Please help

I feel so down at the moment over my intrusive thoughts, its like when im happy, Im waiting to be sad or Ill start thinking about past thoughts and that will just bring me back into the cycle of feeling depressed again. When Im not feeling bad about myself, I feel like I could be so happy but then i start thinking and i feel so depressed again. Do you think antidepressants can help with this? im only on 37.5 mg of Venlafaxine. im so fed with with OCD. If I could put every thought down to OCD then I guess it wouldn't bother me but its when the guilt comes and I think what if the thoughts are part of me, this is what causes me depression and such tiredness! My thoughts are based around children, I get so anxious and then sometimes when I try to be "normal" and put into practice what my cbt therapist advised, i get nervous and feel i may have done something wrong. Like for example, if I was helping to put my newphews coat on, I would be so scared of putting the coat near his private area that I would hold the coat out when zipping it up, (I know sounds ridiculous) so then when I try not to do that and be normal, I got this thought once that the coat did go towards his private part and then I dwell on it for months worrying, so what do I do, avoid putting coats on children?? I can't cope, Im so confused over if Im a bad person or if im not. ps can you tell me if antidepressants can make the thoughts come less?

11 Replies

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  • Oh you poor thing. I'm not a doctor, so I would advise you speak to your doctor about medication, I've heard that they do help most people so you should definitely speak up about it. The thing I most want you to know is, you are not a bad person. If you were a bad person, you wouldn't feel so guilty, you wouldn't care so much. You are a good person, who has a horrible condition that makes you imagine your worst fears could be true. My son has extreme OCD and his thoughts are the thing that most upset him, he worries he will hurt someone else, mostly his little brother. I love both my sons and wouldn't ever put them in harms way, but I completely trust my eldest to be around my youngest, I know he would never harm him, it's just his OCD that makes him worry he will. You should not avoid putting coats on children! The guilt is part of the OCD, the worry that the thoughts are real is part of the OCD. You are still in there, you are not OCD, it's separate to you. Give your OCD a name, then realise that all those thoughts are not your thoughts, they are that names thoughts, you are not responsible for them. Distance yourself from them. It's like a bully in your head, preying on your weak points, your worst fears. The best way to get rid of bullies is to stand up to them. Raise your chin, and remember who you are.

  • Thanks very much for replying, I really appreciate you taking the time too. Yes I've made an appointment for next Friday to speak with the doctor, I just want to be happy again, I feel I'm existing rather than enjoying life Ive had the OCD for around 10 years now but I can't remember feeling so low for so long, I've been on reduced meds now for about 2 years, basically went out with a guy who told me meds were no good for me and that they would make me worse so I guess there was pressure to come off them when maybe I wasn't ready..Its the worst condition, I know it sounds awful but I wish I'd of had cancer or something instead, I feels its ruint good part of my life. Sorry to hear about your son and thank goodness he's got your support, would he be happy? I feel it difficult to get close to people too because then I think they won't love me if they knew my thoughts :-( I will really try to look at the Ocd as separate to me, just sometimes it feels so real.

  • Hello there I know in a way what you are going through. My son has been suffering from thoughts and ocd for the past 13 years on and of. The thoughts are really getting to him. He has the thoughts that he is going to harm children and he would not harm anybody. He is on medication and seeing a consultant but at present he is not in a very good way. You ask in your question is the medication will make the thoughts go away well to be honest in my son's case they haven't. The best thing I can advise you is to try and focus your mind on something else and that I know is not easy but please try. Also remember they are thoughts yest just thoughts. I believe in God and I pray for my son and I will pray for you too because I know how hard it is to live with thoughts and ocd. If you want to talk to me then you can.

