Always thinking the worst

[Jholly4]

Hi all, as a newbie only a few months since OC diagnosis and treatment I am struggling with my brain over thinking things. After several pain-free weeks I started getting abdo pains yesterday and although these may jusy be muscles adjusting to increasing activity level as I recover 11 weeks out of debulking surgery my silly brain jumps straight to "its come back already". How long did you all find it took to gain confidence and not to stress out irrationally at every sniff of a symptom. I am usually a very pragmatic person who does not get rattled easily so this is so unlike me but I realise life after OC changes us as we settle into our " new normal". Jholly

[Iside]

A new way of thinking is helpful, take it a day at a time, don’t look forward cos it’s destructive or back, just slow it down & stop overthinking.

I was in your position 5 yrs ago , stage 3 OC & the help I’ve received has been incredible.

So my love, keep your GP close & open your mind to different possibilities & if you don’t like your team you can change to other hospitals in your area.. there are many wonderful people out there willing to help, take advantage. Iside

[Shan67]

I found it really hard dealing with the diagnosis too - it was such a shock and so very unexpected- as with all of us. I am over a year since surgery. Counselling helped me more than anything, as did medication ( I now take antidepressants). I was really reluctant and actually ashamed - but my oncologist persuaded me and she was right. Your local hospice is not only for end of life. I go regularly to south bucks hospice and they have been amazing. I have had counselling, complimentary therapies including massage, acupuncture and attend an art group too (I am definitely not an artist!) Initially I couldn’t do anything but am now back in my choir, book club and having fun. My husband and I have returned from a great holiday in Canada and I am seeing Barbie tomorrow with a friend!! 😂Please ask about local support and see your GP if you’re worried about anything at all. It does get easier. Sending love and a big hug Shan xx

[Lyndy]

Hi JHolly4

Don’t be hard on yourself, getting a diagnosis is a huge life shock and you are only at the start of processing it. You have some good advice from others here, you will find a way through that works for you but periodically that old nagging worry will break through. Be kind to yourself when it does xx

[Skyeplus]

Others have given good advice but I just wanted to offer support, you are not alone, we all are going through or have been through it. I was very down. I was stage 4grade a at diagnosis and know that I cannot be cured. My treatment for which I’m very grateful is palliative and I keep going although recently my cancer has spread to the liver and spleen. I was very down, but all the support and advice her really helps. Try to think positive, and as others say, try other possibilities. I am in touch with friends I hadn’t seen for years, have joined new societies and am out and about. I completely understand what you say about different pains ….ring your specialist nurse. They are great and nothing will be too much trouble and I’m sure they will reassure you. Are you on anything post surgery? Take care 🥰🥰🥰

[Jholly4 in reply to Skyeplus]

Thanks skyeplus. Unfortunately my CNS was off work when I met my oncologist so we haven't really connected but I will reach out to her as I ended up back in A/E this week due to the pain and scan showed a gallbladder issue so am heading to more surgery which is not great No cancer in liver showed on scans which is great.

[Kjpip]

Hi Jholly4, it does get easier I promise! Your brain can't help jumping to the worst conclusion, but it's because everything is still very fresh and new in your mind. As the months go on, it will slowly become something that you think about alot, rather than all the time, and eventually something that you think about sometimes rather than alot. But however positive we are, or however much time goes by, we all have dark moments or days and you just have to be kind to yourself and talk yourself back up with some of that pragmatism!If you've had a hysterectomy only 11 weeks ago, your body is still adjusting to all the extra space inside and your abdominal pains are probably down to your insides still healing and shifting about. I would echo the advice to ring your CNS, they should be able to put your mind at rest xx

[A1r1t]

Hijholly4, I agree with kjpip your body is still adjusting and healing and you do get all kinds of aches and pains with that but it does settle down eventually. We've all been there, minds working overtime thinking the worst! But I promise you it will get better. It took me a long time to realise I needed to stop over thinking and just get on with my life. I've just had my first holiday abroad since my diagnosis in 2020 so I know I've come a long way and I'm loving life again. You can do too, just embrace the new you and be kind to yourself except that your body needs time to heal, it doesn't happen over night. Gentle baby steps and you'll look back and one day you'll be giving good advice to some other newbie in your situation. Take care of yourself ♥ 😘.

[Motiva]

I found that the psychological and emotional trauma needed treatment and support too. I have done lots of online yoga/relaxation to help heal my mind. Ovacome and Target Ovarian Cancer and great classes.

It was a grieving process losing my old care free, physically active and healthy identity. There is was anger and disbelief too. Now I am in a period of acceptance and enquiry into the things I can do that make a positive difference.

Trying to let go of the comparison, ‘but I used to be able to run 10k …. and now the stairs needed physio instruction.’

