Hi, a little nervous as this is currently my first time actually talking on a forum but recently I’ve been going through an extremely rough time and there’s one thing on my mind that is effecting my relationship, and that is false memories. So I’ve been suffering from extreme anxiety and also paranoia for many years now, bpd has also been discussed. so for I’d say 4 years I had been struggling with depression, all relationships were awful including my first one which has greatly impacted my life, extreme mental and physical abuse, but now I have found someone who for the first time ever has shown me how beautiful life can be and has given me genuine happiness, now since we’ve been together I have been tormented by my mind, I have done stupid things in the past and even tho they may seem very minor to most people to me the thought of him finding out feels like life over !! So this has gradually been getting worse, and I feel that bc being depressed was the “norm” to my mind and may I say I am not good with change so my brain is not liking this new feeling of happiness it is experiencing, so a few nights ago something happened, I woke up with a weird feeling, like something bad had happened, I usually wake up feeling like this but this time it was different, and throughout the day an image popped in my mind, of fb chat and some guys name and the picture, now this is all that is in my mind, I woke up checked all my messages, search bars and there was absolutely nothing, and I know deep down this isn’t real just it felt so real, and to this day I have been creating all these details and I have literally brainwashed myself, I’ve been trying to reassure myself that nothing happened, firstly I am a very deep sleeper and have never done anything like go on my phone in my sleep, also I know when I’m awake, just my brain Is like hmm I wonder what thing could possibly destroy this happiness and relationship?? And obviously cheating is usually a relationship ender so it’s like my brain is trying to make me believe I’ve done something as if it’s not allowing me to be happy, when I have paranoid dreams I never remember anything apart from the tiny segment of the dream that caused the paranoia, I also want to make the fact that I’m extremely loyal to my partner and am genuinely disgusted by cheating , just I need the reassurance from other people that this definitely is just my imagination drifting, the worst part of all this is the extreme guilt I have, I’ve been suicidal these past few days as the guilt is so overwhelming, I also experience dream reality confusion, which is common in sufferers of bpd but only recent has it been that I’ve discovered that these symptoms I have been experiencing are linked to ocd, so I finally discovered this great forum and would literally mean the absolute world to me if someone could help, as this is honestly destroying my life, and not just this situation I mean as a whole, mental illness has taken over my entire life, years of attempted therapy and now on the journey to get medication, just would love reassurance and hopefully find that maybe someone here has experienced the same and it’s not just me,
Thanks
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Shadowplay
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be reassured that you have not done anything what your thoughts are telling you as that is just the little ocd gremlin sitting on your shoulder trying to make you think you have.
Every time it comes to mind just say out loud go away you horrible little nuisance as I am not going to listen to you anymore and I promise you eventually it will get fed up and disappear.
I have been through this myself but now I don’t let them take over my thoughts they have lessened and I feel so much better now.
Thank you so much ! :,) I haven’t had any reassurance from forums yet just people having the same issue so I really appreciate this as it’s put a smile on my face and made me feel better, I’ve been having a particularly rough day today, believing I’ve done something and feeling extremely guilty, I’ll definitely try out what you said by talking out loud ! Hopefully be having cognitive behavioural therapy In July or June so I’ll keep you updated, thank you again :)) x
I also meant to say another reason you are having these thoughts about have you cheated is because you cannot believe your worthy of this latest relationships because you have had some bad experiences in the past and that has wrecked your
I will sure try my best too, just reassurance lasts about 10 minutes with me, today I was debating whether to commit suicide that’s how overwhelming this situation is, like I know I couldn’t have done anything in my sleep, I’m an extremely deep sleeper and have never done anything like go on my phone in my sleep even if I was a sleep walker I don’t think someone would be capable to open up their phone unlock it, search for someone, message them and then delete it, like that wouldn’t be possible, when I’m asleep I don’t wake up, also I know when I’m awake, but even tho I’ve given myself this reassurance I’ll still doubt it and feel guilt :/ I just want it all to go away, I’m just extremely depressed and feel like I’m giving up with it all x
Would also like to add that I will never commit suicide, I do get days where I am suicidal, but I have some extremely important people in my life and would never do that x
Hello! I know this was posted over a year ago but I am also going through something like this with my boyfriend we had a discussion a while back like 4 months ago and I keep trying to remember what we talked about because for some reason my brain is telling me that he told me he didn’t enjoy our sex but he never said that and I know for sure it just sucks because it sounds so real in my head and I believe it and it makes me so insecure and I really don’t know how to get rid of that thought. I went to get access bars therapy today and it relaxed me and I hope it had lasting effects. I’m struggling a lot with not being able to get rid of this “memory” that’s fake. It’s destroying my relationship when it never happened.
