Hi all just wanted to shared with you my change of mindset when my pain flared up today. I had loads I wanted to do including baking a cake with my youngest and wrapping pressies. However on waking thru last night and pain killers not helping I had resigned myself to a bad day a wasted day. Then I got to thinking if I rest use my tens heat patches and meds and MANAGE my pain. I MAY get a better day tomorrow so I have a management of pain day where I devote time to getting on top. I used to beat myself up mentally feel lazy and frustrated I now see it as a trade off. A day to manage my pain not letting myself feel down instead acceptance of my pain condition.
I have tomorrow to maybe have a better day but have a purpose if not. I will try for a better pain reduced day by been proactive in how I think of down days. Feeling resent full and angry makes me blue and changes nothing taking time to give attention to the management of my pain empowers me!! I am in the driving seat I cannot cure my pain but I get to control it. I hope you all are having the best days you can.
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Winniepooh1976
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What a wonderful post. This is what I have been trying to do too. I always feel useless and like a non person when my pain gets the best of me on those days it does. I can only focus on getting it under control. I am having more of these days lately. I like you though am learning to take these days to do what I can to control the pain. Too much pressure on myself and I'm a goner. I have to break it down into little bits of time too. There is always tomorrow to try again and yes it can be a better day and that is when i try to get a little something done. The agony and defeat of it all can be a great big full blown depression which i am dealing with now. I am determined not to let it keep me there though. At this time though I am going thru a divorce after being with my husband for 28 years. He violated the marriage and has all but given up on me, I cannot handle the rejection any more. This on top of the pain has caused me great grief. I am working thru it slowly and doing more resting. I have to. I can't bring myself to focus on what needs to get done if i get overwhelmed by it. so like i said a bit at a time, that's all i can do. it's like i'm disabled but because i'm not in a wheelchair or something everyone thinks i can still be the same ole me. well i can't. so i am stopping doing or trying to tell them anymore and letting it go. it is a lonely road but i will get thru it with my faith in my Lord, thank God for Him.
It would seem to be a vicious circle... stress, pain, depression equals more pain. etc. I wish I could offer you a 'quick fix' but there isn't one. Have you tried mindfulness especially the relaxation techniques, that can help to lift the spirits by calming and relaxing the body which in turn helps the pain. Are you able to do any form of exercise... i.e. swimming... again it's a great relaxer.
I had a severe depression a few years ago... in my head I was just a useless, waste of space... I stopped believing in myself. I forgot about all the things I've achieved, all the things I've coped with.
I might not be a winner... but I'm a survivor, and so are you.
One of my most treasured possessions is a card from my dear old Dad, bless him. It's a poem called Footprints. If you've not read it, you should.
thank you so much saj01 for your kind words. Yes, I do mindfulness and other relaxation techniques. I purposefully try to keep myself calm by any means I can. Sometimes it gets away from me and gets hard. By that time its of no use and i get thru it. I am starting to believe in myself again. I have overcome a lot in my life and yes we are survivors. I have read Footprints and I have it hanging on my bedroom wall. Again thank you so much.
So sorry to hear your going through a divorce I couldn’t even begin to understand what your going through. I like your positivity despite hearing how much your struggling and hurting through your description. Dealing with daily pain is extremely hard, more flares tends to mean more stress causing you the pain stress cycle, have you tried a diary , it could be a ranting diary a diary you can throw when your frustrated. They have many uses. Sometimes I find I can’t write quick enough for how much stress is circulating in my head lol. Drawing little stick men imagining they are people I’m frustrated with, sounds crazy but as I say .... every little helps. Have you tried online or local support groups in regards to your divorce? Have you a pain management monthly meeting group you could attend? I’m sorry you’ve probably already thought of all that. Your pain will be worse due to your situation your doing great with little at a time, a good diary rant would benefit, HU is a great place to chat please don’t feel like your on your own there’s plenty of support here 😉 we can make you smile 😊
Thank you so much. You have put a smile on my face already. I love your ideas, a rant diary sounds great and so does little stick figures. Something to throw would get some frustration out that's for sure. I am gonna start tonight. I know what you mean about not being able to write fast enough. I don't have a pain management group online meeting. I've been trying to do that but can't seem to find one. Maybe you could suggest some. I did attend a few divorcecare meetings but I found it at the end. They are meeting again in Jan and I am going to do my best to go. I love HU it is such a wonderful site with such caring people as yourself. Thanks again and I will post more as things move along. Have several dr appts the next two weeks, seems they all called me back at once. Have a Ct scan and Cystiscopy for bladder. Possible Botox for pelvic floor, seeing a specialist for Pudendal Neuralgia. So it's gonna be stressful but one day or even one minute at a time. I am trying to get thru this without antidepressants but not sure I can. So will be calling my former psychiatrist tomorrow. Have a good notes sleep and thanks again. I will be rant writing and drawing stick figures soon.
