Greetings Polymarauders and Pred-poppers Worldwide (and in Wales too, 'Look You'..).
It's nearly THAT time of the week again! So, after today's excitement on the forum about supposed Imposters posting blatantly exploitative adverts on a Charity Social Forum for sometimes 'dodgy' products to some of us clearly Vulnerable and Semi-Deranged PMR GCA sufferers, I couldn't resist offering some of my considered input on this topic as a result of my considerable experience in the highly ethical (ha!) Sales and Marketing Industry.
Of course, many of us now live in an 'online' world where everything from a packet of fags to a Bentley Limo can be sold and bought on the internet (not to mention the weekly groceries).
Here are a few examples of Modern Advertising Techniques and Styles for you to assess and comment on...
1. 'UNCLE MB'S ORIGINAL PMRGCA MAGIC CURE! - Rigorously Laboratory Tested (on a Seaside Donkey and a couple of my Neighbours) with Miraculous Results. 100% Gluten free, Non hypo-allergenic (whatever that means). Only £200 quid for a month's supply (sorry, no money-back guarantee). Send Cash in brown envelope to: 'MB Miracle Health Products', Behind Tesco's, WSM. We'll send your order out on Tuesday (not sure which Tuesday though, due to Customer demand - please be patient).
2. (Context: my elderly, widowed Jewish Aunt sent this one to her local newspaper for the Obituaries section after her sudden bereavement):
Version 1: 'I am very sad to announce the passing-away of my beloved husband of 50 years, Abraham. I miss him so much, my Life is empty without him. Pease send flowers to.... etc']. (47 words).
The local newspaper responded saying that 'Free' (i.e. no cost) adverts for Memorials were limited to a maximum of 10 words. So, in an effort to save money, my Aunt revised the advert.
Version 2 went: 'Aby's dead. Volvo For Sale. £500 ono'. (7 words)
My Aunt tried to get a rebate for the unused 3 words in the Free advert but is still waiting to hear from the newspaper... ;-/
3. 'Have you been involved in an Accident that wasn't your Fault and never happened in the first place?!! Did you trip-over a matchstick and suffer Life-threatening Injuries?!! Did You Send A lot of Money by wire-transfer to a complete Stranger in a foreign country for no sensible reason?!! Did someone look at you in the street in a way that you didn't like?!! Are you just a bit Bonkers and wanting some excitement in your Life?!! Contact 'DaftVictimLawyers' on 0800 123456 for a Free Consultation with an Expert and to make a Personal Injury Claim TODAY! You could be entitled to Several Million £££ in Compensation!! Calls are charged at £28 per minute. We record all calls for training and compliance purposes. This may result in you waiting for up to 16 hours before a Customer Service Agent responds to you, so we will play you some 'nice' and relaxing music during your boring wait. Please select from: Vivaldi, Dolly Parton, Led Zeppelin, or some soporific 'Lift' Music created on a computer by our IT Geek who has no musical appreciation whatsoever. We value our Clients and Welcome your Call!'
4. 'Don't Take Chances - Take Your Personal Security Seriously! Retired, 93 year-old ex-supermarket Meeter-and-Greeter can safely 'handle' any situation for you including: responding kindly to weird looks from strangers, mending broken carrier bags with sticky tape and a smile, helping with embarrassing incontinence issues, having a 'nice' chat about Brexit, being irritatingly jovial regardless of your dire personal circumstances, and much more besides! Sorry, no Professional References (I lost them..). But my young Ukrainian neighbour says: Hey, Markovitch you are Sooo Goood Oldlie Eengleesh Chappie!' - enough said? All work offers welcome, but please note I only work on Tuesdays between 2 and 4 p.m. due to my PMR and recurring Gout. Telephone Bill Peabody on .... etc'.
Well, PMR and GCA Comrades, that's about it - for now at least. If you are inclined to throw yourself out of the window after reading more of this Silliness, I don't blame you. If you are intrigued and / or confused by the enclosed, you are quite right to be so. If you are chuckling or (perish the thought) hooting with laughter, then we are probably on the same BCW (Bonkers Comedy Wavelength) and there's probably no Hope for any of Us Lot here.... ;-/
Best wishes and, as always, try to Keep Smiling on The Journey
aka ...? I'll leave that to you!