Greetings and Happy New Year to Poly-my-Lingerers and Pred Playmates everywhere.
Ok, already! Yes, it’s been a while since my last silly ramblings (thank goodness, I hear some of you say). But in response to the overwhelming demand from 2 of my now 6-and-a-half Followers here, I now feel duty-bound to inflict some more Mirth (allegedly) on You Lot. What’s this got to do with PMR? Read on and you’ll find out - if you can stay awake long enough to get to the end….
The Plot / Background for You Younger Lot and / or if you’re from outside of the UK:
The legendary ‘Bill & Ben, The Flower Pot Men’ are twin-like but subtly differing Male characters depicted as garden ornaments, and characterised for children’s Radio and TV in the UK in the 1950s. They live in an imaginary Garden with ‘Little Weed’ - a supposedly non gender-specific and willowy plant character but who, for all intents and purposes, is portrayed as the Feminine Agent Provocateur in the gender dynamics of everyday Life in ‘The Garden’. Bill & Ben’s, and Little Weed’s activities are overseen by the elusive ‘Man From The House’ who also works in The Garden and who, presumably, is the owner of it.
(Please try to keep up..).
The original Story Plot portrays innocent, childish and playful interactions between this trio of garden characters. But in the 21st Century, Trouble is looming after Ben is afflicted with a rare, horticultural variety of PMR - and the happy trio’s existence is under threat for other reasons too.
It’s a sunny afternoon in The Garden….
Bill (to Ben): “Hey, Ben, Waaaasup Dude?! No new shoots this week, are you ok?”
Ben (grumpily): “Leave me alone. I’m like: Kn******d. I just need to sleep. I've got Flower Pot Man PMR. It can all wait”.
Bill: “But what will Little Weed say? She relies on us both to, er, nourish her, er, thingamybobs in the garden - or so she says…”.
Ben (defiantly): “Tell LW to B****r Off. What does SHE know about PMR anyway?!”
At this point, Little Weed mysteriously tunes-in to the conversation between Bill and Ben. (Let’s be sensible for a minute: can you visualise an imaginary ‘female’ garden plant talking to 2 imaginary ‘male’ flower pots? I’m no horticultural expert, but all-the-same I am reliably informed by my garden-loving ex-wife that this type of stuff DOES actually happen in gardens - I’ll take her word for that..).
Back to The Plot…
Little Weed: “Ok, boys, settle down now please. I know about the PMR thing too”.
Bill & Ben (in unison): “So, LW, how do you explain this strange thing called PMR?”
Little Weed (characteristically): “Flobbalob..”.
Bill (diplomatically): “Can you expand on that please, Weed?”
Little Weed (sarcastically): “Ok, Flobbalob...Alob. How’s that?”
Ben (now impatiently): “Listen, Weed-Dude, you’re supposed to be the Wise One around here. But can you STOP patronising us all the time with this infantile ‘Flobalobba….’ language? We are The Flower Pot MEN after all!”
Little Weed (curtly): “Ok, so YOU asked! Polymyalgia Rheumatica is a medical term to describe the bi-lateral symptoms of a heterogeneous Auto-Immune disease of often clinically un-attributed origins in Humans, and one of a number of AI health conditions characterised by severe and potentially dangerous inflammation of the blood vessels under the umbrella description of ‘Vasculitis’. Auto-immune deficiency-related PMR symptoms are usually managed effectively by the administration of Glucocorticosteroid drugs and / or Steroid-sparing alternatives: but with variable efficacy and an often indeterminate timescale for the condition to go into remission. This is also contingent on an individual PMR Patient’s personal and health context - which can include any or all of: age, gender, ethnic background, comorbidities, and external physiological and / or psychological Stressors. Is that a better answer?”
Ben: (in exasperation): “On second thoughts, I think ‘Flobbalob’ was easier to understand. Sorry, I can’t do ‘big’ words since I’m only a humble Flower Pot Man. Ohh, this PMR's doing my head in. Give me strength - I need a DRINK!”