Yes I think you have hit the nail on the head. Its not the disability but what is assigned to us through that experience at times.
I lost my relationship with my previous partner due in part to his reaction to my surgeries and illness and lack of care. It is years later but I now have a relationship with someone that accepts things including that part of me that that has some pretty big physical limitations.
It sounds like you are strong in other ways and are processing the greif that is a part of losing physical ablities.Wishing you all the best and a low pain day.
Also your husband does not sound like he has behaved kindly and shame on him for that. Best wishes
Thank you so much. It gives me such hope to read your reply. I am going to stop telling myself I am alone in this. I may or may not find someone, but I will persevere thru. I need to stop pressuring myself even though there is a ton of stuff to do. I am only capable of what my body will do. Pushing it beyond that has caused much more grief. I appreciate your telling me he wasn’t very nice. After awhile we get worn down to a point where we believe the not nice things. I will remember what you said. I am still a caring loving woman and can be happy where God placed me. I have to start liking myself again. Thx again so much. Many blessings and pain free days.
Thankyou You too many blessings. In my experience I was more lonely in my time with someone that could not accept me than in the time I spent afterwards being actually 'alone' was a less lonely place for me.
Learning to live in a different body was a process and part of it for me was a greiving process of some of the old things I could do easily and without thought. I have learned new ways to do things and am still learning my limits over and over again sometimes. You do sound like a lovely caring woman. I wish you lots of low pain days too!
I do the same. I've also stopped feeling guilty on a bad pain day when I've done nothing but nurse the pain all day because if I was ok I would be out working. Whatever needs doing can wait. Funny thing is once I've had the flair up the next days pain is fine. Almost like having relief after a blow out lol
I get a flare up then out seems to calm if I rest up I try and pick my battle's. Setting small achievable goals rather than huge ones learning to let things lie , putting yourself above chores. I think of it almost like a trade off day of activities=day in bed. Make the good days count and the bad days try to accept as part of yourself. While the good days are a possibility enjoy living them !!
What a really good perspective to have, I wish you all the best in the world. We will always have down days, but looking at them as management days rather than ‘bad’ days can only help the mental side of chronic pain xx
Exactly thank you we are too good at feeling bad about ourselves but we did not choose our failing health.
To try to be as you were before is a road to sadness and resentment. Before is gone how much chronic pain changes your mindset largely is up to you. xx
Hi thank you for taking time to reply I am glad you feel a change of mindset can help. It angers me the negative view of some towards chronic pain. I have been told it us a state of mind that I need to not give in to it, or worse of all someone rolling eyes at me!!!!
I think the tendency to feel bad or guilty of our inactive time due to pain is something we all experience. The secret maybe to fill our in active time with small achievable goals.
Taking time to rest isn't a life style choice the utter exhaustion we feel is crap enough without frustration adding to it. We are strong we have to be only someone who has chronic pain understand s those who do not understand cannot so why worry. People think what they will leave them to it!! I do. x
Love your post. I have a picture of a mountain and it says 'believe you can and your halfway there'. My body no longer climbs mountains but the attitude is half my battle with pain. I too have acheived so much more than I thought I could today by continuing to live and move, even drive. Its all we can do. I too am a big fan of tens and heat and your glass half full attitude. We all go to sad placed , but How to get out of bed if not for ourselves at times ,than for our loved ones. Best wishes!
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