I'm sorry to bring a personal Tale of Woe to this very supportive forum. Although this Post isn't strictly PMR / GCA related, I hope you will understand my Plight all the same.
Tonight: I ventured-out from the tranquillity of the new South Wing at Benjamin Mansions with the intention of slumping / sliding / rolling or tumbling sideways (in typical PMR fashion) into my car to do the usual ritual of things like nicking stuff from Charity shops, making a nuisance of myself at the Fag counter in ASDA, and all things 'MB'.
But, to my Shock and Horror, my car wasn't where I parked it yesterday. First thoughts: Am I suffering from Terminal Brain Fog and / or Brain Fade, or losing The Plot completely? But after a brief (and rare) moment of Lucidity, I realised that something was VERY WRONG!!!
So, I immediately called the local 'Old Bill' (UK slang for The Police for those of You Lot who aren't familiar with our silly English jargon) and quickly got through to an Operator ('Op') - who probably works from an outsourced Call Centre hundreds, if not thousands of miles away from where I live. But, Hey-Ho, this is the nature of Outsourcing...
Op (cheerily, and in unfamiliar, possibly foreign accent): Helloo Caller, this is the Police Helpline. How can we help you, please, thank you?
MB: I wish to report a Stolen Vehicle.
Op (with scripted expression of concern): I'm sorry to hear that. Can you give me some details please, thank you.
MB: (expands on deeply traumatic experience as above...).
Op: Ok, thank you. Can you please give me some more specific details, thank you?
MB: What details do you need?
Op: Please tell me ALL details about the vehicle - and anything you know about the Assailant - thank you!
MB: The car is a rare, distinctive and elderly (like me) Mercedes Limo in Metallic Silver, Registration number 'FUN 1' (goes on to quote Chassis number, 20 Pages of Service History etc). It now has tinted privacy windows, twin-spoke alloy wheels, fancy 'racing' stripes along the sides of the bodywork and other modifications including James Bond-style Ejector Seats (Passenger Side only), Rocket Launchers concealed behind the Headlights and various other Subtle but distinctive Features. And.. it has also had a Main Service, 4 new tyres and an MOT recently including some 'tweaks' to the Turbo Re-Circulating De-Fragilators and other bits of the engine which make it accelerate faster than a rat out of a drainpipe - Ha! Oh, and also, I only valeted it and 'dressed' the tyres last week. To be honest, I'M GUTTED!
Op: (laughing nervously and composing him / her self): Ok, did you see or can you tell me anything about the possible Assailant?
MB: Not really. Only to say that I noticed a long-haired, er, 'Individual' loitering around the Limo the day before it went missing.
Op: Sex please..?
MB: Is that an Offer?
Op: (now laughing even more nervously): Nooo! I meant: Male or Female?
MB: Dunno - you often can't tell nowadays! I blame the Mee-Ja for confusing the boundaries of perceived Gender Orientation. But never mind all of that: CAN YOU PLEASE FIND MY CAR?!! I'll consider doing a Plea Bargain Deal with, er, Tedski, or whoever is 'the Assailant' - if you catch them, er Him.
Op (now exhausted and exasperated after a convoluted 20-minute conversation): Ok, I've logged the Incident and someone will get back to you with a progress report. Your Crime Reference is (abc/xyz). It will probably take 6 months - if at all. Thank you and Goodnight.
(end of conversation with Old Bill).
Oh well: such are the things of Life, 'Stolen' Limos and the (alleged) antics of dodgy characters like Tedski - whoever he might (or might not..) be? My mind remains open - as does my 3 mgpd prescription for the Preds - for now at least
Wishing You Lot a Happy Weekend - and try to keep smiling on the PMR / GCA Journey
'Uncle' MB
Written by
markbenjamin57
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Damnit sorry to hear this, my car was stolen a few years ago, such a hassle and I really loved the car - it was bright red and apparently stolen to order because the seats were limited edition ?!!.!!!
Has your car really been stolen, you cryer of wolf you?
If so I am mightily sorry - high stress, rage and feelings of violation.
Once, every car on our row was broke into except ours ( old Volvo). They left a quid under the windscreen wipers on ours.
We now have a silver Merc too.
I hope they find it and the 12 year old joy riders too.
Ommmmmm!
