I've been thinking about what I'm going to say when I get CBT again!!!
The last time was one thing obsession. But this time around my obsessions are jumping around!! And it's like, if I've successfully after time not let it get to me, it jumps on to the next intrusive thoughts, and I've noticed the unhealthy lengths I go to.... All this is making me confused, because I feel it'll take me years to say what's going on and what my complusions are, I didn't think I had outward compulsions, but I do!!!
Does this confusion sound like our kind of normal, if you know what I mean? I just don't know where to begin!!
Any thoughts and advise would be greatly appreciated.
Katz Xx
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Katz101
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It's quite a shape shifter, is OCD. It's all in the nature of OCD. I know it can be confusing, because it's happened to me often enough.
It's almost as if there's a bubble in the surface of something, say a carpet, and you flatten it down quite well, only to have it pop up in another place! That's OCD! But it is possible to keep flattening it down, and keep it flat so it's manageable. And to recognize when a new compulsion starts to make your life difficult, and flatten that too.
So what your saying is, I need a hammer!! I'll ask Thor if I can have his, I'll flatten them bumps. 😁 Yeah, and the carpet is our life, and the bumps, we either sort out and it's pretty much back to being flat, or we make friends with the bumps.... BUT, the reality is our carpet is flat, it's just the underlay is faulty. 😁
I think that's the bit I'm getting confused with, the jumping around from one topic to another, and so much in one go!!! Mixed with real life stresses, no wonder I'm way of course. Some people explain their OCD so well, and then there's me, and I don't explain myself well at all.
But thanks for your input, it's just the nature of OCD, and it's their job to guide me, not the other way around!!
That's a good improvement on my analogy, about the underlay! Perhaps one of those things they use to flatten cricket pitches is what is needed!
I often feel like I am juggling too many balls at once, or as though I have too many tabs open on the computer! It's like one's brain is constantly having to multitask.
No need to worry about not explaining yourself well, as I think you do!
I think that's the best way to describe our brains, too many tabs open. I don't think I'm going to have any problems with CBT, if I do, I'll be back on here, bending you guys ears. 😁
Kind of i think. My OCD since my panic attack has focused on my thought response to every situation, because ive been worried and stressed that i could harm someone i almost get like an add on to every verbal thought in my head which is a very throwaway comment like “ i could kill them” but its fleeting and then im anxious about it for hours. Its not a voice and its not something i want to act on its just there. Does that make any sense?
Yes, loads, when we live our day today lives, we have to live with the intrusive thoughts, and when there's a load of them, we loose focus of reality.
I guess why I'm anxious, my OCD is having fun with the fact I had a therapist who said you don't have OCD years ago, and I'm worried if I get someone new for the CBT and they say that again.... Looking at what I'm writing, and rereading it, I can see what's happening!! I'm going for CBT, and if I have any problems, I'll sort it out.
I feel I'm being really stupid right now, it's so annoying!!!
I do have one that I do that too!! But the longest intrusive thought I've had was six years, but that was due to me not knowing I had OCD, I think that's why that one lasted so long.
Distraction, and also if I'm going through the thick of it, I plan my day ahead, and I focus on that, I also allow myself a breather, so I can physically relax.
From time to time, I close my eyes, and breathe in through my nose, and draw the breathe down to my stomach, and count to one, then breathe out of my mouth, and I do this for the count of 10. Doing this helps me see and feel a break from the thoughts, plus the more you do, the more of a grounding affect it has.
And if that's too difficult, I pop my headphones on and listen to a podcast, and I try and bring my attention to the people talking.
I do loads of things like that, to bring me back to the now!!
Evenings, I've trained myself to not panic after 8!! And I say to myself you can throw whatever you want at me tomorrow, but after 8, is my time to chill.
Random words, and sometimes songs. But these don't get to me much these days. It's mostly visions and pending doom thoughts.
