my greatest fear

Hi all this is the first time I have written anything like this.I had my opp on feb 21st this yr a tumour the size of a pineapple it has,ent spread anywhere else , although it has leaked, i have had a full hysterectomy it is a stage 2 i start my chemo on the 14th of April overall i think i have copped with the shock of it all really well and keep quite positive but my greatest fear is that i have 3 young children and it worries me the affect all of this is going to have on them and what the future holds i wonder if their are any other mums out their that have any advice.

thanks

dedewhite

11 Replies

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  • Hello!

    Big respect (as the young say) for writing how you feel.

    It's really frightening to consider that your children might lose their mother. However, there is a great deal you can do in terms of diet and lifestyle to give yourself the best possible chance of a healthy future. When I had stage 3c cancer - 2 big tumours and spread to a lymph node- I was told that it was 'wonderful' that the tumours had come out intact. The chemo will 'mop up' any cells that might have leaked. With luck and some work to eat well, and keep your stress levels down, you will be fine.

    An acquaintance of mine rang me when I was ill, and said "You'll be fine - my mother had o/v when we 3 girls were between7 and 14. She had a hysterectomy, plus, came home - no chemo. She died at age 83 of something totally unconnected".

    Just remember; cancer is a diagnosis, not a death sentence. Make sensible arrangements for the worst (as we all should- anyone might go under a bus tomorrow), find out the diet and lifestyle that works for and protects you - then live a long and healthy life enjoying every minute as only someone who has looked into the eyes of the Grim Reaper can!!!

    Much love,

    Isadors

  • Hi Isadora,

    Thanks so much for your reply,I,m so glad Ive found this site, it helps to read other peoples experinces,some of my family/friends find it difficult to talk about it and have ended up me giving the cuddles and tissues saying don,t worry pls don,t cry everything will be ok.

    I think I,m just coming to terms with the reality of cancer, its definitley going to change my life, I think its going to make me a much stronger person.

    After having a very stressful job and a bully of a boss,I,m glad i,m just going to take it easy this summer and enjoy being with the children.

    thanks again

    dedewhite

  • Hi dede,I can relate to how you feel,I have a daughter that even though shes older than your children would fall apart without me,my fault I know! My husband is also not coping at all as this is still all so new as it seems to be for you.I only went to see my gp for the 1st time on the day you were having your surgery!My tumor is also large so my surgery is next week,be very glad to get rid of it as there is no room left for any of my poor squashed organs!!I will find out if its malignant the same day though I have been told to expect that due to ca125 and scans.Anyway just wanted to tell you that prayer has been an amazing comfort to me,dont know if you have faith already but if not give it a try! Hope you are doing well,God bless.

  • Hi Dede

    I know just what a worrying time you are going through as I lost my daughter 5 years ago to o.c. She had just had her little boy ( he was 4months old, still breast feeding) when she was diagnosed and she had 2 other children aged 11 & 15. She set out with a very positive frame of mind, tried many alternative therapies & diets. She fund-raised tirelessly and went through all the family photos to make individual collages for each of them. As the time got nearer she wrote each of them a letter to be given to them when their dads felt the time was right. She also started a memory box for each of them. With help she decided what sort of service she wanted (humanist) and then got on with living. Sadly the trip to the Grand Canyon did not materialise but marrying her partner did.

    Please don't feel depressed by what I've said. She felt she had taken control and she certainly made everything easier for those of us she left. Enjoy your life and especially your children. Give them wonderful memories, if, and I stress if, that day ever comes. Stay well.

    Jennie Kuca

    ROCC

  • Hello

    I was diagnosed with stage 3c exactly a year ago and had total hysterectomy and chemo which finished last October. I have boy girl twins aged 7 and talking to them about it was the best thing for them. They coped really well because nothing was hidden. When you go through chemo you will come out the other side and feel better in a few months. Dying is never immediate though it may feel like it now for you, it felt like it for me during the treatment but once the shock subsides and treatment finishes you will get a different perspective. I have chased lots of diets and healing activities and I believe that actually the most important thing is to allow the body to heal, and that means to really relax, not do relaxation, (I am still learning this lesson!). My CA 125 is not normal yet, it was 47 at my first 3 month check up but has stayed stable. Good luck with it all, and I echo the other comments, find peace where you can.

