I often try to post on here as I find the majority of readers to be supportive
I am coping as best I can but I fell ill with slight stomach upset and when I explained to my Mother in the event of an illness I realise the relatives I have in UK do not contact me this makes me feel even worse
I think it is only when we become ill do we see really how vulnerable or lonely it is for those who are by themselves
The ability to reply to this post has been turned off.
Hi Roukaya,
I’m sorry to hear you have been ill. I hope you are better and you have been resting and drinking plenty.
Are you normally in contact with your relatives ? We all handle illnesses differently and there are various degrees of being unwell. A broken leg is different from a cold, diabetes is not cancer.
Are you aware of what is happening in your relatives lives ? They may be too absorbed or dealing with their own hardships. Would a phone call or a message wishing you well make you feel better ? 😊
Thank you for reply
I hope you are ok
I was tidying the freezer for Ramadhan and trying not to waste any food I ate something that has been in the freezer for a while.
It is a slight stomach upset and I am having peppermint tea with ginger to calm it
I am ok
How are you ?
The relatives I hardly keep in touch in case they say something which can be unkind so I avoid talking to them
I also agree that as they are over seventy they may be very scared of the Covid 19 as they fall under the vulnerable group.
I am in agreement that I should learn to be careful how my Mother can project her worries on to me.
I am also seeing a Psychotherapist who listens and tries to be of support
I hope you are safe and well and thank you for reply.
Oh dear about your stomach. I hope it passes quickly. Your tea sounds lovely. It is the old saying of you can’t choose your family but you can choose your friends.
Unfortunately, we can all say things which can be misinterpreted by the recipient and perceived as unkind or hurtful. With regards to being of a different generation, 😊 my Gran who is in her 90’s is one of my best friends.
I’m pleased that you are seeing a psychotherapist.
Take care
Thank you for listening .
I am getting better as herbal remedies are often very good in treating minor ailments.
As I had mentioned my relatives, one of them contacted me this evening out of the blue.
They seem to be very calm and accepting of the situation
You are fortunate in the sense you have an understanding and a supportive Grandparent. They are worth their weight in gold given the wisdom of their years and life experience they can pass on to you.
Thank you for listening and I wish you a peaceful evening.
That’s lovely to hear that your relative contacted you. I hope they made you feel better and cared for. That is good that the herbal remedies you have give you relief.
My Grandmother and I have a special bond, she has dementia but I tease her and ask her about her youth. Her stories fascinate me. She has always been very open minded.
Have a relaxing evening and we will chat soon.
Thank you for reply.
Given my own personal experience in caring for my own Father who had dementia, I think you should treasure every moment you have with your Grandmother.
It is very special to have such a close bond with a grand parent.
She will give to you her blessings and your health will improve.
I would often buy flowers for my Father as this was one of his few treats allowed whilst in Nursing Care.
I will never forget how his eyes would light up when I put the flowers in his vase.
He was a simple man who loved his plants and flowers.
Do your very best whilst you can because the memories will stay with your forever.
I wish you a peaceful evening.
So glad you’re feeling better and taking care of you the best you can. The tea does sound soothing. That’s important in more ways than one. Also nice to hear your relatives did reach out to you. Being that they seemed calm must be calming to you as well. I agree about the grandparent. Must say I’m envious but happy for Narwahl10.
I hope you continue to feel better and know that people care.
Wishing you a pleasant weekend.
Hi Roukaya,
I think you are right. And that's heightened when you are on your own during this lockdown. You can become very aware of your vulnerability and it can be quite scary. I think it's important to know, generally speaking, (not necessarily now), when you need to have the intervention of a medical professional so that you get help while you still can.
I think that we are very lucky in UK that, no matter what our circumstances, we can get help without fear of what it will cost. i also think that, no matter how distant you have been with your neighbours, in time of trouble they will step in to help if you just ask.
I hope that won't become necessary in this case and that you are feeling better very soo. Take good care and don't take any chances with food that might have been hanging around for a bit too long.
