Just diagnosed and really scared.

[Erin17]

I was having pain in my left side, my gyno thought my ovary was twisted. I went to the or last Friday, (what a way to spend my 35th birthday). I woke up with a pca pump, and my c-section scar reopened. My md came in the next day to tell me that heremoved my left ovary and Fallopian tube because my ovary wasn't torsed, but was covered in a tumor. He didn't do a hysterectomy because I want one more baby. The 5 days of waiting for the pathology reports was hell on earth. I braced myself for the worst, but still was thinking there's no way. I'm too young. I'm stage 1a, which is fabulous. But it's still cancer. I have a 5 year old boy and a 6 year old stepson. They are all I can think about. The gyno oncologist seemed very hopeful. I'm going for my pet scan in 2 weeks, and I'm waiting for my surgery date to have the lymph nodes and omentum removed. This disease killed my aunt. I'm so scared. I don't know how I will cope with waiting for pet scan reports, and more pathology reports.

[Missfitz]

Hi Erin17.

I had a pain in my side 10 months ago that showed up on CT as Stage 4 ovarian cancer. I was 38 with a 3 year old and a one year old at home. I am so very sad to hear of another young mum with this horrible disease but am so very glad that your cancer is stage 1. Prognosis will hopefully be good. Your boys will give you all the reason you need to get up every morning and put one foot in front of the other.

You are probably in a very lonely place right now ( even though there might be lots if people around!) Unless someone has walked in your shoes and dealt with a cancer diagnosis themselves they can't know how you are feeling. I attended the ARC House cancer support centre in Cork for 2 counselling sessions when I was first diagnosed and found if a safe place to be sad and angry about what had happened to me. I tried not to upset or burden my family too much as they had their own grief to deal with.

My husband and I agreed that I would either "get busy living or get busy dying"- quote from his favourite movie Shawshank Redemption. I have found this approach works for me! Cancer seems to be full of cliches. But "don't borrow sorrow from tomorrow" is a good one to live by. Try to regard blood tests and scans as positives. Its not so much that " the scan might tell us some bad news" its more that the scan is telling you what you need to know to proceed with the best treatment.

I hope that's of some use to you this evening. If I can be of any help I would be delighted as I felt there was no peer support when I had my diagnosis. But in joining Ovacare you have taken a good step in the right directio

Stay sane. Stay well.

[Erin17]

Thank you! I like to hear of other ways to think of this and being put into a different perspective. My whole family and my friends have been over non stop, helping me with things like groceries and cleaning and hugs while I recoup from the surgery. The outpouring of support we've received is tremendous. We've decided not to tell the boys that I have cancer, unless I have to down the road. For now, they just know I had an operation. I hope that is the right way to go about thar. I see that you are from Ireland, I'm way over in the US. I'm going to look for support groups like the one you've mentioned.

[Hidden]

Hi Erin and Miss Fitz. sorry to hear of your diagnosis. But it is great to be getting support from your family at the moment and it is caught in the very early stages. When first diagnosed, the Reg at the hospital told me its better to get a cancer diagnosis than have one missed and added that I had plenty of years left yet. And that was in 2006. So I am still rambling along and doing well. Have regular check ups and am back at work. Miss Fitz I also found Arc house inspirational as I was very angry with life and every thing, it is just a fantastic place, so peaceful and welcoming and you leave with a sense of all not being lost. Hopefully Erin, there is some one attached to the onocology unit ie a welfare officer or a gynae liason nurse who can reassure you. It is a scary place to be right now but you centre your thoughts on an early diagnosis. I have never asked what stage I was at,I am very lucky as the type I have can be aggressive. There are a few web sites your doc will tell you to look at and they will be the right ones. Ms Fitz your thoughts on diagnoses were similar to mine,, I said well I either fight or give up so I am fighting. I was just saying to my hubby today, am I mad to be at work though part time it is, but then that pays for the extras like short breaks etc. It also stops you thinking too much and if you were at the recent Ova care info day in Cork recently, the gynae consult said a positive attitude helps.!!!!!! Getting my bloods done for my 3 monthly check up shortly, am a little apprehensive but feel ok tg. There is a treatment for me if I need it according to my kind onocologist so I try to be positive. Best of luck to you both

[poohbah]

Hi everyone,

Erin it is perfectly normal to be scared and angry. I was for months before I began to come to terms with it all so, don't be afraid to get it all out there and then you will move on and the positivity will kick in. I have found that this blog has helped me enormously. Just being in touch with other women with the same problem is a great comfort so I am sure you will find an American blog that suits you. I am a year and a half in now and on chemo for the 2nd time. Don't fret, I was diagnosed with stage 4, you on the otherhand have been caught early and that is crucial. No matter what stage you are at though, it is scary and missfitz 's attitude of 'get busy living or busy dying' just sums it up. I am busy living now and keeping well. So hang in there and you will get through all of it.

[Missfitz in reply to poohbah]

Hi Poohbah. Was reading through this and am thinking that you were up for Chemo 4. Hope the week went ok for you and that energy levels are good for the long weekend. Lets hope the sun shines all weekend!

[poohbah in reply to Missfitz]

Had it yesterday. A bit whacked but grand

[Btte]

Hi Erin I don't think I can say much more than has already been written to you accept to say its perfectly o.k to feel angry and scared I certainly did, also why me but after I got over the tears and the feeling very sorry for myself, I now talk to myself quite a lot and have found if I change the way I think I change the way I feel. I am a lot older than you my girls are grown and given us 10 grandchildren but I think the big C diagnosis has the effect on most people. I have a great nephew now age 13 who has been battling with brain cancer since the age of 6 So here I am with my own cross too bear. I had total abdo hysterectomy and a tumour removed so was actually diagnosed Sept 12 also told I had Crohns Disease. I have had 6 treatments of chemo which I coped with well unfortunately my stage 3 c has returned but I have just started a new cycle different drug combination so fingers x. I see you are in the States my husbands cousin lives in Maine she has been doing remarkably well, she was diagnosed 7 years ago, maybe she could be a useful contact for you. Meantime think of all the good things your family your very early diagnosis and take each day and make the most of it. Let me know if I can help further.

[cath40]

Its awful I know but focus on the positive caught early. I had it stage 1c and had a very rough year but all behind me now thank god and feel better then ever. You wont die of it like your aunt because you were caught in time she is obviously up there looking out for you. Take care.