Another SPECIAL REPORT from our Investigative Reporter,Tony French:
Following his recent exposure of an alleged 'Fake Aunty' scam, MarkBenjamin57 - known to many as 'That Silly Blogger' and with an alleged 'Following' of nearly 5-and-a-half, semi-deranged PMR Polymalingerers - has been kidnapped and abducted from his secluded Mansion in a sleepy seaside town in the south west of the UK. The incident is believed to have occurred whilst 'MB57' was having 'a nice snooze' at around 2.00 p.m. on Friday after writing his most recent Post.
Our Informants believe that MB57 is currently being held captive at a secret location by a ruthless, drug-dealing Lithuanian Gang who call themselves 'Preddy Teddy Go' (PTG). Early reports suggest that PTG are making a new and unusual type of financial demand known as a 'REVERSE RANSOM' - where a Victim's Nearest and Dearest, and any other interested parties are coerced into paying large sums of money to KEEP a hostage, rather than release them.
"Clearly, PTG's primary motive is to extort money from MB57's often Vulnerable and Semi-Bonkers 'Followers' who are at their Wits' End with his incessant Silly Ramblings on this serious and highly respected social health forum".
Mr Peabody continued:
"Ironically, this could be a beneficial outcome for MB's alleged 'Followers' IF they come-up with enough Cash. In theory, it would mean that PTG would agree to continue to keep MB for an indefinite period of time - and allow PMR and GCA Sufferers on the Forum to focus on the more important business of complaining about things like their PMR / GCA Symptoms, Steroid Tapering Issues, Experiences with their Doctors, The Weather, Brexit, and the escalating price of Broccoli.
However, my fear is that PTG will simply take the Ransom Money - which could run to a few hundred GB Pounds Sterling (£) - but then weaken in the face of MB's relentless ability to see the Funny Side of anything and want to get rid of him. As a result, they will probably return him to the PMRGCA Community out of sheer desperation, only for him to continue wreaking more Mirthful Havoc there. In this case, the only 'Winners' will be MB and his alleged Captors".
Mr Peabody concluded:
"One clue to PTG's identity lies in their reference to 'Teddy', a possible Accomplice of MB and Suspect in our on-going enquiries. A suspicious character called 'Teddy' is known to us for his previous associations with MB, and so we are keeping an open mind about who is really behind this disturbing incident. Either way, we strongly advise Members of the PMRGCA HU Community to think carefully before they hand-over any cash to PTG - and about WHY they are doing it. You might feel compelled to send money to PTG in a futile hope of silencing MB forever - only to find that he comes back next week to torment you with his Silly Humour once again. I wouldn't wish that outcome on anyone, whether they deserve it or not. By the way, Mr French, is that your Motor Vehicle parked across the road? I notice that it isn't taxed....".
(....end of Special Report from Tony French....).
N.B. Advice to all PMRGCA / HU Followers:
MB57 could not be contacted for his comments about the above story. If you have any information about, or have been affected by the events reported here, it's probably best to have a nice cup of tea (or something a bit stronger?) and just sleep it off. It's the Weekend, after all?!
Keep Smiling on the Journey...
'Tony'
Written by
markbenjamin57
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
No worries, MB, on me contributing to the 'reverse ransom' fund to silence you. The $ that I might have contributed will instead be going to my tastebuds and belly. (Whenever I see the word 'Lithuanian' my mind automatically puts the word 'torte' after it. Lithuanian Torte --- be still my tastebuds. The Lithuanian gang automatically lost out to the Lithuanian torte. (It takes our Lithuanian Bakery 3 days to make: eight layers of wafers with vanilla butter cream, lemon extract, and apricot jam -- Heaven on a plate). If you are still being held for ransom, ask them for a slice. Beware, it will blow your carb and sugar quota -- not to mention your mind -- and may make you reconsider wanting to be released from hostage. Keep posting -- makes this reader go "Huh????"