Self compassion is a tricky lesson to learn but we deserve and need it so much.

Sending kind thoughts and hugs,

F x

[Jennifer1959]

Hello Jholly - I am on a similar timeline journey to you - I've read through all of the replies and there is some really great advice (for me as well as you). One of the things that I have tried to do - is to live in the present. If I find my head drifting off into a catastrophic future (often happens) - I press pause and ask myself quite firmly - are you ok at the moment? My response is yes. So I then say to myself - well get on and live your life girl! Well that is the theory. It mostly works. I use nature - trees, birds , wind etc - to really try and connect with and be in the present. Its a work in progress. I keep saying to myself - no one really has a guarantee about 'tomorrow' and in that respect I am no different.

Then sometimes I do allow myself to feel sorry for me! I think someone mentioned about grieving about their old life and I think that is what is happening for me. I keep getting pulled into (what I call), the cancer party. Everyone in there is either a professional or someone who has cancer and it doesn't matter how lovely they all are - I really don't want an invite. But I find I am dragged in (by letters, scans, treatment etc). So maybe I am not at the acceptance stage as yet.

Your worries are totally understandable. I often think exactly the same. As my chemo is drawing to a close (two more sessions to go) I am already thinking - oh, final scan and what will that say? I noticed a couple of health changes when going to the loo recently and already I am thinking its come back. I am not sure what the answer is to those fears other than to say - look right now, you're ok, you can go out and about and enjoy life so just go on and do that. The future will totally take care of itself. That is my logical brain of course......

Sorry for rambling on! Lots of warm wishes and hugs are sent your way. xx

[delia2]

Hi. You’ve gotten great advice but I would add that time helps a lot, along with counseling, yoga, etc. As a year goes by you start to feel more confidence in your new situation and hope that you will remain ned for a long time. I’ve gone through phases of crippling anxiety before scans, but managed to recommit to enjoying life. But give yourself time to absorb what you’ve been through.

[Jholly4]

Thank you all for your advice and wise words. Reassuring to hear others felt the same at this stage and that I am doing the right things with joining a support group and this week started the bupa counselling funded by macmillain. I met some lovely ladies at a feel good look great workshop too ( if you haven't signed up for one of these I thoroughly recommend it l, its a make up session with a lovely free bag of make up goodies but mostly we had a good laugh together) My abdo pain got worse this weekend and tests show liver function has deteriorated further but my GP jumped straight on it with further tests and referral to the liver team so hopefully this is just a blip from some imflammation or infection as my system settles down from the surgery.

Jholly

[Saintgermain]

Hi Jholly4

What your feeling is a normal reaction to this journey we've all been where you are and to some degree it's always there but does get a bit easier with time I recently was having upper stomach pain I insisted a CT scan was ordered all was fine I'm 22 months NED I have my 3 month checkup tomorrow with my Onc get my CA125 drawn which is a good indicator for me its always in the back of your mind to some degree. My cancer center offered free counseling it helped as what we're going through is trauma life changing turns our world upside down. It takes time to wrap our minds around what is happening to us and to find the new normal this is a wonderful site I'm in the states, it's helped me tremendously. Hugs from Chicago

[Leniko]

I understand. Night time is the worst. I try to redirect my mind into saying meditative passages like the Prayer of St Francis or the Lord’s Prayer to redirect me. A low dose anxiety med or antidepressant may help.

[BadgerBright]

Hi jholly4 I have just been reading all the replies and the wonderful advice and support shared. So I just wanted to say that I have been helped tremendously by the support of my local Horizon Macmillan Centre with complimentary therapies, counselling and even haircuts. My GP is really helpful and so is my oncologist and my specialist nurse. Never be afraid to contact them anytime and tell them both physical and mental issues. A period of NED is great but does bring other challenges I found which you need to get your head around. I was diagnosed in 2019 /20 with stage 3A OC. Now about to start my 3rd round of chemo I know I am just keeping it at bay but I am still standing enjoying life with my friends, family and supports which includes this fab site. Wishing a well with your new normal in Chicago and continuing NED. BB.

[BadgerBright]

Sorry jholly4 Got a bit confused with my latest reply. Feeling a bit confused at present. Not sure where you are based but all my reply on support was a great experience for me and worth pursuing when worries come upon you especially during the stage you at at. Do not google either it just exacerbates the overthink. I found confidence did come back with each small step I took with the help of both professionals and my friends and family. Wishing you well as you adjust as I feel certain you will. Again sorry for my mess up. BB.

[SopSinger]

Lots of good advice. I'd just add that my oncologist told me that any new symptom that appeared and persisted for two weeks should be checked out, otherwise NOT TO WORRY! Sending hugs!