Another SPECIAL REPORT from our Investigative Reporter,Tony French:
Following his recent exposure of an alleged 'Fake Aunty' scam, MarkBenjamin57 - known to many as 'That Silly Blogger' and with an alleged 'Following' of nearly 5-and-a-half, semi-deranged PMR Polymalingerers - has been kidnapped and abducted from his secluded Mansion in a sleepy seaside town in the south west of the UK. The incident is believed to have occurred whilst 'MB57' was having 'a nice snooze' at around 2.00 p.m. on Friday after writing his most recent Post.
Our Informants believe that MB57 is currently being held captive at a secret location by a ruthless, drug-dealing Lithuanian Gang who call themselves 'Preddy Teddy Go' (PTG). Early reports suggest that PTG are making a new and unusual type of financial demand known as a 'REVERSE RANSOM' - where a Victim's Nearest and Dearest, and any other interested parties are coerced into paying large sums of money to KEEP a hostage, rather than release them.
Our Criminology Expert, ex-Police Detective Inspector 'Old Bill' Peabody, explained:
"Clearly, PTG's primary motive is to extort money from MB57's often Vulnerable and Semi-Bonkers 'Followers' who are at their Wits' End with his incessant Silly Ramblings on this serious and highly respected social health forum".
Mr Peabody continued:
"Ironically, this could be a beneficial outcome for MB's alleged 'Followers' IF they come-up with enough Cash. In theory, it would mean that PTG would agree to continue to keep MB for an indefinite period of time - and allow PMR and GCA Sufferers on the Forum to focus on the more important business of complaining about things like their PMR / GCA Symptoms, Steroid Tapering Issues, Experiences with their Doctors, The Weather, Brexit, and the escalating price of Broccoli.
However, my fear is that PTG will simply take the Ransom Money - which could run to a few hundred GB Pounds Sterling (£) - but then weaken in the face of MB's relentless ability to see the Funny Side of anything and want to get rid of him. As a result, they will probably return him to the PMRGCA Community out of sheer desperation, only for him to continue wreaking more Mirthful Havoc there. In this case, the only 'Winners' will be MB and his alleged Captors".
Mr Peabody concluded:
"One clue to PTG's identity lies in their reference to 'Teddy', a possible Accomplice of MB and Suspect in our on-going enquiries. A suspicious character called 'Teddy' is known to us for his previous associations with MB, and so we are keeping an open mind about who is really behind this disturbing incident. Either way, we strongly advise Members of the PMRGCA HU Community to think carefully before they hand-over any cash to PTG - and about WHY they are doing it. You might feel compelled to send money to PTG in a futile hope of silencing MB forever - only to find that he comes back next week to torment you with his Silly Humour once again. I wouldn't wish that outcome on anyone, whether they deserve it or not. By the way, Mr French, is that your Motor Vehicle parked across the road? I notice that it isn't taxed....".
(....end of Special Report from Tony French....).
N.B. Advice to all PMRGCA / HU Followers:
MB57 could not be contacted for his comments about the above story. If you have any information about, or have been affected by the events reported here, it's probably best to have a nice cup of tea (or something a bit stronger?) and just sleep it off. It's the Weekend, after all?!
Keep Smiling on the Journey...