This is quite common in OCD, to think you must have done something really bad but can't remember what it is. It's as though a general feeling of guilt makes the sufferer try to work out a reason for it, and if it can't, then it makes something up to justify its existence.
And also remember that all of us have done things we are ashamed or embarrassed about, or just private, or that we wouldn't like to be posted all over social media! That goes for your partner as well. I'm sure he has things in his past that he wouldn't want you to know about. Not that it's anything bad, just minor things that we would all rather stayed in the past!
I'm concerned about the abuse you have suffered. This could be at the root of your feelings of guilt, as abuse victims often internalize the abuse and assume they are being punished because they deserve it. Even knowing in your rational mind that you are not to blame, it is hard to get over the feelings of worthlessness. It is the fault of the abuser, not you, and you didn't deserve to be abused. Perhaps it's something to discuss with your therapy team.
Thank you so much for the reply! I’ve been trying to reassure myself that I didn’t do anything, I know I did nothing but then I started getting extremely paranoid that because my mind doesn’t like me to be happy that In my sleep I wrote a message to someone, but I also know that I’m an extremely deep sleeper and have never ever done anything like that in my sleep, also there was no evidence of a message or anything to prove I did but even tho I know all this, because i suffer from severe paranoia my mind is trying to create all these things, things like someone has implanted something into my head which is connected to my phone then whatever Implanted that in my head wrote a message ect, I know that might sound crazy I just really need to get this all off my chest and need the reassurance that it’s not real, and the guilt is awful, it feels like genuine pain, it’s such a horrible feeling, it’s not constant bc I do have days where I’m like obviously it’s not real blah blah but sometimes I can’t stop it, the abuse was over a year ago now but it really has effected me, my trust is non existent, I doubt things a lot, I don’t do anything with my life as my anxiety is literally crippling and I’m extremely insecure so I agree I do believe that this is one cause to my issues, I really appreciate this, this really has helped, good to talk to someone who is very understanding :))
It can take a lot more than a year to recover from abuse. So don't think that you should have recovered completely by now. I hope that you can eventually leave it in the past, but remember that healing is a process and you can't be expect to snap out of it.
A lot of us have had the thing where we think we must have written something or said something that compromises or betrays us without realizing what we've done. But it is highly unlikely! Check sent texts and emails however much you will, you simply will not have done it.
Try not to check, as the more you do the more reassurance you will feel you need. Checking feeds the doubts, and OCD likes to make you doubt!
Medication and CBT can help a good deal, so if you have not been prescribed or referred then ask about them. And remember that when happiness comes your way, you have a right to enjoy it.
I never really think about the abuse anymore as it makes me feel ill if it ever pops into my mind, I’ve had a lot of support with it but I can’t deny that it really has effected my confidence, I never used to get jealous or feel I’ve was being done wrong before that, it’s moulded me into something I’m not, i was suffering from intense paranoia at the time and anxiety bout as extreme as it is today expect atm it’s at its worst, I try not to think about my paranoia but sometimes I just can’t get it out my head, today for example not that long ago bout 2 hours ago I was debating whether or not to commit suicide, it’s literally destroying my life and my entire physical and mental state, I’ve been talking out loud saying it’s not real ect, but for someone like me I can be reassured for like 10 mins then I’ll go straight back to believing I’ve done something, I don’t like to admit it but I believe I deserve happiness and that’s is painful to say as my mind hates the thought of me believing something good, but I do and I don’t wnat it ruined by something that isn’t real
Would also like to add that I will never commit suicide, I do get days where I am suicidal, but I have some extremely important people in my life and would never do that x
Hi! I can relate to this so much! I constantly fear that I’ve gone on my phone whilst I’m asleep or done something bad. I always feel like I’m going to ruin my relationship and that my happiness is only temporary. Just know that you are not alone, it’s common in ocd to have a feeling of guilt or dread for something you haven’t done! I know it’s so hard, but you deserve to be happy x
I’m going through the exact same thing right now, and it’s persisted for half a week. I drank too much, and smoked someone’s weed pen, and got very paranoid after.
