On 19th December I tripped over a pot hole whilst walking the dogs. I knew it was bad since I heard and felt my shoulder snap! I was admitted to hospital via ambulance, but all the while hoping it wasn't bad since I do have a low pain threshold. No such luck, severely shattered ball of humerus(?) In left shoulder.
Op scheduled for 21st December. However on 20th suddenly experienced metallic taste and very dry in mouth as well as severe burning in throat. Fortunately (but unfortunately for them) during the ward round when I had four orthropaedic team members, OH and a nurse in the room I projectile vomited a copious amount of 'coffee bean' blood all over the team. It was so sudden I don't think any of us could believe it! It was worthy of a scene in Holby City or Casualty (uk hospital soaps).
Within half an hour I was down in endoscopy dept where I vomited over another team! They thought I might have a tear in my throat I guess from my description of severe burning sensation in throat). They found blood in my stomach, but nothing sinister to cause it. Due to the high risk possible vomitting might present whilst under anathestic the op on my shoulder was cancelled. A second endoscopy two days later again did not reveal anything further.
Almost every night (since admission) I was nil by mouth just incase op could take place the following day. Eventually the op took place (would you believe) on Christmas Day! I was fortunate that the top shoulder surgeon had drawn the short straw on the Christmas duty rota. Eventually I was discharged on News Years Eve.
Due to copious pain killer meds and Lansoprozole which are new to me, I have had problems since with really bad constipation taking a couple of days to pass a stool. Taking one laxative leads to diahorrea so I can't win. Then last week, to top it all I had raging tooth / ear ache caused by gum infection, so am now on antibiotics as well!!!
But the worst thing, that has really broken me, is my loss of self confidence, particularly in respect of walking and balance. My self confidence has been shattered even more than my bone methinks and it is looking like this is going to take more time to heal than my body! As a result I feel so very vulnerable. I have never felt this before, even when PMR first got to me, and therefore these feelings I am experiencing, are completely alien to me.
I ache everywhere, though this is not PMR aches and pain. It is from over compensating for the loss of use of my arm and the stress on my back and neck from the sling.
Whilst all of this is depressing me, what saddens me the most is not being able to hold my first grandchild who is now three months old; not being able to feed him, change him, play with him, as well as not being able to support my son and daughter in law in the way that was planned.
I am also totally unable to do my part time job which I love so much and my independence has completely disappeared.
All of this because of a b****y pothole!!!
I try to think of my friend who has spent the last year fighting leukaemia and who has been critically ill for the last six weeks, whom I am now only able to support remotely. I know in comparison I have nothing to be sad or depressed about, but at the moment I selfishly feel bereaved because I really feel I have lost me, albeit hopefully temporarily.
I don't even know why I am posting this. I guess I feel safe to offload without causing worry which would be the case if I shared these feelings with my nearest and dearest. Stiff upper lip, keep calm and carry on tactics deployed with famity and friends, if I am not too busy pushing them away that is.
Hopefully this wallowing in self pity, which is so very unlike me, will lessen as my physical and mental health improve over the coming weeks. Here's hoping.
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Marilyn1959
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I'm glad you feel you can offload here that's partly why we're here. You also know that all of us here will support you all you can, better to do it here than to upset those around you more than necessary.
So sorry this has happened to you, especially with that new baby needing to be cuddled, I know how that feels. At least you can still type and reach out to us when needed.
Keep warm and try reading Mark's post to cheer you up.!
Marilyn, this is the last thing you should do, give them a chance to help you through this time. They would not offer and you should accept and let them feel good and useful.
Bin that 'Stiff upper lip' right now it is just not what is required at the present time. Remember how you felt or would feel, if you were pushed away when you really want to reach out to the person who is hurting and you want to help, even if it was just by holding a hand.
Now constipation, yes I ran into that problem after an op and the District Nurse (who came in for 2 months every day) recommended Cosmocol and the GP prescribed it. Brilliant and gentle.
