Chemo is over

I don't know how I fell if the truth be told. I know that there is no right or wrong way to feel, but I kind of feel abandoned, not by you but I feel "vunerable" and alone I guess. Does anyone ever fell like this after chemo. My nurse said " you have seen the oncologist recently" I said "yes" last July. Shouldn't I see him in the coming weeks. She said "you should get a letter in the next couple of weeks", but she didn't seem too sure.. Maybe I am over reacting. I am just a ball of anxiousness, I guess. I came home today and my husband asked "how did you get on" I said "fine", and then he went on about a tree that needed to be re-planted!!!!!! I think we are all used to that kind of reaction, it's his way of coping I guess. My eyebrows are growing back like a yeti, and I am so glad to see them, whatever they look like. Time to get the tweezers out again. I guess the thing that is bothering me the most is "will the cancer come back" I don't look at statistics. I know you ladies are in a far worse situation than I am, but how do you start to move on and how do you cope with thinking it might come back.. Will this fade or will it always be there. I don't want to spend the rest of my life thinking about it.

Sorry for the long post.

Thanks for reading.

Damelza

12 Replies

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  • Hi Damelza, congratulations on finishing your chemo,what you feel now is perfectly normal. I remember when I finished my first chemo I felt totally alone and put out to grass more so because I was on weekly chemo and for 18 weeks my life revolved around chemo and then nothing. I cannot offer you much advise because with me i t was only then it hit me I had cancer but I had a great 22 months before my first recurrence. Try and do something nice for yourself this weekend and if you live near Dublin there is a Patient's Day in the Red cow Moran's Hotel on Saturday if you are feeling up to it . It's great to meet other Ladies going through the same thing. Kittie

  • Hi Damelza, yes you feel so alone dont you when the chemo is done, I felt like this and then I sought out Arc House here in Cork. They did help to put the pieces back together again. So if there is something similar near you, I would really recommend it. Take it nice and easy and dont expect to do much for the next few weeks. You will still feel tired. The problem with friends is that the attitude is its over so you are fine, when in fact you are feeling very vunerable. Maybe plan a weekend away, anthing to take the focus off the treatment. Even a day trip or a few hours out. I would also suggest you find some where that does touch therapy ie one that is suitable for Cancer Patients. I wish you all the best and keep in touch

  • Dalmelza congratulations on finishing your treatment, I was told by my onc they have recognised now that finishing treatment is a very vulnerable time for cancer patients.

    I went to a lovely little place called the Fountain centre, they are a cancer charity, you can have some lovely treatments and coucelling, it's normal when you are dealing with this type of disease to worry about recurrence. Do try once your capable to go away for a break, and look into any clubs in your local area.

    Sending you virtual hugs.

    Ellsey xx

  • I think this is common after so much attention. Like you I felt really abandoned. The palliative care nurses got me going to the hospice daycare centre and that has been my strength. They are brilliant. Between them and my great GP I feel well looked after.

  • Congratulations on two counts.. finishing chemo and on joining the realms of normality in feeling the way you do.... we've all been there. It is a very scary time, but as the days and weeks go by gradually you settle down into a new routine. Agree with all the ladies advising searching out your nearest cancer support centre, mine at Solas Waterford literally helped me to get my life back under control, providing counselling reflexology and the strides for life walking program. The Drs have done their main job by providing the treatment so far and now you have to take control by doing things for yourself.? I am juicing to help me feel I'm doing something to help the odds and walking is the best thing to also increase the odds against recurrence and it really helps to lift your spirits. But that takes a good few months to get to that stage and you must just take is slowly to get your strength back. Take a day at a time don't expect too much. Explain how you feel to your hubby... they are just so relieved treatment is over that they have no idea how you feel. I'm a year out of treatment and am doing great wishing you all the best.

  • Hi Damelza.I too felt like that,and what you've just asked ,I too asked the same question when my 1st line of chemo finished.We spent months having a particular routine while fighting the O.C.We feel like we're fighting this bugger with all our strength,then all of a sudden it stops.Your right,we are left in limbo.The thing is ,we have to keep fighting to stay healthy and let our bodies recover from chemo.We have to create a new routine.Those feelings you have will disappear ,most probably after your meeting with your Onc.Talking to someone in Arc house or cancer society might help.

    Xx

  • Hey Damelza!

    First of all congrats on finishing the Chemo! It's a momentus day even if it's hard to see that just now!!!

    There are a lot of mixed emotions when chemo is done I am sure I didn't know what to feel when I finished! I was elated and frightened in equal measure and I am not going to lie it took a while to feel ok again but I did and so will you!

    Take it easy on yourself for the next few weeks! I ended up getting sick about a week after last Chemo just my body being knackered it didn't last long!

    Take care!

    Dx

  • Hi Demelza,

    All of the above,but well done for getting through!

    It's almost like an anti climax isn't it? I personally think it is the worst time apart from diagnosis.I Definately think support or councelling is the way to go,I did some courses,but still feel I need ongoing support and am looking into it.Im not sure we ever feel the same,but take one day at a time and do things you enjoy,you deserve it.

    Other people's attitudes suck,they don't understand that the whole thing does something to you mentally and everyone worries about it coming back.I try not to worry too much as it spoils the good times.

    Enjoy being well and don't forget we are all here,I find this site wonderful in supporting me when I feel vunerable

    Carole xxx

  • Hi Damelza,

    As you will now realise you are in very good company with how you are feeling at present as most of us have had a similar experience once chemo is finished. I have found going to a gynae cancer support group once a month really helpful. Ask your CNS if there is one at your hospital or nearby. I have also been having some counselling to help me process the whole devastating experience of having OC. It is now 6 months since I finished chemo but I still get very tired at times and need to remind myself that recovery is a process and takes longer than we would like, so we need to keep being kind to ourselves.

    Hope replies here have helped you and that you will find the support you need as you continue on your journey.

    Best wishes,

    Barbara

  • Hi

    I was there as well. Once I had plan in place and routine with treatment I felt save. When chemo finished I felt lonely and scared. That's normal . I was upset when people were saying to me that I look good etc. I thought they think I only had a flu and now I'm ok and fully recovered. I was clear for a year, on the summer I felt soooo good. Unfortunately cancer came back and I just had first session of chemo on Thursday. I was so so afraid of this. But to be honest I cope quite well. It's a knowledge and experience I had makes me feel stronger.

    I was thinking every day when it will come back. Wasting of time. We can't predict and we can't do anything about recurrence . Try to be positive, enjoy every day and don't think to much about it. If cancer will come , then you allowed to worry and think about it. Before it's happens. . . No point at all

    Wishing you all the best and long years in remission

    Zaneta

  • Hey Zaneta!

    I hope you are doing ok?

    Dx

  • Thanks ladies for all your replies. You are the only ones I can talk to, you understand and know the score. My friends are really good, but, as you say I'm over the chemo so I can put it behind me 😧. I will put the pieces of my life back but it's a different jigsaw.

    Thanks 🙏

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