Suicidal Tendency to excessive pain?

Suicidal tendency due to excessive pain? This is something most excessive pain bearers

never want to talk about and keep it to themselves, but recently I have been listening

to the TV. talking about what some pregnant woman go though after birth. This got me thinking how many pain sufferers get to that point, when there pain threshold goes off the richer scale. A time when there are crying out for immediate help and there is none available.

In my early days I telephoned the Samaritans in the very early hours of the morning and it took them nearly four hours to gradually talk to me to calm me down.

Has any one else been in this situation, because after all these years I still don't think amongst the learned profession there is still a real understanding of the vast and varied types of pain some people manage with little or no help.

23 Replies

  • Most of us in chronic pain feel that way sometime. Even more so when it is bound up with restless legs syndrome and one is dealing with ignorant medical professionals.

    I can appreciate why medical people are slow to engage with pain sufferers.

    How real is the pain? This person is always complaining and doesn't follow medication. If they did all the physio prescribed , they wouldn't have as much pain. Are they ramping up the pain for compo or disability?

    And so on--! Sound familiar?

    Any of us guilty of this?

    I can also appreciate med people not fully engaging, to protect themselves psychologicaly. If they took on board all the emotional baggage that is piled on them each day , they would crack up themselves.

    This doesn't excuse a minimal conscientious bedside manner that should be caring and sympathetic to those who are most vulnerable.

    I could go on- this is a huge debate and has many facets.

    I hope this answers some attitudes and may bring a little understanding.

    I am not a medical person.😆

    My background would be " personal development " in adult education- so I have seen it all.


  • It's not the up front Nursing staff and Consultants that bug me so, as the so called boffin researchers that write all these medical journals and paper, saying we found another cure it's just around the corner, if that is the case why have so many of us been missing out. Whilst other worthy deceases have seen advancements in leap and bounds, while I since 1969.I have only seen changes in what recommendation one has been told too do, as being told this is the correct procedure only to find years later, it is not so.

    What has happened to all this research money over the years, I see at the John Radcliff Hospital they have with others developed robotic eye surgery and health people wonder why we are all fed up being told the same old spiel all the time.

    Would a top Researcher like through these blogs? answer some of the concerns

    by all. Bob Scott.

  • I think unless someone suffers with daily pain they really can't fully understand how we feel, yes I have felt really low and like life isn't worth living as every day is such a struggle and feel I don't even recognise myself anymore, but somehow we keep going, drugged up to eyeballs maybe but we carry on xx

  • Hey there, I hope you're feeling a bit better these days. And hang in there on those days you're not -we're all here for you. As for your question... many, many times, have I felt like that... and actually done something a few times and had to be stopped by someone else. For me, it's that I keep being dismissed by doctors and it feels like it will be this way forever, and I don't know if I can bear that. Also, there have been times when having been to the docs, desperate for them to help me, I have been utterly calm and polite, then begun to cry (quietly) simply out of despair because they were just ignoring me and saying they would do nothing, and it was too much. I think, the other thing for me (and others too, no doubt) is the feeling of being a burden. I feel like I am useless, so I hate myself over it, I feel like I am letting people down, all sorts... and I feel like they would have a better time if I weren't around ruining things with my wretched pain. I think it's a very very hard situation for anyone in constant pain, and I cannot believe the total lack of sympathy from family, friends,and doctors alike. How a doctor can sit there and refuse to help when you openly say you think of hurting yourself or killing yourself because of the fear and the pain... I cannot comprehend. I hope it will not always be like this. Everyone on here, is frankly amazing, for going through all this and still managing to support others.

  • Your reply resonates very strongly with me hbpencil28 . I have also (like so many chronic pain sufferers) been driven to the point where death seems the better option....and for the same reasons you have mentioned. But I don't want this to be my legacy and know that it would be so damaging to my children. Somehow I keep going. Doctors could do more....GP have little time and less interest it seems , and can do do much harm by being so dismissive. It is a hard lesson to learn that really you are on your own to tough it out.

  • Thank you, it's nice to actually have found people who understand, though at the same time, it breaks my heart a little to realise you have all felt so utterly terrible. You're so right to carry on for your kids, they would be lost without you; well done for staying so strong, people do no know how hard it is.

  • Hi.....hope that you are feeling a bit stronger this morning. For years I felt so alone, because, as we have learned , no one who has not had to deal with chronic pain can begin to understand....... but yes, I agree that it helps to know that this is not the case, there are people who know...... Others who suffer too and understand. It is hard too, to realise that there are so many people in pain. So sad. Health is so precious. I feel sad that the people who are well and pain free can't see what treasure they have. Thanks to everyone who has helped though this forum. Take care..... Enjoy everything that you can on better days :)

  • Love your reply! One off understanding what its like to really suffer, whilst the medical profession look upon us moaners; time wasters or anything else they can come up with in there bible of not really understanding from the patients point of view. Do we want to be a burden to the NHS.? certainly not we have a lot better things to do with our lives, than spending hours getting too a hospital, sitting in corridors etc. for hours on end. We are there as a cry for help not to waste NHS. valuable time, just because we say sorry! this or that is not working, is not to be frowned upon as this patient is wasting our time, it is for them to dig deeper, see if there is a correlation between this patient and others, that fit a pattern. To me for years and years I have fought my many pain conditions with mind over matter? Thinking of other things to occupy my mind so I can override my pain, this I have done for many years, but now even this is catching up with me! Through exhaustion just so tired it now become hard work to put the brain into gear. But don't you give up because my self help has got me through some very dark days coming through and out the other side, it's not easy but worth it and more than the medical profession can offer one. Sheer determination and positive thinking is the best self help one can have. good luck all.

