In trying to get healthy by calling confronting fears everyday I never thought of how the people around me perceived my illness. Most of them and rightfully so find it annoying. Yet out of all of them whom dislike OCD they also really don’t like me the accomplice that much either, me.
I now separated from my girlfriend physically, we are living in two separate places for the time being. But intimately we have been apart a long time. We have stayed partners in our enterprises and by that I mean we share meals, talk about work, my lack of work, friends, plans etc. I would say our relationship is very close to that of two senior citizens that see theater and go out to dinner together.
But we have a history. A romantic history. And I had a breakdown. 3 years ago after feverishly searching for lumps in my body I broke the skin in the spot I kept thinking could be the end of me. Then my blood contamination fear set off and in search of emergency treatment only to find that there was none. Everyday of my life is an emergency and my girlfriend was the first to know but not always the first responder.
That dynamic, a tug of war between of me feeling ill and wanting her sincere concern, went on for 3 years and now she needs out.
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Tikirob
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One problem with OCD is that it affects not just you, but those around you. It can put a lot of strain on personal and work relationships, and often partners and family members have a lot to put up with.
It may be that you and your girlfriend have drifted apart, and you may well have done anyway, even without the OCD. But if you can remain on good terms, that is something.
It makes a great difference if other people can be patient with you and your OCD. Their support can mean a great deal. Most of us try to minimize the disruption our OCD causes to others, as we are afraid of being a nuisance.
Try not to wallow in self pity. It sounds as though you are confronting the OCD as best you can and it would help if those around you gave you a bit more support. Don't expect or demand too much of them though.
Try not to be bitter about your relationship with your girlfriend, if that's what you are, as you can't force someone to stay in a relationship. I know OCD can be very isolating, but try to get out of the house and do things as much as you can, catch up with old friends and make new ones.
Thanks! You nailed it. I am on to the letting go phase now. I just am struggling with how to get rid of my collection of things and how I am going to move forward by myself when I am still very much OCD.
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