Surreylady, everyone recovers differently and honestly it's something I couldn't rush or obsess about. I say this because for me that exact thought of getting better ran through my head everyday all day, and was just another obsession. We all want to feel better, but we can cause more anxiety by thinking about our anxieties. Recovery can happen, and a sound mind is possible. Whether through therapy, medication, self help, meditation, keeping busy, acceptance. Or a combination of all of these. As of fully recovering from OCD I personally believe it's possible. Being fully recovered to me means retraining my brain to think differently; accept ALL of my thoughts and letting any anxiety come and go as it pleases. So I wouldn't worry so much about when you will feel better, although its natural human nature to think that. You can feel better and you will You will get there. I am sure you are heading in the right direction in getting some relief. Again, recovery is different for everyone.
For me it took about a year for me to be ready for work! And that was me doing it myself!! Reprogramming my response to the intrusive thoughts, and complusions, and then I saw a therapist, and it was then I received CBT. I couldn't work for 6 years, but that's me, and everyone is different.
I've also had 10 years of OCD free!! But on reflection I did have querks, but none have stopped me from living an normal life.
As for being OCD free, I would love to say yes you can be cured, and I'm sure some people do go on to live a normal life, and also therapy is also advancing, so maybe one day.
I will say this, I can cope with making friends with mines because I have had a long break from the OCD, and I know no matter how many times it raises it's ugly head, I can get my life back.
I have had OCD non stop for 4 days now and I now have a big headache. I have made a decision by finding a therapist and seeing them once a week for CBT hopefully that will help me with the way I am. The NHS stuff is just not enough for me
Oh wow! you have had a long journey being through it! Poor you!
I haven't worked properly since March, since my Mum had a accident, I have been hands on with looking after her and 4 pets, so for me with this OCD it has been like hell!
I took over my Mum's business and I am now gradually getting back into my other work slowly. My income has totally been dried up with all the hassle of my mum still not been able to work and drive, it's not been good for my health either as I couldn't cope with her being in the hospital etc.
Things are getting better though, but for me not working a lot, my mind has been thinking over time and spiraling out of control due to not being focused, this is the worst I have ever been.
It's good that you are getting your life back on track xx
I haven't seen my therapist yet. I have phoned a Dr who specialises in CBT and Anixety. I hope to see him soon and he charges £95 for the hour! so he's not cheap! but I think he maybe worth it!!
Last time I felt dreadful, I didn't really have that much to eat, past few days I have had a name spinning in my mind constantly, it's been draining. Today I feel a bit better, but I feel very anxious and have this tingling sensation all around my body and fingers especially. I have been googling my symptoms and have read it could be a mini stroke etc, I am unsure?
One friend knows what I have although I am not sure how trustworthy she is. She has been through Psychosis and other mental health problems, she is on a lot of medications. Another friend recently got sectioned he has a bit of psychosis and schizophrenia. I feel I have a lot of anxiety, negative self talking, probably symptoms of ptsd and ocd repetitive thoughts. Perhaps a panic disorder too.
How about you? do your friends know you have this problem?
Remember you'll be feeling all sorts of physical symptoms with being anxious, and having panics. And I highly recommend not looking up what it could be, and if you have concern about anything about your body, trust me, go and speak to your GP, they'll put your mind to rest! I've looked up symptoms before, and it's not wise when your in the thick of OCD, because it's hard to be rational when you're in panic mode!!
£95 per hour, wow, well if you can afford it, it'll be worth it, and I wish you all the best.
I have my partner to talk to about my OCD, but I try and not put too much on him, and I do have a really close friend, but again I need to watch because he's got his problems too, but we're working on that. And I also highly recommend if you don't trust someone, or unsure, edge on the side of caution, that's my moto!!
You know I've been thinking about what's going on with me with regards to my OCD! Because I noticed you have PTSD too, I've been blaming all my symptoms on my OCD!!!
Can I ask you, are you doing compulsions to the repetitive thoughts!? only answer if you're happy to!
I have my first CBT therapy session tomorrow at 4pm she was recommended by the other therapist who couldn't fit me into his schedule. It will cost me £80 I am affording this one, just at the moment, it seems really expensive. I have looked into the free NHS help and it only seems to be talking therapies which is a online text messaging service and phone therapy. I am pretty desperate to have this therapy as it seems to be a long wait for CBT on a one to one basis through the NHS scheme. Although the Therapist says she can be referred by my GP, so I am looking into that for the long term.
