are interesting, too.
I have a friend in Derby: she's a personal trainer. Haven't met her in years: the last time was up in London about six years ago now...
I think the nearest Le Pain Quotidien to where you are is in Leeds. But do look online; there might be another one closer than that.
I think you are being more constructive already - and that's great! Please, please, please show your mother that you won't take her disrespect. This will make your relationship with her healthier once she realises that you are standing up for yourself.
It's really important. So just do it.
Also, take a look at these online resources:
(1) facebook.com/groups/mauriti...
The first one is a Facebook group.
I really hope they help you to get in touch with others from your specific community who are also single. If I find any other sites similar to these, I will let you know.
Yes, I've been working for myself for the past 11 years, once I realised that Mum would be moving in with us and I would have to shape my work life around her needs. Prior to setting myself up on my own, I headed the department of corporate communications and PR in a major pharma company. I have had a very hectic work life - and it didn't get any less hectic when I set up my own business; I would start at 8 in the morning and not finish until 11 at night on most days. I had no evenings or weekends free and ended up burning out in the end. I do think the stress I experienced contributed to my illness.
My children helped a bit with Mum when they were at school and uni, but only a bit, as I didn't want them to have to focus on care when they had so much growing up to do... My girl continues to live with us and also works from home; she's now more hands-on with Mum, as I can't do as much as I did before.
Do you have a theatre you go to in Derby? We have the Mayflower here in Southampton, and I've been to some productions there; there's nothing quite like the theatre up in London, though, and I've hinted very obviously to Paul and the children that I'd really, really, REALLY like to be taken up to London on my birthday to take in a play and have a nice meal. Hasn't happened yet 🙄.
Very interesting post
There is nothing like running your own business
I ran
my Fathers property business as a Company and I took it from a loss making business to stability but I sold the whole lot given the expenses of repairs and difficult tenants
I truly loved being my own person , you really are in the drivers seat shaping and growing your business and all the efforts you put in you reap
I would love to have my own little practice in elderly care law to provide legal advice in accordance to the affordability of clients
It may be long hours for you but you will reap the rewards of your hard work
I can imagine how hectic and demanding your former role in heading the Public Relations for the Pharma company must have been extremely stressful
But there is always a reason why we do something
No doubt that role planted the seeds for your business that you drive forward today
I am appreciate the Mauritian link group you have kindly provided
It is very kind for your to listen to me
I went by myself to Theatreland last August for my Birthday, I watched Aladdin
I wonder if you had a genie what would you ask for ?
Is there a particular show you would like to see
I would like to see Thriller by Michael Jackson
I hope that you are able to go to Theatre land for your birthday and follow a a huge helping of cheesecake at LPQ with a pot of tea
Le Pain Quotidien not quite the same rang as Our Daily Bread
But I also think running a business really suits the mindset of an only child
Very much your own person to shape and grow the business with your own unique vision
I wish you great success in growing and developing your business to its maximum potential
I've had to scale the business back because of my illness, Roukaya, as I can't offer the level of continuity I could before. I disincorporated the limited company when I was first diagnosed with cancer in 2016. I'm back to working as a sole trader now: less pressure, and I only work on projects I really want to engage with. I really get annoyed with all the admin that's generated, but that's part of it, so I just have to get on with it.
I absolutely drew upon my pharma cc/pr experience when I set up my business. I also work in the editorial function across industries. And I've added another offering on the back of my master's degree in German: I work on German-English translation and review projects. So - yes, I ended up never having enough time for myself.
Having said that, I've enjoyed both my salaried roles and my business/self-employment, and now that I've been working for myself this long, I don't think I could ever go back to working for someone else. Not that that's going to happen for me anyway now, as I'm thinking of going into semi-retirement. I'm just hurting all the time, and feeling rough.
Time to step back.
It must be hard to have to always do things on your own... going to the theatre, that sort of thing (I'd really like to see Agatha Christie's The Mousetrap up in London). I'm happy in and with my own company, but I do like to see my friends, too, once in a while. Mind you, with all the online and virtual resources available to us now, I'm connected to all of them all the time, anyway! WhatsApp is my natural abode! 😃 And now I've been dragged into Zoom, too... 🙃🙄
Our Daily Bread is certainly catchier than LPQ, that's for sure, though - I dunno - LPQ sounds a touch more exotic...
What would I change if I had a genie to grant me a wish? Quite honestly, to rid this world of illness (specifically cancer, but I'm biased). Because, if you think about it, there's no point wishing for anything else, if you're in bad health. The rest you can work towards. Illness & suffering: that would do me.
What would you wish for?
I hope you continue to work yo the best of your abilities.
You have a brilliant mind to singlehandedly orchestrate your own business by no means an easy task
But also do what you love to do for true fulfillment in your life.
Seems I can’t spell fulfillment.
I would wish for the virus to leave this Earth with immediate effect
I would like to pass my exams and find a years work experience snd open a little practice in Elderly Care Law
To be reunited and to put to defeat the enemy of my Mother who may be trying to take her to Court for no apparent reason.
I don’t like to see unfairness or bullies who take advantage of vulnerable women especially a little lady like my Mother .
That's kind of you: most of what I've done through the years has been circumstantial, but I will say I was rather competitive (in a healthy way!) at school and uni and really got ahead then.
I'm a lot more laidback now...
