Glad to have found this forum

Hi everyone,

Just introducing myself as a newbie, really. Have found lots of good advice here and am looking forward to chatting with more of you. I'm currently doing chemo (carboplatin) for Stage 1C ovarian cancer & had a complete hysterectomy in August to remove a complex ovarian mass. I was diagnosed in 2009 with endometriosis and had one ovary & tube removed laprascopically as well as a benign endometrioma.

So far, so good with the first carboplatin treatment I think. What I struggle with most, probably, is bouts of depression or anger or anxiety that happen very suddenly and intensely. I think the combination of sudden onset menopause, recovering from the surgery, homesickness (I'm 3000 miles away from home), dealing with my diagnosis, the effort in putting a brave face on things, turning 50 last Friday, and splitting with my partner -- well, sometimes it all just makes you want to get in bed and pull the duvet over your head and stay there, doesn't it? :)

So it helps a lot to talk to others who have been through it.

Thanks for reading!

Kerry x

31 Replies

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  • Kerry,

    Welcome and sorry to hear just how much you have been through recently.

    Yes your right sometimes it all too much to cope with and it's fine to have a duvet day, a scream and cry what ever it takes, but ( and I speak only for myself) once you done that you brush yourself down, and with defiance you fight and fight with all your might.

    You are in control not cancer !!

    Wishing you good luck with the treatment

    Kris x

  • Thank you, Kris! I can promise I'll go back and read this a few more times in the months to come. :) All the best, K.

  • Hi Kerry .. This can be a very lonely journey without friends who know what it's about. You've had a lot to deal with so it's not surprising you feel as you do. Xxx

  • Thank you, Tina. It really does help talking to others who have been though similar. All the best to you, K.

  • Hi Claire! Oh yes, we do seem to have very similar stories! I like your way of dealing with the anger - you've chosen your target well ha ha. Thanks so much for the hug and the good advice re: chocolate and box sets :) I'm sure we'll chat again! :) x

  • Hi Hitchmo,

    You are going through a lot as well as your op and treatment.

    I had a full hysterectomy September 2014 and 6 months carboplatin and taxol for a stage 1c and have been cancer free since last April.

    I had many duvet days and my mood swings and anger are extreme,so don't feel bad,this is bound to happen and I found the steroids the day after sent me off the wall so they were reduced.

    You are doing good girl and as Clare50. Said there are plenty of us on here to have a chat with when you mood is low xx

  • Thanks Carole! So happy to hear you've been cancer-free since April! Well done. Looking forward to getting there as well. Interesting about the steroids - I will be sure to monitor how I do with them on the next round. Thanks again! K. x

  • Hi Kerry,

    Sorry to hear you are going through so much. I was diagnosed at 1c, grade 3 this August and have just started the chemo after laparoscopy to remove ovaries and tubes. If you ever want to message me I will answer, it seems we are at the same stage of treatment.

    Stay strong and please keep in touch!

    Julie xxx

  • Hi Julie,

    Yes, we seem to be on the same track here! Even down to the 1C, grade 3 diagnosis. What a rubbish club to be in though. :) Thanks so much for the offer to message -- let's absolutely keep in touch and compare notes as we get through this together.

    All the best,

    K xx

  • Hi Kerry and welcome.

    Under any circumstances this disease is a lot to come to terms with. You've got some additional challenges so don't be too hard on yourself.

    1c grade 3 is a rubbish club but there are some great women in it. I was a bit older than you when diagnosed but had the same treatment by the sound of it.

  • Hi and thanks so much for the welcome! I am trying hard to remind myself several times a day that I'm probably coping better than can be expected under the circumstances. Sometimes you just need to repeat the positive messages to yourself more than the negative ones, and sometimes you just need a good wallow, right? :) I hope your treatment was successful and you're recovering well. Thanks again, K. x

  • Hi Kerry

    Welcome to our family so sorry to read about the endless hurdles you have had to face. I have had a few duvet moments

    I find music helps me through and verses

    I can be changed by what happens to me, but I refuse to be reduced by it

    Or

    The flower that blooms in adversity is the rarest and most beautiful of all

    So flower hope the rest of your treatment goes well and kick its butt x

  • I love these, thank you! Have cut and pasted them to a little list I have going of things to have a look at when I need a boost! Someone sent me something today that says, "In the midst of winter, I found there was within me, an invincible summer." I think it was Camus who said it, maybe? But I loved it. Thanks so much for the warm welcome xx

  • Hi,

    Wow that sounds like a lot to think about. I remember the hot flushes after surgery and the weepy moments. I felt really lost after surgery and quite down. I found watching mind numbing day time TV a real incentive t get back on my feet. How much Jeremy Kyle can a girl watch. I was stage 1C grade 3 too, the prognosis is very good, so that's a positive too. You may be able to take red clover for the menopause symptoms, ask your oncologist.

    I found writing a blog helped too, when I read it back now I thought, gosh I was in a bad place, the biggest thing was realising the pain I'd been carrying around with me had gone.

    This is a great place to be when you have a bad day.

    LA xx

  • Hi Lily-Anne! Thanks so much for the lovely message. I will ask about the red clover but I'm not sure I can handle the Jeremy Kyle cure. ;) I've been thinking about writing it all down too, not so much to share with other people but just to try to get it out of my system a bit, or articulate it all a bit better or something. What you said about realising the pain you'd been carrying, and that it had gone -- that must have been an amazing moment. I hope you are doing well and thanks again xx

  • Oh how strong you are. You will recover from aĺl this. 50 is the new 40! Best wishes.