I do get repetitive thoughts and words, not very nice images I think they are mostly because of what I have been through in the past and anxiety catching up. If it's words it would be names I would say in my mind and repeat them and they would go in a circle for days on end, last up to a week or more. Do you ever get that? I also find that if I don't think of anything and I am in a peace state of mind, I will try and rethink to what I used to as I am not used to having a silent mind.
I have been researching these past couple of days and I found that the supposed allergic reaction I had to that drug, is called a brain zap! I had one the other day last Saturday, I had anxiety driving a long distance and rethought of the inappropriate sexual thought I have and then my mind shook, it was only a small one. Last Sunday I was running back to my car and I went all shaky for no reason, my head was all over the place. I believe the drug is in my body and I am having withdrawal symptoms.
I am waking up and having almost brain fog almost every day. Even on days where I am not thinking constantly. I have to lie down for at least 20-30 minutes otherwise my head is too heavy, it's like a big hangover but without the alcohol. If I sit up or drive I feel my mind is heavy like a bag of cement. Is this normal?
I read recently that Ariana Grande had a MRI scan on her brain, I found that really scary :s maybe I should look into having one of those?
Big hugs, and good luck for tomorrow, I'm super excited your getting help, this is your big step to getting your life back.
As for the thoughts, if I'm feeling edgy, and something isn't right feeling, then my head will go into overdrive, and it'll not let me be, and as for the intrusive thoughts and vision!! they're crippling, I feel all these fuel the disorder, and it makes it nearly impossible to function, if I keep a level of healthy living, eat well, sleep and rest as much as I can, I can visually function with my OCD. Actually this will probably help!! All above affects me physically, muscle spasms, so head, blurred vision, irregular heartbeat, and brain fog, when I feel these, I every now and then, take 5, and just do deep breaths, and say, I know what this is, it'll fade, and I relax my muscles as much as I can, I do this daily, and I'm teaching myself to calm, like I'm re-parenting myself, it's also amazing to ground yourself.
today is a normal day!! Almost to the point of being "my normal" I went I get to this point, I feel like a switch has been flicked!! And I try and remember what I was feeling the day before, I don't know why I do this, cos it's like poking a sleeping bear!!!
The heavy feeling is most likely to be an overload of anxiety, when this happens, drink a glass of water or something, and have calm time.
Has the doctor recommended another tablet to take!?
I personally don't take medication for my OCD, I'm looking into trying something herbal again. I do want to say I'm not advertising don't take medication, because it does help thousands of people.
I only take St Johns Wart liquid for low moods, anxiety and depression along with Milk Thistle which both are supposed to be good to ease the OCD and control it. I do take Batch Remedies White Chestnut and that is good for repetitive thoughts, I feel since I have taken that I feel much calmer. I have noticed if I have nothing to do my mind will go into a spiral and start naming people for no reason.
I went to see this therapist that specializes in CBT alongside Trauma, PTSD, OCD and Anxiety, so I am happy she has experience with that.
I have met her in the past before when I was going through a referral by my GP and she said at the time I didn't have PTSD and that was because I was having a good week! So that time I wasn't fitting their criteria for free help.
I had my session, and I was basically going through my life history of what happened to me as a child and what relationships I went through, basically what caused me to be so anxious as I was shy as a child and very anxious. I felt tearful as I spoke about about a bad relationship before my ex that stalked me. But I suppose it helped her to understand what I am going through. I felt better that I let it out all in the open and felt a heavy head afterwards. It was just an assessment, the session was for 50 minutes. So she gave me some homework to do and to write down my thoughts on this piece of paper and note how I am feeling every day until the next time I see her. So I will be filling that out soon.
Though I felt maybe I went on too long about my stalking story as I didn't get told what she thinks I have wrong with me. Spending £85 each week is going to cost monthly roughly £340 a month! Wow! I am so desperate for help that I can't afford it at the moment as my work is slow, so I have resigned up to mind matters to see if I can get it free instead of paying. The therapist didn't know what type of stalking I went through so I had to explain it in detail so going through that was a bit too much as I didn't really get any benefit afterwards, I just off loaded my problems on to her. I found her to be sloppy in her work, I am trying not to be too negative but if you are paying a premium for help you should at least get someone who is on the 'ball', she emailed me to print this form out and give it to her in the session, she never even asked for it, although I put it on her table. It was a sheet with all of my details on there name, address. I tried to pay her by bank transfer then she said I have to throw you out now.. so I left without paying, she was so slack! I could of been just anyone! I paid her anyway when I got into my car!