I hope you are well
Thank you for reply
I think I will throw away the few items which have been in the freezer for too long
I was trying not to waste
I have anxiety issues sometimes ok sometimes not ok
A slight up dry stomach can make you realise how important it is to watch your diet and take great care of yourself.
This virus really is the silent enemy
How are you managing everyday
I marvel at Captain Tom , to think he has raised 15 Million
He really is the modern day hero , a veto sweet and kind gentleman who is fighting the secret enemy with his own form of retaliation.
Thank you for reply
I wish you a peaceful evening
I agree with you. Things are heightened much more and my own vulnerability is much greater than usual now along with over sensitivity and emotions are running high as well.
Wishing everyone a calm and peaceful weekend.
Good evening
I hope you are well
How was your day?
Thank you for reply
I am having peppermint tea with ginger in order to calm the stomach.
I think it is so important to look after ourselves in both body and mind
Very kind of you to answer
Hi Roukaya
I'm sorry you have a tummy upset, I can resonate with you on that as I have IBS, when my tummy is upset I tend to deep breath and find it helps.
I'm sorry your relatives don't contact you, please keep posting on here and we're support as best we can, you are important.
Stay safe and well and there's always someone here to listen.
Alicia
I am much better
I ate something that obviously had a reaction.
I did hear strangely enough from the relative this evening but this is very rare
Thank you for offering support
How was your day ?
Is your IBS under control ?
Such a painful experience if the IBS is triggered
Thank you for reply
Good evening Roukaya, so sorry you have been feeling unwell and I do hope you are well on the mend. I am glad to see your relative has been in touch with you. It's nice to know they have been thinking about you. I think it drains you when you have a tummy upset so stay well hydrated. A friend of mime, who I grew up with and have known most of my adult life, sent me a message this week, out of the blue. I have not seen her for maybe ten years. She would like to meet up for a coffee when all this is over, which I thought was nice just to hear from her like that. I agree Captain Tom is an inspiration to all. Hope you feel better soon. xx
How wonderful to hear from someone out of the blue that you obviously feel happy about! I hope that when this does wind down and maybe things are more normal that you’ll have a lovely time together reconnecting!
I hope you are well
Thank you for reply
I think always it the loneliness that makes some of us feel worse
The stomach bug has cleared up but a little tired
But if s little bug can make you feel so bad imagine the plight of those suffering from Covid 19
It really is a huge pandemic and I can only hope and pray this virus leaves us ad soon as possible
Going through the tuff times makes you appreciate the good times even more. Cherish your good times as they’re right around the corner!
Well done with getting through this time ... tummy upset with ataxia is really challenging .. ginger and peppermint are good choice and I would add lavender oil on wrists. Stay calm and don’t waste time overthinking xx
Thank you for reply
I am much better now
I buy lavender oil from eBay so shouldnt be a problem when I need more but it does last for ages. My husband is intolerant [in more ways than one LOL] to chemicals so I use a few drops in washing machine rinse cycle. I also fill a plant spray with ironing water [or purified water] and add some lavender oil as general spray in the bedroom. Patsy x
It is difficult to cope with any illness on your own. . you have managed very well . You are your priority right now.!
Keep up your fluids and eat what you can. I you feel better soon.
Thank you for reply
I am
Much better now
I'm so sorry you are ill, alone. So am I. Relative's don't contact me. I contact them. Whever I became ill, I eat a BRAT diet. Bananas, Rice, Applesauce and toast. It was recommended by my son's pediatrician year's ago. As ginger has been known to help an upset tummy, it was also recommended by pediatrician to let a can of ginger ale to go flat at room temperature. Carbonated drinks make upset tummies feel worse. Recommended to sip. Hope suggestions make you feel better. Sending 💘 from California.
Thank you for your kind reply
I had several cups of peppermint tea with crushed ginger and very good for healing an upset tummy
How are you
Are you ok?
Thanks for asking. I also have all but 2 symptoms of COV19. I'm on 14 day quarantine by doctor. I live alone with my 🐕. I bought groceries b4 I became ill to help. Must have been a premonition. I will be off quarantine Tues. Only thing I need is Rainbow Sherbet. Having trouble eating due to sore throat. Cold-Eeze has been a lifesaver. Rest, rest and more rest has made a world of difference also. Hope you are feeling better.