Love it!!! OMG you are just too funny 😂 laughing and thoroughly entertained with your creative and clever posts yes even way over here in the 🇺🇸!!! The highlight of my day - Thank you Thank you! And now hoping to sleep past 4am .....Night Night fellow Polymongers
Thanks Mark for a good laugh to start the day was feeling a bit down but much better now. From another Polymalingerer. 😁
Dear Mr Tony or whoever it may concern.
I have just wasted my time this morning. Afterter reading about half way through this report. I tried to get the contents of my piggy bank out so that I could send it to PTG. Reading further I discovered to my dismay that the whole story is a scam.
South Western Counties Gazette and Ferret Breeders Weekly
********STOP PRESS*******
This publication has been requested by Dorset, Devon, Somerset and Cornwall Constabulary (DDSCC) to warn readers that following a spate of Fake News (not us Gov) there now seems to be a related occurrence of Scam emails targeting the most vulnerable amongst our community - namely those suffering from PolyMolyRunoutofsteamitis and GenerallyConfusedApathy
DDSCC Deputy Chief Constable (DCC) has issued the following statement -
Our call centre handlers have recently reported a worrying rise in the number of calls received from residents suffering from the distressing PMR&GCA.
Although they are used to these pour souls ringing 101 and asking questions such as "what time do I have to take my next tablet ";
"I've lost my mojo, has anyone handed one in?"; or
"I can't sleep so I though I'd give you a ring and have a nice chat, dear" - now the calls are referring to an email demanding money.
The email are either signed by a Marcus Bimblechop, or Misov Borofski and contain a ransom demand for the non return of a beloved acquaintance of the recipient. Monies to be paid into the account of said Marcus Bimblchop at the local branch of the Bank of Nigeria, Cheap Street, WhatSupMum, Somerset.
I urge you most strongly, do not respond to these email.
It has also been reported that a follow up email, allegedly from someone purporting to be an ex Detective Inspector Peabody of DDSCC, is circulating requesting you confirm your banking details. He is not a bone fide member of our authority, although he is known to us on another matter, along with A.Teddy in respect of circulating Fake news.
The DDSCC is currently following a number of lines of enquiry in and around WSM, and I am confident of imminent arrests of this despicable gang, who pray on the most vulnerable and bewildered members of our community.
If you have any information on this matter please contact myself, in complete confidence -
MESSAGE TO POLYLOT FROM 'PTG' (via Hostage Negotiator):
Yez, Vee Hav Mr Bagelchops here. But he driving us NUTS. He MAD MAN! Vee no want money for heem. Vee will give YOU money to take him back! Pleeez Pleeez nice peeps, help us to escape from so Bonkers man. Vee will send heem 2 U alive, today, in special carton + £5 GBP for your troubles - ok?. Just PLEEZ tell us where to send heem?
Love and Kisses nice Peeps. Thank youz and have a nicely day.
I had sent 1 million quid to aid the release of Mr Blagelchops (aka the MB57)
I am pleased to inform you that within the last half hour my bank account has increased by 1 zillion quid transferred from the PTG.
I urge you all to send as much as you can - then when we get enough money we can buy the NHS and get rid of 'those whom we don't like', or alternatively, send them on a residential educational course in Wandsworth on how to treat
PolyMolyRunoutofsteamitis and GenerallyConfusedApathy Malingerers.
The course lasts as long as it takes with a refresher every year.
I fudged a bit-- it's name is actually Napoleon Torte (at our Lithuanian Bakery in Omaha, Nebraska). I believe if you live in the States you can order online. It's fabulous!
So true! Per 3 ounce serving: 17g fat, 8 g saturated fat, 80 cholestoral, 170 mg sodium, 16 g sugar, 4 g protein. .... and 33 g carbs. Worth every bite--on special occasions.
Thank you. Don't know why but I lose weight on pred did last time and have again docs can't find a reason but please stop making my mouth water, it's 11.30 and all the bakers are closed. 😊
Thanks Insight - a very significant 'Find' of Collectables, I think. Let's put them on ebay for £200 GBP (= 'quid') and split the profits 50/50? We could be onto a Winning Business Proposition here...
Ahh, so THAT's what was giving me backache...! I also found some George V Silver Crowns and a few Quarter Groats - off to the Auctions with them tomorrow...
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.
Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.
