OCD

Hi my name is Danielle Griffin i am 22 years old I would like to share my OCD story for the hope to help other sufferers

Ever ask yourself these questions?

•Do you know what it's like to be tortured by your own mind?

•Do you Feel like your brain has two many tabs open like a computer from constantly thinking leaving you mentally tired and wanting to close your eyes and never open them again?

•Feeling the world is against you?

•Do you feel everyone is contaminated even doe they are clean?

•Feel ashamed of your ocd that the phobias cause?

•Love sleeping because been awake it's like your life is falling apart?

'No, this is what you call OCD obsessive compulsive disorder it is a mental illness'

•The difference between you and me Is that when you wake up your nightmare ends.

MY OCD I've had it diagnosed for 10 years now And different types of things bothered me like the usual OCD things people hear of like touching a door handle checking things I've already done 4 times as the number 4 was the number I was most comfortable with the feeling of worry a anxiety thinking is people looking at me? Do people notice what I'm doing? Although I hid it well, the bad thoughts, constant hand washing, checking an second guessing everything I do, worrying over the stupidest things that other people wouldn't even think about. Having anxiety over talking to someone or doing something (in case I say or do it wrong) constant in need of reassurance (after doing things so many times to feel it's right) feeling everyone is contaminated to not wanting to touch them even down to hugging my family members was to much for me I started distancing myself away from friends an my family so they wouldn't see my compulsions to been on my own in my room as OCD sufferers feel a safe place is we're we are in control of everything that no one can mess or touch Then to distance myself to not socialise nor have a childhood an avoiding going outside to play To been on my own so no one can see how bad I was suffering as OCD sufferers try to hide it As a child i had it quite young the doctor said I could grow out of my obsessive hand washing it was bad enough for my mam to notice an my school As time went by I got worse my compulsions were out of control I hided all my phobias so no one would notice an I was mostly in my bedroom on my own I watched tele after school all day everyday so my family wouldn't think anything of it I was suffering with bad anxiety thinking something bad would happen if I didn't move or clean things 'like I could catch a disease' I then only went outside for school to return home to scrub the areas that were exposed to the air 'yes the air' I scrubbed my face, neck, hands an sprayed perfume in my hair every time I returned home after been in contact with the air A trip to the garage to get petrol was a disaster I didn't leave the car an I thought there was a smell of petrol off of me I had my phone in my hand and I thought that smelled like petrol too so I washed it with my hands with soap under the tap I knew it could end up broken but I didn't care OCD wanted me to do it At one stage the skin on my face was peeling like sunburn I peeled bits off as it entered my hair/scalp Pain to me was feeling clean I then started wearing a scarf to cover my neck so it was less scrubbing my hands would crack an bleed I'd carry E45 in my bag I would not go on a bus it felt like I'd get a disease instantly my fear was drug addicts If I had to go on a bus tomorrow I would be that nervous an anxious I would wake up getting sick during the night I would sit on a scarf an not touch anything on the bus like the poles or hold on to the stairs I wouldn't bring my phone as it would be contaminated I had a set of clothes for using the bus my 'bus clothes' even when it was warm I would wear my heavy coat as a shield to the dirtiness I would strip at the door an my mam would put my clothes straight in the washing machine I then wouldn't allow anyone even family into my bedroom I would speak to them at the door of my room I wouldn't open my windows because I thought the air was dirty no shoes were ever wore into my bedroom at one stage my sister placed a paper handle bag with new clothes In it that I had got outside my bedroom door it was an inch on my floor as the gap in the door I scrubbed the floor put soap all over it an rinsed a towel of constant water to were my room flooded to my wooden floors lifting the perfume was sprayed on everything as I thought it would be clean I locked my bedroom door anytime I'd leave my room an use elastic hair bands an circle it to the door beside it to hold it closed I washed the chair in my sitting room with baby wipes before I'd sit down to watch tele if anyone sat there I'd have to wash it again If I walked down the stairs an i bumped or swiped off anyone or nearly touching me I would immediately change clothes an wash the old ones I hid it well until I cracked an told my mam id rather be dead then to live the way I was So depressed and emotional for such a young age my mam immediately contacted the doctor again I was 12 years old when I was diagnosed with OCD the doctor offered my mam medication for me she refused it I'm delighted to say I fighted it without medication for only been 12 years old I wanted to get better not many OCD sufferers have the strength to want to fight an feel OCD free I then got help And attended St James hospital in the child an adolescent mental health centre twice a week I was ready to give 110% to get better and fight OCD my dad an older sister didn't believe I had an illness an thought (I was putting it on an overreacting) in school a teacher noticed as she used my chair to stand on an said she would clean it she used her hand as in to wipe dust away just using her hand I then sprayed deodorant all over the chair an then the councillor was after me as I was already getting help I told them as they were worried After 3 years in St. James now only once a week I fighted so much delaying washing my hands fighting the urges to move an clean things OCD is like an addiction as my councillor said to my mam could you give up smoking easily well fighting ocd is just like that as I was getting better I started to go out to my friends I'd sit in my mam's car constant but that was a start an a big improvement to my ocd it was hard for me Then I got on with fighting it and having a normal childhood I felt free an my mam was told I was one of the fastest patients to fight an see results as I needed to fight OCD to make my life worth living it was a very emotional road for me an I still had my certain ways an scrub at night I attend St. James until I was 18 I was discharged I was happy I learned to live with my ocd I still had my bad days which felt like weeks to me my life felt worth living for once At 20 I then had a relapse an thought I had a nervous breakdown I didn't wash myself, didn't leave my bedroom, I was depressed, cried a lot an kept it to myself I then went to my doctor with my mam I felt lifeless like when I had it bad then the doctor referred me to beacon alight as talking to someone helped me I should have never stopped going to a councillor I then went on medication for the first time ever as it was I am currently on sertraline the only medication for ocd is an anti-depressant I am on 150mg a day and 200mg is the highest amount a day for a Ocd sufferer and Xanax for the anxiety. The medication has helped me a lot an I would rather be on medication for the rest of my life to be happy people to look at me would never think I had Ocd or have been true all of this I'd like to share this story to help other ocd sufferers out there that there is help but you need to want it for yourself and be ready to fight ocd.

'When neat people claim to have OCD an I think to myself, they have no idea what they're talking about'

OCD IS HERE TO STAY WE JUST LEARN TO LIVE WITH IT💔

I hope this will help other people one day.

8 Replies

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  • My heart goes out to youy. My son also suffers, diagnosed at 10, now 26. Its has ruined his life. Please stay in touch with us through this forum.

  • Sorry to hear it's good to know other people know how you feel hope he fights OCD an enjoys his life he deserves it 💔 I will stay in touch 😊

  • Thank you for sharing. X

  • Hi , i read your story and my heart goes out to you, i have suffered with ocd for about 28 yrs and i have been through hell, still am i have had a st back just about 4 weeks ago it kicked off again and im gutted, i went for help 4 yrs ago and had on and off therapy not have any at the mo but its time to get help again as im going mad, i have the awfull ocd which is the bad thoughts which is horendous, i have to repeat everyday that i have not said something nasty to someone or hurt some one, its the brain which lies to you and tells you , you have done or said something when you have not, im gutted this has happened again i just want a normal life , take care get all the help you can good luck, susan x

  • Thanks Susan I know the feeling happened to me 2 years ago the nervous,anxious, sick feeling I really hope you get better soon we'll to controlling your ocd again and can manage it your in my thoughts x

  • Thanks for the message its good to know that there are people out there that understand x

  • Thankyou for your life story xx

  • Thanks for sharing, it helps people.

    My number is 8 :/

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