I've had OCD for around 9 years now (I'm now 30), I would have it in the form of Intrusive thoughts/ bad thoughts mostly towards children.
Prior to OCD I was always a loving person and able to show much love to my neices and nephews, I dreamed of having my own children some day and knew I'd be a good mum.
Then OCD started, it started off with something small were I felt the need to seek reassurance from my mum and then it became huge to the point were I couldn't go into shopping centers without having major anxierty and even driving past children made me anxious, as I felt in some way that the wind coming off my car could be in a sexual way towards children, the OCD started to take over my life.
I then went to the doctor and he put me on the waiting list for CBT treatment and gave me anti-depressants. I feel this did help but I still wasn't living life to the full in the way I'd done previous. It was like there was a cloud hanging over me. An OCD cloud! I could no longer lift children or show love etc, I started to keep both children and adults at a distance so that I didn't have to come into any sort of bodily contact with them because if I did then I would start to go over everything and have myself tormented so I felt it best just to avoid but obviously this grew the OCD.
I had CBT treatment, it did help a lot and I seemed to be able to have a more or less good life, maybe not to the way I knew prior but it wasn't too bad and I have had good times, however in the last couple of years the OCD has worsen again, I had CBT again but it didn't do much good, I did however try to come off my anti-depressants which is possibly the reason why. You see I went out with a guy for a while who tried to get me to come off medication because he said meds are no good and could actually be making me worse! He also made me feel less of a person because I had to take medication, so I thought I'll try and come off them. I'm on a very low dose of Venlafaxine, I'm so confused over meds, whether to go on a higher dose or not. I just want to feel normal again, I've never felt as low for as long in my life. I can't seem to be close to anyone because I feel friends would hate me if they knew what was in my mind, specially those good friends with children. I just don't know what to do next, I'm so sick of my OCD, it seems so unfair, I hate it! And now my dreams of having children are no longer as I don't think I could cope with all the thoughts, Any advice would be great! Faith x