  • Thank you, and yes I totally get what you mean! I hate going to the doctors, and if they would bother to listen and get me a diagnosis and some help, I wouldn't bother them any more! They're supposed to be smart but they don't seem to be able to work out that simple fact...!

  • Hi have tried to take my own life not so long a go it was my son who found me I'm now getting the help that I was crying out for, I suffer with crps I have had my left arm and my right foot amputated I am in pain 24/7 I just got to the point where I did not want to go on anymore. I think till people have got to that point in there life's that they cannot stand the pain any more no matter how much medication they are taking and what friends and family are talking about things. I just want to say to the people on this site that tried to help me that I'm sorry and I let u down but I just got to that point.

  • I'm so sorry you got to that point, but I understand your feeling of desperation completely. I am so glad you are getting the help you need, and never be afraid to reach out to those people and to us on here if you need support. And, never feel like you let anyone down, you didn't. The health care system let you down, you did only what anyone would do. Hang in there!

  • Hi Yogibe, never feel you have let people down, especially yourself only you know what you are suffering, try to be as strong as you can be yes its hard because we know even family and friends cannot see and feel your suffering. But with a site like this you at least know a lot of people are there for you and know what you're going though, but remember this their are a lot of people suffering a lot worse than us.

  • This is the first time I've heard anyone broach this subject. I'm in pain constantly but most days I can function with the help of 8 Tramadol, a cocktail of other drugs and an understanding boss but recently I am getting more flare ups and taking more time off work. I worry about this because I am the breadwinner and feel under financial pressure which probably makes things worse. I've never spoken to anyone about this but I think about suicide alot especially when the pain is really bad. It's not something I would do at this stage, I couldn't do that to my husband but the thought of living another 30 or so years with increasing pain and decreasing mobility is a daunting prospect. My husband is older than me and is already retired (unfortunately not on a decent pension, hence I have to work) so I will most probably be facing my retirement on my own. I know that worrying about something that hasn't happened yet is futile but not worrying is easier said than done as most of you will probably know. No-one knows this but I keep a secret stash of drugs just in case things get absolutely unbearable. Whether I would have the courage to take them is another matter but if the pain gets to be constantly unbearable it's an option I will certainly consider.

  • Agree wholeheartedly- and have similar stash hidden away. But would be slow to use it while there are people who care about me still around.

    I consider it is our human right to be able to die with dignity at a time of our choosing than to die in crippling agony or drugged up to the eyeballs vomiting and defecating on our deathbed.

    Sorry to be so graphic- but I've seen it in the best of hospices- and it's not the way I want to go.

    Love you all.

  • Live with the suicidal thoughts on occasion. I find for myself that when I get like this i need to sleep it off. I have a reason why I need to keep on living. It is this that enables me not to worry about being or feeling suicidal. I practise Mindfulness, meditation, T'ai chi and ALexander Technique. Yoga is useful and helpful if you can find the right teacher.

    Much emotion is felt in the body and fed back into the brain. The way the muscles move and are held is what determines the emotion we feel. The trick to handling unsavoury emotion is to move. How you move is a matter for you to investigate.

    In the early days following my road traffic accident I tried various counsellors and found most of them a waste of my time. I have used the Samaritans and they were not helpful for me. I suspect this is because I have had training in general counselling, bereavement counselling, child counselling and issues of child abuse. If you know a lot you start from a different perspective than someone who starts from knowing nothing.

    Find something that is important and gives you a reason to hang on when you experience feeling suicidal. Feeling and being suicidal did not happen to me when being surrounded by lots of nice people. It had a habit of happening at 3 o clock on a Sunday morning when nothing was available.

    Hope I have been able to be helpful.

  • Hi Johnsmith, I had occasion not that many years ago when at 3.30. am. I was in such pain off the scale, I got dressed jump into my car and drove to our A. and E. department booked in.

    About an hour later I got to see a Consultant, he gave me a pain relief injection then I had to wait an hour to make certain I was ok. to drive home. If that had not happened I dread to think what might of happened. I have taught myself over the years to be strong willed not easy by any means, I am new to sites like this but I feel it helps because you can get it out there instead of bottling things up, a release on that pressure valve. Bob.

  • Yes I have been there. I wrote a story about it. But I'd argue it was never suicide. I didn't want to die what I really wanted was the pain to stop.

