For a while now i have been suffering from anxiety and ocd. It al started When i could not remember a specific moment on a night out and i got afraid that i did something wrong, more specifically: i cheated on my boyfriend. From there it got worse and worse and i tried to remember every single night out to check if i did something wrong. Now it got to the point Where i am afraid that i did something sexual with someone on a night out on a toilet and even that i left body fluids of that person on the door and other people could get infected by a serious STD like Hiv, hepatitis B or C and that they Will die Cause of me...this feeling has left me in a complete mess and my mind is also creating false memories Where i think of a night out, and At first i cannot remember anything bad and than all of a sudden i 'remember' being with a guy and my mind tries to confirm my worst fears. I constantly feel like people are going to die Cause of me... i have suicidal feelings too Because i do not deserve to live if others Will die Cause of me....
i just posted this to write it of my chest, and maybe find people with the same kind of problems
Written by
Michellexx
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
The ability to reply to this post has been turned off.
This is the sort of thing OCD does! In this case it has made you jump from a tiny doubt, which you know to be untrue, that you may have cheated on your boyfriend, to having had sex with someone else in a public lavatory, and then to having infected a lot of other people with some nasty diseases.
I'm sure that you know that is a lot of rubbish. A tiny thought of 'suppose I cheated on my boyfriend' that you know to be untrue suddenly becomes a mountain of guilt.
Many people, I'm sure, have gaps in their memories of what they did on a night out, thanks to alcohol. I did myself, before I gave up drinking when I was nineteen because I couldn't handle it. I'm not blaming you for it. I'm just saying don't beat yourself up about it. It certainly doesn't mean you did anything wrong!
It's simply OCD playing tricks with your mind, as you well know! It's called the doubting disease for good reason. Do get some professional help, if you're not already.
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.
Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.
Help OCD is taking over my life 
OCD confessing to partner
Ocd sexual thoughts about other people
Can ocd give a fake sense of fear?
Ocd is taking over my life!