What gives me a lot of pleasure and fulfilment (there's that word) is working on my poems. So I'm inclined to spend more time doing just that. No real point in any of it, but it seems to free my mind in some strange way. It's like therapy without meds. I just like words that work.
I hope all your wishes come true for you. You have a great sense of justice.
It's interesting that you say you'd like to be reunited with your mother (even though she does have a domineering personality). What would that reunification look like? Would she come here, or would you go to her?
I think you should do what makes you happy and contented but also very important to maintain the viability of your business and your own personal responsibilities
I would be pleased to visit Mum either in Mauritius or even in Derby
She is a feisty little lady and I must learn to disarm my emotions once I have spoken to her
She is domineering and controlling by remote control
I call her the original scary spice with added red chili
She walks as fast as grease lightning
I call her the Pocket Rocket
It is a pity I cannot draw otherwise I would have done you a cartoon of her
If she ever has an argument her hair can stand up like a troll
She likes her jewellery typical Asian princess
I also call her the Queen of Bling
I have many names for my Mother
I used to write short creative stories
I like to bring characters alive in my little stories
I think only children can be quite creative and quite funny as I have always had to make my own little life
It has been a great pleasure talking to you
I was never a competitive person and again may be why I did not succeed in becoming a Solicitor
But we believe in our religion that we will have what is meant for us
Take courage and keep safe and well
Thank you for taking
Afternoon, Roukaya.
I hope you slept well and awoke refreshed and raring to go! Mental wellbeing is fundamentally important; you really can change your life when you adjust your perspective.
We often have very little control over external influences, but what we do have control over is our own perception and response. Think about it: it's incredibly powerful. You can choose to be the person you want to be.
This last post of yours has revealed a side of you that I've never seen before: what a fab sense of humour you have! 😁😁It hasn't necessarily come across in any of your other posts so far on this site, where you do usually seem depressed and lonely and under your mother's thumb, but I've just read that last post and whoaaaa! 😁😁It's like - bang - something switched in your mind and you suddenly found the confidence to allow yourself to reveal this lovely, whimsical side of your personality that you keep tucked away! 😁😁
It's great to see, so don't hide your light under a bushel.
I LOVE those descriptions of your mum! 😁😁I absolutely INSIST that you do a sketch of your mum and put up a new post with it: I have GOT to see that troll caricature with the Scary Spice-like sticky-uppy hair, speed-walking along with heaps of bling jewellery trailing along behind her! Go on... please!😁😁
I also find it fascinating that you used to be passionate about creative writing: I was (and remain) the same.
Words are powerful tools, but they are far more than that; they are our friends.
With them, we can create a world in which we feel secure and loved and safe and valued.
And because we feel all those wonderful things, we're far more effective at helping others to feel the same, albeit in their own, distinct ways.
All religions and faiths - to some degree - encourage fatalism. They have to, I think, so that we submit to the will of God - whichever god we happen to believe in. But when you say, "But we believe in our religion that we will have what is meant for us", I think you run the risk of being so fatalistic that you avoid taking responsibility for your own actions. Which ties in with the beginning of this post: you really can change your own life - and I hope you see the power of this simple truth.
Likewise, I did enjoy interacting with you yesterday, and the bonus was that fantastically quirky sense of humour that emerged from your last post to me. Long may it last. And I hope it finds its way into your other posts on this site. 😁
Good Afternoon
I hope you are safe and well.
I am ok and I am also pleased to talk
to you.
I have been told I have a sense of humour, even when I would visit my Father at the Nursing Home , he would say I am witty .
In fact both of my parents have a great of charm and wit about them
My Father I would call a Hellraiser and a Trailblazer .
He was what I would call an ASBO Dad.
Always getting into trouble .
Going past red lights , speeding on motorways at the age of seventy five
Over taking any BMW which was older than his own.
I cannot draw at at all otherwise I would have been pleased to do a caricature of the Pocket Rocket who is also a self made entrepreneur
In fact her hair becomes a Troll when she cannot succeed in a business deal or when the exchange rate is low for her pound sterling to Mauritian Currency.
Infact when I stay in Mauritius, my Mother has a small flat by the sea and when she comes to collect me, she will not ask how I am but
She will say do I look young and beautiful .
In my Fathers words the cheek
I am pleased you found what I say as interesting
My Father hardly knew any French but he would say Entente Cordial
Even when he set off his smoke alarm at his home as a vulnerable adult, the Fire Brigade would notify me .
Once we had arrived Dad who was a ladies man said the Female Fire Brigade officer looks like Brigitte Bardot.Never mind the char grilled toast .
Again I should write a little short story to depict the caricatures of my two elderly and slightly eccentric elderly parents and the tales of their only daughter moi.
I also believe in relation to religion that we should make our own efforts in life otherwise if I become to fatalistic I will remain passive and not pro active
I hope you keep safe and well
You really should write a book, Roukaya, or a series of short stories, and base it on your life: all your little observations of mannerisms and quirks of various characters would make it a standout read. You've had me laughing at everything you've said here, and I'm so glad you've been able to express yourself in this way. Your dad sounds a lot like mine, actually: a ladies' man, very flamboyant, and he used to get impatient with other drivers and call all of them George, for some reason... "Come on, George", he would say and Mum and I would roll our eyes, but it was all part of a family ritual, and we were making memories. I love the ASBO dad bit: yours and mine both, Roukaya. Brilliant!
