Hello, I’m new at this writing stuff but for months on end I’ve been constantly plagued by the thought that I cheated on my partner, I’ve been with my partner for just over 2 years now and she’s the perfect human being for me, and the thought of doing this absolutely kills me.
I’m 22 and now started taking CBD oil to see if it’s works to calm down my anxiety and stress, I haven’t been diagnosed with OCD but with everything I’ve been reading about it I’m pretty sure I have it.
There’s 3 thoughts that have plagued me and I apologise in advance if it’s too long.
So basically before I got with my partner I was chatting to this girl and there was flirting and stuff and it got more serious flirting throughout the conversation on snapchat. This thought came into my head 8 months after we got together and it plagued me and was constantly saying I was with my partner when this happened, and I couldn’t remember and it terrified me.
At this point me and my partner just got together and we had a night out with all our friends, it was a really good night but throughout the night I had the thought that I wasn’t good enough for my partner at the time and just walked back to the hotel on my own being angry at myself as I was drunk also. But when all my friends returned they said that the bouncer of the club that I left said I left with another girl? I only remember walking home so surely I would’ve remember going off with another girl? So this again was plaguing me as if I cheated on my partner because I couldn’t remember yet again.
By now me and my partner have been together for just over 2 years and she is honestly a god send, but now it’s constantly ruminating in my head that I’ve been snap chatting and send rude pictures to this other person but I can’t remember even doing it or the name of the person!!
It’s honestly so draining because I feel like I can’t be happy and every time I am I have a flare up which causes me to break down and cry, I love my partner with all of my heart and the thought of me doing this to her kills me. I’ve always been disgusted by cheating and know it’s wrong! In my head it just seems so real, I’m at the point where I’m thinking if I should be here or not because living my life like this is absolute torture and no one should go through this at all.
Can someone give me advice or shed some light please? Am I going insane or are these thoughts really true but I just forgot about them?