I am not able to travel to our daughters with my husband tomorrow 😞. Last night I felt very unwell and am not much better this morning. I am upset and so is my husband and daughter, but I feel that it is the right decision in view of the journey and my bowel issues (sorry if tmi). I will contact my GP tomorrow and will get results of my blood tests from endo the week after.
Disappointing: I am not able to travel to our... - PMRGCAuk
Disappointing
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Groggrim
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63 Replies
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How rotten. It is something that can happen to us all. I hope you are feeling better soon.
Thank you for your message 🥹 it made me cry and I don't cry so something is wrong today.
PMRproAmbassador
What a shame - but if you aren't well it isn't worth it.
DorsetLadyPMRGCAuk volunteer
What a pain… plenty of TLC required and also lots rest by you [in-between the trips to the loo 🫣].
Hope you soon feel better. 🌸
Thank you x
Hi Groggrim,
I know that making the decision to not travel to your daughters' will have been a difficult one to make.
Part of you doesn't want to miss out on the sheer enjoyment you know you'd feel if you were well enough to go, and the other part knows you'd be more comfortable and more able to 'manage' your needs better by remaining at home. You try and convince yourself you might be okay, but a nagging little voice inside keeps saying you won't.
I've been there myself, and I recognise that huge sense of disappointment at missing out.
In my opinion, you've made the right decision though.
Being able to recognise when your health requires you to make choices you'd rather not make, and more importantly, acting upon them appropriately, demands strength & a certain amount of courage too.
We also don't want to feel like we're letting people down, but the reality is, that if we don't make the correct decision for 'us', then the only person we're letting down is ourselves.
You clearly have that strength& courage, and despite the huge disappointment, you will be able to take care of yourself, and you will improve.
I'm sure there'll be many further opportunities for you to spend time with your lovely daughter when your health has improved again, but in the meantime, you need to put yourself first.
Sending you a hug and hoping you feel better soon.
Charlie Mackesy
How kind and understanding of you Kendrew. You have pinpointed it entirely. 🥺 Your message meant a lot to me. We have the Charlie Mackesy book. I am going to look it out and read it again.
Lovely post, Kendrew
I have to chip in here as I truly feel for you, Groggrim 😥. The biggest disappointment for me-and the hardest decision I’ve had to make-was whether or not to travel from the UK to Denmark for my great-grandson’s christening. I finally made up my mind not to go because of the risk of being a liability to family members if the fatigue I experienced at that time in my PMR journey raised its ugly head without warning at the most inconvenient time as was its wont. Even my grandsons (in their twenties) said, “We’ll look after you, Nan”, but I had this picture in my mind of them having to find a seat for me or a space on the floor 🫣😂😂 when I just HAD to sit down. Once I’d made up my mind the pressure I’d been feeling dissipated and I felt so much better about it all. Throughout the special day I received a number of videos and photos of the happy event which made up a lot for not actually being there.
Very best wishes 💐.
So sorry your not feeling well! I feel your disappointment.I have 4 kids.Two have moved away.One son lives in New Brunswick and his twin brother said I was welcome to go with him and his wife.I was so excited because it's been almost 2 years since I seen him and his family.Then when I thought it over I most likely wouldn't handle the 16 hour trip.I live in Ontario so he's far away.I cried also❤️
oh dear, you must be feeling so wretched. Might I suggest you try loperamide/immodium/ stop it to control the runs (you can buy it over the counter). wishing you better days
Thank you for your kindness. I do not have the runs but the opposite due to IBS and hypothyroidism. Probably tmi 🙄
too much to cope with...loved your optimistic poem...
Thank you
This has happened to me several times and each time I have had a good cry to be honest. But it’s important too for them all to realise that you do have limitations and you’re trying to be sensible. I know your nearest and dearest, like mine, will fully understand and there are always more opportunities. Xx💐
So sorry you feel unwell.Once whatever you were going to do / where you were going to, has happened the disappointment will lessen.
It can't be helped.
Look after yourself.
A big virtual hug to you. X
Thank you
Ok, so we had a video of grandson this morning. Mum said " who's coming to see us?" GS replied "Ga-da". Yes, said mum, granddad's coming to see us. That should be granddad and grandma. I HATE PMR, it stinks 😠 😭
Anyway, onwards and upwards...........
I’m so sorry you aren’t able to go to see your grandson and daughter. No wonder you want to cry. I’m sending you a huge hug, xx
One of the things I hate most about PMR is not knowing if I will be able to commit to things in advance because I fear I will not have the energy or feel well enough. Getting anxious in anticipation doesn’t help. My kids live in West Wales which is a long difficult drive from East Sussex, 5 hours by motorway or 10 hours cross country. It fills me with dread so I don’t do it very often and I miss being with my son and daughter. I have great admiration for PMRPro for setting off in her camper van for Whitby!
There will be other times for you to be with your little grandson, when you are stronger. But it’s tough just now. Xx
Thank you, yes, Pmrpro is a trouper. I know the truth of all that has been posted to me. Thank you for letting me have my pity party. Now, enough of the self pity, time to put on my big girls pants and get on with life
But the camper is the reason I feel able to do it. Northern Italy, 2 nights in northern Bavaria where I used to live, a night in the van at Dunkirk, a night in Whitby, day trip to Leeds, 2 nights with friends in Co Durham, back to Whitby for 6 nights, then Scotland. But wherever I am, I KNOW I have a bed and the ability to have a cup of tea if I need either at any point. It's been less tiring than the week with a flight and public transport for graduation.
We had a camper when we lived in Germany with the Army when the kids were small. It was so good. Travelled over more scenic routes and could stop for a break wherever we liked. Loo on board was very helpful too.