Oh yes, it would be a great read, I'm absolutely sure. I would love to read it too!
I also would like to add that my Mother does impersonations and mannerisms of her family members and characters she sees on TV.
She is very perceptive and sensitive
I remember once many years ago when Oasis and the other group Blur were racing up the charts my Mother would walk like Liam Gallagher
It is very hard to believe that this tiny little typical Indian lady can do impressions and character analysis
Just a thought
Kind Regards
And this - right here - is a short story all on its own just waiting to be written. Go for it!
Hello
Thank you for embracing the inner writer in me
Very nice to have your valuable feedback and I value your opinion.
I can tell you more about my Dad
I would often drive to his home and take him to a a cake shop called Birds
It is a favourite of every one in Derby even though their prices are a little steep
Any way a treat for Dad , he would address and talk to the retired ladies and even when they would reply he would say
I am married you know and then he would say I am fussy
I would reply may I should take you to Spec Savers
I have another little episode to explain
I was once on a Ferry to France and snd elderly gentleman offered to share one of his sandwiches I said no
He said I reminded him of an Actress
I said you should have gone to Spec
Savers
He was speechless
After Ramadhan I will research how I can go about publishing my little book of short stories
I also would need an excellent artist to bring the characters to life
Even now when I see the trailer for the Trolls I think of my Mum
I hope you are well
I have little stories and characters waiting to jump
I also used to volunteer at the local Citizens Advice Bureau in Derby and I once met a client the exact replica of Am I Bovered of Catherine Tate
I could not contain myself and I spoke to the Supervisor and explained that I need a breather before I see the client
He also told me Am I bovered
I hope you keep well and safe
As I live in Derby I wish you the kindest of Regards from Costa del Derby instead of from Mauritius
Haha!!!! Fab!
You're a natural. I've got to see you in print. 📖
You do the writing and my daughter can illustrate your work if you like (we can only ask her, though she's usually on some project or another) She works in digital illustration and is fantastic.
But that's immaterial at this stage. Just write!
There - something for you to focus on alongside your studies...
Thank you very much
I appreciate your kind words
It seems you have a talented daughter
I once joined the voluntary army cite I have forgotten what they are called
Any way I was so slow in grappling with everything that I said I have been put on their thick list
A friend said it that what they said , I replied just my perception
Any way I think writing will be a way of releasing my stress and embracing a creative outlet
I was concerned with the tablets my Mothers takes and she was not to pleased that I had disturbed her
Never mind it is the usual blast I get if I disturb her
She does not even need a speaker phone , her blast is enough
I tell you Scary Spice is a lamb compared to the Pocket Rocket
Thank you for listening and talking to me.
How has your day been
Can you imagine if I did a little theatre production of my two parents a bit like a Little Britain Scenario
Did you know that the characters of East and East were actuality all true
The little boy who hid under the bed in the film actually wrote the script and asked Channel 4 to develop his writings to a film
Quite incredible
It is always nice talking to you
Kind Regards
You say that about your mum, but at heart I can see your immense affection for her. That's the best kind of perception: you see their faults and quirks and blemishes, but you love them anyway.
All that perception must flow into your writing; just give it a chance.
I've been suffering a bit with my stomach today and last night: Paul made us a fantastic chicken curry and aloo masala and mid-way through dinner I HAD to excuse myself and RUN to the loo. Awful stomach cramps had me in tears. It wasn't the curry that had done it, though it did probably trigger a severe reaction: earlier in the day I had ODd on liquorice. Not sure why I couldn't stop eating it... I looked it up online and apparently it can react with certain medications and a massive amount of it is inadvisable anyway. Lesson learnt. It was liquorice from Holland & Barrett, so you'd think it would be better for you!
Nope, I did not know that about East is East. I have seen it, though. Wow, that's a story and a half: I shall be looking that up online and reading more about it, so thanks.
Hello
I think your liquorice could have reacted with something to cause stomach cramps and your running to the loo
I expect you are tired because such a reaction takes its toil in your physical health
You did not know this would happen and as you say lesson learnt
You are also a very perceptive and sensitive person . I realise both of my parents have their faults but I see beyond of all this.
I expect this is what love is
To love someone even though you see their faults .
I hope your stomach calms down
I suffer from IBS when I am stressed and Spicy Foods also is a trigger
I always try to have herbal tea peppermint or any herbal tea to calm the stomach.
Ginger also very good.
Probiotic yoghurt too.
It has been a really lovely talking to you.
I hope you have a successful and productive week ahead
I am often referred to as a Potato Couch by my Mother as she adopts in the French way of speaking
She also speaks with a slight French accent and I can often hear her say I don’t do herbal tea .
She can be a proper Asian Princess at times.
I wish you a speedy recovery .
My kindest regards from Costa del
Couch 🛋 Potato
The fatigue never really goes away. I have bad nights because of the pain and then I'm not rested in the morning and have to sleep in and there are work emails piling up waiting to be answered and by the time I've got up, showered and dressed it's so late that the emails might as well not be answered. It's a vicious circle.
I have IBS, too, so I've been experimenting with different things that might be able to help. I had some ginger tea today and that seemed to help. I can't have a lot of mint - especially in the evenings - as it interferes with my sleep. It works like caffeine on my system. I usually rely on Acidophilus (a probiotic) from Holland & Barrett to keep the IBS in check, but sometimes it just doesn't work as well as it could. I think I take it mainly because I feel I'm doing my body a favour. We've run out of yoghurt, so that's making me a bit grumpy as well. I didn't calculate our weekly online shop very well, and it annoys me that I was so remiss.