There is another CBT therapist that is a Doctor that specializes in OCD and anxiety he's private and not through the NHS he works at the hospital as a Dr that is his main job and his side line is the CBT. Him and I spoke on the phone for at least 20-25 minutes which was good, as you get a good feel about the person before you meet them. He said he charges £110 per week and that would be £440 per month! I would need at least 8 sessions costing £880 and if it works I wont need so much but if it doesn't work effectively he would subscribe me to some meds. I felt a good vibe with him but affording him is a different matter.
I am going to have another session with this lady as I can't keep changing around, I feel she could be good. But I am going to try and see if I can get her for free. My first therapist cost £60 and his approach was too relaxed, although he did talk about how the OCD works with the brain, which I have never been told before. His main focus was on relationship problems as a therapist. The second therapist I saw charged £95 dealt with what I needed but let me down after 3 weeks of waiting for an appointment with him. He cancelled on the day and I was so upset that I had to calm myself down and do different things so I could control myself for that week. The next Dr I got in touch with told me he is busy till August, but referred this women that I saw this week! she's not even a Dr and she's charging £85!
I feel a lot of them are cashing in on the job! it seems so lucrative down here in Surrey. I might look for another therapist for the meantime
That's just plain awful. I know we all need to make a living, but come on. Keep looking, there's no point wasting your time, and not to mention the cost.....
I've forgotten about the medication you've mentioned, I'll look them up, I got myself Solar Ashwagandha root extract, but I'll not be able to take it till I'm calm enough!!
I should say this, and on reflection, I'll probably be do this myself again as a recap!! When I was at my worst!! I looked into training myself to be a OCD therapist, it helped me big time, but I hit a point where I needed extra help, maybe this time, I'll not need help!!!
My doctor said yesterday I've been accepted for CBT, I'm now on their list.
Ah okay, that sounds positive for you then, if you have self helped yourself! I did a test online for my anxiety and I scored 67% said I had got severe anxiety!
A friend of mine yesterday said it sounded like my session was a counselling session, as I went through my previous relationships before I got stalked. Is that normal?
Where do you live in the UK Katz?
That's good to hear you have been referred for CBT
Maybe the therapist is wanting a overall of your life, and relationships, but that's a guess.
Are for where I live, I live in the middle/south of Scotland, Apparently the waiting list isn't as bad as it used to be, there used to be a 9 month waiting list.
Yeah I'm looking forward to getting myself feeling more grounded!!!
I have to ring the place to make an appointment today, as no one has chased me up. I have been away for a couple of days up north to see a friend and go to a funeral. I was shaking with panic at the funeral, I just wasn't myself, I really don't know where this has all come from, I believe it's since I took that tiny SSRI pill! I drove for half an hour on the motorway and I started getting panics and tingling in my fingers and hands whilst driving then I felt very nervous and I wanted to stop as I felt I couldn't cope anymore, it was like this rush of anxiety and panic going through my body. I couldn't sleep in the evening either, my mind was spiraling out of control and I was all anxious during the nights I slept there. It is really weird. I feel better that I am at home now but still feel on edge. Which is not like me at all.
I am going to carry on with the free help. Today I had a caramel cake from the shop! I haven't eaten cakes for a long time!! I needed a treat day!
I haven't seen anyone yet, but my anxiety has dropped a lot since the woman I was working with got the sack!!! If you read the post I wrote called "unbelievable" you'll find out why.
It's not easy when we can't get a quick fix!! I take it you don't take that medication anymore!? That's why I don't take it, I'm already on edge without the help of unsuitable medication. I guess the fact you were at a funeral won't help calm a already uneasy mind. I myself can only go to funerals if I'm in a OCD free mind!!
Oh I see, probably the women you were working with made you feel uneasy so it created that anxiety? It could as well been her energy that you felt in the room working with her or around her that made you feel uneasy maybe?
