Hello, I’m new at this writing stuff but for months on end I’ve been constantly plagued by the thought that I cheated on my partner, I’ve been with my partner for just over 2 years now and she’s the perfect human being for me, and the thought of doing this absolutely kills me.
I’m 22 and now started taking CBD oil to see if it’s works to calm down my anxiety and stress, I haven’t been diagnosed with OCD but with everything I’ve been reading about it I’m pretty sure I have it.
There’s 3 thoughts that have plagued me and I apologise in advance if it’s too long.
1st thought
So basically before I got with my partner I was chatting to this girl and there was flirting and stuff and it got more serious flirting throughout the conversation on snapchat. This thought came into my head 8 months after we got together and it plagued me and was constantly saying I was with my partner when this happened, and I couldn’t remember and it terrified me.
2nd thought
At this point me and my partner just got together and we had a night out with all our friends, it was a really good night but throughout the night I had the thought that I wasn’t good enough for my partner at the time and just walked back to the hotel on my own being angry at myself as I was drunk also. But when all my friends returned they said that the bouncer of the club that I left said I left with another girl? I only remember walking home so surely I would’ve remember going off with another girl? So this again was plaguing me as if I cheated on my partner because I couldn’t remember yet again.
3rd thought
By now me and my partner have been together for just over 2 years and she is honestly a god send, but now it’s constantly ruminating in my head that I’ve been snap chatting and send rude pictures to this other person but I can’t remember even doing it or the name of the person!!
It’s honestly so draining because I feel like I can’t be happy and every time I am I have a flare up which causes me to break down and cry, I love my partner with all of my heart and the thought of me doing this to her kills me. I’ve always been disgusted by cheating and know it’s wrong! In my head it just seems so real, I’m at the point where I’m thinking if I should be here or not because living my life like this is absolute torture and no one should go through this at all.
Can someone give me advice or shed some light please? Am I going insane or are these thoughts really true but I just forgot about them?
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raymond31
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I think the fact that it bothers you so much because it is so against anything you believe in sounds like OCD making you think you have done these things when in fact you haven’t. It’s possible you may have some OCD thoughts. If it is really bothering you you may want to talk to someone.
Thank you so much for replying, I used to go this this well being session at my uni but that was about stuff from my past with my ex, is there anything you could recommend to get over this or do?
Perhaps you could make an appt with your GP and tell them that you think you may have OCD and they could refer you to a Specialist. You are not alone in the way you are thinking. There are many people on this forum who have similar relationship thoughts as yours. Just research Relationship OCD/False Memories and you will find a lot of info online. You can get through this!
Reading your post has brought back a memory of having very similar invasive thoughts many years ago, I remember coming to the conclusion that I must have had a passing thought about cheating, which I most definitely would have been appalled about, then later recollected the thought and somehow my brain attached the feeling of being appalled and guilty to it and then the thought that maybe I had cheated
I definitely didn't cheat and I'm sure you didn't either
I'm newly 3-4 weeks diagnosed with OCD and since reading books, other people's stories and trying to learn cbt techniques, I'm discovering almost daily that OCD has been with me since childhood
It's also dawned on me that when I was younger and went out drinking, I'd beat myself up for days on end worrying that I might have upset someone whilst drunk, I'd ask everyone I was with (reassurance) and pick holes in what they said
All classic OCD obsessions and compulsions
It's so relieving for me to finally know what has been happening to me for 30+ years
I wish I knew back then and had all the tools available now
I'm sorry this is such a long reply
I hope this helps you recognize that OCD is attaching itself to the things you're most passionate about
Thank you so much for replying it mean a lot! What types of books do you read? I’m trying loads of stuff but I feel nothing is working for me, just stuck in a torturous circle😓
your very welcome for my reply, if telling my story can help alleviate your pain in any way whilst you're suffering with this terrible anguish it gives me a lot of comfort
So far I have read:-
Managing OCD with CBT for dummies,
Break free from OCD,
Overcoming obsessive thoughts
I've also watched everything I can on YouTube, including self help and documentaries
The most helpful thing so far to me, has been recognising that these intrusive thoughts are OCD, ignoring the intrusive thoughts which whilst in a panic seems impossible at first, but with practice gets easier and also trying to turn a negative into a positive by looking at your anxiety ocd attack as an opportunity to tackle it, because it's only really possible to do whilst its happening x I hope this makes sense to you, because I do tend to ramble on a bit
Hope you have a lovely day today with your girlfriend x sending you both a big hug x
OCD is called the doubting disease for a very good reason. Those of us with OCD are filled with such crippling doubt that our lives become unmanageable. We often seek reassurance to relieve our doubt, but reassurance-seeking becomes a compulsion which only serves to strengthen the obsession (which, in your case, is thoughts of cheating).
The gold standard for treating OCD doubt is Exposure/Response Prevention (ERP). Essentially, ERP forces you to look at your bully (the doubts) in the face without trying to fight it. Acceptance and surrender sounds counter intuitive at first, but over time the obsessional thoughts lose their power to intimidate and frighten you.
You will need a trained therapist to help you work through ERP. OCD is a brain disorder which can be treated and managed like many other illnesses can. But we must do the footwork ourselves by seeking out a therapist and then committing to doing the ERP exercises.
I tried surrendering to the thought but when I do I just go into a panic state and think am I just accepting it because I’ve actually done it? And then I worry and worrying in the first place🙁
I'm unsure if you may have OCD or not, the rumination certainly does sound like OCD.
If this is the first type of rumination you have had, try to keep an eye on yourself to see if it spreads to other thoughts etc etc, if it does it's very important to seek CBT and ERP treatment sooner rather than later.
I'll help you with some basic CBT techniques that should help you.
I assume that when you have these thoughts about cheating, they make you very upset and you try very had to dismiss these thoughts.
As an example, if I said to you don't think about white polar bears?
I would assume your now thinking about white polar bears.
So trying to dismiss the thoughts is impossible.
If I said to you think about white polar bears for the next 10 minutes and nothing else, only think about white polar bears for 10 minutes, then please count the amount of times your mind moves on to think about something else?
It's impossible to only think about white polar bears for 10 minutes.
So the question and answer to this is how the mind works.
The mind is fundamentally lazy, all minds are.
So the 1st technique is to play the thoughts that upset you in your mind over and over, keep playing those thoughts in your mind.
It's like a horror movie, the 1st time you watch the movie it's very scarry, by the time you've watched the movie 100 times, it gets very boring.
The next technique after that is to say, ok I did cheat, accept that thought, sit with the anxiety, keep telling yourself you did, keep accepting the anxiety and sit with the anxiety.
Eventually your lazy brain will get bored, your anxiety levels will drop and all will be fine to the point where you think, what a stupid thought.
Lastly explain to your partner what your thinking, explain that you know it's not true, explain you think it maybe OCD, if they care about you, they will realise that you also care very much for them also and help you with the techniques I've shown you.
Hey. I know it’s been a long time since you posted this but I need help to know if you ever figured out how to get over it. Because I am going through the exact same thing right now Especially with your thought one. Idk why I woke up one morning remembering somthing I did a long time ago and I could not distinguish between if it happened before my boyfriend and I started dating or after we started dating. It legit has been crushing me for months not being able to figure out if I did or not. And idk why I would of thought o this like 11 months after we started dating. I try to recall memories to help me figure out if I did or not but I can’t. Please if u ever figured out a way to help respond.
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