the scan was all clear have to have a checkup in three months and although i am over joyed about this i still feel terrible scared i dont know if this is normal but everyone around me cant seem to understand why im not jumping through hoops... i am clearly happy and glad at my progress. i think maybe now is the time for some much needed councelling...
im sure i will still be on here for all your help and advice for some time to come.
thanks everyone
suzanne.. xxxxx
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suzannehadenough
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Great news, but I can understand after all you/we have been through feeling very numb even with good news. It will probably take a while to accept it, and that your life can return to normal now....that you can get on with living and not wrestling constantly.
Let it sink in at your own pace, and take your time to heal.
I'm not very good at reacting well when things are positive. But in order to cope you train yourself to treat good news/bad news with the same calmness. Just compare how you are feeling now with how you would be feeling had the scan result been bad.
As lovely Lizzie says it will take time to sink in. Take a few deep breaths...
Love Sarah
Hi Suzanne
Yes it is normal to feel like that, it is only people like us that has been there really knows, that is why this site is invaluable for support, I am not saying others don't care of course they do, but understand not sure.
Hi Suzanne, I'm so pleased for you,I do know how you feel I felt the same as you everyone was wondering why I wasn't doing cartwheels, but I felt, well nothing, really wierd, but just enjoy Easter and every day, I asked my g.p. about councelling but all she gave me was the phone number to 'Re Think' which I still havent rung, trying to deal with it myself.really pleased you updated us,as I was thinking about you yesterday and wondering what your news might be.Again terrific news,Lots of Love Sue x
thankyou everyone its so good knowing that you all know exactly how i feel..i am happy of course i am,, just not ready to jump through them hoops yet..
thankyou
lots of love to you all.. xxxxxx
Wonderful news, Suzanne!
When you've been through a diagnosis of ov. ca. (and other cancers and conditions) it becomes just about impossible to trust life again (rather like trying to trust a partner who has been unfaithful), the life you want to enjoy might be grabbed away from you at any moment.
The truth is of course; that life is like that- any of us might go under a bus any day - but normally we can persuade ourselves to assume things will continue as they normally do for a long life. We have all had a horible reminder that this normal security we feel is actually NOT the truth - the truth is where we are now! Ok; so the world runs on the principles of the 'Emperor's New Clothes', and now you and all of us can see how obviously naked the Emperor really is - nothing has changed except your perception!
Actually you are in a better position at this point, you know that you are ok for the moment - there are many out there who have conditions that will considerably shorten their lives without knowing about it, or having a chance to try to discover something they might do about it. That's not to say there is something everyone can do- but some of us can.
Give yourself a holiday from worry for a while now as you know things are ok. Then let the worry guide you and help you to work out what might work for you.
A Counsellor should certainly be able to help you use your propensity to worry as a motivator rather than a hindrance.
thanks isadora.. if im honest i feel more down now than i have through the whole of my treatment, (whats wrong with me) feel like im losing my mind to be honest. xxxx
There's a great deal of empty space in one's life after treatment. For 6 months it's never-ending; operation, tests, chemo, chemo appointments, tests, tests, etc. Then (if you're ok) nothing for a while. I felt that it must be like learning to walk again after an accident. It feels frightening and as if no-one cares anymore. It is ok to enjoy it and be pleased to had a bit of life again!
Best wishes,
I.
Hi Suzanne
Great news. I felt the same as you when I had the 'all clear' from my scan after chemo had finished. Thought I should be over the moon which I was, but although I was relieved I also still felt very scared. Made me feel very guilty. I am off on Friday for another 3 monthly check up and feeling anxious. Does this fear every leave us? Chris x x
Hi Just want to add I can understand completely how you feel. I got the all clear from my scan in Feb. I was so relieved that I cried, but felt numb after. I felt like everyone around me was saying, your fine now, you can get on with your life, like you'd just got over flu. OC leaves you with physical scars but it also leaves you with emotional scars too. I can't help worrying what if this is just a temporary remission. I try to stay positive and get back to normal but its so hard. My husband likened it to the soldiers who come back from war zones. When they are there they just put their heads down and get on with the duties in hand. Its when they get back and everything has calmed down that they can experience post traumatic stress, and thats how I feel that while I was going through it all the op and the chemo I just got on with it and was a brave soldier but now everything has quietened down, I'm finding it hard almost like post traumatic stress. Hopefully one day I'll wake up and smell the roses soon and leap for joy like you want to do. I've got my next review in 3 months. When is your next review? It would be good to keep in touch and help each other through this. My GP has just offered me anti-depressants which I don't want to go on if I can avoid them.
yes didy that describes me to a tee.. infact i feel more down now than i did going through the chemo... i feel like i must have a screw loose or something because im not overjoyed... i actually feel so depressed.. and no one at home understands as far as they are concerned its back to normal....
