I don't know if I have some form of OCD or I'm just over exaggerating things but here's my story:

Basically, I don't know when it started but it was at least over 5 years ago and I've always thought it was weird, but I have always felt strange urges and thought in a way which I always thought of as abnormal. I am 14 years old now, almost 15 by the way. There are some urges that have only happened recently and some that have gone away, but apparently the things that I think of and see as just me being an idiot, could be seen as symptoms of OCD. I have recurring thoughts that are definitely unpleasant and that I do not agree with, for example, me killing someone or causing harm to someone, or something of a more sexual manner, and I cannot help it and all I can do is to try and find something to distract myself with because those thoughts are disgusting to me. It's quite hard for me to try and explain this all and put it into a cohesive paragraph that can be understood because there's a lot to say and I hope someone will reply. Other thoughts and even nightmares I have are sometimes to do with me not being able to protect my friends and family and harm/death coming to them because of it. I also constantly imagine different situations during the day and night in which harm comes to me when I am out with friends, for example, me being stabbed in a mugging, me being shot, etc. I have had these as long as I can remember and these thoughts will randomly come up during the day for no apparent reason. I also have trouble getting rid of anything which isn't like a sweet wrapper or something like that, if something in my house is going to be thrown out or binned, even if I don't care for it at all I feel a need to keep it and that's probably normal. I also started collecting empty Frijj milkshake bottles and Extra mint packets and ordering them due to colour, darker colours on the left, slowly graduating into the lighter colours for the bottles, and rows of colour for the mint packets, and I can't get rid of them, I need to keep them on my windowsill, and this all might sound like nonsense to you but I don't know. Also everything I do, whether it is locking a door or closing a laptop needs to be adjusted or double checked, and whenever I leave my house and lock the door and walk away to go to school, I only end up coming back 5 minutes later scared that I haven't locked the door, like a sneaking thought in the back of my mind, pressing me, telling me I haven't locked the door and all of my stuff will be stolen and my families, and it will be my fault. The thing that has started to happen about a year and a half ago, is that (this might sound weird as well) but basically in my mind, if I look at something on my left, then that thing is good and I either want to be like it in the future/want it in my life, and if I look at something on my right it's the opposite and I don't care about it or don't want to be like it/don't want it in my life. The more I look either way the stronger I feel about it and the more times I do it, which can lead to me spinning around randomly in public to look at my family or friends because I looked at them the wrong way and it doesn't feel right. I know it's really stupid in my mind but I can't help it, when I look at them it's set in stone and if I don't agree I can't just think 'No that's not what I think', I have to genuinely spin round and look at them the other way, which can lead to some awkward social situations. Also, if I just look using my eyes it's okay, it's more about me moving my head to look at them, and these seem like set rules that have been created, but they just happened one day and I don't know why but it's like a limit set on me that I can't influence. There are also things that happen every day that I will do ritualistically that make no sense but I will do anyway as I don't feel right if I don't, like when I go to bed I must make sure all the blinds in the house are slanted upwards and fully closed, then after I brush my teeth, I must make sure that my toothbrush is standing the tallest out of my brother's and my mother's with theirs on either side, and when I push my chair under my desk I must make sure no wires are touching the wheels, and there are a lot of wires under my desk. These are just a few examples of these random things that I have to do, otherwise I don't feel right, I won't go on, you already have enough to read. The last thing I'll talk about is one of these strange things that has plagued me for a while. I am left handed and whatever I do I feel like my left hand needs to be dominant or just my left side if that makes sense? If I touch someone or something with my right hand, I need to touch them with my left hand in the same place, and basically just finish with my left side. But there still needs to be some right, for example, if I touched something with my left hand and I didn't feel right, then I would touch it with my right hand, and then my left until it feels right. Even if it's just brushing against something, it won't feel right in my mind. It sounds trivial, but it happens in everything I do. I won't go into the things like worrying about losing things or slight perfectionism over things because I'm sure that's normal as my friend tells me and shuts me down whenever I even try and bring up a conversation on it and ridicules me for thinking I have OCD but I want your guys' opinion please. Thank you very much if you read this all and can be bothered to respond :)

9 Replies

  • Definitely sounds like ocd with a possibility of another illness maybe autism. Needs checking out visit your doctor and show him your post.

  • Alright thanks for responding, will do :)

  • The symptoms described in your post seem most characteristic of OCD.

    While the condition often manifests itself in adolescence or even earlier,

    it can remain with you for many years, even a lifetime, and become increasingly debilitating as you age. The good news is that clinical studies and research

    have begun providing answers as to possible causes of OCD as well as coping strategies, from medications to cognitive therapies.

    As such, I support the advice offered in the first reply to your post: that is,

    urging you to seek medical counsel. This is not a condition that benefits from

    "suffering in silence" and there's no reason you should be battling it alone.

    After all, at 14 years of age your life is, as they say, just beginning.

    So get all the help you need to make yours a good life. Hey, it's your life;

    make it a great one!

  • Thank you very much :)

  • My son has had OCD since age 10,now he is 26. This sounds to me like a classic case of OCD, although not a medical person I have lived with my son through this distressing condition and have been his confidant There is help out there, first go to GP and ask if you can be referred to CAMBS (Child & Adolescent Mental Health). Or you could via the School Nurse who did wonders for my son. You may have a wait, don't be surprised, as my son was considered urgent and still we had a wait. You can join an organisation like OCD Action who have a helpline.

    Please take care of yourself, 2% of the population have this illness so you are not alone.


  • Thank you, Ill see what I can sort out I appreciate it :)

  • OCD Action is now OCD UK

  • Hi, I too have OCD and personally much of what you described sounds like what I do. Me specially the tapping or touching something until it feels right. I was adamant though that I was perfectly normal until my mum noticed it. But trust me when I did have to open up about it, it made everything feel a thousand times better. Going to you Gp too, really helps as they are so understanding and everyone just wants to help. They will most probably refer you to CAMHS,like they do to most OCD patients. But trust me you are not alone in all this, there are so many of us out there 😊. Reading your post also made me feel better as I can relate so much to your post which as I say helps you not to feel so alone!

  • I'm glad I helped you I felt the same when I met someone who was like me :)

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