Although I hardly ever post on this site I very often read whats going on. Today I could do with some advice please....I've never had a very good rapport with my onc and have found him always less than compassionate at my last visit in July he told me my cancer had progressed to stage 4 and if this lot of chemo didn't work I had between 6 and 9 months left to live (that was hard to hear) when I asked him what treatment choices I had he said maybe second line but didn't think there was much else worth doing.... I feel it hard to keep fighting when I feel he's already given up on me

19 Replies

  • I know a few women who were unhappy with their treatment plan and chose to be referred to the Christie in Manchester. They were coming from afar, suffolk, sheffield, stoke etc etc. Some of these were already told nothing more could be done and yet Christires seem to be able to do more. Hope this helps. Love Paul xx

  • Thank you Paul, yes it does help I just wish I had made the decision a lot earlier in my diagnosis. Sandy x

  • If you feel unhappy with the treatment you are getting then you have every right to ask for a referral to someone/somewhere else. It is their job but your life! Don't give up fighting, it's worth fighting for.

    Big hug,


    Zannah x

  • Hi Sandy,

    You have nothing to lose to get a second opinion, sending best wishes love x G x

  • Dear Sandy

    I fully endorse all the previous comments and in particular Gwyn who suggests getting a second opinion. This is your patient right and I hope you feel comfortable asking.

    I for one would be very dissatisfied to have such a negative response from my oncologist but it does depend on the questions you asked to start with. I would like to be thinking of the present time - getting on with seeing how this first line of chemotherapy is going and how you are feeling. It's another question altogether and a way off yet to worry about what if it doesn't work.

    Do you have an option within your current hospital to find out whether another oncologist would be a better choice for you? Do you know the quality of service you receive and whether you are likely to be offered different treatments and options at another centre? Would a move to another centre/oncologist give you the option of a better quality of life to live? As Paul says people travel some considerable distances to place themselves in the hands of a centre of excellence. I have even moved address to access better services than the one planned for me had I remained in my former health authority in Wales.

    There are clearly a lot of questions to be asked and answered before you decide to do anything radical. I'd be happy to do my best to help if you'd like to get in touch via private message given I've recently gone through similar worries to you albeit for slightly different reasons.

    I hope you get lots more ideas to help with this situation which in my view is deplorable.

    Love Annie xxxx

  • Dear Sandy ,

    If you are unhappy with your consultant and feel he is no doing enough for you then change .... you need to start asking questions as if you dont no one else will do it for you .

    I have changed mine and have no regrets at all ...I changed mine and complained about him too as the old one when I saw him in July was so rude , abrupt and brusque and that was giving me good news ..... I met my new consultant a couple of weeks back and he was a breathe of fresh air .I need to feel confidant that he is going to look after me and give me time at my appointments .Its so important to be listened to and not rushed out of the door as soon as you have sat down !

    Good luck xx

    Love Jan xxx

  • Hi Jan, Mine has been rude each time i've seen him and like you it wasn't always receiving bad news I just wish I had changed sooner, whenever I went in to see him he was busy on the computer never looked me in the eye and was very dismissive I feel that i'm wasting his time...Did you get a referral through your doctors? I went and saw PALS and that's what they suggested I do.

    Sandy x

  • Try ringing the Ovacome helpline, 08453710554, after 9:00, I know they've given advice in matters like this to other women. Good luck! It certainly sounds as if you need a change if oncologist!

    Love Wendy xx

  • Hi Sandy , yes I did go through PALS and they were most helpful ... best thing I did ...he couldn't even look at me like yours when giving me my results .My new guy answered all my questions with out rushing me .... Hubby did say to me when I started this what are you going to do if the 2nd one is not any good so I said I will keep going till I find the right one !

    Wishing you all the best xxx

    Love Jan xxxx

  • I agree with all the above statements .. My oncologist always appears to have more important things on her mind .. Whenevr I ask a question she's going out he door while answering . As there are 3 oncologists at clinic when I go last time I asked to see one of the others ... I feel much better for doing it .. As for once felt like I was being listened to ..,I wish you luck sandy .. Thinking of you ..Elaine x

  • Thanks Elaine.

    Sandy x

  • I suggest you change oncs ASAP. If you don't like the first one you see, go on to the next. Find out from Ovacome which hospital would be closest to you. Best, Vicky

  • Not just the closest but the best. If you're going to the trouble of changing hospitals and travelling to and fro you might as well find out which is the best hospital which might not be one of the closest.

    xxx love Annie

  • I stand by what I said. Ovacome or one of the other OC charities know much more about this than we do.

  • I'm not disagreeing with that Vicky. It's worth phoning them. Gilda Whitte from Ovarian Cancer Action gave me a lot of info when I was looking at the different London hospitals. Just ring them all up and have a discussion - though it's not exactly their remit they do have a lot of knowledge. xx

  • This is the Ovacome forum...

  • At the end of the day we have ovarian cancer and this is a forum to share information and to provide support between those affected by this disease whether patient, carer, family, friend or whatever. This is a democratic arena governed by the rules of engagement laid out by Health Unlocked. If this is the case it is surely perfectly OK to mention any form of support from whatever source. If this is not the case we would need a forum for the NHS, for every individual health board in the UK, another for Ovarian Cancer Action, another for Target Ovarian Cancer, another for Cancer Research UK and then any other number of fora set up by individual organisations with an interest in ovarian cancer.

    I've raised a considerable sum of money for Ovacome and continue to promote this site to patients at my local (Cardiff) cancer centre because it is a fantastic resource. If there is a a resource outside that provided by the charity Ovacome I see no reason to mention it in the interests of us all.

  • Hi, he sounds like the Onc my wife had, except hers was a she. Her Onc told her back in Oct 2011 that it probably wasnt worth having 2nd line chemo because nothing will work and she estimated she would live another 3-9 months. Well we pushed for a referral and got 2nd line, 3rd line, 4th & 5th line treatment and my wife died in Aug 2013.

    So as far as i am concerned had we not pushed for another Onc my wife would probably have died 14/15 months befroe she did, and during most of that 14/15 months we had a great time.

    So a long winded way of saying YES ask for a referral, and the best of luck.

  • Doctors like this really annoy me. They are not god and don't have a crystal ball either so how can they tell how long a person will live. Besides I thought we were all supposed to be 'positive' about our condition! You do whatever u need to do to help you 'live' your life for as long as u can. Definitely get a second opinion and move forward from there. You have many people on this site willing to support and share their experiences and knowledge with you. You get out there Sandy, your Doctor may have given up but I'm sure you still have the fight in you to move forward.

    Sending you lots of love

    Annette xxx

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