Ohhhhhhh DAMN! That totally sucks!!!!! I am so sorry to hear this news! I hope it was taken for a short joy ride and that it is found safe and sound soon!!!!!
Awful to have your 'pride and joy' stolen - some people just don't understand 'they' (our auto friends that is) can be like family members - (at least for some members of my family !!) Because I am assuming this is quite real Mark I feel very sorry for you - and hope if it is only a kidnapping the 'ransom' is not too high and no lasting damage is done ...
Hmm there seems to be a big difference between your overly exagerated description to 'The old Bill' of your beautiful James Bond themed car and the actual photo? I have some theories.
1. You left it outside of the 'North Wing' at Benjamin Mansions, (pred head) later to be realised and revealed with side aching humour!!
2. Tedski (sporting a long haired wig!) has stolen it in a joy riding frenzy.
3. You have guenuinly been the victim of car theft and I am really sorry for rudely making fun of it. Put us out of our misery please Mark.
Really sorry to read your post Mark - assuming it's not a spoof (you can certainly spin a yarn!!). That's your problem now; no one quite knows whether or not to believe you. What a tangled web etc.
Anyway, if your car has been nicked, then I hope there is a good outcome, albeit I think you'll be lucky if that is the case.
Best wishes
Paddy
PS: you have been chopping and changing on your pred quite a lot recently. Down to zero, and now on 3. What's gong on?
Too true Paddy (spoof or not..?). See next Post.. :-). Yep, dancing about a bit with the Preds after brief fling with Pred Club Zero. But at least I know that I'm heading in the right direction. And you?
Glad it was a spoof - you don't need any kind of stressful hassle.
I've been at 3.5mg for three weeks now and going pretty well except for the dreaded fatigue! Will be staying at this level for a while now, until I feel able to cope with a half mg reduction. Don't know when that might be!
How horrible, hope Tedski wasn`t in it.... but it has made me think maybe I am due for an MOT, and need my Turbo recharged....seems like a good idea...think I`ll book it....
Yes I`ve read it!...that is one I won`t be telling OH the most cynical man in he world...who is always saying "you don`t believe that do you?".....you should be a salesman you could sell sand to the Arabs as they say!! .. Speechless.....but then I`m not feeling too good, my excuse then!.....
Confession: I WAS a salesman in a previous Life (and for Mercedes Benz, no less)! And over the years I've trained thousands of salespeople in all sorts of industries. That could explain a lot about the current state of the Nation..?
I really feel for you. My car is my pride and joy and I would be gutted to lose it. Maybe one shouldn't get so attached. However, hopefully it will be returned in good time and in A1 condition. Fingers crossed!
Ha Mark.
Are you telling porkies again, it's obvious man, Tedski must have borrowed it, as is his normal antics! Anyway who in their right mind would want to steal an old banger, oops I mean a lovely old Mercedes Limo like the one in the picture. Maybe it's just competition time and you just want to display a picture of your treasured vehicle.
If only we could display photographs in reply to blogs. So by way of competition, the next time I write something I will put up a pic of my treasured possession, a moderately new Mercedes SLK 200 AMG in Diamond Silver.
So in conclusion Mark, I hope you are 'crying wolf', and I hope it doesn't happen
Actually Pete, it's a lovely car despite being 14 years old. It should be - it cost someone about £56k when new! Not that I would spend that kind of money on a car - even with a Lotto win. Glad to hear you're looking after the SLK
Mark, I thought the whole thing was a 'wind up' did not think that was your Merc. It's a gem of a car 😍 trouble is I've got to the stage now that I don't know when you're having us all on. Looks like you've missed a bit of polishing on the wheel arch 😉
Ha Pete! Well, I AM known for my wind-ups (as many of You Lot will confirm) Thanks, yep it's a beauty - with a very good local history. Some of the early W220 model S- Classes are falling apart with corrosion and look really shabby. The pic is when I bought it 2 years ago, it looks even better now (after I've valeted it 197 times ha ha). I really wanted an E Class Merc estate (more practical - I've had a few including a couple of E55 AMGs - sublime!) but this was too good to miss. And it's a 320 CDI, so 46 mpg on a run - can you believe that?! It's just a bit of an embarrassment in tight multi-story car parks though, and it over-hangs a standard parking bay at ASDA. But Hey ho, 'The Joys of Ownership' / Boys and Toys etc? Well, I see it as a bit of a treat for my 60th. That's my story and I'm sticking to it
Ohh, Pete, The Venerable (PMRGCA) AUNTIES. Are you sure they're not just winding you-up (like I do to You Lot here)? Maybe change your Profile Identity again - just in case?
