Hello Im new here and I have been reading a lot of posts on here that describe somehow the way that I feel pretty much everyday since March 2018. I don't even know what to call it sometimes I get so confused, right now I am taking mertazipine for depression and I have just started therapy. First I started struggling with these horrible thoughts about God like blasphemy and bad things this bothered me a lot because I am christian so I got to the point of quitting work and seeing a psychiatrist who put me on 7 different medications that just had me sedated. A few months later the thought went away and a new one came along to completely ruin my life and disturb me like nothing else it was a sexual thought about me possibly hurting a child. I would read news all the time about stuff like that happening in the world and for some reason my brain pictured it and it got stuck it wouldn't go away I would cry for help I felt so lost and wrong for having that thought I couldn't understand why me I would never do anything like that the more I thought about how to get rid of it the worse it got to the point where I could not go to my sisters house because she has 3 little girls and I was horrified!! I spoke to my psychiatrist and he would just change my meds. A few months have gone by and I am doing a little better but Im really scared these thoughts might come back I feel so down sometimes I don't even want to get out of bed. I keep thinking why did this happen to me! I want to read stories of others that have gone through the same as me please help me understand I feel like nobody in my family knows how horrible this is they don't really understand that's why I came on here so others that have gone through the same as me help me please!