Hope all is well out there .......

[suzieque]

Hi all.Sorry I havn't been on here for a while and on my return I was so saddened to learn of our Lizzie losing her fight . My heart and condolences go out to her hubby and family. Lizzie, who educated herself on every regime of chemo, who was always the first to reply to any query, who had the strong will and determination that myself and a few others on here aspired to. She was one hell of a courageous lady who fought her corner with sheer guts .

Sadly , that beastly O.C won , but we will continue that battle as a united force with Lizzie's legacy spurring us on .......

I've been otherwise engaged as I've been having a couple of sessions in hospital. First I was admitted and kept in for 4 days due to muliple p.e's of the lungs.Ooooh , that was a scary couple of days.

We started line 3 chemo on the monday,I must admit I didnt feel the ticket for a day or two .Then I found myself admitted again on the wednesday with renal failure. dox fitted me with a couple of stents to keep the flow going. Then I was neutropenic,anaemic and all other blood properties were askew so I needed a lot of medical help, transfusion etc to get me back on my feet.Doc said renal failure was caused by the chemo ,( topotecan) Im back home now,have been for a week, albeit with another water infection and waiting to start chemo on Mon 18th.

I'm puzzled as to how many things can go wrong in such a short space of time and how I am dreading going for chemo again .I am getting better , not as well as I would like to be ,this bliddy water infection does'nt help.

My mind has been in turmoil for 3/4 weeks now, I'm trying hard to stay upbeat and if one more person says " oooh, come on , you gotta keep fighting, stay strong , you cant give in now". I am gonna deck them, big style . Is that not what ive been doing for 15 months or so. Not a great length of time I know , but jeez , gimme a break !!!!

Anyway, I am positive and strong .I'm just off colour for a coupla days and I feel sorry for myself so there , but when Monday comes I will be fighting fit for "ding ding" round 3........

Hope all is well out there ,

love and best wishes

Suzie Que xxxxxx

[Lizneild]

Susie you're a star. What a bucketfull you've had! Are you staying on the same chemo or are they adjusting it? Here's hoping for a better ride next time. Let us know. Liz

[GeorgeSuffolk]

Hi Susie

Sorry to hear you've been having such a rotten time, hope the water infection clears up soon and that they can find a chemo regime that your poor kidneys can cope with.

I've been having a bit of a rough time with my present chemo, makes me feel absolutely awful most of the time, really bad nausea, vomiting and absolute exhaustion, feel like giving up when I feel that bad, but if scan shows it doing something will try to carry on. I too hate it when people tell me I have to stay strong, that's not always possible.

I persuaded the docs to let me have IV fluids at home via my picc line cos I was worried about my kidneys, they were a bit reluctant at first but did agree eventually.

Will be thinking of you on Monday, fingers crossed and good luck

George x

[wendydee]

Oh Susie, poor you. It sounds as if you're very entitled to feel thoroughly pissed off. I won't tell you to keep your chin up or anything like that, just be kind to yourself, see if you can have a little treat or two and remember that sometimes we have to give in to it and just get through it, you'll soon be on the up again. Hugs and healing thoughts to you. Hope you're feeling stronger soon.

Love Wendy xx

[ScardyCat40]

Susie I cheered when I read your comments about other people telling you to stay strong and positive

[nanaflo]

hi susie, hope you feeling a bit better soon. we have missed you on here. chin up and lots of good luck for monday.

lots of love

nana flo xxx

[Hidden]

Hi Susie

Welcome back to us.. sorry that you are not well..do hope things will pick up for you... thinking of you love x G x

[sarah1963]

Blimey Susie you have been through the mills over the last few weeks. No wonder your mind has been in turmoil. Urinary infections can make some people hallucinate so no wonder you've felt bad. You haven't had any visits from Elvis have you?!

Its good to have you back online. We need to stick together without Lizzie.

I am going in for an ascities drain on Thursday/Friday. I am pretending to myself that it will be a nice relax away from the family where I don't have to watch the footie on TV. Mmm maybe not.

All the very best for Monday.

Love Sarah

[Jacks150 in reply to sarah1963]

Hi Sarah,

I've thinking of you. I hope it goes well Thursday and Friday.

