OCD confessing to partner: Hi. I am on here to see if... - OCD-UK

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OCD confessing to partner

Hereforhelp123 profile image
Hereforhelp123

Hi.

I am on here to see if anyone has suffered with the same problem as me and managed to over come it.

This has been going on for around 6 months now I am constantly confessing a things to my partner. This can be anything! Things from my past, constant intrusive thoughts about other men (men who mean absolutely nothing to me), every time we get intimate I will have a thought about some one else, anything as little if I pass someone in the car from my past literally I feel guilt over anything and feel like I need to tell him everything!! It’s got to the point now where I have literally told him everything so I am going back over things and not knowing what is true or not I am telling him things that I don’t even know are true!

This is massively affecting our relationship as he can’t take much more of the EVERY DAY confessions and constantly talking about other men.

I have started therapy 2 months ago now and I don’t seem to be getting any better, has anyone else suffered with this and did things eventually get better?

I can’t keep putting my boyfriend through this I am making his life hell and it’s killing me to see what I am doing to him because I love him so much but I can’t seem to stop!

I know how this works and I know the more I tell him the more things that will come In my head and the only way for it to stop is to stop confessing but I can’t seem to break that cycle!!

36 Replies

I can totally relate to this post! As much as it is hard to do you really need to stop the confessing. This can be done totally in one go or just try delaying it a bit or asking if you really need to confess that right now. I’m always happy to help :)

Thank you for your reply! It’s comforting knowing people can actually relate to this and I aren’t actually going “crazy”

Are you going through something similar? If so how long for and have you managed to control it at all?

Thank you ☺️

You definitely are not going crazy :)

Yeah I have/am going through it. It’s been on and off for years. Don’t let that worry you though, it has got so much better and much more controlled. My wife has been very patient with it but there was a time where I am sure she was at the end of her tether but stood by me thankfully.

You just need to tell yourself that it is all in your head. But equally it is okay to have thoughts about others. It doesn’t mean you don’t love your partner. Everyone does it but we place so much extra pressure on ourselves to be perfect.

That’s how I feel now, my boyfriend is trying so hard to stand by me but it’s really getting him down and I hate to see what it’s doing to him.

Have you ever had therapy or medication? If you don’t mind me asking?

Yeah I am on medication for it and have had CBT with a few different people to help and it does make a difference, or it did for me.

It is horrible isn’t it, but it is an illness and it isn’t you :)

My heart goes out to you. This is a very difficult thing to deal with. I have gone through the intrusive thoughts that cause distress to the point where I would avoid situations, things, people, bc it would trigger the type of thing you're talking about. I have been doing cbt for a while and it is helpful. I also write ALOT. When I have an especially hard time I will write to myself how these intrusive thoughts don't mean anything, how they don't make sense. They are just junk thoughts and stress and anxiety is fueling them.

Have you been especially stressed lately?

Satnav89 profile image
Satnav89 in reply to hlacovara

That’s a really great point about the stress! I do tend to find that periods of stress cause the intrusive thoughts to take over more.

hlacovara profile image
hlacovara in reply to Satnav89

Same here💜

Satnav89 profile image
Satnav89 in reply to hlacovara

Have you suffered long?

hlacovara profile image
hlacovara in reply to Satnav89

Years you?

Satnav89 profile image
Satnav89 in reply to hlacovara

Same, around 12 :(

I avoid situations all of the time! It really is so tiring - I don’t think I can go 5 minutes in a day without feeling guilty about something!

I also write a lot in my notes on my phone and have conversations with myself convincing myself why I don’t need to tell him - still doesn’t work!

I have been stressed lately but only due to this.. I’m expecting a baby too so hormones may not be helping!

Wow yes pregnancy definitely! I bet that has put it into overdrive! Try to do whatever you can to try to relax yourself. I hope you find some relief with this soon. I know it can be exhausting!

Thank you 🤍

It is a stressful time for all atm. Are you able to tell yourself to have a set period of time a day in which you are allowed to worry? Save it all for a 10 minute chunk of time?

Yes it certainly is! That’s something I will try, at the moment I don’t tend to even allow myself to worry about it for 10 minutes I end up telling him as soon as I start to worry! I’ve really lost control, hopefully the medication will help to some degree

I have been exactly where you are. I have a thought and then out it comes. That makes me feel better but then I think, what about that time I looked at a woman or she looked at me does that mean I have done something wrong? As soon as I say one thing and get that relief another pops in.

That’s spot on! And the most annoying part is we know so well how this works, it’s a vicious circle, a circle that is so hard to break out of!

I sometimes think Jesus that is so pathetic but the guilt that comes with the thought is so over whelming - I don’t even know what is true or isn’t true at the moment so many false memories.

I’m glad your out of that stage now though ☺️ Hopefully there is light at the end of the tunnel!

I promise you there is light. 😊

It is the guilt isn’t it, it feels so real. I constantly think did I do that because I liked her and then question myself and say if it was a man would I do the same etc. It all sounds so silly typing it out or saying it but at the time it is the worst and most important thing in the world!

Oh thank you! ☺️

It does feel so real! I say to my boyfriend all the time it feels like I have actually cheated on you, like I’m the worst person in the world. When it’s the last thing I would ever do to him.

It doesn’t sound silly to me it sounds like your writing my own mind! It’s nice to talk to someone who has actually gone through this hell too, it’s so hard to explain to people who don’t suffer

The amount of times I’ve felt like if I tell her that then we are bound to be over is crazy but when it comes out it’s just silly. I met eyes with a lady in a shop and that was it, I was obviously checking her out so that’s it, I cheated!!