Now have a good howl, just let go and cry (I can assure you it does you the world of good to just let go) and then think, I am here and can see the baby. Yes you will get to cuddle, and it will all the more special because you have had to wait.
Thank goodness you had the courage to come here and just let go, now do the same to your nearest and dearest, they love you.
That's absolute hell for you M, awful to read but glad you posted in the place where you get total understanding and support. What's happened to you is crap, unfair deserves to be whinged about. This time will pass and you will get your confidence back, just take it five minutes at a time and it will be five minutes closer to you being fighting fit again. Small goals and lots of rewards xxxx
Thanks Angie. Just can't believe how much this has knocked me back, since I have dealt with much worse scenarios in the past. And yes, for it to happen now when our Lenny is so squeezable sucks!!!!! X
Good morning Marilyn, what a terrible shake-up for you resulting from one tiny accident, no wonder you're feeling vulnerable and like a displaced person in your own life.
We say things like 'my heart goes out to you' and reading your words it really does .. all the aspects of your life have been altered, I would be a mixture of shock, sadness and 'brokenness' and with those feelings it's difficult to see any light ahead. But it IS there, we're remarkably good at adapting and healing - being at home you can be part of family life even if your role is temporarily that of being cared for rather than doing the caring, and your grandson can be cuddled next to you, a healing process all in itself.
All the pain meds and antibx with their consequences are so debilitating to deal with, just more bodily functions to combat, but a step towards recovery. Time, rest, and a loving family will see you through all the stiff-upper lip times, it's tempting to push people away but a little vulnerability is being truthful and brings out the best in those who love you.
Very best wishes for a gentle return to your usual optimistic and varied life, it will happen.
B#@@&y pot hole indeed. 🤬 Sorry you have had such a difficult time but good you can offload here where we understand your frustration and despondency. You will feel unbalanced because you would normally have a freely moving arm on each side but now you have one side immobile and in an unnatural position but that should improve with time. It must be very frustrating having a brand new grandchild and then all these problems preventing your enjoyment of him. It will not last forever but it is very hard to be a patient patient I don’t think many of us here are patient patients. Maybe do as scats suggests keep warm an read MB’s post for at least a smile. All good wishes. 💐
What a devastating time you’ve had. If I’d had to endure all that, I’d be a in a fetal position in a corner somewhere! Please enjoy your family’s loving attention and get well soon. 🤕
“I don't even know why I am posting this. I guess I feel safe to offload without causing worry which would be the case if I shared these feelings with my nearest and dearest.”
Because you can post it here, we understand, we don’t judge, we don’t expect you to be superwoman, we know what you’re going through.
We send you virtual hugs. Normal ones too painful anyway!
Post operational constipation is a nightmare - I know. Even if you don’t feel like it- up your vegetable intake, drink more fluids, add prunes or dates and/or a little Albran to your normal cereal and try a gentle walk. If you had the same laxative that I had in hospital then it is a bit brutal! But as jinasc says there are more gentle ones out there. And the sooner you can get that side of things back to normal the better you will feel (too much toxin in your body at the moment).
You will get better, but you’ve had an big operation on top of everything else - it takes time.
I think your reference to superwoman is my expectation of myself! I have always been the carer / provider and am finding it very hard to accept my change in role.
Thank you for the virtual hug, much safer than actual ones at present. My son went to hug me yesterday and I stepped back for fear my arm would suffer. He caught me saying he was fully aware of my arm and wasn't going anywhere need it, then proceeded to give me the best hug ever I needed.
I might go for a week or two without having a good chat to mine (he’s horrendously busy) but he drove down from Cheshire to Dorset last week to take me into hospital, visit me whilst in and bring me home - and has rung very night since.
His reason - “well dad told me to look after you just before he died! But I would have anyway!”
Marilyn, I’m so sorry to read this, but like the others I do understand. It is the loss of independence that is the hardest part. I can do nothing to change the situation, just wish I could. It’s time you need to repair the damage.
Try not to push your family away. It’s obvious to everyone here that you’ve always stood on your own feet, both physically and mentally, so they are probably really worried about you - let them in.
