I'm not winning no battles

[Toliveyoumustdie]

Looking for some advice, I've been suffering with serous anxiety and depression problems the last 3 years and it all started when my dad died. I was 21 didn't have a great start to life but I was old enough and brass enough to take on life after and it's done nothing but do

me over, I understand dad's gone but my head won't move on I get the twinges in my chest everyday deep uncontrollable thoughts.. Its my birthday tomorrow and I can't enjoy the moment when I'm like this I need some help.. Pills aren't working and neither the canabbis.

[gwillistexas]

Toliveyoumustdie...it is sad to see someone struggling as you seem to be. It is never easy to lose a parent or anyone we love. Do you have PBC or another medical condition? Have you reached out for counseling or to a therapist to help with your feelings? Grieving is healthy but we shouldn’t allow ourselves to be totally consumed by it. I truly hope you can find the help you are seeking so you can develop a healthy mindset & move forward in your life. Prayers for you🙏🏻

[mrspeffer]

The depth of your despair takes me back to my mom's passing a few years back. I personally do not like to "feel" emotions that cause me pain, and find it easier to stuff them away. The problem I have found with this tactic is that I end up manifesting the emotions into some physical ailment. Perhaps that is part of what is happening with you. The chest twinges sound similar to panic attacks which could be caused by under treated anxiety/depression. You mentioned pills and cannabis. Are those antidepressants from a doctor? If so, perhaps a dosage change or a different choice is best for you. The cannabis is touted for mild anxiety relief...you might have to consider a pharmaceutical drug for this one if nothing is helping.

This forum brings lots of issues to the table, and I thank you for being brave enough to come here and share your heart with us. Death is never easy, especially when the person leaves us after such a short time. I sincerely hope you are getting professional help with this...way to daunting to do alone. I will share this with you...my sadness was more profound in the second year after mom's transition. Year one, I was numb, year two was really rough, year three has been easier. I miss her everyday. The difference for me is that now I allow myself to feel the emotions and am able to realize how much she taught me about being life.

[Lizzy1313]

Toliveyoumustdie,

I can't tell from your post whether your father's death left things unsettled between you two. For me that was the case. I didn't have great memories to soothe me as I grieved and that made things tough in a different way. For me, counseling and staying connected with those who love me has gotten me through. Sending you many, many hugs.

[Lucky4]

I just wanted to add a few thoughts to these excellent suggestions. First, it's not uncommon to feel worse during the anniversaries of death, at significant dates such as birthdays, etc. I'd encourage you to reconsider the cannabis which can cause further issues with mood disorders, etc.

For many people when there's been a conflicted element to the relationship; this can make grieving more difficult. Note: saw this mentioned in another reply.

I'd suggest that you review your medications, look at substance use as not being useful in being able to cope. A good therapist can make a big difference.

I worked at a mental health team so have some experience (professional) and have also gone through parental grief myself.

I wish you all the best.

[Cathyjo]

Your dad gave you life, I’m sure he would want you to enjoy it. You didn’t die that day, you just moved up to walk in his footsteps and move on!

[Toliveyoumustdie]

Cheers mate

[Toons58]

I know exactly how you feel My dad is dyeing now He is 92 years but still very very hard I am a only child and daddy's little girl. I already have severe anxiety disorder but this makes it worse