Sorry you have been feeling sick and sound a bit low and lonely. Have you tried reaching out to any of your relatives that you never hear from? I have found that the current crisis means that others are more interested in being in touch and much more sensitive. I have a couple of relatives that I hadn't spoken to for many years who now call me or write every couple of weeks. Worth a try? If not, this is a nice group to talk to.
Very true, I too have only my son to rely on as my daughter is aquisitive (every thing she sees she wants), and throws tantrums when she can't have it. She's 33, and married. She blocked me moving in every way she could; Awkward should have been her middle name!
She is one of the reasons I moved to Wales, to get away from her! I miss my grandson, but rarely saw him, unfortunately, and she was working on his emotions saying I was abandoning them, and I was shocked when I heard her words coming from his mouth!(I got news for you, gal; Your father was the Master manipulator, You are a pale shadow). Not going down that road again.
Sorry for the rant, but sometimes it has to come out.
It is difficult when you realise you have nobody physical to fall back on, but we are always here for you. We are a helpful and supportive bunch, (the few Trolls we get are blocked very quickly), so it is a safe place to come with worries. I hope your stomach upset is settling and you can get back to something approaching normal.
Cheers, Midori
Same with my sister. She's 8 year's older than I am. Evidently resents me. My deceased parent's referred to me as their "miracle baby" as I only weighed 3 lbs 10 oz when I was born. When I was married to the military, I once was an ocean away, overseas. I always had a closer relationship with them. She only lived 10 minutes away and rarely spent time with them. Relationships are what you make of them. She has me blocked and I have her blocked also. We had been speaking on instant messaging. Until I expressed my feelings. She knows I have serious medical conditions and doesn't seem to care. Selfish and self absorbed. I suggested we no longer speak after 13 year's of no contact. She agreed. Blocked on instant messenger too. Her loss, not mine. There was my rant. Thanks for reading. Feel better.
Hello Roukaya,
With Ramadan nearly here, I'm rather surprised that only one relative has contacted you. From what I have been told, it is meant to be a time of healing family splits, and charity, and, surely this year especially, when we are all so unsure of what is to come, healing of old wounds is more important than anything else?
Must admit, I'm at odds with my family; there are very few of us, and I would be sad if anything happened to any of them, but we are not close as many families are.
Cheers, Midori
Good morning
I hope you are well.
It is sad when a family member causes hurt
I think with your daughter it is best to leave matters well alone as her behaviour will make you unhappy
I really only have Mother as life took her to Mauritius snd I remained in UK
If I explain to you that the relatives in Mauritius seem to befriend us for any financial advantage they can take
It was becoming to much as for that reason we keep apart
The relatives in England a few and I hear from them rarely
I have learnt to accept that when some one cares for you it is shown in their actions
If someone does not care for you it is shown in their actions
I hope you find peace of mind living where you are
My stomach has calmed down but feeling tired with the after effects
The people on this site are kind and understanding and help me feel a little less alone
It is hard to be alone and away from your community, but we can be community here, especially now.
Cheers Midori
To be honest with you I have never been part of a community always a loner from my early years
It is probably because I am an only child
I went through a great deal before I lost my Father as he was spending his life’s earnings on a younger woman, his tenant
I had to take charge of his personal care and manage his business as he was being taken advantage of due to his mental illness and dementia
It is since he has gone I am trying to make sense of my life
I usually spend Ramadhsn in Mauritius and I usually spend Eid there
It is a whole different world now with the Lock Down
I think being a little ill made me think of all those suffering from the virus
Very hard for their family and themselves
Take Courage and thank you for your honesty
True. My asthma and bronchiectasis is well controlled and I feel really OK at the moment. However, my husband is older than I am - 81 with high blood pressure and heart disease (very high risk). We live in Malta and to date Malta has been really good at attacking coronavirus - tracing and quarantining all contacts. However, my husband has regular panic attacks at being alone if something happens to me. Unfortunately I pay all the bills and do all house related stuff.
