Really not looking forward to it, but trying to prepare myself some questions to ask my doctor as last time I went I ended up in a bit of a state and got all upset. The scan was actually fine but I think I'd been holding so much in that when he started saying everything was fine I couldn't help myself and then had the pleasure of a nurse mopping up my face while I was still in the stirrups! Not very graceful :(. This time im determined not to get upset, even though my stomach feels much worse lately. I don’t know whether its just stress and nerves or there really is something waiting to be seen on the scan but im really not looking forward to it this time.
I think I know the main reason I got myself so wound up last time and to be honest those feelings havn't gone away every since I got dx with the borderline cyst, despite trying to sort my head out. I can't seem to shake the idea of what if I can't have children? I cant help but constantly worry over whether I'll be able to have a family – do I need to rush? What if I don’t and take my time and then something comes back and they rush in and try and take everything out? I must sound so stupid – most ladies on here have been through so much compared to me and i know im incredibly lucky, but I cant seem to shake this feeling. Before all this happened i never dreamt i would have to think about this sort of stuff, i will be 26 in April and at the moment i feel like im trying to fast forward everything and just dont want to worry anymore but im scared if i dont and i dont prepare myself for what might happen it might come back and bite me. My boyfriend is brilliant and we have been together over 4 years, but he isnt ready for children. It hurts alot knowing that but i cant force him and i dont want to because that wouldnt be right either.
So...trying to think of some questions i can ask tomorrow (if all does turn out to be ok which it probably will and im just worrying over nothing) which might help me put my mind at ease.. i thought about asking the what if? question..and what route they would go down if something did come back and how likely it would be that they could offer me fertility sparing treatment? Maybe ask if i should think sonner than later? i dont know..it always sounds ok in my head but as soon as i try and explain myself it doesnt seem to come out right.. any ideas? ...Thanks for reading xx
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Hi Siobhan,
You are bound to be apprehensive, it is such a worry, the only thing I would suggest is to write all your questions down and go through them with your oncologist without any distractions sometimes they might answer a question before you've asked it, so then you go to the next one, that way you don't forget any, and won't get distracted, don't worry about the "tissue nurse" that's what they are there for sending you my best wishes love x G x
Best of luck tomorrow. It's really, really hard, I know, but you sound to be panicking about something as yet entirely unknown... Try uf you can to focus on the actual outcome not just what might be. Once it is clearer I promise you it will actually be a lot easier to cope with. What if...? Is a horrible thing which puts even the most sensible and controlled of us into a tailspin -- with associated blubbing etc in most cases. No surprise there are always tissues on hand! Go find out, cry all you like.. It might even be with relief. I hope it is. You know where this forum is if you need support after.
hi both..thanks for writing back..i did what you suggested gwyn and wrote a couple of questions down last night. i think if i find some answers to what's worrying me deep down then i might be able to be a bit more constructive with my worrying rather than worry about everything! prchick you are right im panicking over something that hasn't even happened yet and i know i am, i think im just letting my imagination run into overdrive. Xx
I know if I were in your shoes I'd be having exactly the same worries as you so you're certainly not alone. You're being incredibly sensible and rational about the problem but of course you are having an emotional response to it all and that is good and natural thing to happen so please don't feel embarrassed if you feel tearful. To be honest I think I'd be more worried about you if you weren't.
I wonder if it's worth phoning Ovacome at some time to ask about their younger members group as I'd imagine it would be helpful to be able to share your thoughts with them and they'd certainly be best placed to help, advise, and share sympathy and tissues.
I hope your boyfriend is going along with you today to support you. Even though he's not ready for a family yet I feel it's still an issue he should be sharing with you and taking responsibility for. It's good you understand how he feels and I guess perhaps you wouldn't have been thinking of a family right now had you not had a diagnosis of a borderline cyst.
I think you do need to know how the condition is going to be monitored and it would be reassuring for you to get a medical opinion as to whether you would be advised to have a family earlier rather than later. It's good you have that list of questions to help organise your thoughts at the appointment.
I really do hope the scan and your appointment go well today and I shall be thinking of you and hoping you find some reassurance.
Just a quick message to say that how you are feeling is entirely normal. I had a major meltdown before my last check up and it is 2 and a half years since I was diagnosed also with a borderline tumour. However as time goes on I do freak out less and for a shorter period of time.
Don't think for a nanosecond that any other 26 year old would not have at least the same worries , to me it sounds as if you are coping really well.
It is a really good idea to write down your questions. Also ask the consultant if you could have his email address for any questions that occur to you between checkups. Failing that I would just ring up his secretary . Asking generally for "more information" at the appointment may also be helpful.
My understanding is that borderline tumours are very slow growing, so if you are checked regularly then if ( and this is a big if ) anything recurs it will be picked up at a very early stage with a higher chance of a much better outcome for you. Nothing can or should be done without your consent and agreement.
Do let us know how you have got on and teh very best of luck
I shouldn't worry about getting the weepies....I threw up when they told me the diagnosis last year! It really is the worst thing anyone has to cope with. I know of someone who had stage 1 oc, which was treated successfully, and has since had a baby, so if it is caught early enough it doesn't necessarily mean you can't have children. While you may be upset that your boyfriend is not ready for children, it is a big step, and until you are clear, probably not one you'd want to rush into. My husband and I waited until I was 29 before having our daughter, and have never regretted it.
Thankyou for leaving such kind messages - this morning when i got the chance to read them they meant more than you will know. I know having family around is important and obviously their support is great to have, but it is so reassuring hearing from people who have the same feelings and nervousness and can understand more than someone who's not had to experience it - although i know we all wish we didnt have to if given the choice! - so thankyou.
My scan this afternoon went very well, i have such a lovely onc/gyn doctor - the first comment he made was 'you look more relaxed than last time!' (i made sure i smiled when i walked in) - Annie i did take my boyfriend with me, he stayed for the whole thing and im glad he did. It was nice to just have someone in the room, especially as there were a few people with my doctor as he was scanning me. So all is fine, he went round everything on the screen and explained in more detail things to me that he hadn't before and also looked up at my gallbladder/liver where i'd been getting pain and apparently all ok there aswell. He also sat with me so i could go through the questions i'd written down (thanks for the suggestions!) and i now feel much more reassured about the whole thing and at least that if this thing does come back i do have choices with my fertility as its being monitored often.
Chris - he also said that it would be good to wait a couple of years before considering children, just because its harder to monitor you when you are pregnant - boyfriend breathed a sigh of relief i think! - and charlie, i asked for his email as you suggested and he was more than happy to give it to me incase i wanted to get in touch between my scans.
That is such wonderful news! I wrote a long answer on my iPhone this morning at about 8 and it vanished, sorry! However, I am so pleased to hear it looks as if things are in control and you have the support of a good team at the hospital. So now, concentrate on enjoying Christmas and only worry about what you really need to worry about ..........mince pies or schollen?
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