    God Bless ,

  • Hi there, thank you so much for your reply. I'm sorry to hear your son has got ocd also, I also believe in God, I am a christian, if I didn't have God in my life through this I think I may have ended my life a long time ago, I guess through life we are not promised an easy one, but he does promise to bring us thro, just hard at the time.. I just feel like Im missing out on life, on the simple fun things, like bringing neice n nephews to the park etc, I void things like this because of past thoughts and feeling like a bad person, its the guilt sometimes more than the actual thoughts that depress me. I will try to think about other things, thank you again and I will also pray for your son and thank you soo much for your prayers xo

  • Hi there sorry to hear you are feeling so low at the moment. I am on 150mg venaflaxine and they don't help my OCD at all but they do make me feel less depressed. Talk to your dr and see what he/she thinks. I am having CBT and to be honest it s really working for me. After 28 years of OCD I am starting to beat it. I don't believe I will ever get rid of it completely but my life is defo improving. Please don't despair have u not got a good friend u can talk to as that can really help. My friends are always there for me and are much more helpful than pills. I too am a big worrier and that is really hard to beat. If u need to talk I am here for you. Take care xxx

  • Hi there, thank you so much for your reply, thats good to know that your less depressed.. I think being on 37.5, I may as well be on nothing, do you mind me asking how your ocd effects you? Yes I had CBT around 8 yrs ago and it really did help amazingly but then I let the fears come back again and then they got worse and worse, I then got another set of sessions of cbt, it did help but I dont feel it was as good as first time round but then I think I maybe I was a lot worse first time. So glad to hear your starting to beat it, that's really good. I can talk to my mum, just sometimes I get sick of talking about the ocd, so I guess I haven't talked about it in a long time..part from on here which has helped, thanks again xo

  • FAITH7.. I can total relate to you!! I have had mine from bein young in differernt ways. Started off thinking certain things and my head took it ad "IT MEAnS" something!! When we start learning that it doesnt mean somthing are thoughts then we start realizing were not mad, mental, pervert or any other thing u thought about urself. My family found it hard to understand an i was absolutly terrified of opening up about what thoughts i was having.. I thought they would think into an believe i could act on the thoughts. I was isolating myself to my family incase i thought occured becasue EVErYTiME i had i "disturbing thought" it would basically send me under with extra added questions an i was exhausted .. Feel i dint know the differenece between who i was supposed to he an whi i really am with all the thoughts. Thought they meant somthing an it terrified me. I ended up havin THERAPY CBT and for this thought pattern in done wonders!! It never gona be gone 100 percent but 1 day u will learn to jus "let the thought go" i have never tried tablets but i am the sort of person to think "i wana deal with this without medication" if u need more info or anythin im here can relate to u :)

  • Hey there, yes I totally know what you mean, when a thought is in your head its so strong and can actually cause like an anxious feeling in your body which also I would of took for signs that I'm a bad person.. Its crazy, i wish it would go away, sometimes I feel Guilt is worse than the thoughts themselves..I also have rejection issues because of it, like I feel unlovable, like I can't be in a relationship because then I'd have to open up and then that person may not love me anymore so feel sometimes I keep people at a distance and this hurts me cause Ive always been an outgoing friendly person.. you really do sound so similar to me, where you avoid so that you don't need to go thro the whole depressing thought process..Are you anxious around children, how do you deal with it? thank you so much for replying :-)

  • I have the exact same thing as u. We worry way too much!! An u know why?? Its because we are decent people..do you think if we were that way the bad person we torture ourselfs to be?? Do u think we would worry about it?? No!! I have learnt thtat.. An o bet somthing happend to u as a child?? I might be wrong but i reckon it more likely to make it worse. I have relationship problems because am scared that if they knew what my "disturbin thoughts" was that they would think am not normal or mental or pervy.. We need people who understand ocd an if they dont ther loss.. I wouldnt worry about it to be honest. How old are u?? X

  • Hi there I just wanted to say I don't think anyone could understand OCD unless they have it. It is so debilitating. I have lovely friends that are there for me but they will never really know how I feel. You are not mental or Pervy but I know how u feel that people could think of u that way. I found that talking about my OCD has really helped in CBT . X Tina x

  • Hi faith I am so sorry I didn't see your reply. My OCD affects me in lots of ways checking switches plugs doors etc over and over. Used to take me two hours to get to bed have now got it down to about ten minutes. I touch things over and over. Tins have to be right way up in cupboard mugs in colour order I could go on for ever but my hardest one to overcome is hanging clothes in a cupboard as it takes me forever as I have to check collars sleeves etc to make sure they are straight else I fret. I am supposed to hang them all caught up on purpose for five minutes but I just can't do it. Tina

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