Hang on in there Marilyn, it will get better. Big virtual hug xx
You are of course right Mai. Since this all happened over Christmas, and in my effort to protect my boys, I only allowed them to visit once following admission into hospital. This was to reassure them I was ok and to give them permission to enjoy their holiday festivities. Turns out I did the wrong thing as my youngest, home from uni, was quite resentful I didn't want him visiting more.
Odd how unbalanced our views are : Most of us wanted to be there all the time we could to care for our own parents, but when it comes to our children we don’t want to allow them the same feelings. We just keep pushing them away through a combination of false pride and ‘not wanting to be a burden’.
Interesting, do you think anyone has done research on “terminal daftness in the baby boomer generation”?
My lovely little Mum used to drive me insane having such an independent spirit, we once had a two-month stand-off over help with washing sheets, bed-making, hoovering (they hung onto their old twin-tub machine until the end!), ... my calm, patient Dad on the other hand was very happy to have it done so I eventually arranged it all with him while he drove them off on their suddenly-invented weekly 'treat day' outing. Happiness all round... They both lived well into their 90s. and I miss them every day.
Now I know exactly how she felt, too late we learn what it is to be old, if not yet frail, and that's something we can't teach our children because they cannot walk in our shoes. Recently my son suffered a bleed on the brain, he's fine now, but was out of action the whole hot summer - he looked at me with understanding eyes during that time.
You are offloading because you need to. And this is a safe place to do it and we will listen. So that is all good.
It will come right but isn't going to be quick and you won't believe me - because I didn't believe my GP 6 years ago when she told me the same during my primavera horribilis. I too lost my confidence about going out or doing anything, even making a phone call (not my favourite occupation anyway). No babies though,
Don't push people away - call them out. If they offer, accept. If they didn't really want to, they won't offer again! It means doing things differently - let them help you still achieve things.
And on a purely practical note - you HAVE launched a claim to the local authority haven't you? Because while compensation can't give you back what you have been robbed of, you can make the money help. And maybe stop someone else going through the same or worse.
Since we live on a mobile home site the land is privately owned. However we have some legal insurance and the insurance company has looked at the case and agreed to pursue a claim. I am on a zero hours contract, even though I have been paid for fifty hours a month for last two + years. So I am going to look into statutory sick pay as well on Monday.
Really just interested in recouping lost earnings (needed to support youngest son at uni) and a bonus to help eldest son with child minding fees, sInce I was going to provide child care when my daughter in law starts back to work next month.
Ah, not so simple. But it will be interesting to know the legal position - hope you get something.
I am so very sorry to read your post.... I wish there was something I could say or do to make it better. After I fell last year (at the Billy Joel concert, in front of 70,000 people!!) I too lost confidence and felt old and feeble. It's horrible to doubt yourself and your abilities. This past Autumn, I despised myself, as I tippy-toed down the street (totally freaked out that I was going to fall) because of the wet leaves! I also know what it's like to not be able to be a real part of your grand child's life... It's all impossibly difficult, but you cant let it get to you!!!! Do as much as you can and know that you will get stronger and this too shall pass....
"Whenever You Find Yourself Doubting How Far You Can Go, Just Remember How Far You Have Come. Remember Everything You Have Faced, All The Battles You Have Won, And All The Fears You Have Overcome." ~ Unknown
Hi Mamici1 have responded but it hasn't linked to your reply. See below x
Oh Marilyn 🌺
Is it any wonder you feel broken 💔 what an awful thing to have happened, my heart goes out to you.
As the others have said there’s one or two practical things you can do, sorting out the bowel issue will help you feel better & you must also consider making a claim as PMRPro has suggested.
How is your shoulder? Keep doing your exercises they are vitally important especially shoulder ones.
It’ll take some time to build up your confidence again, perhaps when you first go out you could link someone or take a walking cane (horror of horrors, l know) but it may give you a little confidence.
