I often write on here as many are helpful.
I realise that essentially we can learn to see what makes us happy and unhappy .
As a daughter I have always put my parents first , one is gone but the one left has eroded my self belief and ability to see clearly ahead
I have learnt that all I have done is taken for granted but now I am willing to take the leap forward and disengage from a Mother who puts all her worries and unhappiness in me .
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I had no idea until recently that my Mother with het endless demands and need for reassurance was making me unhappy
It has taken me three years of failing the Wills and Probate exams to realise this .
We all learn and grow and evolve through painful and hurtful experiences
So clear to me now
I'm pleased you now realise how much she is influencing you.
Remember, you are no longer a little girl, You can take responsibility for yourself, although it appears your mother isn't prepared to take responsibility for her own actions.
I think it is your mum acting like a child, rather than you,
Cheers, Midori
Good for you Roukaya. I hope you will be able to stick with your resolve. And remember it doesn't mean that you are disrespecting your mother by realigning your relationship with her. There is still room for engagement but it just needs to be more on your terms than hers. If your mother has a strong personality you will need determination to carry this through, as she will, of course, still try to exert her influence over you. And your job will be to resist this and establish new rules.
Relationships with our parents do change as we go through life. Most of us in older age now, will have undergone it already in that we have to become the one who takes responsibility for our parents, just as they once took responsibility for us. And with that, resistance is usually a part of the journey.
I wish you luck, but I'm sure that with the right will, you'll be able to make the changes while still enjoying a workable relationship with your mother. 🙏
Thanks for your reply
Knowing that my demanding little Mother needs constant reassurance and validation is something I am unable to give her
If parents had treated us properly in the first place , I would be the person who is self confident and capable .
This is something I have learnt that Mum is someone who can have a negative impact on me so with this realisation it is for me to draw a balance and also become less dependent on her and find my own place in this world
You can do it. You are stronger than you think, and you have proved it by taking on your father's work and winding up his company
Your mum ran away from it, you didn't.
Keep strong, don't let her grind you down.
Cheers, Midori
Good Afternoon
I hope you are ok
I think I am realising I must let Mum her own affairs
I am studying but my memory not as good as before
I think as she knows to shout and take her rage on me I should let her sort out her own life
She knows how to talk to others very different to me
Thanks for listening
I hope you are ok
This is an incredible very positive step Roukaya, but one I feel you will never regret and may even enhance your relationship with your mum in time. I can't tell you how pleased I feel for you to have found the strength to come to this conclusion when you are deep in studying. You are very strong and your determination will see you through your exams. You have a lot to mne proud of, keep it up and have a wonderful day. 👍😊🌸
Hello
I hope you are well
My Mother has issue after after issue
Apparently the person who is escorted her to the day care centre has gone to harrass the person who drove the vehicle on her
I will learn to leave the problems and let her solve her own problems
Hi
You are such a strong lady who has been through so much and this strength will see you through. You have found the strength to do these exams which is great. Maybe your Mum will finally see that you will help her but on your terms and not hers.
All my love Lynne xxxx 😘♥️
This has been said before
I am unable to help her like before as she does realise she is slowly ruining my life
Every day a drama
I think you have no choice Roukaya than to put your mum second to yourself. It’s only right. We all know your situation and everyone feels the same. That you should put yourself and your studying first. If you don’t you are on a path to nowhere and I would be very sad for that to happen. You have lots of friends on here who care about you and are willing you to make a change with your relationship. I’m glad you can see the way forward now. x
Good evening
I hope you are well
As my Mother is aging she is becoming a child .
Always something with her .
I am at breaking point with her because if I say something wrong she will lash out at me but with her friends who all use her she puts on her polite face
I have failed the exam for three years partly by neglecting the studies and being overwhelmed by my Mothers tactics
I realise I think when she had her male friend she knew how to put him first and I was discarded if I said something wrong
I could write a list of her dramas but her life is of her own making and I am no longer willing to be overwhelmed by her worries
I should treat her as she treated me with her male friend
I will continue to study and I struggle with it at time’s but I study a bit every day
I hope you are well and thank you for answering
I had to take of an elderly Father in my forties it is wrong for my self absorbed Mother to expect the same of me
Yes it is wrong. Your mother should be putting her needs aside for you to be able to achieve your pass mark but she won’t so you need to. 1 for you to be able to pass your exam and 2 so that you can cope with the work you get when you do pass. It will open up a new world to you which you need right now. Maybe try and control the conversation when you speak to her. Good luck with your studying x
As always, such good advice Jerry 💚
Good evening
Thank you for being kind enough to understand
I realise she is a Narcissist Mother who puts herself first
This was explained by a Psychotherapist who then said I talk like a child because I am a child
I have three exams to take but I am still trying to pass the first
I realise that many on here have their own struggles and I respect everyone who makes the best of their situation.
My Mother will never change but I have too because she is impacting negatively
I thank you for listening
I hope you are keeping well,
I’m fine thank you. Remember Life’s for living and we need to live and not just survive.
Catch up soon x
Thank you for listening
I should gather the strength of Catgirl
She does not allow the behaviour of her parents get to her
The negative comments are a reflection of them and their insecurities and aren't anything to do with you personally which is what I have learned myself and you get better at learning this as you get older.
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I found this Pooh and Piglet story on the internet and it brought tears to my eyes, I hope it moves you too ♥️