  • Thanks so much! All the best to you as well! x

  • Hi Kerry, welcome to the club, everyone on here is so supportive and helpful. It is a shock to get the news and then again, you are away from home and other things going on you can do without. We all have duvet days with dvds cds and of course chocolate so you are not alone. I admit to throwing cups, and my wig in desperation at the beginning. I am lucky in that we have a very good support system where I live. We have a Cancer Support House, where you can go and talk in confidence , get healing massages and also counselling, art etc. At the moment I am doing a course in Mindfulness and it is helping me to stop overstressing. Ask at your onocology unit if there is one in the area or is there is a welfare office in the hospital. Once upon a time, we had one but she doesnt seem to be around much, cut backs I suppose. I am living in Ireland and if you live near a big city you should have acess to such a support. In Uk there is the Ovacome helpline or the Macmillan Nurses who I believe are wonderful. If you are in another country, there must be something similar near you. I just mention this because if you are away from home, you may not be familiar with the services that are possibly available near you. We are always ready to help here on line any how.

  • Thank you very much! Yes, I am fairly new to the UK system so this is all great information. I will do a bit of research to see what's available in my area. Well done on the mindfulness course - I've not done a course as such but it's something I've been very interested in since I started having panic attacks 18 months ago (well before my diagnosis). Keep breathing, and thanks again x

  • I believe there are also Penny Brohn Centres in Uk so perhaps your onc nurse can direct you in that direction or to the Macmillan nurses. Many ladies here on this site have nothing but praise for them. It must be hard really being ill away from home, but keep asking for any information you need either on here or at your hospital

  • I will do, thank you so much. Just had a look online - there's a Penny B in Bristol, so that's a bit far. But you've inspired me to see what else may be available closer to me. Hope you're getting some answers on the Avastin question.

  • I am also 1C grade 3. I had a total hysterectomy and am in the middle of 6 chemo treatments of taxol and carboplastin. Your feelings of depression and anger are all understandable. I was so shocked by the diagnosis. It is amazing how life changes in one day. The information about the cancer and the treatments are overwhelming at times. Take one day at a time. Stick to reading about this cancer from reputable sites. I also was told to get dressed everyday and take a walk-even it is just around the house. You are not alone!! Fight on!!

  • Hello! thanks for the welcome and good advice. It's funny you say that about getting dressed every day and going for a walk - I was told the same thing and it's something I swear by now. (although it's not always easy, is it?) How are you getting on with your treatments? All best wishes, K. x

  • hi Kerry, I was just looking at members who live near me and saw you live 8 miles away so thought i'd get in touch. I live in stockport and was diagnosed 11 years ago with oc stage 2/3, had chemo 6 times and cancer still there but I am really well and been able to live life to the full much of the time. Hoping that things improve for you in lots of ways soon

    Francesca x

  • Hi Francesca! Oh that's so kind of you - thanks! Everyone here has been so nice and supportive. It's really been a huge help. On Friday I went to the Neil Cliffe Centre at Wythenshaw Hospital and they'll be setting up some services like counselling & complementary therapies for me. I think that will be an enormous help as well - can't wait to start, to be honest. I'm so pleased you're doing well -- long may it continue! Thanks again for reaching out.

    Kerry x

  • Hi Kerry

    I am glad you've got more support now. I have found Beechwood cancer care centre in Stockport to be really helpful and they have nurse/ counsellors and comp therapists there plus lots of other things. i'm about to go there now as I have joined their choir and we're singing a few songs at their carol service in december. Hope all goes as well as poss for you

    love Francesca x

  • Hi Francesca,

    Oh that's so lovely! What a positive way to stay involved there, and provide inspiration to others! I have my first appointment at the Wythenshawe center set up now for Friday & am very much looking forward to it! Also while I was there I found out about weekly walk & talk sessions at Dunham Massey -- with tea and scones at the cafe after! It's organised by the Macmillan Connections office at Whythenshawe, every Friday morning at 10:30. When I'm feeling up to it (and when this mad weather passes) I'm definitely going to try it. Give me a shout if you ever want to join us! All the best, Kerry xx

  • that sounds good but as i'm currently on this clinical trial I have to go to the Chrisite every morning for an injection so wouldn't be able to get there in time. Fingers crossed we get some more good weather and you can enjoy Dunham. I love going there to see the deer. Hope friday morning goes well for you

    love francesca x

  • Thank you, lovely Francesca! Gosh, every morning, eh? I feel like I spend most of my time at the Christie but not to that extent! Wishing you the best with the clinical trial and hope you're coping okay. Will be at the Christie for my next treatment Tuesday morning 9 December - if you're there too and want to have a coffee or a chat, just message me! And hopefully soon you'll be strolling around Dunham again! All the best, xx

  • What time is your appointment Kerry? I will probably be there from 9 to about 10.30 on tuesdays so if you're around then you can text me if you like on 07960495235. It would be good to say hello in person. F x

  • Hello! Right now, my bloods are scheduled for 8:40, the oncologist for 9:40, and treatment for 11:30. Of course, you never know - that may all be subject to change, but I'll pop your number into my phone and if we can sort it so that our paths cross, that would be lovely! Thanks so much! x

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