I shut down and went home, and over the past few days my mind has either remembered awful things I said that I would never mean, or it straight up made the memories up. The memories I have are literally worst case scenarios, essentially imagining or actually saying the worst possible thing I could say, that would hurt the people I love the most. I asked other people that were there that night, and they said I didn’t say anything awkward or out of line, but I never asked the person I remember talking to, because I am terrified of the ramifications if they are actually true.
I’ve struggled with mental health off and on since I was in junior high, but never gotten any help. I know I have intrusive thoughts that I hate.
The saddest part about this is I know I’m crazy now, but I can’t figure out which way without confronting this. I either said things I would never ever mean that I know would hurt the people I love most in this life, or my mind made them up completely. What I really want to do is just run away, but I know I will never fix the problem if I do that. I have to figure out a way to ask the question, without letting the person know I’m probably a crazy person. I can’t even effectively work at my job right now, and it’s going to catch up to me soon if I don’t fix this.
Thanks for the share ShadowPlay and sorry for pulling up an old post but there's not much info around on this from what I can see. Whatkindofcrazy, I hope you have got better in the last 2 months since you posted, I just wanted to say that you might want to look at "Pure-O" OCD and False Memory OCD and you might also want to look at Cognitive Behavioural Therapy as some things to read and relate to. Perhaps also my experience below might help too.
I joined this forum specifically to reply to this post, I have experienced false memories and it's extremely debilitating and as selfish as it is... it is good to see I'm not on my own with it! I have been to see professionals and they have not identified this with me, I'm not a fan of self-diagnosis and would always say it's a bad thing to do. HOWEVER... In sheer frustration I've resorted to good old Googling in the knowledge that I'm not a doctor and ended up here.
I've actually got my own theories, I don't know if it will help anyone but my issues are always relevant to a night in the immediate past. What I believe happens is that I try to fill a memory gap, whether that is from being tired or from a few drinks and it is always something socially catastrophic but plausible and never able to be proven untrue by fact checking because there is always some caveat/reason that explains it away. Usually these episodes are brought on by being:
1) Tired (too much to do, burnt out, drinking)
2) Stressed (e.g. work/money)
3) Unfamiliar environment (e.g. party)
4) A focal point / something to worry about
With those all of those points in the frame, spells bad news for me. All 4 are required but it's usually a few drinks that make the problem precipitate. I don't have a drink problem, I hardly drink at all these days but if I do I will usually pay for it big time.
I actually spent 2 hours writing a full response but then thought better of posting it. I've suffered with this for over 10 years and I've had professional help but no one has ever mentioned this False Memories OCD to me (or any OCD) and it fits the bill perfectly. Glad I found it on here!
Hi shadowplay! You have done nothing wrong sweetheart it’s just your mind this could be a little off ocd. and maybe some anxiety and they are not nice things to have! Ano it’s hard but please try and think happy thoughts it could maybe that your not used to the good in relationships as you stated that you have had bad ones.
All the luck in the world to you hun hope all works out for you! Xx
I really know how you feel. I have cheating OCD with false memory - it's like hell. Do you also have flashes in your head like a memory but you can't remember very clearly? It's very real and it's like a memory and the more you think about it, the more detais are added to this ""memory"". Do you feel this is your experience with false memory?
I have literally he exact same thing after a night out drinking. I get a flash image, then think about it, then create scenarios and I then have so many images and think it to be true. It’s horrible, I have asked so many people if I hooked up with them because I generally thought it to be true. They all say no and think I’m weird for it..
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