Hi everyone , I do hope you are having the best day you can as you live with this dreadful disease.
Wont go into too much detail but at the moment I find I’m struggling with pain and exhaustion which in turn are taking me to a dark place where despair is winning over hope . The prospect of starting 5th line treatment on Monday fills me with dread, but I so want to keep on going.
I do not expect anyone to come up with answers to my plight, because I know that I must dig deep to find the strength within myself to deal with this. But, thank you for listening/reading, I just needed a safe space to let out some feelings that I don’t want to scare my loved ones with.
Wishing those in need of it, a peaceful nights rest and for others maybe out socialising having a great time living life large - enjoy!
Thanks again
Jan. x
Written by
Litchick
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Hi Jan, I have been in a similar place with the pain and exhaustion making me miserable. I’ve had loads of test all have come back clear which is fabulous but I was still in pain. So I sobbed down the phone to the doctor and he prescribed Pregabalin, since taking it I am almost pain free and seem to have more energy and the will to do a bit more. I don’t read the side effects, I let my husband do that, the good ones are pain relief, help with sleep and anxiety, all of which I think have help me. I believe there are some bad side effects which a lot of people suffer from, I’m amazed I haven’t had them because my body seems to love going down that path but this time it hasn’t.They may be worth a try. Sending loads of love and good luck xx
Thank you so much for your helpful reply. It is good to know that pregabalin has worked for you, and no side effects a real bonus. I am talking to my oncologist tomorrow and will ask him about it. Feeling stronger today and hoping the transfusions I had last week have worked and I can start chemo.
Jan, You will find the strength to keep going as you must be pretty tough to get and be offered 5th line chemo. I finished chemo late August after 2nd recurrence,and have felt drained, but gradually improving,but realise like all of us that there will be more to follow at some stage. Sending you a hug, and wishing you luck for Monday. Take care.
Hi Jan. It’s hard dealing with this and only others who have gone thru chemo or are going thru it will understand. We have all been where you are but kept going. You are stronger than you know, you must be to be going thru this again. Sounds to me like you have already dug deep and have a strong fighting spirit. Take each day one day at a time and come here when you need to vent and need a hug. We are all here for you. When you go for that chemo just take a moment to think ‘all those on the site are here with me, willing me on’. Big hug, Kathy xx
Im starting 5 the line Monday too Gemcitabine and Carboplatin ,so I know how you're feeling ,I'd decided not to have any more but changed my mind because I was told it might help my pleural effusion, I'm going to try the first cycle,then decide if I can cope with any more, I'm dreading it . Somehow we keep finding the strength to carry on , perhaps it's the thought of it and once we get going we'll cope better , we'll think of each other tomorrow and give each other strength
We all know how you are feeling and thank goodness we have this place to share that with those who do understand. You’ve already faced an awful lot and got through it. I always think it’s this part when you are approaching that next hurdle that’s the hardest to cope with. It’s the dread, the fear and the not again feeling. However once you start that treatment however hard it is or how much pain you feel somehow the adrenaline kicks in to get you through it.
I hope this will be the case for you this week.
Sending big hugs and wishing you strength to cope with yet another trial
the good news is that you want your 5th line. Of course you are depressed and weary go ahead and acknowledge it give it a few minutes then move away from it. Do something indulgent and fun. Hugs from
As everyone has said we’ve all had moments of despair, it’s part of the journey. I know so well that we hide it within ourselves to protect our loved ones but we do need to say it out loud to someone!
I am glad you have said it here, you are safe to say what you need to and we all understand xx
Sending you Prayers and hugs was experiencing bad anxiety I was prescribed Gabapentin similar to pregabalin to take at night as Rosado stated a turning point
Hi Jan. I’m glad you felt able to express your dark feelings. I’ve been there too. I hope once you start treatment things will seem more doable and hopeful. I hope you can find some small bright spots each day. Xx
It's very natural to feel like this. I doubt any of us didn't at some stage or another. All I can do is offer you some hope. I don't know what stage you are but I was 3C in 2013 and I'm still here. There are a lot of survivors that I've read about over the years. When we're in our darkest place it's hard to see light at the end of a long tunnel.
You will get through your chemo next week and we'll all look forward to reading about your recovery. All the very best, Zena
HI Litchick. I can't add any of my own words of wisdom to the above replies but just wanted to share today's entry from my "Daily Mantras" book I was given to help me cope with my own oc journey.
The Devil whispered in my ear, "You're not strong enough to withstand the storm ".
Today I whispered in the Devil's ear, "I AM THE STORM".
The affirmation that accompanies this is "I stand safe in my strength and can overcome what life throws at me". I hope this is of some help to you. Sending love .
Hi Jan, I can only echo what the others have said. All of us have had those dreadful feelings going through this journey. This forum is a great place to vent your feelings. Try and stay positive and know that you have many ladies on here sending our best wishes, Donna xx
I hear you and really feel it because I have been down for the last few weeks too and it's hard to come up. Niraparib didn't work, clinical trial didn't work, now liver affected and bone mets, starting third line chemo and feeling like it won't work and what's the point. Where is the quality of life when there is pain and things aren't working.
Sorry to pile my negativity on. But the thing is, I am having enough good days, enough fun times with my grandkids, finding new ways to play with them which don't involve running/jumping etc 😊
I feel like there will come a time when I'm too tired of it all and it's okay to let go but it's not yet. And I don't think you're there yet because you know the 5th line could bring good days too. I really hope it does and that some quality returns to your life soon. Just keep in mind how far you've come and what you've achieved since this journey began.
I'm sorry to read that you are struggling with pain and exhaustion. I can see that some of our our lovely members have already shared that you're not alone in feeling the way you do. I wanted to point you in the direction of our support services in case you would like to talk further.
If you'd like to talk through how you're feeling, our support line is open Monday-Friday from 10am to 5pm on 0800 008 7054.
We also have a number of support groups full of people in a similar situation- exactly as you describe, a safe space to let out some of your feelings.
All of our groups are accessible online, and some local groups are also face-to-face. You can have a look at what's available here:
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Keeping on keeping on.
Finding the way forward
Some hope and positivity! 
Positive 
A positive can always come out of a negative
