Mothers day and miserable!: For mothers day I... - OCD Support

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Mothers day and miserable!

100hope profile image

For mothers day I wanted to have a relaxing day, I had a relaxing morning but now I'm stressed about the things I haven't done, that I should've done, I've wasted a day, my house feels untidy and dirty yet I don't want to clean, it's a constant battle. All I can think about is the lovely things others will be doing with their children or mother, I wish I could do these lovely things but I can't afford to plus I can't be bothered. I'm never happy, I just want perfection, I want a nice spotless house but don't have the energy to do the work. I want to look nice but can't be bothered or don't see the point in making an effort. I'm already dreading having to cook the teas later and empty the washing machine. Is this really just OCD or am I just lazy? I feel lazy, I put myself down about it all of the time. My partner says the house is always tidy but I know it's not. I'm really not happy with anything, I find fault in everything to do with me, how little I can give my children ☹

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13 Replies

Listen to your partner when he says the house is tidy! It isn't necessary to have perfectionist standards. It's simply beating yourself up to berate yourself for being lazy.

I'm lazy about housework, and so are lots of people. It can be boring! Besides, having OCD takes up a lot of energy and I'm not surprised you're tired.

It's a bit of a myth the media tries to sell us, of perfect families where Mum gets breakfast in bed with bunches of flowers and then has a great family day out with the kids and loads of chocolates on the way followed by a Marks and Spencer dinner! A lot of it is marketing. It's a bit like the perfect family Christmas, when in reality people fight and get drunk!

If money is short, don't worry about what you're not giving your children. They don't need all the newest gadgets or designer trainers or things like that. They do need love and attention, and I'm sure you give them plenty of that.

Family life is bound to make you feel tired and fed up occasionally, but don't think you've got to get everything perfect. Try to break down the rituals and routines and perfectionism and leave things a little less than perfect. Nobody else is likely to notice and it should give you more energy for the things that really matter, like enjoyment.

Perhaps for today, get your partner to cook the teas and empty the washing machine, saying it's Mother's Day and you deserve a day off!

Blue274 profile image
Blue274 in reply to Sallyskins

Do you celebrate Mother's Day early? Here in the United States, we celebrate Mother's Day in the month of May.

100hope profile image
100hope in reply to Blue274

Our mother's day was on Sunday 31st march

Blue274 profile image
Blue274 in reply to 100hope

Thanks!😊

Sallyskins profile image
Sallyskins in reply to Blue274

I am Canadian by birth, though I've lived in England for many years, and I remember May being the month for Mother's Day. Over here it is March and is based on the church festival called Mothering Sunday. But it's become secularized as Mother's Day now.

Blue274 profile image
Blue274 in reply to Sallyskins

Thanks!😊

It is really hard to be relaxed, just because you want to be relaxed. Your body and physiological habit is probably to be tense (like mine ;)).

A though I had recently went like this: although I am not generally involved in cleaning OCD I do get this urge to make everything perfect. So - we have a huge dog and put certain rules in place to avoid her destroying things like the carpet and the garden. She is a gorgeous dog and absolutely amazingly loving, loyal and well trained. Then sh got seriously ill all of a sudden with age related issues and had to go into the emergency dog hospital. Within about 12 hours my carpets were immaculate and it occurred to me that the grass would grow back no matter what she did. I realised that if she passed way I could sort out the carpets in no time at all and whilst she was alive it was not worth stressing about it because she is fully worth the dog hair! It could be sorted so fast and be as though there was none there at all so why did I stress when I could not replace her. I don't know if you are getting my point, but the cleaning thing can be done any day and then done again another day and done again another day. It is not the core of your life. It can be done or not done and the done later. Your brain, thanks to OCD is imbuing it with meaning that it does not really have. Be kind to yourself - that is really the point of Mother's Day. Big hugs xxxx

100hope profile image
100hope in reply to Cellothere

I wish I had people around me like you my partner, children and mother say this to me all of the time but I think they're just saying it to make me feel better. I feel bad that I don't have the energy to look after my children, partner and home like I think I should. I love them with all my heart but I never feel I do enough for them xx

Cellothere profile image
Cellothere in reply to 100hope

I bet you do plenty. I made a roast dinner today and managed to completely burn the potatoes and pigs and blankets were cremated. I reckon believe your family - they clearly love you.

100hope profile image
100hope in reply to Cellothere

Arh no, what a shame and you went to so much effort. X

Thanks!😊

Thanks!😊

Hi

We seem to have a lot in common - your post could have been written by me! It seems my OCD attacks me in the same way as yours and it’s awful isn’t it! (Well it attacks me in other forms too but this is just one of its main ones at the moment!)

I felt exactly the same on Mother’s Day and the way you describe yourself as feeling like you’re lazy, the house is never tidy etc it’s all what’s in my brain. Aswell as the letting my kids down in loads of ways - we’re always really short of money too, mainly cos I had to give up work so something else for me to feel bad about!

But even if they’re having a bit of time playing happily upstairs in their rooms I feel bad and that I should be engaging with them and doing some great activity with them instead.

Sorry, I don’t have any advice but I just wanted you to know that I 100% understand how you’re feeling ❤️

If you want to chat you can always PM me 👍

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