My daughter's getting married but will I get there?

Well what a shock. After living together for 7 years and having two children, plus two from a previous relationship, my daughter is getting married next July. There's a query over whether I'll last that long and I felt I had to tell her that. I feel bad about having to do it but I'm on my 4th type of chemo (weekly taxol), having been in treatment for 14 months apart from 6 weeks last summer. The hardest part of this disease all along has been telling my daughters, first that it was cancer, then every time it comes back, or the treatment doesn't work. I'm due for a scan tomorrow but won't get the results for a couple of weeks.

16 Replies

  • Good luck with your scan tomorrow and for good results.

    It's not easy telling those close to you but I think unless your medical team tell you you only have months to live it's best to assume you're here for a long time yet. You say the news regarding the wedding was a shock but now you need to concentrate on looking forward to the wedding and start to make plans what outfit you'd like to wear, etc.

    All the best!

  • Hi is that July 2017 or July 2018? Whichever it is I hope you find out what the colours are for the wedding and start to choose which colour you will be wearing, excuse to try on lovely outfits and a huge hat maybe?

    A happy occasion however good that you spoke frankly with your daughter -Our mums are special and I imagine you had some difficult conversations however I'm sure they just want you to be well don't they? Sometimes our families know we are dealing with cancer however as we 'get on with it' they sometimes don't really understand or appreciate what's going on.

    Hoping you manage to keep as calm as possible whilst waiting for your scan results however the dreaded Scanxiety can also have an impact can't it?

    Thinking of you

    Clare xx

  • Its hard isnt it, I wish you luck with your scan and I hope the treatment is working away for you. In the meantime, positive thinking start thinking colours and what you feel comfy in and hats and shoes etc. We are worry if the treatment doesnt work, my grandson was born in 2011 and I though oh dear I cant love him because I may not be there for him but he is now five and half and there is another on the way.

  • Hi lovely,

    My daughter postponed her wedding because of me and finally got married last year,others will tell you the same or other stories.

    I found it a reason to keep on going and I'm sure you can do, so, start to plan your outfit (after all you are the mother or the bride) and when you get good results in a couple of weeks you can go full score on the arrangements, mums are special,make the most of it,

    Carole xxx

  • Good luck with the scan Lesley.

    Jane X

  • Good luck with the scan results and with your future treatment . So hard to talk honestly with loved ones as we want to protect them . My daughter is 21 in Dec and I want to be there and well to celebrate with her God willing . I know it's hard but stay positive and keep busy helping with wedding plans and choosing your outfit .

    Love , best wishes and positive vibes . Stay strong love Kim X

  • Hi LeasleyGreengren,

    Good luck with the scan, and the treatment.

    I start weekly taxol as a 4th line also, yes it is hard telling our families.

    But what a lovely occasion to look forward to a wedding .

    You know Leasley each year I've hoped this will not be my last Christmas with my family, 3 years latter I'm still here and hoping to see this Christmas.

    As I other ladies said you need to start planing your outfit and ask your daughter if you can help in the wedding no matter how small.

    Cheers Lorraine xx

  • Thanks Lorraine. Weekly taxol has been the easiest chemo yet and I reach the halfway point on Thursday.

  • Leslie, you might surprise yourself! My own doctor is blown away by how well I'm doing. After a year of treatment I am in pathological remission. Honestly, the medical community is frequently shocked by the long term survival of advanced cancer patients. I could get run over by a bus just like anyone else. None of us knows what the future holds. Carpe Diem!!!

  • Hi Lesley, firstly, good luck with the scan, fingers crossed for positive results, the waiting is a pain isn't it?

    What lovely news about the wedding and I can really understand your worries about long term plans, but none of us know what's in store for us with or without cancer.

    Why not try to get involved with some of the plans and arrangements I'm sure your daughter would love you to be involved, it is such quality time and I'm sure she'd appreciate the input and help.

    There are many people out there who have amazed the medical profession with their progress with many diseases, so who knows what's to come?

    Sending big hugs of positivity and lots of love ❤️ xx Jane

  • Thanks for all the positive messages though I'm really not into shoes and outfits and my daughter would be totally shocked if I turned up in a hat. Perhaps I should get one so I can see her face. But being with her, my granddaughters as bridesmaids and all the family (she has 13 cousins mostly with children) would be wonderful. I will be seeing her this week as she's collecting me from chemo Thursday so I'll be hearing all about it then.

  • Good luck with the scan . The news about the wedding is wonderful and gives you so much to look foward to. It is early days for me but I am trying to find a balance between reality and positivity and am feeling fairly upbeat at the moment. It has helped me to avoid planning ahead but this should be an exception and you should get stuck in helping with the planning.

  • None of us knows how long we have. I was diagnosed with oc 9 years ago. I thought I wouldn't live to see my younger daughter married & settled. But she married three & a half years ago, & had a daughter 2 years later. Like you, I'm not into hats, but she & her future husband came up from London for a weekend a few weeks before the wedding. I already had my outfit, & they took me into town to choose shoes & hat! When my elder daughter married, before I had oc, she also expected me to wear a hat, & we met in her lunch hour from work to choose one together. I hope you have much time ahead of you yet. Di

  • Hi Lesley

    First of all good luck with your scan and results. I really hope that the excitement of the forthcoming wedding and planning that outfit and hat will be the icing on the cake for you. Where did that gloomy query you mention come from ? It doesn't sound very helpful . After all you have just been on treatment and your results may be very promising. I just found out about recurrence last year and got invited to four weddings . Three of them were before treatment and the fourth after my second chemo. I joked to the young Ðr that I hoped it wasn't going to be four weddings and a funeral ! He didn't know whether to laugh or look shocked. I really enjoyed every one of them as I had to concentrate on more pleasant things than PPC and treatment . I hope you can enjoy that,same feeling. Take care


  • Lesley. Much luck with your scan results. If your daughter iss anything like me, she may have chosen a date that is a bit far off to give you hope and encouragement to hold on a bit longer. Planning for this fabulous day may give you another focus besides oc.

  • Hi, good luck with your scan results. What fabulous news that your daughter is getting married, stability and security for her and your grandchildren, that is wonderful.

    Yes, we are living with this disease and we know that our time on this earth is limited but no one is promised tomorrow. This was brought home to me last Thursday when a friend died suddenly of a massive heart attack. I had been talking to her at her door as I passed with 2 of my grandchildren on Tuesday afternoon.

    We have to live in the moment and not dwell on what the future might bring. My advice to you would be to get excited for your daughter and ask her if you can help in any way with the wedding plans. Having had 2 daughters married, shopping for wedding dresses, bridesmaids dresses, shoes, hair accessories etc was great fun. Ask if you can tag along as they go looking at reception venues. Have fun with her and rejoice In her happiness and start looking out for your own outfit too. Mother of the bride is a very important and privileged position. Above all, enjoy every moment of it.

    God bless the happy couple and their wee family, and of course you too. Ann xx

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