Overkill with love.

[Twaddletop]

I have a most peculiar problem. I think I’ve already said that I suffer from a veritable plethora of autoimmune conditions and am in considerable pain much if the time. My lovely partner obtains my B12 supplies for injections at home and does all he can to help me and I do appreciate him. However, he has started buying me all manner of supplements he’s sure will help. In the last week alone I’ve had DHEA and Ashwagandha gummies. I already inject a DMARD and a biologic for PsA and have all manner of other meds. How do I make him stop without appearing an ungrateful git? Any advice will be gratefully received.

[Hidden]

Bless him !I suppose he feels he is trying to give you everything possible in the hope that something will help you.

Perhaps when he gives you something you dont feel is helpful pretend to take it, and then dispose of it discreetly as not to offend him.

It's really hard when he only has the best of intentions.

[Twaddletop in reply to Hidden]

I know Sallyann. If I took all the stuff he’s bought for me recently I think I’d be a total space cadet. I think I’ll start putting some if it into an empty pill bottle at night. I just don’t like lying to him.

[Hidden in reply to Twaddletop]

I dont like lying at all I can understand that.Just imagine it's a unwanted christmas gift, thanks its lovely, and then given to charity as not to offend.

😜

[Jillymo]

You could try telling him I appreciate your help and understanding but you dont want to oveload your system with too many things as its a careful balance that is needed. I dont think that makes you sound ungrateful.

Aw bless him, isn't love grand ? 👩‍❤‍👨

[Twaddletop in reply to Jillymo]

That it is Jilly. I had married two frogs before I found my prince. He’s so good to me and attentive when his health isn’t great either. His are genetic problems, a whole different ball game.

[Jillymo in reply to Twaddletop]

I have had two 🐸s but still waiting for my prince. 🤴You lucky girl..... I am sure he will understand if you explain after all there is only so much we can take with regard to supplements.

Hang onto him with both hands 👐 it sounds as if you have found a diamond. 💍 Happy Easter to you both. 😘

[Twaddletop in reply to Jillymo]

Happy Easter to you too Jilly x

[Pixielula]

I would tell him you need to give each new supplement a few months to see if they are making any difference. If you add too many new things in a short space of time you won’t be able to tell which ones are working and which ones aren’t. You can then try “one”new thing for a few months to see how you feel and either stop or continue. Then add In a second one if you want to or not! That will make a good reasoned explanation that he will understand.

[deniseinmilden]

Hmmm - autoimmune bodies don't usually like lots of things thrown at them and the simpler you can keep it, the better.

Is he really as good as he likes to think or is he actually being a bit weird and controlling? Fine if you've asked him to do things for you but you should be autonomous and always feel in control of your own choices, life, etc.

You should be able to say what you want and not, without feeling under pressure.

The others have really good points in that it's much better to be scientific about your approach - try one thing at a time while keeping a symptom diary and try adding it in for a while until you see no further changes and then taking it out for a while, adding it back in, taking it back out, and then seeing what responses you got each time. If the changes aren't obviously better with taking something and obviously worse without it then there's little point in taking something. If he's genuinely kind and sensible he will see that this is the case and be supportive of this and it won't be too difficult to talk to him about it - you will be doing it for the right reasons so you know it isn't rejection of him and you can reassure him that this isn't the case. If he's kind then your kindness will be understood and appreciated.

If he's a controlling nutter then I don't know how you get around it other than gently extract yourself from the situation - or up sticks and run away! Some people seem desperately charming and wonderful but their actual goal is coercive control. If you don't feel completely comfortable then you could look up about controlling behavior online as there is lots of helpful information available. It would be good to clear your browsing history after you have looked - it's normally a drop down menu on the side of the search bar or might be found by pressing and holding the search bar on some phones.

[Hidden in reply to deniseinmilden]

These were my thoughts as well.