I'm imagining your mum now, doing her French accent as she trips down the road with all her bling on. Just fab 😅😅
Regards to Costa del Couch Potato 🥔🥔🥔
From the tummy ache from hell 😷😷😷
Time to get some sleep (if I can)
Sleep well 🛌🏿
Good morning
I hope you are safe and well.
I have suffered from the discomfort of IBS and I can recommend you the following tips to regain some relief
I think you may have had a flare up which causes acute pain
I usually take Mebeverine and this is prescribed by my Gp
After a few days it calms the stomach
There is a powder formula called Arrowroot and this can be bought at Holland and Barrat
I was recommended to take Arrow root and you put a few tablespoons in a bowl and mix with hot water to make a paste , try to add some honey or syrup to taste it as it tastes a bit like glue. But after a few days the stomach lining will be sealed and it really works
I was told if this tip when I was in Mauritius and I usually bring some back to Derby . But I ran out and I saw a packet being sold in Holland and Barrett so I bought some
It is not expensive
Silica Gel which can be purchased at Holland and Barrat also very effective if taken 2 hours before or after other medication.
Also probiotics and Actimel very good to nourish the stomach lining with the right bacteria
Finally your mindset is crucial in alleviating your pain
I once met an excellent Gp who told me all diseases are a product of the mind
Again calming techniques
I hope what I have said will be of benefit to you
I hope your stomach pain alleviates in time
I have noticed if I eat too much dairy such as chocolate this can also exacerbate and trigger IBS.
It is essential you monitor your diet and spicy food can set this off as well,
We really are what we eat.
I hope your day goes well but I will take your advice on board as it is essential to help ourselves and be proactive rather than be fatalistic in our approach
On another note I was looking to buy stationary of Peter Rabbit as he reminds me of my Father always getting into trouble .
One day I will write a little book depicting the eccentricities and wackiness of of my elderly parents and the self made entrepreneur called my Mother
I think she can bulldoze many into submission. Infact she has a younger sister who makes my Mother look like a lamb. Another frightening Auntie.
She is another tiny little Indian lady who has and great love of stiletto heels
I just get exhausted looking at her standing on her heels
Another character to go in my book
I think her husband has become totally under her thumb
But what the two sisters share in common is their blasting voices and great ability to cook incredible Indian and European dishes
I hope you keep safe and well
From Costa del Derby with no sun
I was prescribed mebeverine by a GP (not my usual GP) eight years ago. It didn't suit me one bit. When my regular GP saw me again, he told me it was the last thing I ought to be on as it wasn't at all useful for IBS-C sufferers, possibly only for those suffering with IBS-D.
As I said, I'm already on Acidophilus (a probiotic), and I'm doing pretty well on that, with the odd flare-up when I eat something I really shouldn't have eaten.
My mum has Actimel every day, so we have it at home all the time and I did ask my doctor about it, but he said the Acidophilus I'm on should be more than enough to keep me comfortable.
Thanks for the arrowroot suggestion: I'll ask my oncologist whether he thinks it's a good idea (some natural/herbal remedies react badly with the meds I'm on).
Stress is a major contributor to tummy woes, and whenever I have a pressing deadline, I'm slightly worse.
Hope you're being proactive, as you said you'd try to be, and that your short stories are coming along nicely 🙂 Your aunt sounds like a real character!
Good evening
I hope you are safe and well
You new profile picture makes you look really nice
I have made some suggestions and hopefully the arrow root can be of help
I am little tired with the Fasting today and I do take intermittent days off
As for my Mums little sister who is ten years younger than my Mum I call her Money Exchange
In Mauritius the Money Exchanger is called Shibani
I call her my Aunt Shibani because she will befriend you if it is financially worth her while
If there is no gain financially then she is not your friend
I have very little to do with my Aunt as she did not invite me to her sons Wedding day celebrations which were held on the date of my Birthday at the Hilton Hotel
My Mother did not attend as she she did not invite me
The whole family went for the chancr of a free meal at the Hilton
Are you aware of Habenaro Chilies from the Carribean
Well my Aunt has a fierce temper and I have another name for her Auntie Habenaro Chili.
I wonder how you are
I hope you have recovered from you stomach ache and pains
Thanks, Roukaya 🙂
My tum's going through a flare-up; I can tell this one will take a few days. I know it's because of deadline pressures. Thanks for asking.
Your aunt doesn't sound very pleasant, I have to say; not inviting you to her own son's wedding is a bit strange, but your mum showed her support for you by not attending. Was it the Hilton up in London? Why on earth didn't your aunt want you there? Families can be very odd.
Yes, I've heard of habanero chillies; I don't really like spicy food as I like to be able to taste the food rather than the heat of the spices, but Paul likes his food very spicy and so we've often been to the exotic/weird food & spices section in our local TK Maxx to source all manner of things (he loves to cook). I think there's a range called Melinda's Sauces that he swears by that does a variety of chilli dressings.
Perhaps we should start an Only Child Group here on HU. We do seem more prone to depression as only children especially as our parents rely on us as we get older.
