A bit bummed out

[Maryof]

I’m posting cos I feel like I don’t know how to feel, if that makes any sense? I had treatment number 6 a few days before Christmas, first line. I’m well enough but tired after all the Christmas stuff. My lovely hubby seems to think that’s it, I’m cured and life is good.. but I’m a bag of nerves. On Wednesday I have a review and results of ct scan from the 27th dec. even tho my previous scans have been clear (but as onc says a few spots on liver but lots of people have that... whatever that means) , I still worry I might get bad news. Every little twinge is a potential tumor in my mind! Hubby is planning holidays etc and I just can’t get into that. I still feel like I have no control over my future. I know these feelings are prob normal, just needed to vent.

Mary

[lorraine71-Australia]

Hi Mary, Yes it is normal to feel the way you do, I've been feeling that way on and off for the last 3 years like your husband mine is planing he whats us to sell up and moved up to the coast, I can only see a few months ahead but on saying that I'm still here 3 years on.

I hope you get good results from your scan and I know it's hard to stay positive but you will find a lot of lovely positive ladies on this site..and treatment is improving.

Best wishes Mary vent as much as you like ...Lorraine xx

[Jo-Jo1-UK]

Hi Mary, yes I would say that what you are feeling is completely normal so don’t be too hard on yourself. I felt very vulnerable when I first finished my chemo, whilst your being treated you atleast feel like something is being “done” and you have regular support from the doctors and nurses. Yet when this has gone you suddenly feel a bit on your own. People around you think it’s wonderful your through your chemo and it’s over but for us the feeling is very different. You have got your review and CT results which is also an anxious time. Initially I got very worried about my 3 monthly check ups, it has eased a little now I’m further down the line but I still worry about them. Like you I found planning ahead hard but again with time this eases a bit. Maybe see how your appt goes this week and if all is ok you may want to try booking a weekend away or do you have the flexibility to do last minute holidays? Hope all goes well with your appointment this week and you start to feel bettter in yourself. If not you could speak to your cancer nurse or Gp about counselling you could access. Best wishes, Jo xx

[annieH1]

Hi Mary,it's a completely normal way to react after chemo is finished.Your in a void,not knowing what to do etc.Take hope that your scans are clear.Youve been through a traumatic time of your life and of course you wonder if every pain or ache is cancer returning.Talk to your Onc about your fears,ask him what symptoms you might have if cancer was to return.Do go on that holiday and enjoy it to the fullest.Give yourself time and talk about your fears to someone who will listen and understand xxx

[Seasun36-uk]

I completely agree with the 3 posts above; so much good advice (which I am trying to take too!) & send you love Mary, hoping things improve. Linda xxx

[Hidden]

Hi Mary my answers are just going into cyberspace. But you have to walk before you run. Tell hubby that it's not a problem if dinner is late going on the table. It is a problem if you are feeling lost. So look for support groups you can attend Arc House is a brilliant place if there is one near you. If you are in UK then find a Macmillan Centre. Your CNS should be able to advise you what services are available. We are here to listen and advise

[Maryof]

Thanks everyone for your replies. Hope you are all well and in good spirits as far as this bloody disease allows anyway. The good news is I had my appointment yesterday, my scan is clear (a few calcifications on liver and spleen but they were there on my first scan last May and haven’t changed. Onc thinks they are due to old infections). White cells still low so repeat bloods in two weeks. Otherwise three monthly reviews and back to work as soon as bloods are normal. I asked about possibility of recurrence and she said some people never have recurrence and hopefully not in my case or at least not for a very long time (her words). I’ll just have to enjoy this reprieve and try to be optimistic. It’s taking a while to sink in but I’m taking your advice and having a weekend away in Nenagh this weekend. Exciting eh? Lol

Mary

[Onia_cat]

I'm delighted for you. enjoy your weekend. hugs

[Jo-Jo1-UK]

Brilliant news from your scan Mary and so pleased you've booked a weekend away! xx