Terrified

[Shutterislandnel]

Hi all, I have many ocd themes which include blood borne viruses, horrendous fear of paedophiles to the point of weighing up almost everyone I clap eyes on as a potential sexual predator and endless what ifs. I feel like I've been making progress with this wicked bully OCD, when suddenly I was triggered by my brother talking about the real life boogey man "purple akie" (a scary sex offender from Liverpool who has terrified boys and men all over the country) which then led onto him talking about the Michael Jackson documentary and jimmy saville. That horrible stomach churning, dry mouth, mind racing, sweating, shaking dark cloud overtook me for over and hour, whilst I did acknowledge what was happening, i was incapable of putting any tools in place, the OCD endlessly put scenarios in my mind of times that my children could have been abused, for example:- if they had tea at a friends house, stayed over night with family, were babysat by friends. My mind is starting to clear slightly now 2 hours later but the shaking remains. I'm trying to act normal, but every time I look at one of my children, my heart bleeds for them as though these thoughts were true. I've got around 2 weeks before my online ocd targeted cbt starts, but times like this feel like the world is going by in slow motion. I'm reading lots about exposure and have definitely found it to be working on my less traumatizing themes. The online cbt is called silver lining if anyone has tried this and has found it useful it would be great to hear how it went.