I was diagnosed with stage 3c cancer in the spring and have just completed my fifth chemotherapy after debulking surgery and hysterectomy. I’ve one more round of chemo to go, then parp inhibitors and a maintenance chemo possibly. I’ve responded really well to chemo and my surgery went well too - all visible traces of the disease were removed - peritoneal washing have a suspicion of malignancy. I am a single mum to a 6 year old and I’m 49. I thought that I would slowly come to terms with my diagnosis but actually I’m finding myself feeling increasingly fearful despite what seems a good prognosis with the promise of a reasonable period of remission. I just wondered if anyone had any ideas about how I can become more positive and less fearful and to be able to cope with the uncertainty of it all.
Overwhelmed single mum: I was diagnosed with... - My Ovacome
Overwhelmed single mum
Hello, I don’t think the fear goes away. The everyday life will help distract you. The morning drop off at school and the what are we having for tea tonight. All the little things make the day pass and the doing something for you each day. Your child will grow quickly. Enjoy every moment of them being 6. I’ve learnt that you can’t control this beast, it’ll do as it pleases. My daughter is now 11 and for the last 2 years I’ve just made the most of life with her. It is hard though, I do understand. Are you near a Maggie’s? I’m seeing a psychologist with them and that’s helped. There are also local charities that can offer support as well as Ovacome. X
Thank you so much for your reply; I’m extremely touched that you’ve taken the time to write. I do seem to take comfort in the small routines of the day and I’m trying very hard to delight in every moment I have with my little boy. I wonder whether this last round of chemo on top of my surgery has affected me more than it normally would - I’ve seemed to need to rest more and so haven’t had the distractions I normally would. We don’t have a Maggie’s here but I’m having counselling at the hospital and that’s definitely helping. Thank you again. I really take comfort from knowing that there are women all around me getting on with this.
Hi , please be kind to yourself, it’s early days in terms of diagnosis, surgery and chemotherapy. So much to emotionally process and physically recover from. I’m a lot older than you, but can empathise and relate to feelings of fear and uncertainty. I’m NED from September and started maintenance (stage 3c HGS). I posted a couple of weeks ago about having mixed feelings about being NED , there are some helpful replies from members who have been diagnosed for longer. It’s harder to be positive when we feel overwhelmed with fear. Finding ways that help to ground feelings of fear may help. Yesterday I was staring at the wall, worrying , I pushed myself to get outside and plant daffodil bulbs and without realising it found myself looking forward to seeing them bloom in the spring. I have started to collect mindful quotes, which are helping me to find hope. I’m thinking about putting them in a jar, maybe I will gift them to my daughters sometime. I also go to my local Maggies centre . I am amazed at how our bodies want to recover and how we all find emotional strength. We are all different ,you will find ways that work for you , small steps forwards and celebrate your successes, take care and best wishes
Sheila x
Dear Sheila, thank you so much for writing back to me - it’s so helpful to know that people have the same feelings as me and that they find a way to manage them. I feel as though if you amazing ladies can do it then I might be able to have a go myself, and that’s a huge comfort. I’m also busily planting up a spring garden! Best wishes to you. Katie. x
You are amazing Katie, we all are. I’ve put a note in my calendar March/April , to share photos of blooming daffodils . Xx
I’ll do the same with my garden. Thank you so much for your reply. It means an awful lot to me. Xx
Good afternoon ColinsGirl,
Thank you very much for your post. I can see that you have already had a number of supportive messages from members of our forum community who have shared their own experiences. I am sure that there will be other members of the community along soon too.
I work as part of the support services team at Ovacome. I was sorry to read how fearful you are feeling at the moment. Please know that we are here if you would ever like to talk things through. Our support services team are available Monday – Friday 10am – 5pm and you can contact us by calling 0800 008 7054 or by emailing support@ovacome.org.uk. We would also be very happy to arrange a Zoom videocall if you prefer.
On 15th October at 11:00am we will be hosting a free webinar about managing uncertainty. The webinar will be facilitated by Novelette Aldred who is a psychotherapist and clinical supervisor. The session will be about how to cope with the various areas of uncertainty that a cancer diagnosis can bring, as well as how to cope with other times of uncertainty that occur throughout life’s journey. You would be very welcome to attend if you think that it would be helpful. I will share a link to some more information about this here: ovacome.org.uk/event/uncert...
Please don’t hesitate to get in touch if there is anything at all that we can help with.
Take care,
Cathryn - Ovacome Support
Thanks Cathryn , booked on
Also booked on. Thank you. X
I'm glad to see you are receiving counselling - lots of us need it and especially in your situation it must be hard sometimes to stay positive. Wishing you all the best and sending hugs!