Sending you hugs

Jackie

[Whippit in reply to sarah1963]

Dear Sarah

I've been thinking of you and hoping the drain was successful and you're feeling a bit more comfortable. Hospitals can be exhausting so I hope you're home again and being spoilt rotten. Xx Annie

[sarah1963 in reply to Whippit]

Dear Annie

What a fraud I feel. Arrived on a lovely ward at the RM. Was fitted and received my fetching surgical stocks, said hello to the other patients, made my menu cholces etc...Then went for an ultra sound only to be told that there wasn't anything to drain. My enormous stomach was put down to a malfunction of the small intestine which appeared to have expanded. Had to scurry back to the war (more like waddle) make my excuses and leave. Having a drain certainly wasn't my idea but felt as though I should apologise for being a nuisance. Still have a big belly and it isn't trapped wind as someone suggested.

Enough of me. How are you?

XXX

[Whippit in reply to sarah1963]

Dear Sarah, How can you feel a fraud? You must've made a really long journey to the RM to be told you don't need a drain and then presumably a long journey home. It must've been exhausting. I don't know about you but I'd feel confused and disappointed that the problem couldn't be solved according to plan but perhaps this intestinal thing is good news. I really do hope so.

Hopefully you can rest and recuperate over the weekend. Yesterday it was pouring here most of the day and so cold we had to put on the central heating. It was a neighbours day for us - we went to a 60th birthday party across the road and called in to meet a couple who've moved who've just moved in opposite to offer help.

I've had a good night's sleep for a change and looking out the weather seems to be fine so we have plans to spend some of the day in the garden sorting out our herb bed.

I'm feeling relaxed as I've booked 3 days' off work next week. It's good to have a break from it as it's been traumatic trying to get back into my own job after a long break.

I hope the weather is good today in Norfolk and you're feeling OK. xxx Annie

[sarah1963 in reply to Whippit]

Hello Annie

What a lovely photo on your latest blog. I didn't know whether to comment here or there.

You sound as though you've had a well- balanced weekend of socialising and getting nice jobs done. Gardening is so therapeutic. My favourite time at the weekend is when my husband and I are getting jobs done in the garden. At this time of year we always have renewed enthusiasm for creating a little paradise in the garden. Unfortunately we don't sustain it for as long as we should. I have been pulling blanket weed out of the pond - trying not to snare tadpoles and pulling up ground elder which is quite satisfying when I manage to yank out some root as well. We also have chickens who wander around with you. Mostly though I have been clearing rubble out of the kitchen. It was my whim to have a woodburner so husband is knocking a hole through the wall into the dining room. Mmm I think we might need some professional help.

Hats off to you on the work front. I went back and by the time I had got the hang of it again I was back off work having more treatment.

On the health front I have 'stable disease' which is good enough. I just have to persuade my digestive system to behave itself. I am fed up with wearing trackie bottoms.

I hope your days off come with fine weather.

Love Sarah

[julie93]

Hello

Sorry to hear you have had such a terrible time of it. I hope that today marks the start of a big improvement.Hope things go well on Monday.

Juliex

[Whippit]

Dear SuzieQue

I've missed your posts and always hope if I don't hear from someone for a while that everything is going well. I'm really so sorry to hear what a time you've had. Two stays in hospital and feeling grotty is no walk in the park.

I think it's sometimes good to have a real old moan with friends on this site - and we won't tell you the obvious as you could write the book. I get quietly mad at people telling me what I should do now I've got this dratted disease. They're so sure they know best but nobody knows what is best because they're not in our shoes. I think all any of us want is to have our 'normal' back. That's not much to ask is it?

Suzie I'm sending you big hugs and wishing for a bit of cheerful sunshine to cheer up this miserable June. Let us know how you are and how next Monday goes.

Ding ding!

xx Annie

[MargaretJ]

Oh Suzie, what a time you are having! All I can say is keep on slugging! Goodluck eith round 3!

Margaret!

[Jacks150]

hi Suzie,

Poor you!! you've got to stay strong and keep fighting (sorry only joking).

I Thouroughly agree with you about what people say. It really bugs me but I smile and say I will but then I get home and rant and rave to my hubby. Still we end up having a laugh about it.

I hope you feel better soon and the chemo goes okay. I am due to start topetecan next so fingers crossed for us both.

Sending you lots of hugs

Jackie

[Hidden]

Hi Susie

Just read your blog and wanted to add to the rest of the replies to say sorry you are feeling so awful at the moment. Hoping you are feeling a bit better today and that Monday went ok. Love and hugs coming your way.

Chris x

[Hidden]

Hi Susie...

You've certainly been through it. It's unpleasant and scary and the list goes on doesn't it? I can understand what you say about the fight thing. I don't see it as a battle, but trying to work with parts of who I am in a healing sense. It isn't easy, that's for sure. Very good wishes and thoughts are sent your way.