Little Weed (to Ben, with mock sympathy): “There’s some nice organic liquid fertiliser in a pot behind the shed. I saw The Man from The House topping it up yesterday. Why don’t you try it?”
Bill (to Ben): “DON’T GO THERE MATE! The Man From The House spends every night at the local village pub - and then staggers home to water the garden after Closing Time using an ‘organic’ method, to save resources. Get my drift?”
Ben (sheepishly): “Ohhh, I wondered why that stuff gives me a headache!
Little Weed (dismissively): “Boys, some organic watering never did ME any harm - look at my flourishing stem and healthy buds. I might only be a weed, but I have a lovely flower! And, by the way, Flobbalob Rules!”.
Bill (laughing hysterically): “That puts a whole new slant on the term 'WEEEE-ED'!”
Ben (dancing and giggling, in Scottish accent): “Soo, best to all have a WEE drinkie then?”
Little Weed: “You’re both POTTY Men!”
Bill & Ben (chortling in unison): “Don't you mean ‘Flower Potty Men’, ‘WEEEE-ED’?!”
Little Weed (unable to resist the banter): “With you two around, this entire garden’s going to POT!”
Bill & Ben (now shouting noisily across the garden): “LW, all we’ve got to say to you is FLOBBALOBBALOBBALOBBALOB. Try saying that quickly after a few drinks!”
Little Weed (with smug satisfaction turning to alarm): “Ha, boys, I'll beat you two in a 'How fast can you say Flobalob?' contest any day of the week. WATCH OUT… THE MAN FROM THE HOUSE IS ABOUT….!!!”
At this point, Bill & Ben and Little Weed fall silent and retreat to their normal, static positions in front of the shed as they hear the sound of Human footsteps shuffling unsteadily along the gravel path to their tranquil garden. It’s The Man From The House checking to see what the commotion is all about. He thought he’d heard the sound of lively discussion and laughter - and possibly intruders? Or was it just the Garden ‘chattering’ to itself? But all seems quiet in The Garden…
Since The Man From The House was recently diagnosed with PMR and is ‘high’ on Steroids, he seems to hear strange voices in the Garden nowadays. “Is it me?”, TMFTH asks himself quietly under his breath. “Surely, Weeds and Flower Pots can’t talk! It must be these B****y steroids, I’ve heard they do funny things to your mind. Oh well, better go and rest for a while - the Pub opens at six. Tomorrow, I MUST clear out that untidy weed and those two old flower pots by the shed - IF I have the energy. Then again, that little trio DOES add a curious kind of ‘character’. Maybe I’ll keep them. We’ll see…”.
TMFTH shuffles away into the distance, his slow PMR-addled footsteps eventually falling silent. Bill & Ben and Little Weed heave a collective sigh of relief, as if by telepathy.
Bill (to Ben, whispering): “See, Job's-a-Good-Un - RESULT!!”
Little Weed (now dancing excitedly): “YAY, FLOBBALOB DUDES! Anyone fancy a drink to celebrate? See you around the back of the shed in five minutes!!!”
Peace, calm and harmony return to The Garden after an eventful day all round for Bill & Ben, and LW. Together, they gaily dance and bathe in the weak, early evening sunshine and celebrate the forthcoming Spring with a nice drink or two of.. (I’ll leave the rest to your imagination).
So, there I think ‘WEED’ better leave the happy horticultural trio to enjoy their secret lives in The imaginary Garden. And if you’ve found yourself reading this convoluted nostalgic nonsense to the bitter end, all I can say in my defence is: ‘Haven’t you got better things to do than re-visit your childhood after 50 years or so?!’ 
Either way, maybe have a secret sneak around The Garden tomorrow? You never know what surprises you might find there 
Happy Days, and try to keep smiling on the PMR Journey
‘Uncle’ MB 