We do have regular contact with his family in the UK but that is no good if there are no flights. Under normal circumstances, I think we could rely on his daughter to come over and sort out things particularly as there is sufficient money to pay her. Not normal at the moment.
All I can say is that there is every chance that he will die before me and there is (as I said) sufficient money to pay someone to help him.
I totally agree with you,the majority of the readers are great supporters,I just love how we can all try and support one another.
I wish 🌠you a speedy recovery Roukaya 👌
Best wishes
Susan 🐘
Good morning Roukaya
I have read your message and most of the supportive messages that you have received from people on here. It's good that you see a psychologist at least they can listen to you and you not feel that no one cares about you. There is a lot of people who do care about you even your family in the Uk We don't know the circumstances that led up to you and them losing contact with you. But that is private to you and them it's also good to read that one of your relatives have contacted you out of the blue as you say. It will be a guarded reply to you and you to them because you have taken the step in contacting your family in the UK now that one of them as contacted you maybe you could built up on that contract by asking them how they are and talk about good things that has been happening in your life and ask them to bring you up to date on how your family are in the UK. And in turn they will start to get to know you again by the way you speak to the family member will get round to the other members of your family and I feel that they will contact you and you will be able to build up strong family ties with them again. Like you say most of your family members in the UK are elderly so it will take them time to respond to you as they might have to remember who you are because of the problems with what some elderly people suffer from in old age and I myself can relate to them because I am classed as old age myself. But I know that once one family member tells them about you they will remember who you are. Do you know of any Friends where you live that you know where friends with your family in the UK it could be a great idea if you could talk to your family in the UK about them if they have lost contact with them that way you can also build up a network of friends in your own country and also have a strong connection with your family here in the UK by being a go between them and there friends in the country where you live. These are only suggestions that you could use if you wanted to. You sound an interesting person and I am sure that they want to know all about you as well. Take care of yourself and stay safe always. Peter
Thank you for your kind reply
To be honest with you I have always been a loner so at times I should be careful at times what I say
I keep in touch with mostly my Mother and now the people on this site as they are kind and thoughtful people
I honestly believe that I have been through a traumatic time as a child and thus is acted as a disadvantage when trying to break into the legal profession
Since my Father has gone I am trying to rebuild my life in my own way
I have travelled quite a bit and in turn neglected my ability to work
I think today I am quite worried as my main income has come to an end as I rent a flat and the tenants are leaving today
I expect I will need to know on Monday whether the tenants have left and wait until the Estate Agent is able to find me new tenants
I think it is for me to try to make a life for myself but if someone has offended me or insulted me as with some members of my Family I draw a line
I hope you are coping with the self isolation
Thank you for kind reply
Hi Roukaya
Thank you for your reply and your welcome. With you stating that you have lost your Dad who passed away. Have you had any help on this from people like your psychologist? And with you saying that you feel that you had to draw the line with your family because the upset you or made you angry by what they have said or done to you. Can you find it in your heart to try and forgive your family members for what they may have said or done for you to draw the line with them. Because if you can you will find that you will get better and they will understand that you are finding it difficult to cope with things. With you saying that you have always been a loner there are many groups all over the world who have members with the same issues as you and they have come together with other like minded people and have been able to move forward with coping with being a loner and found friends who understand each other have you thought about joining such a group I am sure that your psychologist will be able to put you in touch with a local group of people who are just like you. I am sure that your estate agents will be able to find new tenants for you. If the others have moved on to some where else. You say that you was hoping to be a lawyer in the legal profession but felt that you couldn't because of personal issues that you have? Well I think it you contact a local law firm and say that you want to be a lawyer but because of your own personal issues that you couldn't do anything about it until now as you feel that you could now cope with being a Trainee Lawyer and would they be able to give you a trial period to see if you are suitable for the work. And promise them that you will be able to do the work that they can give you. And I am sure that the other members of the Law firm will be willing to help you with things if you have trouble understanding what it is until you get to know how to do things . I wish you every success in what ever you decide to do with your life. But I would get your family views on this as well you will be surprised in how much they are willing to support you in what ever you decide to do ok. Take good care of yourself and stay safe always Peter
