Well It's the dreaded scan day tomorrow
Really not looking forward to it, but trying to prepare myself some questions to ask my doctor as last time I went I ended up in a bit of a state and got all upset. The scan was actually fine but I think I'd been holding so much in that when he started saying everything was fine I couldn't help myself and then had the pleasure of a nurse mopping up my face while I was still in the stirrups! Not very graceful :(. This time im determined not to get upset, even though my stomach feels much worse lately. I don’t know whether its just stress and nerves or there really is something waiting to be seen on the scan but im really not looking forward to it this time.
I think I know the main reason I got myself so wound up last time and to be honest those feelings havn't gone away every since I got dx with the borderline cyst, despite trying to sort my head out. I can't seem to shake the idea of what if I can't have children? I cant help but constantly worry over whether I'll be able to have a family – do I need to rush? What if I don’t and take my time and then something comes back and they rush in and try and take everything out? I must sound so stupid – most ladies on here have been through so much compared to me and i know im incredibly lucky, but I cant seem to shake this feeling. Before all this happened i never dreamt i would have to think about this sort of stuff, i will be 26 in April and at the moment i feel like im trying to fast forward everything and just dont want to worry anymore but im scared if i dont and i dont prepare myself for what might happen it might come back and bite me. My boyfriend is brilliant and we have been together over 4 years, but he isnt ready for children. It hurts alot knowing that but i cant force him and i dont want to because that wouldnt be right either.
So...trying to think of some questions i can ask tomorrow (if all does turn out to be ok which it probably will and im just worrying over nothing) which might help me put my mind at ease.. i thought about asking the what if? question..and what route they would go down if something did come back and how likely it would be that they could offer me fertility sparing treatment? Maybe ask if i should think sonner than later? i dont know..it always sounds ok in my head but as soon as i try and explain myself it doesnt seem to come out right.. any ideas? ...Thanks for reading xx