How wonderful. It's now, when we relax a bit, that we feel a bit shell-shocked though, so give yourself time and go out and do something special to celebrate. I was tired when I had my celebration lunch for two, but still remember it with a real sense of clear memory and affection. It is a very precious memory!
Delighted to hear your news ! I am sure it will sink in in time , but like you I am not sure how I will feel when I have finished my treatment as half way through at the mo .I feel that the chemo is giving me some kind of security and post May is an unknown area ..if that makes sense ..I also have added worry that my OC is a very rare and agressive one so am trying to stay very positive as I go through the chemo ...
Do enjoy the sunshine and the joys of spring ..have been walking a lot and the sun really helps ..Take good care xxxxx
It might be a help to have a read today if you're feeling worried and scared. I think the main thing I got from the advice is that we all react differently and there's absolutely no right or wrong way to cope. Just because some ladies feel like gadding about and seem not to have a care in the world post treatment doesn't mean they're coping better. It's just their way of coping.
Keep sharing your thoughts as we do understand. We're here to support each other when other resources don't seem to be doing the trick.
Hi suzannehadenough.... It is of course excellent news on your results. but dont underestimate the impact the whole experience has on you emotionally. At age 29 I had borderline tumours on my ovaries, and last december I had the major op to remove the one ovary and growths from several other areas. At the time, I think the focus on recovery and dealing with the situation and possible outcomes overtakes, to a certain extent, the emotional aspect. fortunately my recovery went well and after 11 weeks I felt almost ready to go back to work. but then it suddenly hit me, everything that had happened. What could have happened, all the thoughts id dared to think about my son but had pushed to the back of my mind focusing on the present rather than the future. And every day I cried, it didnt feel like there should be a reason, i should have been extremely happy and relieved. but emotionally I was overtaken. Dont try and explain this to yourself, or anyone else. just find the best way for you of dealing with those feelings. Personally, i found my faith in God. for me this was the right thing to do. Of course im not suggesting this is the right thing for everybody, but for me, there were circumstances that led me to believe it was what I needed to do. now I know I have someone standing by me every day. i have an extremely supportive family, but once you are told its "ok" people seem to think it is, and they cant necessarily understand why you cant feel "happy". Maybe they want to think everything is ok now, maybe they want to encourage you to believe it is and to put the expoerience behind you, or maybe they just genuinely think all is fine, who knows. Im sure they have your best intentions at heart. I think you have to allow yourself time to deal with what you have been through. You dont have to be overjoyed, at least not at first. You have been through an extremely traumatic time. Its almost like a grieving process, you have to accept what you have been through, and you (as me) have come through it the other side with a ray of light, its not a promise, theres still uncertaintly that will never leave, but its certainly a step in the right direction. Deal with the emotions first, then start to look forward, with a new purpose. If people could see life through your eyes, appreciating every little thing, having known how quickly life can change, they would be much better off. I, as Im sure many ladies on this forum entirely understand the emotional turmoil you are going through. dont feel guilty because you are not over the moon. In time, maybe a few days, maybe a few weeks, you will see that you can be happy. Though i truly believe the scars dont leave you emotionally. you will move forward in a new pair of shoes. Maybe counselling will help you. certainly this website and the lovely ladies on it were a great deal of support to me, in what was an extremely confusing time. I chose my 30th birthday in February to go back to work and start a new chapter, one of hope and normality. Thoughts still cross my mind, and i still feel emotional but I can focus on a new beginning. I am now planning a wedding in October ( we got engaged just prior to my diagnosis) which will be 1 year since my first op, and the discovery of my borderline tumours, and this is my way of moving forward, keeping my fingers crossed. Look forward with a smile and reach for the stars
it is so good to hear that people feel the same way as me.. that way i know ive not gone mad..
ive never been a believer in gd so i dont think thats for me like you said it isnt for everyone. i would like to believe that someone is walking beside me i really dont think there is.. I know i am so lucky to have gotten a clear scan result and i am eternally grateful, but as you and everyone else says the fear never leaves you....
thankyou again and congratulations on you upcoming wedding im sure it will be a beautiful day.
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have to have a checkup in three months and although i am over joyed about this i still feel terrible scared i dont know if this is normal but everyone around me cant seem to understand why im not jumping through hoops... i am clearly happy and glad at my progress. i think maybe now is the time for some much needed councelling... 
Rising CA125 but clear scan. 
Clear scan result!
All clear !!!!!
All clear
All clear