Thank you. Xx
Hi. People told me the anxiety would improve with time and I didn’t believe them, but it was true. I’ve had two recurrences in six years. They weren’t fun but they didn’t kill me either. I get scans every six months because CA125 isn’t a marker for me. Right after a good scan I vow to just live life without worrying until a couple of weeks before the next scan. That has mostly worked for me, but I know having a young child really intensifies the fear. Counseling is great and quite a few go on antidepressants. My fingers are crossed for you!
Thank you ever so much; I’ve felt a bit more positive about things this week. I’m quite sure that chemo does something quite unpleasant to my brain chemistry because my brain is definitely a happier place now! One more round to go. I think I’ll need to remember how miserable it makes me feel and not take too much notice of where my thoughts spiral to. It’s so incredibly helpful to know that you have become less anxious over time. I hope I can do that too. x
I definitely agree that chemo affects one’s emotions. I would have one or two days when I felt at the bottom of a dark hole. It must be hard but maybe also cheering to have a small child to take care of while going through this.
hi ColinsGirl, I can relate to your situation… as I have a 4 year old , i’m a single Mum, 49… also diagnosed in spring this year. it’s v hard to psychologically cope with the fact it was a cancer diagnosis. I feel worse post chemo than I did during ….. as I think all the suppressed emotions are catching up.. I totally understand how hard it is. What I seem to have been told by clinical psychologists that to allow yourself all these emotions (including anger) and then working on managing anxiety, reducing stress and finding activities you enjoy to stop your mind wandering off. Much easier said than done!! I completely emphasise… I’m a bit ‘stuck’ at the moment in the what ifs…so get it!! Not sure if that’s helpful or not… 🥴
Dear Jazmin,
Thank you so much for writing. I think I feel the same as you - much more anxious post surgery. I’ve got one more chemo to go. I’ve got lots of rage inside of me - I’m even thinking of joining a boxing club and…well, I’m a special needs teacher and I like geraniums I think they’d be a bit surprised if I rocked up there! I’m just off on the school run so I’ll write properly later but I just wanted to let you know how helpful it is to hear from someone in a similar situation.
Morning Jazmin,
Just recovering from my chemo on Friday - how are you doing?
Is there anything which has worked especially well for you to stop your mind wandering off? Mine does it all of the time!
ColinsGirl x
hi ColinsGirl, sorry just seen your post. Hope you are through the worst of the chemo side effects …. Up to the first 10 days are the worse!🥴🙈 I found hypnotherapy so good. meditation type tracks. ..a Daily Gratitude list…. Always thinking the positives that exist in any given (bloody awful) situation…. Steps to boost immune system (juicing and vitamins) …..faith and visualisation. Things that help you think clearer and feel better all help. Spend more time with people you can relax with…. ditch all the other drama. I also think take stock of everything that may have contributed to you developing cancer and do the opposite. (I’m trying to do this in my own life atm)…. Focus on some good things…. Read books on radical remissions….those are all my strategies at the moment. I’m a little frustrated at myself I’m not putting everything into practice (I’m struggling to do exercise now back at work and stuck behind a desk for hours!) but that’s what I would suggest…. As some ideas.Do let me know how you are and so sorry I missed this message earlier in the week!xx
Hello! I think the worst of the chemo side effects are over, thank goodness. I’m doing such similar things to you really, especially looking at what I can change. I’ve been reading lots - my counsellor recommended I look at research by Candace Pert - I’ve got her book, Molecules of Emotion. It’s quite a heavy read with lots of science but I’ve found it fascinating because it rethinks entirely the separation between the soul and the body. Also, reading Gabor Maté’s The Myth of Normal. You can find him speaking to Kirsty Young on Young Again - available on BBC Sounds. He talks about ill health being as a result of our disconnection with our true selves. I lost my way a bit before I got my diagnosis, tried very hard to go along with something I knew deep down wasn’t right for me. As Richard Bach says, the worst lies are the lies we tell ourselves. I feel sure this mismatch has had a role to play in my illness. Mm. Heavy stuff. xx
Gabor Maté has a voice like bathing in velvet, so listen if only for that! Xx
hi ColinsGirl I read your update and wow those references sound really interesting - I shall definitely look them up!! I believe the last 7 years of my life have had quite a lot of traumatic episodes … betrayal, loss, huge stress, demands and bereavement ….. if the body was keeping score it’s absolutely no surprise I got sick! I love everything you’re trying…I think very much on the same page as you! I read ‘How your mind can heal your body’ David Hamilton as there’s a chapter on chemo…. Most of the book is a bit dry …. Citing loads of studies about the placebo effect … but he makes the case for the mind being so powerful in controlling how the body responds (whether real or imagined!) Which is the essence. I think you’re doing amazing!! 💕
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