I don't take any medication except for Milk Thistle and St Johns Wart drops, they both work together, there was a test and a article about them both working well to help with OCD. I do use the Flower Batch Remedies White Chestnut drops and that is good for repetitive thoughts. Maybe try those?
I felt on edge for no reason today, I drove up to the shops through this country tunnel road and I have got over the fear for that though I was thinking about getting stuck up the road just in case I can't reverse, I have a nice small car and I don't want to get it scratched but it's saved me so much in petrol so I am happy to drive up there and take that risk. I got stuck in some traffic this mid morning and I then felt very anxious for no reason and a felt tingling sensation in my hands and arms, very weird. Walked around doing errands then felt more balanced in my head.
I also didn't sleep well last night, yesterday I had a productive day and kept myself busy working from home is what I do and I did repeat stuff in my head too much. Last night I couldn't even feel my lips, it was really weird. I was in and out of my body I felt. Then my head was hurting. I am speaking to my Doctor soon and I may ring up the OCD charities to speak to someone and possibly a Anxiety charity to see if they know what has happened to me the last couple of days.
I am anxious for tomorrow as I will have to drive on the motorway tomorrow. I will drive slowly and see how I go lol have a nice day
Good luck with the drive, and only go at the speed your comfortable with.
I'm actually having a no bad day today!! it's been a while since I've had one, so I'm going to cherish it. It would be nice if it would stop raining so I can get on with my chores, I don't normally let the rain bother me, but it's sooooo wet.
I still haven't heard from the therapist group, so I'll just keep waiting. Hope you get some luck, and find out what's been going on with your therapist.
I don't mind rain, it doesn't bother me that much I find it is quite refreshing
Again I have been more productive even though my work is slow, I am going to find a part-time job to keep my mind occupied and to have a break from working from home as it can be isolating.
I spoke to the Doctor on the phone this afternoon and he said it sounds like a panic attack and that I should have therapy with mind matters through the NHS. He booked me in for this Friday to see another Dr, I will tell her my situation then see what she can do for me for my headaches
How has your ocd been today? last week I kept myself busy and productive and I had less negative thoughts and I have stopped taking the St Johns Wart drops and milk thistle altogether and I have been feeling much better. Last Saturday evening I drank quite a lot and then my ocd was kicking in through sunday to monday tonight!
As for visiting the Dr I haven't had much shakiness and tremors since I have came off the drops. I actually felt normal for once, which was really nice.
That makes my heart sing to read that, a normal feeling day, I wish you more of them. 🌹
As for me, it's a rollercoaster ride of emotions, I swear my emotions are changing as fast as the British weather!!! and I'm not doing my routine, and holding on to the fear, letting the intrusive thoughts fly in and out, and block them when they become impossible to cope with!!!
I've also been listening to Brain Lock on audiobook, and just listening to it calms me.
I had a day and a half of normal me, and I'm grateful for that.
And I've also been doing progressive muscle relaxation meditation which I get from YouTube, that one really helps.
I'm waiting for my CBT still, I have a follow up call on Friday so that sounds promising.
From Monday till today has been non stop with my thoughts racing around and saying peoples names for no reason lol
I may try brain lock, is it free?
Yes I know its terrible the weather that is. It was all nice and summery last week. I badly need a holiday.
My work has been slow, its dipped. So have a job interview tomorrow which will be good for me to keep my mind busy and not over thinking.
It's nice when we have days where we don't think so much about our issues and worries. I am so grateful that I have them, just wish sometimes I had a normal mindset. I feel I left it too long and my situation has got worse as I'm scared of getting treated.
It's on audible book, and I know you can get a trail period, so in a sense, you can get it for free.
I allow myself to have a gin everything now and then, and it does help, I may have one tonight. 😁
I'm doing everything that would set me off on one and doing something different, as a discraction, I feel sick, but I just take a deep breath and say to myself I know what this is.
What do you feel you've left for too long!? Are you meaning your CBT!?
no, I meant I had these repetitive symptoms in 2013 when it all kicked off. I didn't get treated as I thought I was OK.
Ah ok that sounds good, I will try that out.