[SigNi]

I hve a similar issue - my husband is a massage therapist (I am blessed) and by default a nutritionist of sorts. He is also, even at 61, in great condition - I suspect in large part to very lucky genetics. My youngest seems to have inherited his natural athletic constitution, while my eldest sadly, might have all the family health "blessings." I supsect he often thinks there is a simple answer to what ails me - because simple answers work for him. BUT - to the point, he also has been full of suggestions and gifts of supplements and herbs and dietary recommendations. I was overwhelmed. But I realized the best response was the practical response - I am grateful, but my health situation feels complicated. I can only add one thing at a time to my regimen or I won't know what is helping, what is hurting, and what might be interacting negatively with something I am already taking or doing. And I need to try something long enough to see the effect. And I am doing that all the time between allopathic meds and other supplementary treatments. That slowed things down, didn't minimize my appreciation, and gave me the space to continue listening to my body before adding anything new to the mix. It's the same response I give to anyone who has new advice. The struggle is real - I hope this helps.

[Twaddletop in reply to SigNi]

It does, thank you x

[Baggy8]

In any relationship it's important to feel comfortable sharing your thoughts. If the roles were reversed, you would want him to be able to explain his concerns to you, without fear of judgement. I'm wondering if your previous frogs are stopping you being as open as you'd like with your Prince 😉

[Twaddletop]

That’s a possibility although my partner now is far more sensitive than the others too. I just don’t want to hurt his feelings but having lived with a control freak, I know that’s not what is happening here. I should also maybe point out that we have bedbugs together for twenty five years. I think we are alarmed at how quickly we both seem to be going downhill.

[Polaris in reply to Twaddletop]

Sorry, can’t stop laughing - think you meant ‘been together’ ?! 🤣

[deniseinmilden in reply to Polaris]

Bedbugs is just soooo much better though!! 😂 😘

[Polaris in reply to deniseinmilden]

I agree Denise - don’t alter Twaddletop - a real tonic !

[Twaddletop in reply to Polaris]

Right up there with arthritic flairs. Oh dear, never mind. We can always use a laugh 🤣🤣🤣

[deniseinmilden in reply to Twaddletop]

Thank you for your reply - that's so reassuring - great to know that you are OK and he's not a nutter! As you know, it's only when you've experienced one, that you really can see the signs and you won't be caught out again!

I think it's wonderful that you are being so mindful of his sensitivity and I wish you all the best with finding a gentle solution for you both. x

[EiCa]

Because I am so sensitive, I understand all too well that “trying new things”, especially multiple things at one time, can just make matters worse. Drug, food, and supplement interactions are quite common and can be very dangerous. They can cause confusing side effects that get hard to sort out if too much is going on. Perhaps find a few articles on line about drug and supplement interactions. Ashwaganda, in particular, interacts w/ many things. I know how strong biologics are. I imagine too much can take a toll on your kidney function if you throw too much at them. Good luck. Your husband means well. My husband is wonderful but he leaves all things medical completely up to me. Sometimes I wish he would help me look for ways to ease my pain.

[Twaddletop]

I think each of us would love to help each other cope with pain. It’s very difficult to know how as we are all so different. I hope you find something very soon Ei x

[topazrat]

Aww bless him. He's obviously really worried about you. I have the opposite problem. Come on let's go for a 6 mile walk up and down hills. I can't, I'm too tired, can't we just go for a short stroll? No come on, you'll feel better when you're out! Oh no I won't! I'll be wiped out for the next 2 days. Pft!

[Twaddletop in reply to topazrat]

Oh dear, that’s tough. Neither of us is fit to walk for long distances or do anything physical, so I don’t have that problem. Why don’t people who’ve known us well accept that we’d love to live the life we once had? I’m getting on a bit and have to ask any companions to slow down as I can’t keep up. I have beautiful grandchildren aged nine, six and four and it hurts me that I cannot run and play with them. Sometimes, we all need a little encouragement but no one can do the impossible x

[LadyBothwell]

I think it is very difficult for the “other half”, wanting to help but usually being a bit useless, especially if PA makes you fatigued and a bit irritable sometimes. Maybe try giving him some other positive tasks to do that would help you so he feels he is involved and helping. I get a bit of tinnitus when my injection is due and convinced my husband that his doing all the vacuuming would be a significant help! Hope I don’t sound like the controlling one!

[Twaddletop]

Hmmm, that sounds like a good idea but it wouldn’t work in this house. x