I thought I would write to apologise for not responding to all the wonderful ladies who have supported me these past weeks and also new ladies looking for support from this site. I have been in my dark place these last couple of days post chemo, and only managed to get out for a walk yesterday.

I have also been a little anxious the past couple of days due to having my ct scan on Wednesday and meeting with the surgeon next Wednesday to discuss my surgery on the 29th of June, I think what also made me anxious was I received a letter from the Royal Surrey asking me to get authorisation from the medical insurance company, and although I knew I was having a full hysterecemy I wasn't aware I was having ultra radical surgery as I am not even meeting the surgeon until the 22nd of June to discuss the surgery.

If I am honest with myself I am thinking with having chemo first then surgery then further chemo, I am a little scared even though my family all tell me I am so strong I wish they could meet all you lovely ladies who are a lot stronger than me, and support everyone.

I have gone on more than I meant to so will go back to thinking positive thoughts and stop using Dr Google again.

Hugs to all you wonderful ladies & gentlemen who post on this marvellous site. XX

8 Replies

  • I was just as worried and stressed when I was in your position..I don't think anyone is braver than anyone else and very soon you will be through it and offering support to others. Take heart m'dear you can do this!

    Take the advice of your team and just show up..if you have challenges you will get through and we will be here too when you need us xx Lyndall

  • I'm not so sure I'm stronger than you are but somehow the days seam to be going by. It's horrible all the waiting. You will feel much better after the surgery. My anxiety pre op was really bad, but afterwards I feel so pleased it's over and a step closer to beating this disease. I had ultra radical surgery and it's the best option to remove all the signs of the disease. Recovery is slow but I know I will get there. Take care. Xx

  • I was as anxious as you I think we all are! I never had an operation before I kept thinking what if I don't wake up what if I don't recover what if this what is that over and over again!' I kept trying to tell myself that it's the best thing I've ever had because it's going to save my life and that's how I got through it! I was an emotional wreck on the day I cried all the way to the theatre and normally I don't do crying! But the thoughts of the op are worse than op itself! U present urself b 4 u know it ur in recovery and they check ur pain constantly I can honestly say the only time I suffered with any pain was when the took the epidural out and changed to morphine it was just a couple of hours in the change over that I experienced any pain! I was out of bed in the chair the next day and walking round the day after! Try and embrace the op and chemo are our best friends xxx

    Good luck with everything

  • You will get through it just like you are getting through chemo, it is such an anxious time all the waiting but soon it will be over and you will be recovering.

    I was also anxious especially the morning of surgery but the surgeons (there were 3) were just soo kind and patient. If you are in pain tell them and they can help you dont have to put up with any pain. It's hard but try and enjoy the good days between now and then.

    Good luck and take care



  • Oh gosh! Snap, snap, snap! I'm in the same position as you, but I'm having my surgery on Monday and I haven't even met the surgeon 😕 He had a slot available at short notice and I've been put in.

    We're all stronger than we think we are. You'll find your inner resilience and will come out the other side knowing you can do it. Big hugs x

  • It is a worrying time, and yes we are all stronger than we think. Get some nice nighties and hand cream for your hospital stay. Also have loose crop pants that are comfy for when you come home. Maybe runner with velcro or sketchers that you can get on without too much effort. You are not alone we all have been in the same boat. Hospital is foreign to a lot of us until our diagnosis but best to trust in our consultants and go with the flow. The medics are in charge for a few days while you are in hospital, I found that hard but got over it. Somebody suggested bring ear plugs with you so you can sleep and that is a great idea. Wishing you the best

  • My surgeon for my ultra radical procédure emphasized that it is "major surgery", but as I never had any surgery before, I did not understand what that meant.

    What it meant for me was that the pre op and surgery were painless: the pre op was pleasant (puffy warm air blanket, loving kindness all around, my family at my side), and, since I was given a sedative in pre op, I remember nothing whatsoever about the surgery: you won`t either.

    No, the only difficult part was the recovery. That was when the "major surgery" bit kicked in. To be blunt, recovery hurts! BUT you know you`re on the other side, and things will slowly get better.

    During the recovery period, in the hospital, your body is ticked off!! It reacts by shutting down bowel function for several days, keeping you awake and uncomfortable, etc. But see this as good; you system is reacting normally to a gross assault...that is what "major surgery" means, by the way.

    Here is what I recommend: clear with your doctor-and have him PUT IN YOUR CHART-that you can have pain medication at YOUR descretion. There will be a limit, of much every so many minutes...but it should be up to you, not the nurses, to get it when you need it. I was fortunate to have a self released morphine drip, but it`s important to get this pain relief management clear beforehand.

    No one told me what to expect post-surgery, so I share this with you to hopefully ease your fears about the procedure (piece of cake), and prepare you for the physical adjustment to come. It`s all necessary, so finally, it`s all good.

    My best to you, and let us hear when you`re on the other side! You will be, and better off for it.

  • @ellseybellsey, do you have a gynecological oncologist surgeon? I was diagnosed Nov 20, 2015 with 3C metastatic peritoneal carcinomatosis from epithelial ovarian cancer. I was told that chemo before surgery would make the surgery far more effective by "rounding up, diminishing, killing cancer cells" so there would be less cancer to spread around during surgery. I had a titanium port embedded in my chest followed by 4 rounds of carbo taxol where my CA125 dropped to nearly normal range before surgery. Then I had a radical hysterectomy with temporary colostomy, appendix and spleen removal plus installation of a titanium abdominal port. After surgery I was classified "Residual O" which means no visible signs of disease. After that, within 10 days I had intraperitoneal chemo with cisplatin and taxol. It was a tough treatment as the colostomy makes keeping hydrated nearly impossible. So, my abdominal chemo was in patient. After two treatments of that my CA125 dropped to low normal. I am now doing weekly chemo with carbo/taxol until Aug 8. After that we reverse the colostomy. I have now been in the low normal range for 3 months. It has been a long journey but I am headed to remission. Yes, we all know that remission may just be temporary, but at this point I am grateful to be alive and still enjoying my family. I expect to be in remission forever!!!!! Call me a fool, but if I were to spend one ounce worrying it would not help me!!!! I refuse to ruin the moments I have by worrying. If worrying would cure us all, none of us would be here. Meanwhile, if you need information or answers, do not hesitate to make whatever calls you need to make to speed up the process. I live in Seattle, WA. I am appalled at how long you women are made to wait to get results of scans, lab tests etc!!!!! Here I can get my lab results within 24 hours and scan results the same day , if need be. So, make noise!!!! Advocate for yourself! Don't give up and remember that worry itself just makes you feel worse! Go for a walk, get out of the house so you can change your thoughts. I think rumination CAUSES inflammation because it releases cortisol. So, just be in denial for awhile so you can enjoy yourself now. I hope this doesn't sound too harsh. Love, Tesla in Seattle

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