Cheers, Midori
I think this is a very good idea
I had to care for an elderly Father and now I have an elderly Mother overseas
I did not know that other only children suffer from Depression as they get older when dealing with elderly parents
Yes, we can get depressed and feel very isolated, especially if the parent is demanding. I am now 72, like your mother, and also now the matriarch of my small family, but I remember my childhood, and being bullied because I wore spectacles from an early age, It was 'different' then , so naturally worth attacking. I felt I was ugly for many years.
I find bullies are usually folk who are afraid of the 'different', and I truly believe this is also at the root of racism, true, folk make excuses for themselves,and their attitudes but I think fear is the root of it.
I can't personally be doing with racism, I accept everyone because I realise that we all want what is best for ourselves and our families, whatever we believe, and whatever our skin colour. By denying ourselves the ability to learn from others, I think we are doing ourselves a disservice. That's why I reach out to people without fear or favour. It becomes their choice whether to become friends with me, I have offered, they only have ti take my hand, metaphorically speaking.
I have had to overcome my own shyness, which was acute, and can still reoccur at awkward times, but I can squash it down. Nowadays I realise that folk can be unkind, but it usually a case of 'out of sight, out of mind,' and once they have moved on, they have forgotten their words, although they may be deeply wounding to us, and make us feel inadequate. Their opinions don't matter, we may never see them again, we should do likewise with their hurtful comments.
Family is different, they can be unkind without knowing it, and we take it more to heart, because we love them. I try very hard not to offend people, but sometimes it happens, which is one of the reasons I like to investigate what folk believe, so as to minimise any possible offence.
Cheers, Midori
Good morning
I hope you are well
I have learnt one thing there are all kinds of people some can be kind and unkind and most unkindness has stemmed from my own family
But my Father would say that if some one is unkind it is usually to do with them
I fact last year I was in Mauritius and I was badly treated by one Aunt and she shouted at me in front of everyone because my Mum kept calling me .
I was told I will study until I die, I am
lazy and that I travel one hundred times.
Such insults deeply traumatising to some one who has depression and anxiety issues
Only children have to deal with their own issues as well as their parents who lean on them as they grow older
I am learning not to let the unkindness of family members impact on me
My own Aunt my Mother’s sister turned to me when she was having problems with her son and husband
When the son became engaged to a family Doctors and the daughter who is very wealthy , my Aunt completely changed towards me and my Mother.
The Wedding was held on the 15th August on the day of my Birthday and I was not even invited.
Our family can cause us the most hurt and pain possible
I even cried in the eve of my Birthday as in the Asian culture we are supposed to be married by a certain age.
I am grateful that you talk to me and being different is to be celebrated and being strong enough to be your own person
I hope you keep well especially with sorting out furniture for your new home
I hope you find peace and happiness where you are
I hope everything goes well for you
I totally agree with your father. Deliberate unkindness says far more about that person's attitudes and insecurities that the person they are hurting.
Your father was very wise.
I find women are more likely to be unkind .
Cheers, Midori
I agree and thus is why I always enjoyed running my Fathers business as he became ill I took over
Running your own business suits the mindset of an only child who can exercise total autonomy in the decision making process and making it work
I think that you are very independent and very strong and also very kind
It is always very nice talking to you
My Father could have been an incredible mentor if he had shown an interest in my during my early years
But given his fragile and vulnerable state I stepped in to look after him
I hope you enjoy your frozen chips just treats we do miss during Lock Down
I'd be up for that.
No idea how to set up a community on here, but if someone figures it out, I'd be happy to join. 👍
I'm unsure how to do it either, unfortunately.
Hi Roukaya,
I can tell that you are feeling quite low at the moment and that's not good! I think you've got a whole lot of things combined at the moment which are making you feel bad. Quite apart from all of your other troubles, Ramadan, which is usually such a community based thing is so different this year and it must be extra hard to be observing it in lockdown. Do you have any contact with other people from the mosque where you usually pray? An Imam or other person of your faith who could help to get you through this year's observance? Maybe it could help to talk it through with a fellow Muslim, if that's at all possible.
I wonder whether a call from your mother has done something to alter your mood too. I know she can bring an extra burden into your life by making demands on you which you can't keep.
Whilst she's your mum and you can't ignore her, you must first and foremost look after yourself, because you can't help her if you haven't been kind to yourself. I do understand some of the challenges associated with having an elderly parent in another country. My mother-in-law in Guyana caused my husband and I so many troubles and challenges over many years. It's not easy at all.
I'd say try to work on your mood in any way you can. Take solace in your prayer and first and foremost, although this lockdown is lasting so long, please believe that we will one day soon be through it. We will face other challenges then, but once doors are open again, you can start to think about qualifying again and moving your life forward. Meantime please know that we are thinking of you, and hoping that your mood will lift a little soon. Take care of yourself. That's really important.
Roukaya• in reply to
Good morning
I hope you are safe and well
Thank you for your reply
I am quite concerned with the content of my posts as I seem to be accused of being negative and impacting negatively on others
I turn to this site for support and it seems I am also criticised for sharing my problems
May be this is a characteristic I have inherited from my Mother who has an expectation that everyone should listen to her
Given the feedback I seem to receive I will try to be more positive in my contents
If I share it is because I am simply lonely
I have no one and I am not part of any Muslim Organization
I have been part of anything like that because they will stigmatise me for being unmarried at fifty
They will look down on me
I will try not to let the worries of my Mother overpower me
I should study and find ways of re entering the job market again
Thank you for always having a kind word to say
• in reply toRoukaya
Hi Roukaya,
I'm sorry you feel you've been receiving negative feedback to your posts. It's certainly not the ethos of this community and isn't encouraged or even tolerated if it goes outside of our Community Guidelines. I hope you are feeling a little brighter about things today and wish you a really good evening. Take care.