It is so difficult to explain isn’t it. Until you are there in it, you just can’t relate. Our poor partners!

100%.. my partner is dealing with it but doesn’t understand it! He is sensitive to, so some of the stuff really affects him, it breaks my heart!

There are some great sites to help explain it too. It is horrible to see the effects on others :(

I am on clomipromine now but in the last have been on Sertraline and didn’t get on with it at all. I have tried citalopram as well and found that useful. I did feel numb for a while on them though and even now I’m not sure I feel things completely as I should.

I had it years ago and it worked really well but the lady left. Then recently I tried it with a lady but didn’t feel the benefits so switched to a different lady and it really helped me :)

I thibk the relationship you have with the can be really important!

I've just been reading the posts and though so far I haven't had that particular form of OCD, it is quite a common form of it. Often OCD comes with an overwhelming feeling of guilt, though you haven't actually done anything to make you feel guilty.

I note that you are expecting a baby. This can be a trigger for OCD. Suddenly there is this overwhelming responsibility for another being, not to mention hormones and the disruption to your life, welcome though it is!

Medication isn't always appropriate for pregnant or breastfeeding women, but check with your doctor. Some people do feel numb on sertraline. I take quite a high dose, and haven't felt this, but I also take a low dose of something called aripiprazole, which gives you more of an oomph when combined with the sertraline.

I'm afraid therapy is a long process, and not a quick fix. Don't be put off if you feel you haven't made much progress.

Try not to go over things in your head. This is something that OCD tries to make you do. Did I really do that or didn't I? And the more you go over it, the less certain you are about it. And if a thought about other men comes into your head, let it in, don't question it or fight with it, and it should go away again. Intrusive thoughts like attention, and wrestling with them is giving them attention.

It's normal to have weird and random thoughts, only with OCD we like to question them, struggle with them and that has the effect of making us hold onto them. It's about learning to let them float into your head, and then float out again, as they do with most people. And if they float out again, you won't feel the need to confess about them.

It's not an easy trick to learn, but at least giving it a go helps to break the hold OCD has on you. I still struggle with it, but it has made a massive difference to me. A supportive partner is a great help, and a great incentive! And all good wishes for you both and the baby.

Yes I will check with my doctor I have an appointment tomorrow.

Thank you for taking your time out to reply & the wishes. I wish you well too☺️

Wow this is me all over!!! You feel your tummy flip when you think of someone you dated in the past. Almost like you’ve cheated on your partner?? You betrayed him. That’s what I’m dealing with. If you don’t confess the thought you have had you feel instantly sick and guilty and the minute you’ve told him your anxiety goes... you really really need to try and not confess anything because it’s a vicious circle. It is SO SO hard I’m learning myself. I tell my GF absolutely everything all the girls I’ve been with. Sick thoughts I think and it’s ‘telling’ me I fancy someone at work I’ve even told her that! It’s exhausting and so unfair we have to deal with this. But confessing is the compulsion. So try your very best to sit with the anxiety and just say to it oh hello here you are again and try ignore it. I know it’s easier said than done!!

Sorry to hear your going through similar! Yes as soon as I confess the feeling of anxiety goes, however only for a couple of minutes because then there is something new!

I told him today I was doubting my love for him (can you imagine how he must feel hearing that) even though I know deep down I love him but because my head is making me doubt my own feelings I struggle to know what’s real anymore.. if that makes sense?

The frustrating thing is I’ve read so much on OCD now and know how this thing works I know I need to try to sit with the anxiety and hopefully in time it will pass, I know to stop this cycle I need to break it.. I just can’t allow myself to actually do it! Sooooo annoying!

You guys can do it! I promise you you can both get past it. Or you’ll at least get better at sitting with the thoughts. I shudder at some of the things I told my wife looking back but deep down that isn’t you.

Thank you!! Do you still get as many thoughts as you used to & just manage to sit on them.. or do you have less thoughts now you don’t confess them?

Would you say you were past it or just better at sitting on them?

I definitely get less thoughts. Or at least less thoughts that I pay attention to. I do think the thoughts become less important and you need to answer them less.

I’m still conscious of them but they bother me a lot less :)

Sophie30x profile image
Sophie30x in reply to Satnav89

Thankyou ❤️

Aw no! Yep I’ve been there. And I’ve confessed too!!! Something in my heads telling me you don’t love her.. it’s the worst feeling because you know you do you’re right it’s just so so hard to deal with especially wanting their reassurance everything will be ok but it’s about them so it’s even worse 😔 I had this thing a while ago when I thought urgh when I seen her eat or talk and it was making me feel sick that I thought things like that. It is OCD and it’s a bully I really do feel for you and know exactly what you’re going through. Next time you feel the need to confess try do something. Go upstairs for a shower or something else. Try your absolute hardest to break this cycle. I’m getting there now but still days where I feel guilty - I looked for someone’s name on FB someone that I used to date because the ‘name’ was bugging me and I couldn’t remember her surname (ocd again) and felt the need so much to confess what I’d done. It felt like I’d cheated I never had and I never would. My anxiety was over the roof and was so desperate to tell her. Try take a step back and just think how are they gonna feel? Is it worth them knowing these bullshit feelings that ain’t true? I keep telling myself that and it’s working. I really do feel for you. It’s bloody awful ☹️ x

This actually sounds like I’m typing this it’s so weird! Thank you for your advice I hope you continue feeling better 🤍

More people need to know they are not alone with their thoughts :)

Hello, you are describing exactly the situation I have lived in during 2020. Everything you describe is happening to me! Let me know how things turned out for you... I really hope that this will stop some day before we are left all alone as I cannot imagine anybody who can last in this situation with us for many years:-(

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