I hope you are still able to see your new grandson even if you can’t do any of the practical tasks with the baby you could sit next to him, hold his hand & stroke his head, what have they called him?
I do hope you feel better & stronger soon, it’d been a very big shock on top of the PMR
Thanks Mrs N. The shoulder itself is fine. Stitches almost dissolved and neat wound healing well. A much longer incision / scar than I thought it would be, not that that bothers me. The more I move it the better, so need to do the physio exercises to have best chance of maximum movement range long term. Since my job involves conducting and playing the keyboard I really do need to maximise my chances. Surgeon said that maximum movement would be likely to lift the arm level with shoulder, but unlikely to be able to reach head. So one handed hair washing and colouring may need to be practised and refined!
All physical aspects relating to the arm I can deal with. It is the short term impact and add ons like raging tooth ache, multiple meds and bowel problems that are getting to me, but I need to hang on to the fact these are short term!
It will soon be daffodil time and my spirits always lift at the sight of daffs. Fortunately I planted hoards this Autumn. My aim is to have sufficient movement in arm to comfortably plant bedding plants for summer.
You indeed have had one thing on top of another Plus Pmr and I think that's what gets us down. And to see more dreams pass us by. You will have many years with your grandchild so don't beat yourself for what you can't do now. This is what I have told myself as I haven't been the support I had hoped to be either but it's worked out fine for all. After you recover some balance exercises may help restore your confidence. I have been going to a weekly exercise class for the chronically ill and was able to be up on a ladder painting. Things do get better. Hope today is sunnier for you 😘
Thanks bunnymom. Wow! On a ladder painting. That's impressive. Do take care though.
It has been quite a few years since I did my own decorating. Used to love it. Went through all the fads including ragging and stencilling. Loved designing my own stencils, especially for my boys bedrooms the hungry caterpillar, teddy landscape mural spring to mind. The stand out one was a large sky scraper wall mural with spiderman in various different positions. Used a colouring book and projector for drawing the spiderman positions. Brilliant, even though I say so myself!
My husband warned the boys not to stand still during this stencilling phase of mine, since they too might be stencilled if they stood still long enough! Used to make all my own soft furnishings too. Loved it.
Thanks for sharing. We all reach our limits from time to time. So sorry you are going thru all of this, it sure is a lot.I pray you will heal swiftly , mind and body.
How are you today darling Marilyn? Your replies lead me to believe that you felt token when you wrote your original post but now you are beginning to regain strength. You will survive this, it’s a set back but you will overcome. Love and hugs and hoping you will update us Linda xxxxx
Thanks for asking Daisychain. I have had quite a sleepy day! Five hours this afternoon, having resorted to taking Cocodamol at 6 am this morning. Cocodomol completely knocks me out which forces me to rest which is positive since they say healing takes place when sleeping. Here's hoping I am on the up. Thank you for your concern.
You have every justification in feeling sorry for yourself. You have my deepest sympathy; I think you've been very brave to have coped with all this and now to be deprived of full involvement with your new grandchild. I hope it's all uphill from now on.
Well so pleased that you in fact wrote this post because I’m sure it has helped reading all the replies and the positive emotional and practical support that folk want to offer. Same for your family and friends - if they offer the help please try to take it ( if it’s what you want! 😜) It helps others sometimes to be able to give that support just like your youngest son. And no we don’t always get it right but that’s how we learn.
I do so get you too being upset at not being able to cuddle the new baby and give the support that had been planned. My daughter had twins, about 9 months ago. She also has another child under 2. How I would have loved to visit more( she lives in London, we live in the Midlands) , to be able to help practically and give her the support that she so desperately needed. Well I really wasn’t able to because of numerous circumstances. I cried a lot but realised I had to think of other ways to support her when I could and also to try to be there for her emotionally but not physically. It has not been ideal but others have filled the gap and I have had to accept that and love when I can in different ways.
I just feel that you have had an horrendous time but as you say, the things that are most concerning you at the moment are short term, and the long term things, including the self confidence and self esteem will come back, albeit slowly. For you to be able to articulate so clearly all your emotions just shows that you are dealing with them and they will not overwhelm you permanently.