    Jane

  • Hi Dede,

    You have come a long way already and the chemo will just be the safety net your body needs to get rid of this thing! You have been lucky to have the cancer all cut out, and the chemo will act as a back-up. Don't even think of it not working at this stage....you probably will never need to!

    I had ovarian cancer 8 years ago and I now meet up with lots of women who are real survivors. There are so many of us out there. I also think that having this experience makes you appreciate things like friends and family, so much more!

    I ,too, had a stressful job, although I was never able to have children. I was a Head Teacher in a Junior School, I left that job just before I was diagnosed, cos I felt so rotten all the time, but went back into class teaching after my op for another 7 years until I retired. My point is, having dealt with lots of children in lots of difficult circumstances, their resilience never failed to impress me. I also talked to quite a lot of children after I had recovered from my cancer. I presented it as a bit like this, which may help you...

    "I had something, that was making me feel really tired and ill, in my tummy, and the clever doctors cut it out. It's gone now and I'm feeling really happy to be getting better." Some of the children asked if it was cancer, and I answered honestly. When they said something like, "My Nan died of cancer" I stressed that a huge number of people have cancer and get well again.

    I would say, talk honestly, try not to be too emotional, just calm and matter-of-fact. Most important of all, stress that you're getting better, which I'm sure you are. If your children want to know more they'll ask. In all likelihood, they'll say "OK....and what are we having for dinner?"

    However, the chemo might make you feel rotten and you'll need to try to be honest. What they don't know will frighten them more than what you explain as something that's being dealt with.

    Good luck with this. I often think it's harder on family than it is on us who are going through it. You sound as if you're adopting a fantastically positive attitude, well done! Keep dipping into this website if you feel a bit unsure. It's so good for getting things off your chest!

    Love Wendy x

  • Thank you all,

    You all sound wonderful strong people and have helped me a great deal today I am going to be honest with the children and keep calm,and yes Gilly i do say a little prayer it is a comfort I,m going to see a dietian next week and thanks to this site and peoples tips will have lots of questions to ask.

    once again many thanks

    dedewhite xx

  • Hi again,Im such an idiot asking if you had a full or partial hyst. when you clearly say you did! Sorry! Ive also just realised you start your chemo the day I have my surgery,I will be thinking of you and will pray for you xx

  • Thanks Gilly,Iwill think of you too hope all goes well

    dedexx

  • I have a little boy who is 19months. I am on my own with him. If the worst happens there is no husband or partner in the picture. My siblings live across the other side of the world and run a mile whenever I share my fears and scary news. This has hurt me deeply. I feel because of this I would not consider trusting them with my son if I died prematurely. I have good friends and the ones I would consider are either too old or have other pressing emotional commitments. I would appreciate feedback and ideas on this as it leaves me sleepless. My diagnosis was clear cell and it has not responded well to first line chemo.

  • Hi Stephanie I,m sorry to hear of your situation,as you read in my blog it was my worst fear about leaving my kids,i have had panic attacts and reached really dark places in my mind but afterwards all we have is ourselves and i really can,t go to those thoughts again i cant worry in front of the kids they are older than your son because its not heathly to see thier mum like that all i can say is stay as busy as you can that seems to work for me doing things with your son and staying as positive as possible we are all different and as you have probably read on this site people do survive and go on to get back to some normality after the shock of it all,my nurse told me once that you find a new normal one that works for you and your son i hope you can get some kind of support what about your nurse or mcmillain they really helped me,i hope this has been a little bit of help big hugs dedewhite xxx

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