Reminds me of an old saying in the Marketing Profession: 'Bad Publicity is better than NO publicity'? I'll put my money on the 'bad-ish' dog but who's basically good at heart. That's what the Novel Writers say..
Reminds me of an old marketing saying about not advertising. "It's like winking to a girl in the dark" you know what you're doing, but she can't see it. 😀
Sorry about your upsetting tale. It is my impression that newer model Mercedes can not be stolen. Last New Year’s Eve every car ( C 300 2015) in the row where I parked was vandalized except mine.
Unfortunately, in the terrible neighborhoods where I worked teens stole cars to sell parts. How old is your car? What will you get next if it is not recovered? Always exciting to get that new car smell!
Sorry Sandy, but it was a Spoof as usual (see following Post..). You're right, Mercedes - and a lot of other modern cars - are pretty secure with electronic immobilisers etc. But the professional High-Value car thieves have increasingly sophisticated software to get around that.
The Limo is 14 years old (although to me it doesn't look or feel it). I've always thought that older Mercedes look more graceful than the latest models. This one's for keeps, even if I could afford a new one
What a lovely vehicle! So sorry someone has absconded with it. If a joy rider, it may be found. But if taken to order.....could be long gone. I own a classic MG RV8..........beautiful but tricky to drive....and with a soft top, vulnerable each time it leaves my garage. There were only 1800 made in 1990s and a few have gone to car heaven. She is in the paint shop at the moment after my dear Hubbie crashed into the garage front shelves and tools flew down onto the bonnet! Unfortunately, I cannot drive her at present due to hip problems, but occasionally struggle in as a passenger. She has a low burbling engine, the most comfortable beige leather seats and walnut dash....looks great against the dark purlescent green paintwork.
Thanks Val, actually it is quite special and cherished by the previous local owner (a GP!) for many years. And.. although a massive car (the longer, 'Limo' version of the S Class) it's a diesel and I get 45-46 mpg from it on a long run. Can't be bad?
Practical though Mik. I've usually owned big estate cars over the years for all sorts of reasons. That's the only downside of the Limo - can't get a wardrobe in the back . Sometimes I dream of having a van... !
Sorry Mark,if your beloved car has been stolen,even so l enjoyed your post,It is good to have some humour to cheer us all up.Sorry l should not be ‘ cheered up’ by the loss of your beautiful car,but you know what l mean. Things are not good around here,about thirty winscreens were smashed in one road one night recently, and a friend of mine was terrified last week when a group of ‘ yob’s’ smashed her bedroom window with their fists at 3 .20 am, which makes living in a bungalow rather risky ! Back to your car,was it that rascal Tedski taking Olga l think that’s her name,for a late night dalliance,the mind boggles,anyway as you must realise l have not had a ‘ wee peek ‘ at your latest post. I shall do that now,l suspect a certain bear might have something to do with your disapearing car, or you have had a touch of ‘ brain fog’ and forgotten where you left it. Kindest regards and Good Luck !
Thanks Grants - all will be revealed re. the 'stolen' Limo / Tedski etc. (Clue: yet another Spoof - Sorry!).
But seriously.. I'm truly saddened to hear about the senseless (or is it ?) vandalism where you are, and also to hear about the impact of it on you and your neighbours. What's the world coming to - and what's driving this type of increasingly Anti-Social behaviour?!
Getting back to the intrigues of Tedski (and Olga)... Ohhh, the Brain Fog - plus a glass-or-two of the Red Stuff - has finally 'got' me on a Friday Night and I'm running out of steam right now. So I'll try to pick-up the threads again over the weekend.
Thank,s Mark, l live in the Dunstable area and apparently the crime level here is higher than Luton now. I have a monitored burglar alarm ,there is not much more l can do. Things have really changed in this country which is very sad . I enjoyed your recent posts,it is good to lighten up a bit and l always enjoy your humourous ‘ ramblings’ oh well it is getting late,so l,ll say goodnight and l wish you a good weekend too.kindest Regards to you and that rascal Tedski.
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