Do pray for your healing and for you soon to feel more like yourself. All the very best Jackie xx
Your response has prompted me to realise that I am indeed very fortunate that, in planning ahead, my son and his partner moved just ten minutes away by car. The intention being I would provide child care when Ellie returns to work.
Your reply has pulled me up sharp, (though it was not intended to for sure), to actually count my blessings and stop wallowing in self pity!! Not my usual default as I am usually a cup half full kind of girl, however have never been a patient one!
Thank you so much for making me look at 'the cup' positively. It has really helped.
Yes I remember your other posts Marilyn and I remember your approach to things and your positivity and that’s why I’m so sure you will get through all this, step by step. Xx
You must be in total shock! What a horrendous chain of events. No wonder your confidence is shot. There is probably a bit of PTSD in amongst your symptoms too. You are going to have wait this one out I’m afraid and it will take a good while. I am sure you can hold the baby, seated and supported with pillows. It is important that you do.
Can you sue for that pothole? I once got £138.00 for falling on a roughened road surface, the council workers had left.
There will be plenty to do to support your son and daughter in law and your little grandson, who is going no where.
I fell over a suitcase and broke my shoulder a few years back. I feel a sense of horror when there are bags on the floor now. On that trip I had been white water rafting and mountain climbing. I know what you mean about the physical confidence going. Take care! That is trauma. Not broken, just wounded. Sending hug and healing beams of energy. ✨💫
Hi Jane. How long did it take you to mend? Do you have any ‘residue’ problems?
I have had replacement humerus bone, since the ball of mine was so shattered. Surgeon said they would normally try to fix my own bones in someone of my age (59), but thought further surgery would be needed if that didn’t work, so I opted for replacement . They told me they fix it in with cement, so I have visions of a lump of concrete holding me together. Certainly the ‘dead weight’ of my arm at the moment feels like it is weighed down with concrete!
I wore a sling for a few weeks. My break was a crack in the bone, most of the pain came from the pulled ligaments around the joint. This kind of accident is never good in our age group. In your circumstances I would probably opt for the procedure, but I would want it described and to know all about it. Pros and cons.That shoulder was odd for a few months, it ached and I felt like saving it which probably compounded the problem. It is just the same as the other one now. PMR pain was much more disabling.
I do feel for you. I am quite squeamish. When they told me it was broken I almost fainted. Good luck! I hope you are enjoying the new baby. They do promote healing in my experience.
I have already had replacement bone on Christmas Day would you believe! They are saying 4-6 months for recovery. Physio is grim! But no pain no gain and of course it is the surrounding muscle that I need to build heigh ho onwards and upwards.x
Marilyn, take your pain Meds before you go to Physio, tweak the timing to get them in sync.
Once your scar is healed l found several of my exercises l could do in the shower while my shoulder was warm & it was very helpful.
Stretching 🙆🏻♀️ is really important too, to get as much movement back as possible. I used to do a lot of stretches while still in bed using pillows & the headboard as a support. 🙆🏻♀️
Thanks Mrs N. Your advice makes a great deal of sense. Though I still have stitches that need to dissolve (some are proving stubborn) I find that my movement is better after showering. So a good idea to undertake exercise whilst showering.
The physio mentioned today about stretching the arm using pillows in bed and, whilst I did take pain meds strategically today, my physio appointment was at 8.15! So I had to get up at an ungodly hour to simply make sure I was clean, dressed and could get there on time. The journey was at peak period and as the arm was static whilst travelling I was pretty stiff for the session. I have consequently booked the next one for 10.3am, so hopefully arm will be 'warmed up' beforehand and more receptive.
Thanks again. I feel I am starting to turn the corner.
Your heading of your post is sad. I feel for you. Hope by the time you read this....am a few days behind on HU...that things will be improving, if only slightly. There will be an abundance of blessings and good things waiting for you, esp that precious little Daniel.xx
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