I do have a loo - for emergencies ...
Sometimes on my long journey to Wales I can barely manage the walk to the loos in the services, and pray there is no queue. My friend gave me a SHEWEE! Not used! Tena pants can be quite reassuring!! Sorry, enough of that!!
I'm originally from Leeds. A small area called Moortown near Headingley.
happens to us all…I had to cancel 2 holidays last year, & then we lost our main one when my husband had pneumonia! This year we’ve lost two already as I fell & been on crutches for 12 weeks. Sounds like it’s IBS that’s causing issues more than PMR??? Difficult not to blame everything on PMR …my husband & I both have IBS (mine is being badly affected by morphine intake atm), & he has diverticular disease. Regroup, it will happen…
Hi Groggrim
It's very difficult to talk about constipation without giving too much information! But I will have a go (no pun intended). I seem to have to allow TIME for myself EVERY morning. So the issue really affects my life and makes holidays with my sister nerve wracking as she doesn't understand that I need TIME after breakfast before I can attempt to enjoy the day. It seems a little more predictable now that I take two heaped teaspoonfuls of milled flax seed mixed with yogurt and now one prune every morning. But I still need TIME. I have to live my life like that. Last week I was intent on getting to my chair yoga class, when I realised I was both too tired and suddenly needed time for the loo. So had to abandon it. Not the same thing as missing a family occasion, but the same thing of being sabotaged by my body. I think I get more peace if I stop feeling guilty and inadequate about it and accept that this is a limitation on my life and I can't do anything which requires an early start. I'm better if I plan it in. I can feel quite lonely and pathetic having this problem. So thanks for sharing at the risk of giving too much information! Actually, it's really difficult to get helpful information about the whole issue as no-one wants to go into the detail!
Thank you for sharing, I suspect it could be more common than we realise. After all bowel issues are not commonly shared or discussed (except by our autistic grandson who does not have a filter, with often hilarious results 🫣
🤣Yes I appreciate the few people I know who tell me everything!
You made me laugh.
Glad To have helped. I appreciate your reference to TIME. I had a difficult upbringing and my father would drag me out of the toilet with 'come on you, out of there' if he wanted to use it. My mother would say crossly, 'come along, hurry up, don't keep me waiting'!. Then I would be taken to the doctors for not 'going' for 5 days and then had to endure suppositories. I was about 5 or 6. Anyway enough about that. Have a good day. Chair yoga sounds intriguing?
Oh Groggrim, what a sad little story!
Chair yoga is more interesting than it sounds. It finds all (or many of) the moving parts and moves them in different subtle ways, mostly from a sitting position, but we do some standing exercises as well. I have a friend who goes to a class called 'sitting ballet' which sounds similar. Not sure where you are but you might find a class near you. My local authority provides free classes in chair yoga.
I will look into it 🙂
Whilst we're on that subject, and just to raise some smiles, I had a lovely hot stone back massage last week. Afterwards, I messaged the therapist to say, "Thankyou for giving me a wonderful back massage" Unfortunately, 'predictive text' had other ideas and the message sent said, "Thankyou for giving me a wonderful back passage"!!😳
I didn't discover this until she rang me and choking with laughter, tried to explain what I'd done!
So beware of the difference just one letter can make!!😂
Whoops🫣
My husband had arrived at our daughter's and I am ok-ish today. The sun is shining and there is washing on the line. Enjoy your day everyone.
You are being proactive which is smart. So sorry that you will not be able to go on the trip but as soon as you are better you will be able to do whatever you want. Only the best to you.
That’s terrible, stay strong, you made the right decision the one you had to. Good Luck!!
Thanks everyone, I'm ok. My brother in law just called me. He is one of my best friends. My son rang me too. I am lucky to have such good people in my corner, plus the ones here x
At least you made the right call in not going. Last September we travelled North to our son's wedding, calling to pick up my high-maintenance parents on the way. I felt all right, but that evening collapsed in the restaurant. I escaped from A&E against medical advice 1 hour before the ceremony. My husband picked me up and we went back to the hotel where I got my wedding togs on in15 mins, then put my lippy on in the car, naturally the car wobbled and I got the lippy up my nose. We made it with 5 mins to spare - but no sleep the night before. So you see, it is not always worth it to cross your fingers and hope it will be all right. I do hope you will have a particularly lovely time with your daughter when you are well enough to appreciate it.
It's so disappointing, but you know your body best. There will be other trips where you're feeling more fit and able to spend quality time. Hugs G.
Sorry to hear this Grogrim, but there will be other occasions. Your daughter would only have been worried to know that you had put your health at risk by visiting her. Hope you feel better soon and that you are taking it easy.
Everyone has been so kind, I truly appreciate it today. Thank you all x
I can so relate. About two years ago there was a 1 million chance where my sister and her husband and her sons would be able to visit me. We are older and can't travel much anymore. Well, my husband and I came down with Covid and naturally they couldn’t come and stay with us. I had gotten everything ready. I know we won’t ever be able to have this opportunity again because of our ages and illnesses. I just have to accept it as the way it is. It’s helpful that we can FaceTime and do video; when I was a a kid you had where letters or a long distance phone call.
It took a lot of courage to make the decision...the right decision for your health. This way, you will be ready for upcoming trips to see your wonderful family. Kendrew's response was so touching and so on point when it comes to our heart. We make these tough decisions for a better tomorrow....I hope you are feeling more like yourself soon. Be good to you.💞
so sorry to hear that but wisdom dictates our choices in these yucky circumstances. Hoping you will soon pick up x
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