  • I have thought about taking my own life many times, through all the tears, when the pain just becomes too much. I just feel so exhausted and drained all the time. I feel such a burden on my family and feel they would be so much better off without me, it is just so depressing. It is at those times, you mourn for the old you, the person who had no medical issues, the pain free you.

    I have just recently finished a course of counselling sessions, the lady who I saw was really good, but after just 10 sessions it was over. I thought to myself wow is that it? Just 10 sessions? And I am supposed to be better, cured of this depression that hangs over me constantly? I am still going to be in pain, this is my life now, the pain just doesn't go away! I did talk to her about how I was feeling, all she said was that I could re-refer myself further down the line. But I feel now that no amount of counselling is going to help me.

  • Depression may be mental exhaustion. The symptoms are the same. The brain has been working hard at monitoring things that a person in good health does not. There comes a point when the brain has to switch off in order to protect itself and recover. This switching off affects all sorts of things ranging from ability to think to fine tuning muscular behaviour and posture.

    You need to investigate what parts of my brain is working too hard or working for too long. The ask yourself the question can I turn this off and allow this part of the brain to rest.

    If this is right or not only you can investigate.

    If you have this problem no amount of counselling will solve it. Counselling does not provide tools for investigation only a talking shop. Talking is nice, but it is not doing or investigating.

    I still remember when I realised that counselling was not a workable solution. I was telling a Zen teacher my problems involving what I had been though following my road traffic accident. As I related my story I got more and more distressed I felt the emotions ripping though me and tearing me apart. The Zen teacher shouted at me to stand up straight. I stood up straight. Every emotion that I had been experiencing up to that point in the relation to the telling of my story vanished. Now when I notice I am getting emotionally wrought I endeavour to stand up straight in a poised manner. Standing up straight in a poised manner is easy to write and not so easy to realise what it is. The movement is full of subtleties that can take some time to learn.

    Hope this helps.

  • Hi John

    Thanks for your reply hun. I think you're right about the mental exhaustion. Just too many things going on at once in my head, my medical issues, the pain, etc. How do I investigate which part of my brain is working too hard or for too long though in order to switch it off to rest? Not quite sure I get that part.

  • You have asked me a very important question. For me it was notice and observe and notice how I varied from one day to the next. On the internet there are: picture's of the brain's blood vessels; pictures of the connections of connections between one part of the brain and another; pictures of the various parts of the brain labelled as to what function they are supposed to do.

    The brain is a physical engineering system which produces 18 Watts of power. Not sure of the exact figures. It is not just one system it is a multitude of systems with feedback mechanisms to prevent over heating and to ensure supply of nutrients and removal of waste.

    One of things that has been recently found is that the brain only gets rid of waste products when it is sleeping. Not enough sleep of the right kind builds up of waste product. Don't know what the right kind of sleep is. I know that living with pain and discomfort sleep is disturbed.

    Meditation – A Way of Awakening is one of the best books on meditation and mindfulness that I know. This book should help give some tools to begin your investigation into how you actually work. Note: how you actually work not what some book or medic says you work.

    Look for a local Buddhist group which practises meditation. There are subtleties to meditation which the language of words cannot describe. Also a meditation group ensures you sit and practise. Trying to practise by yourself can be very difficult whereas in a group it is easy. It is a slow process. There are skills to learn. For example how to quietly silence or bring to silence the too many things going on in your head.

    I have not exactly answered your question because I do not know how to. I hope to be able to do this one day. The education of investigation of you yourself is not on the medical radar. I am making inroads at my local university as some of the present generation of students are realising that many trials just do not investigate what needs to be investigated. Also where on the curve of human variability does the patient sit.

    Hope this has been helpful.

  • Bobscott, thankyou for bringing this topic up, I would be surprised if there weren't many of us here who can empathise with you on this matter. It's not mentioned often but I know that we think about it more than we would admit. When the pain is really bad and I feel completely out of control, my mind can run away with me and that's when I feel at my total rock bottom. I can often feel that I'm no use to anyone and they would be better off without me. My family are my total support and when I'm feeling so awful, they keep me going with texts, calls etc until I feel able to cope again. I haven't admitted this feeling of total hopelessness to my GP though, I'm always afraid that she may think I'm being over dramatic. I did break down in front of the consultant at the pain clinic though, couldn't hold it all in. I don't think people can understand how difficult constant pain is to cope with, I have no magic way of dealing with it myself, but I suppose I would say that we need to have someone to talk to when it all gets too much. The only thing that keeps me going is my fantastic partner and the thought that him and my children would be devastated if I did something 'silly' but sometimes that is the ONLY thing that keeps me going.

    Love to you all, hope today is a good day 💝

  • I wake up in pain daily and yes it has crossed my mind on very very low days where I can hardly move but I never would as I have children to consider. I couldnt destroy their lives like that. They also bring me the motivation to get through it and carry on. So I want to carry on for them and be there for them. I love them simple as that.

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