Jumping through Hope

[SophiaMariaA]

We are all familiar with the circus act where an animal, usually a small dog, is trained to jump through hoops held by the circus master. The hoops vary in size and in placement and as the circus master waves the hoops, tosses them in air or sets them on fire, the dog bravely and enthusiastically jumps through each one. What makes the dog do this? Daily training and the anticipation of a delicious reward at the end of a jump and perhaps a bigger reward at the end of the show.

Having cancer, I have often felt like a circus dog, only instead of jumping through hoops, I am jumping through hopes. At the beginning of the cancer show, the hopes are large and unlike in the circus, not so easy to jump through. As time goes by they get smaller and more specific and the likelihood of making it through is lessened. Still other hoops are set aflame and the danger of jumping through is palpable and the risk of not making it without being burnt or scarred is great. Among the hopes one has to jump:

•I hope it’s not cancer

•I hope it’s in early stages

•I hope they get it all in surgery

•I hope it hasn’t spread

•I hope chemo isn’t too bad

•I hope I don’t lose my hair, nails, vitality, senses, etc.

•I hope I am no longer tired (nauseated, in pain, fatigued, etc.) tomorrow

•I hope the results show I’m in remission

•I hope it doesn’t recur

There are other hopes, of course. New ones appear on a daily basis (I hope I’m well enough today to shop for groceries, I hope the people coming to visit do not notice I’ve been unable to clean the house, I hope my insurance covers the next treatment, and so on….) and each one brings its own challenges and incentives.

Each jump gets me closer to my reward - living life as I did before cancer, or as near as one can get. If I successfully jump through these hopes there is a 30% chance of living through the next three years and if I make it through that hope, there is a 20% chance I can go another few years with or without recurrence.

Frankly there are days where this is not much of an incentive and garnering the energy to jump through yet another hope seems impossible. And yet, like a trained dog, I jump.

I jump because I am trained to believe that modern medicine coupled with faith and sheer will can rid me of this cancer. I jump because the fear of not jumping outweighs any concern I might have of jumping and failing. I jump because they are not just my hopes, but the hopes of everyone I love and who loves me and the thought that I might let them down by refusing to jump is just too much of a burden to bear.

I jump because I have to.

[Lyndy]

Brilliant post SophiaMariaA... thanks for sharing xx

[Manchesterlady]

Thank you for sharing x

[Differentforgirls]

Wow This is such an incredible piece of writing, written from the heart. Really touched me.

Keep jumping through those hopes - I believe most of us will be doing so too.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Take good care xx

[DC1234]

So very well said, thank you

[Jenjill47]

Sophia you are spurring me along. So beautifully written. Again, I read this to my beloved husband Dan! He is there to help me jump through those hurdles!

My beloved Grandson - he and my family are all worth jumping those hurdles!

[27-359]

You have absolutely nailed this journey. Thank you.

Jenny

[Katmal-UK]

I have this pinned . So true

[Litchick]

What A powerful piece of writing. Thank you. Let’s us all hold hands and jump together. xx

[Spirit22]

Thanks for sharing x

[Tulips66]

Thanks for sharing the way you are getting through this horrible journey we are all on, I never saw it that way & it is all so true. Hopefully you & all the other ladies will continue to jump through those hoops of hope no matter what knocks we get & we will just get up again & keep fighting. Stay strong & wishing you all the best 🌸X

[Clifden1]

Lovely inspirational piece xxxx

[Cheryl4677]

This resonated so much with how I am feeling today. Thank you for posting. Cheryl x

[Scotty38]

Wow this is very powerful,all you ladies have your own hopes and dreams my mum included,my hope is that all your hopes and dreams come true ❤

[RainbowC]

Beautifully expressed - thank you x

[delia2]

This is a wonderful analogy. Thanks for sharing!

[Petrolhead]

Excellent post

Fay

[jersey-jazz]

Dear SophiaMariaA. Thank you for expressing our hopes, fears and strengths so beautifully! We all jump because we have to, for the exact reasons that you have spelled out.XXX OOO

[win_56]

Just in tears reading this.....just how I feel. and I think everyone of us who's going through this disease relates to this. I'm just so emotional this week. Think it's just waiting for scan results.

[SophiaMariaA in reply to win_56]

Waiting is one of the most stressful elements of this experience as we fill those empty moments with "what ifs" and "not nows." . Wen you have been waiting as long as you have for a CT result, the stress can only deepen. I feel for you and wish I could motivate your care team to get your results to you. I hope your scan results come in soon and that they give you the news you hope for. Hang in there, Win_56, we are with you.

[win_56]

Thank you for your lovely reply. My CNS nurse rang me yesterday and said to come in Friday now at 11.30am to see oncologist as they should definitely have my results back by then. Yes it's been an anxious 4 weeks but hopefully light at the end of the tunnel. Its kind of you to text me back, Thank you I'll let you know the outcome of my scan results .xx

[Sw21]

I had read early on that our hopes change and evolve during this experience. I have accepted that I will never have my old life back, and I have some measure of peace with the fact that I can not control how this turns out, that took me a couple years. Now I just hope for another season without recurrence or pain. You put it so beautifully! Thank you. ( I have a scan tomorrow.)

Stephanie

[Differentforgirls]

Hope your scan goes well & the results bring a sense of relief. Take good care xx