Roukaya• in reply to
I think I am learning to take a breather from the Ramadan fasts
I realise the hours are very long and I also realise the impact my Mother can have in me.
I recognise that we are all very different
Some kinder than others.
Thank you for your calming and kind words
Much appreciated
We are worried for you, Roukaya, no criticism is being aimed at you, we want to help and make suggestion which we hope will help. Very few of us are Muslim, and it can be hard to understand your faith and culture.
Cheers, Midori
Thank you for your understanding
Thank you for asking
How are you
I'm doing well in my new home, My son helps out with putting the furniture together, although there is a backlog at the moment. No stairs, for which I am thankful; means my knees might last a little longer!
Trying to do something in the garden at the moment, a few shrubs and plants, plus a load of vegetable seeds. Will probably be having some work done to it after we get released from lockdown. I have Plans!
Finally got the Vulnerable person status, so I can get online shopping slots, (thank you Tesco!) and a Fridge-freezer coming next week, which will be a great help, (I've been missing Frozen Peas and oven Chips!) Now I don't have to stagger down the road on my walker to get food. I should be Shielding, but it hasn't been possible. Fortunately, my area is a low infection area.
I hope that you are feeling a little better now,
Cheers, Midori
Good morning
I hope you are well
Thank you for your reply
It is looking promising that your home is shaping up
Everything with perseverance and patience
I am trying not to allow my anxiety cloud my ability to study and find work
It is a God send you have a Tesco on line delivery slot as ordering on line will make your life a hundred times easier
Thank you for talking to me and I hope you have a beautiful and restful home
Thank you. Please, if you get more worried, you can always contact me by Messenger, or even if you just want a chat.
Cheers, Midori
Thank you very much
I will remain in touch and thank you listening to me
I hope your gardening goes well
Please remain in touch, I like chatting with you.
The gardening is all in pots as the garden is a wasteland of Paving, Tarmac, weeds and gravel. It will get there in time..
Cheers, Midori
I also like talking to you
The Koran itself teaches us to be kind and understanding to all
The basis of our religion is mercy and compassion for all
In fact our Holy Prophet was known as the Prophet of Mercy and he is buried in a beautiful Mosque in a place called the city of Light in Medina
I hope you manage to sort out your garden
My Mother has a small garden as she lives in a ground floor garden flat
Her garden as her car is her pride and joy
I call her garden the Chelsea Gold Medal Winner
She loves her gardening as I expect yours will look beautiful too
As we say Rome not built in a day
I am always pleased to talk
Have you looked at the free courses on the open university site. There are quite a lot
They might fill your time until we are through this and although you can’t gain qualifications you can get a certificate of participation. Take care and courage
I have been trying to study for a Diploma in Wills snd Probate for the past three years with little success
I hope you are ok
I have checked the site for you and there’s nothing for Wills n probate but even so quite a bit of legal stuff which might be worth revising
Thank you for being kind enough to look into Wills and Probate
I am already registered in the Diploma the problem is that I keep failing the exam over the past three years
I let my personal worries overwhelm me
Yes I know what that’s like
I think I must learn to discipline my mind otherwise I will continue to fail and remain unemployed
How are you
How do you spend your time in Lock Down
Same most days. Up about 8 breakfast then shower and MSK exercises on bed, read a bit then take dog out come back for lunchtime, watch bit tv, do some housework check out openlearn on computer for couple hours. Dinner then watch tv and knit till about 11, bed read sleep, next day start all over again haha
I can understand, ,it's hard it pulls you down
Good morning
I hope you are safe and well
I was quite anxious yesterday and this is the only place that seems to listen
I think that my Mother projects her worries on to me and because I had to manage the care and the business of my Father being an only child this weighs on my head
I will try to fast snd and take a few days off in between
I realise and appreciate your kind words
I wish you a pleasant day ahead
As one only child to another, I understand completely the stress and anxiety you feel listening to your mother's worries. I live with my elderly father who has many health problems, inc depression and anxiety . It caused me to become anxious also because there is no way for me to fix his problems.
My advice is to set aside 2-3 times a week to speak to your mother then go out for a walk or do something you enjoy and dont dwell on it. If your mother is safe, well fed, isn't in need of medical help then you have done all you can from a distance so let go of the guilt.
Mind your own health and speak to friends and good luck in your job search.
Good morning
I hope you are well
As you are an only child you will understand the responsibilities this brings
I wonder if you have both of your parents
I had to look after my Father until he died and it would seem as my Mother is on her own she puts her worries on me
I realise that after dealing with my Dad I have struggled with trying to start again
But every time I try my Mother has this expectation that I should help her
I realise I should learn to make a life for myself but hard when I am expected to manage her worries
How do you cope
Do you still have both of your parents
Do you work
I have not had a job since 2012
You have Eid to look forward to, even though you'll be celebrating it in a very different way this year you will still be able to celebrate in your own way xx
Dear Roukaya,
How would you like your life to be now? It sounds as if you haven't had a chance to build relationships in the UK yet, but is it important for you to have someone to talk to, or would you rather be solitary? These questions can help you move forward with your mother, but you cannot sort out her problems from here. In fact, you can not sort out anyone else's problems for them. They have to come up with solutions themselves. You can help her to do this by asking her questions too. Ask her what she can do, what she wants to do and what she will do. That puts the power in her own hands, despite the fact that she is feeling like a victim at the moment and "dumpng on you".
