In trying to get healthy by calling confronting fears everyday I never thought of how the people around me perceived my illness. Most of them and rightfully so find it annoying. Yet out of all of them whom dislike OCD they also really don’t like me the accomplice that much either, me.
I now separated from my girlfriend physically, we are living in two separate places for the time being. But intimately we have been apart a long time. We have stayed partners in our enterprises and by that I mean we share meals, talk about work, my lack of work, friends, plans etc. I would say our relationship is very close to that of two senior citizens that see theater and go out to dinner together.
But we have a history. A romantic history. And I had a breakdown. 3 years ago after feverishly searching for lumps in my body I broke the skin in the spot I kept thinking could be the end of me. Then my blood contamination fear set off and in search of emergency treatment only to find that there was none. Everyday of my life is an emergency and my girlfriend was the first to know but not always the first responder.
That dynamic, a tug of war between of me feeling ill and wanting her sincere concern, went on for 3 years and now she needs out.