Thank you again your your detailed reply
I hope you are keeping well with the Lock Down and self isolation
You have been kind enough to listen
How are you
How are you coping with the Self Isolation
I find it very hard to cope with the relatives of my Mother
I cannot begin to tell you how they have humiliated me in the past
The vast majority have been cruel , insulting and humiliating towards me
I was made to feel very much an outsider at my Aunts sons engagement party I was made to feel inferior as her son was marrying into a family of Doctors
In the day I was leaving for UK my Auntie insulted me because I told her why should you visit me as you ignore me anyway
I am now fifty years old and as I had to take care of my Father and his Business it made me realise that I cannot allow anyone to insult me like that again
Having said that , an Aunt in UK did contact me yesterday and she was very understanding
I find it very hard to forgive family who have insulted and offended me knowing that I had lost my Father
My Mother is very understanding but as she separated from my Father she returned back
As for me I studied law twenty years ago and could not find the training
Since three years I have been studying Wills and Probate snd I have narrowly missed the exam pass mark twice
I think because of my own lack of self confidence and self worth I do not try as hard as I should
But sadly given the impact of the Corona virus I should start to apply
again for a role as Trainee Paralegal as sadly this is becoming a growth industry
It is for me to try
As for the tenants leaving today it is a worry and I will call the Estate Agents next week to see if they have left and the state of the flat
You have been kind to listen
It really is for me to start to create a life worth living at the age of fifty
Just because so many have written me off does not mean I should
Thank you for listening
Hope your feeling better soon try to keep your self occupied reading , writing a letter to mum , when your a bit better clean a cupboard again lol It’s not easy on your own , hopefully it will soon be over take care xxx
Thank you for your reply
Hi Roukaya. I hope you are feeling better today. I really feel for you not having anyone around to help you. I hope you get some comfort soon. Love and best wishes x
Absolutely empithise,
I am alone and have been locked down since 13th March and had Covid quite badly..Literally stopped myself from calling an ambulance it was so bad but I knew they couldn't help me.
All through this I was alone and then my Grandchild stopped communicating with me because it was too hard for her not being with me.
.
It truly sucks
Hello
I hope you have managed to recover from Covid 19
How is your health now ?
Are you in recovery?
It is hard enough this terrible virus but to be your own even harder
I think it also tests our mental health and state
In my case I seem to re-evaluate my life where it has gone and where it I would like it to go
I hope you are recovering from Covid 19
As I was slightly ill yesterday I can well understand why you chose not to call the ambulance
My doctor gave me antibiotics and I also had the Hydrochloroquinine as I have it for Lupus. I tweaked the dosage for the Covid protocol.
Wasnt sure it would work but actually I think it was this and zinc and vitamin c along with the antibiotic that saved me. I was very very poorly.
Im having weird dreams and struggling with being alone.
I am concerned that when I can go out I will struggle
It is very hard being on your own
But think you have survived when so many have not
Take courage and face each day at a time
You too. I am 54 and I am also starting over. I have work but the rest of my adult life seemed to slide past me since my partner died in 1996. I raised my child who didnt want me to remarry so I am alone.
I have been like a frog in a pan slowly boiling ...Mine is depression.
I do not seem to understand your phase I am a frog in a boiling pan
If you have depression then it is important you find out what is causing your unhappiness
It is hard with depression as often the dark cloud looms above us and it denies our ability to make a worthwhile life
They say how to boil a frog is sit it in a pan of cold water and slowly turn up the heat..it won't notice..it won't move.
That happened to me. I slowly withdrew bit by bit. I have a child with BPD/Bipolar who took all of my energy and put me down. I have Lupus so I couldn't really function with constant emotional assaults.
That is my sadness and a major cause of why I got to be where I am now, so isolated. For the last 20 yrs it has been constant crisis with her. I was alone with her and if I started dating seriousely they would see how badly she treated me. She got rid of them
I have listened to you but as you are slowly withdrawing complicated by your daughter’s behaviour, this is adding to your sadness
Depression occurs when we see no way out
I think you will need to see a trained counsellor or see your Doctor who can provide you with any support you may need
I am not a trained counsellor and I do not know what more I can do to help
Try not to get too sad
Awwe bless you Roukaya. I know that I may need some therapeutic input moving forward. Please rest assured that I wasn't asking that of you. I'm just talking.