Love gin! Since I have drank, my thoughts have gone out of control lol my thinking is so sensitive so when I see a name or phrase I like, I will repeat it or think back to the names I called out in the first place or I have on the rota
I went for hypnosis and I paid £70 for the session, I had a free session before hand so I know what I was expecting. I told him I had OCD and intrusive thoughts etc.. I think if I ever go for it again I will keep a limit to what I tell people.
So anyway, I had to concentrate on the story he was telling me, he did say I may go off in another direction and think about something else. He said you may go back into past memories and go off in a sleep. For me I am sensitive to what people say with my ocd. Once he mentioned past memories, there was me thinking of my ex again! and I was trying to close the book by saying bye bye to him I will miss you! it was hard and then I had tears in my eyes, trying not to weep.
So the guy that was doing the hypnosis noticed that I didn't fall asleep, he said I could tell you wasn't listening to it. He completely contradicted what he said earlier that it may not work the first time as everyone is different. I am one of those people that finds it hard to relax and for me to stop my ocd thoughts spiraling out of control was so hard for me.
I was actually calmer and quiet in my mind before I saw him. I had a good hour of where I drove and I had no problem with my thoughts, they were silent and I felt "normal" and after the session, I had really bad OCD and couldn't sleep it was terrible!
I accidently hit a baby bunny on the road and it was too late to stop as it was so small and it was hopping near my car! I told him about that and he said "did you do that on purpose? or was it a accident?" I said of course not! then that made me realize that he doesn't understand what people go through with their mindset and their mental well being. He maybe a hypnosis but he is not trained in mental health to understand what the cause of the problems we have. I thought it was unprofessional of him for saying that and he also said me saying names in my head was weird. So for that and because it didn't work for me I cancelled the next appointment.
I think I may go back to my Doctors and see if they could recommend another pill for me to take so I can make my mind more quiet. It's a hassle every day going through this cycle, I think this hypnosis treatment would work in the long run but god it's made me so much more worse, ruined my whole day afterwards and week!
I have found a CBT lady that could help me and she is 3 times more cheaper! £45 for a session so cheap!!
Have you seen anyone yet through the NHS? I haven't had my NHS app just yet! the system is so slow!
Sallyskins, that's awful, there's nothing worse, I had a really good therapist that joked about things with me, for me it was helpful because I was so upset, but I've also had therapist laugh at me and was thoughtless, and it put me of looking for help for years. Don't let that clumsy person put you off course, I totally understand being hypersensitive to words and the way people speak. I'm glad to read your not going back there, and I hope the OCD calms down soon. I wonder why people can't grasp what words can do to someone with OCD, if only they knew, that a simple mistake to them, is a sleepless night for us, or a exhausting week trying to calm down.
For me I'm actually doing okay, the health thing is for some reason keeping me calm!!!
But work is really bad!! But hay hi!!
Still nothing with regards to CBT, I guess I'm just going to keep doing the living in the now, and just keep moving forward.
I think what is helping is my anxiety isn't high, so I'm able to get on with things.
The NHS is terrible for free therapy! I have been waiting for at least 2 months for help!
I have finally got an appointment this week which I am so thrilled to have! I can focus now on getting better mentally and physically.
Today I didn't have a good day, I wont bore you. But I think I spent far too much time on the computer for my new weekend job. It's at a supermarket and I had to spend time looking and filling in answers out for these questionnaires. I should of had a break because I got bored and lost track of what I was doing and then concentrated on stuff I didn't want to think about. Then my mind was getting tired and exhausted and I felt sick.
Since my Mum had a accident in March it has affected me so much because I haven't worked for 3 months full time, so it's killed my income badly. I am now on track and trying to get a full time job or taking up house keeping jobs to get the money in!
How has your work been affecting you? do you work full time? xx
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You will get there. I am sure you are heading in the right direction in getting some relief. Again, recovery is different for everyone. 
but it's saved me so much in petrol so I am happy to drive up there and take that risk. I got stuck in some traffic this mid morning and I then felt very anxious for no reason and a felt tingling sensation in my hands and arms, very weird. Walked around doing errands then felt more balanced in my head. 
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