Likewise, can you find a way to tell her how you want her to be when she rings you up? Does she even know the effect she is having on your wellbeing when you are isolating in a country that is not your own, with no support?
Here is another question for you: Do you need a friend? If you need a friend, what can you do to find someone to share with?
It's a different way of looking at things but this is life coaching and it is powerful in people's lives. I hope this helps. Stay strong.
Thank you for taking the time to answer
As you rightly say I have not had the chance to make a life given the personal responsibilities I have had to bear
Just because I have a Muslim name does not mean I am not from UK
I was actually born and educated here
I have always given advice to my Mother but being an elderly and independent person she will do as she likes
She has brought on some of her worries by helping out a friend who has badly betrayed her and he may take her to coury
I had to deal with the court matters of my Father so this is what causes me the anxiety
It is for me to find my own life with my own efforts
Oh, that is terrible, what a mess to try to sort out, especially when your mother is so far away. I hope she can get this sorted. No wonder you are so on edge.
I must admit, I also thought that you had come from Mauritius and were not a British born Muslim. It is a shame that you have no support withing the Muslim community, and I understand that you would be looked down on for being unmarried. Do divorced women also have the same problems?
It seems odd to me that the Muslim Community would not have some sort of outreach for women, who are single. Maybe it would be possible for you to gather a group after Ramadan for mutual support?
It seems very unfair that the Muslin community would not support you emotionally, especially at this time.
Cheers, Midori
MidoriVisually impaired
That's terrible. How can you be not the right sort of Muslim? I would have thought that at this time, with everything else going on, they would have embraced all who follow the faith. To me, it doesn't make any kind of sense.
Cheers Midori
I hope you are safe and well
Set out a routine & follow it religiously!!!! Don’t absorb your mama’s problems try to offset them to relatives and friends who live around her and don’t accept the Blame, thereby making yourself a Victim!!! Easier said than done but you cannot allow yourself to become the victim otherwise there is no way you can livey your own life.
Cheers X
Very wise words and thank you for being kind enough to answer
I think what you have said is crucial set a routine and stick to it
I used to do all of this many years ago , I don’t how I seemed to have lost my way
She does have people around her
Even her tenant who lives next door to her checks to see how she is
I was troubled on account of reliving the nightmare of sorting out my Fathers Estate and the fear of having to do this again given the worries of my Mother
I hope you are well
How are you coping with the Lock Down
How do you spend your time
Salaam
How are you
I gather from your name you are a Muslim
Are you observing Ramadan
How are you finding Ramadan
In Islam we are taught to have patience in adversity as well as courage
I agree it is a time to do as much prayers as we can to ask for the mercy of Allah
I promise you as an only child I have done my very best for my parents
But I am totally alone no marriage no children and this is why I try to do my best for my Mother
How are you finding Ramadan
Very sweet words
I try to do up to five fasts a week with a day’s rest to recover from the long hours
Our Religion does tell us not to cause our self hardship and I understand why you can only do what you can
But reading the Koran and reading Darood Shareef and giving Zakaat all very worth while in Ramadan
I often watch the Islam Channel
Interesting to give hope and comfort at time’s
Again Allah is in the best position to remove our illnesses , to give Shifa and after hardship to give ease
I hope you remain safe and well
Have a blessed Ramadan
Thank you for your kind words
Very much appreciated
I hope you are safe and well
How did you spend your day
Salaam
I am pleased you contacted me today
I appreciate anyone who can show kindness and understanding
Allah created the Earth in six days and ascended the Throne so I think Allah loves to test his people
In the end he does answer our prayer
I hope you keep safe and well Inshallah your dual are answered
MidoriVisually impaired
How lovely that you have now linked up with another Muslim; I can feel a little easier for you now; I was getting seriously worried about you.
I must get out my copy of Koran and start reading again, I'm not Muslim, but I love to understand faiths.
Cheers, Midori
Salaam
How are you?
Very nice to hear from you
I have resumed the fasting and I have started doing Tahajudd prayers at 3am and then prepare to eat Sehri followed by Fajr Prayer.
I hope you are keeping safe and well
How are you managing with the Ramadan
It is a testing time but it is a sacrifice
During the Ramadan period , how do you manage your day
I hope you keep safe and well
It is very sweet you have a little one
It would be very nice to keep in touch during Ramadan and to give support to one another
This is the essence of our religion I think
I hope you can manage to do what you can
It is always the purity of your intention and the sincerity of your dua
Today is the tenth day of Ramadhan
The first ten days are for us to ask for the mercy of Allah
Allah is merciful he is our creator and he knows of your illness so it is best for you to do what you can within your capabilities
My Aunt who would help everyone and anyone did not observe Ramadan but she died on the day of Ya Un Nani
I must learn to realise that we are all tested by Allah and Allah alone can answer our dua
I hope you remain safe and well
I appreciate contact with you especially during Ramadan
Salaam
Thank you for your reply
I wonder if you have your family near you
I miss my Mother during special times like this
I am very much on my own and and only child
I wonder how you manage your day?