I understand the need to talk
I am very much on my own and I am fifty no marriage no job
I have an elderly mother overseas who puts all her troubles on me
Sunday a day of sadness for me as it triggers bad memories
Also I remember I met a gentleman friend and as I tried to talk to him of my personal worries he told me to go a find a husband
Very cruel and very humiliating
I only hope God judge him because that was the year I had lost my Father
I have learnt when we are at our most vulnerable that is when others can cause the most hurt
But also when we are at our most vulnerable..we find out who other people really are.
Ohh I totally understand the Mother issue. God rest her soul..My Mother asked me why I left her when I went on my 2 day Honeymoon 😂.
She was like my child.
I bet your Mum is feeling insecure being so far away from you..Are you sure she's not just talking and not asking you to fix it all?
I have had more kidness and care shown to me by a handful of neighbours than my own child...
Ohh and also from you xx
Thank you for your reply
My Mother is behaving as a child
But I have complex personal issues and I have always tried to protect her interests but as she is overseas and I am in U.K. it is hard to help when I am so far away
I have mental health issues and Mums behaviour not helpful
Just hard when you are on your own
I hope you are able to cope
Hi Roukaya, Reading your posts and your stomach problems highlights, the dangers of eating food that has been in the freezer to long. I have done it and everyone should keep an eye on freezer food which I believe are dated. Chuck away the old..
You say somewhere you can't get out you can. Go for a walk and steer clear of other people, on a sunny day having a walk lifts the spirits and say hello to people you pass, this is common in the village I live in.
I am 74 got heart, lung and kidney problems but I am not sitting in all the time, makes one anxious and depressed, I also have problems with my cervical spine for which i take morphine, I wear a scarf and may look silly but wind is my enemy.
Treasure your relationship with your mother, I have relatives not 30 miles away I have not heard from in 30 years or more, having moved to this village we are non;y on nodding terms with people, but me and my wife get along just fine. We get occasional visits from our three grown up kids not while this virus is about but that's all we need.
I wish you well Roukaya and hope you feel well soon, if you stomach is not Ok in a few days, see a doctor in case the frozen food infected you. I got that in turkey and was no joke,
try and go for a walk if the sun is shining, it really does lift the mood. Take care and be safe.. Ern
Hello
I hope you are keeping well
It is very nice to hear from you
I have gone through all my food in the Chest Freezer as well as the other freezer and I am just about to throw it all away
I had no idea that food beyond the expiry date could cause a stomach upset
I will go out for walks when the weather improves
Sitting at home by myself does cause the endless negative thought pattern
My stomach has improved and the pain could have been much worse
I hope you continue to be safe and well
Thank you for replying to my post
Licorice
It can be very hard right now because of having to stay at home and feelings of isolation are very overwhelming. You may feel like the psalmist that said :"I am like a solitary bird on a roof." but I found something that has helped a lot. The website jw.org is a website that has a lot of information from the bible to help us cope with isolation. I loved the scripture at Philippians 4:6, 7. There it tells us "Do not be anxious over anything but in everything by prayer and supplication along with thanksgiving, let your petitions be made known to God; and the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and your mental powers by means of Christ Jesus. In the article "How to deal with isolation" it gives six suggestions that can help you to cope. I found these very helpful. I hope you get to feeling better soon.
Thank you for being kind enough to reply
Your answer is helpful but as I am a Muslim I will do my prayers
We also believe that everything happens by Allahs will snd only God can protect snd care
Prayers for you🙏 you do have a family in our group!
only just see this but totally agree with you, i find it very frightening to be ill when on my own, especially if not sure of what is wrong (I dont mean ordinary every day things like a cold which you just wait to go away) - a broken leg would not worry me because i would know what it is and how long it will be like that - but internal stuff with pain, stopping you eating and sleeping etc can take over your head
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