There is immense reward if we have patience with Allah
My own Father was deeply remorseful towards the end of his days for what he had done in his life and Allah accepted his remorse and he died on a Friday
Quite incredible
In fact Muhsmmad Ali the World Class Boxer gave millions away in charity
He says the charity we give is the rent we pay for our room in heaven
He also said if I give to charity and if there is Heavan then I want to see Heaven
I have always great respect for such inspiring role models who set the path for us to follow
A purist Muslim at heart and he also died in Ramadan
I hope to keep in touch with you
If it was not for the Lock Down s d suspension of travel I would have joined my Mother in Mauritius
Salaam
I am always pleased to hear from you
I find to be alone in Ramadan is a sacrifice in itself .
I think it is very nice that you son enables you to find joy in your life
What is the name of your son ?
It is another twenty day’s for Ramadan and if it was not the Lock Down I would have gone over to visit Mum .
But I totally agree that it is Allah alone who judges .
He is fair and just in all and I often feel sad that I am not working but Allah knows best.
I think I would like to settle down one day but I have not met any one remotely interested but again Allah will answer in his own time.
I would like to ask as to how you do your grocery shopping
I sometimes try to get food delivered on line
When I break the fast I like to eat the traditional Indian foods and I had ordered some from Asda but they had ran out due to over demand
There is a huge Indian Superstore near where I live and I would like to go next week hopefully.
I really like Ras Malai , Gulab Jammun and savouries such as Samosas and
Kebabs
What is your favourite dish ?
Salaam
Thank you for you for answering my Post
Your son has a beautiful name
I am sad many times that I am by myself
I am actually fifty years old and I never once met anyone I could settle down with
Hardly any interest at all and the older I become as I am fifty it is harder to find someone
As soon as some one hears the word fifty especially in the Asian Culture the stigma and rejection begins
I is good that your exam husband brings you your food
It is a great help
I am by myself and sometimes I have to stay up until midnight to get a delivery slot
Morrison’s are doing Ramadhan boxes for 35 pounds with available delivery slots which are available for many
I studied for a Ba Hons in Modern Languages and then Law in 2000 but I did not get the practical training to become a Solicitor
From 2012 until 2018 I was involved the care of my Father and managing his Property Portfolio
I then have been trying to find a career within Elderly Care Law but I have failed the exams for the past three years
I let my anxiety and overwhelming personal worries take over my concentration and being the I my child this falls on me to sort things out
I am scheduled to sit for the exams later this year and I should apply for a years work experience
But many times I lose the motivation
In Mauritius you need to have the right contacts to get a job and this is why I am in U.K.
I volunteer for Age UK , I started doing this since Nov until the Lock Down
I wonder what you think ?
Salaam
Thank you for your reply very helpful
Concerning the Delivery Slot you can register with Morrison’s and they have regular slots for their Ramadhan or Vegetable Food Boxes and they have allocated many delivery slots just for the food boxes.
It is for Tesco that once I waited until Midnight but once I managed to get a slot in the day.
How is your health ?
Are you able to manage your day to day life?
Your son will give you a real purpose in life
As for an arranged marriage , I am really against this
I am concerned given my age in Mauritius that they would see a chance for a British Passport and entitlement to what Assets me and my Mother have.
Secondly I do not have the confidence to go on line .
But I realise Allah will hopefully provide someone who will like me for who I am .
I expect I witnessed a very unhappy marriage in my parents and also I hardly socialise or even work to meet some one like minded.
I thank you for telling me what dua I should do when breaking the Fast
Inshallah I will mention for you to have Shifa and to have relief with your illness
It is always very nice talking to you with your deep faith .
I wish you and your son remain safe and well.
Salaam
Thank you for your kind reply
I am due to break the fast in half an hour and I will include you in my dua
It saddens me to hear of your ill health
I seem to be ok in terms of physical health but it is my mental health that causes me to have overwhelming anxiety and this is not helped by having a parent overseas
You spoke about greed and gluttony a day my neighbours wanted to buy my car which I have lost confidence in driving
It is my Fathers last car and I inherited it but I have lost confidence since 2015 but I still keep the car
They are a very young and unmarried couple and the only time they ever invited me was to ask about the car
I said it is a souvenir from my Father and it is not for sale
We hardly talk but they are civil
I have absolutely no one in UK
I think hopefully the Lock Down restrictions will be less strict as from next week and hopefully you will be able to contact your local CAB for assistance in completing the PIP form
If you need help in finding and accessing help I would will willing to help you in finding the correct help
I am pleased that I can talk to you
I feel at times incredibly lonely and sa
I only have an elderly Mother a d she is a very independent and strong minded lady
I was concerned about the tablets she took and she got cross that I thought she took the wrong tablets
She had mms quite a temper but I was concerned
That is the problem with anxiety it makes our fears or worries worse
I will go and prepare for Iftar and I will remember you when I break the fast
If I did repeat myself this was not intentional
I have known you for such a short while and I have spoken about my own personal experience
I did value your interaction but it seems you have already said I wish you the best in this life and the next
MidoriVisually impaired
Oh dear, I too am a Fibromite, I don't thing Roukaya was trying to be insulting to you, She genuinely seems lonely. I'm sure she appreciates you reaching out to her.
It is so difficult to convey meaning when your only resource here is the written word. It can be so easily misconstrued as criticism, where none is intended.
Cheers, Midori
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