Sallyskins5 years ago

Much as I appreciate that your daughter is suffering I don't think she has the right to treat you the way she does. It's clear that you are doing your best for her and try to help her as much as you can, but I really think she needs to make an effort to appreciate that you are doing your best and that her OCD is impacting on your life.

Perhaps she needs to listen to you and understand that you are suffering on her behalf, not just because of the OCD but also because of her attitude. I don't mean to be harsh, as I know only too well how horrible and difficult it is to have OCD, but she needn't make your life a misery.

Try to establish grounds rules. Tell her what you will co-operate with and what you won't put up with. Stay as calm and rational as you can, no matter if she flies off the handle. Be firm but try not to lose your temper. That puts you in a stronger position.

She may well react badly, but she is not likely to flounce off as she needs you too much. She is behaving like this because she can get away with it. Even allowing for her OCD she should not feel she has licence to behave like this. x x x

Blue42 in reply to Sallyskins5 years ago

Thanks for your support. X

I have tried to explain to her how her OCD impacts my life and she just thinks I'm either being mean and picking on her and being nasty or I'm being selfish and not realising the impact this has on her life. Believe me when I say I do realise how this impacts her life. I see it every day.

I do tell her I do not appeciate being spoken to like this and tell her to stop pecking my head with demands or several demands.

I suffer with fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue so some days I'm beyond tired and barking orders at me just gets me confused. X

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Sallyskins in reply to Blue425 years ago

It must be exhausting for you. Having to live with someone whose OCD is so demanding is bad enough but having health problems of your own must make it all the worse. it sounds as though your daughter ought to have some care and consideration for you.

I've certainly relied on the forbearance and patience of my family and friends but I've always done my best not to include them in the rituals. The OCD often makes me repeat something I've done. It's frustrating but mostly my friends and family leave me to get on with it and don't interfere in either a positive or negative way. I just say, 'woolly woo' which is my word for it and we all go on as normally as possible.

Try not to get caught up in arguing with her. Just state your position and stick to it, and tell her that if she doesn't like it that's her problem. Rows are exhausting for anyone and leave anyone exhausted but it's worse for one with your health problems.

Anyway feel free to vent here whenever you like.

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Hidden5 years ago

Hi Blue42, I am in the same position as tour daughter in the sense that my dad does a lot of my ritials for me to the point where he no longer has a miniute to himself because of my OCD , we fall out over this a lot which is why I have had to move out and get a place of my own so it dominates the whole family .

I say to him he is being nasty or horrible or tight and I still do so.., but Idont mean any harm and neither does your daughter.

I often feel that my dad does not understand my OCD and where I am coming from even though he has lived with it for well over twenty years now. I also say to him that he takes things out on me when things have forever being going wrong and then he says he has every right to be annoyed with me and that he is not blaming me for anything. I am used to taking blame nowadays.

Whenever my dad comes in, I make him have a shower forst then wash hall and kitchen we have all other doors closed before he goes. Then he has another shower before he is alllowed to put shopping away or even make a drink plus much more i know he dosnt have to put up with me I told him myself , he said what do you mean put up with you.. you're my daughter and I will do everything I can to help but sometimes my . .best is not good enough.

I can see perfectly well how the tension and stress leveld are exceedingly high and neither you or your daughter are to blame for anything that goes wrong .. its like treading on eggshellds in my dads words and OCD is a minefield .

I am now more edgy and fragile than ever , I have too many panic and anxxiety attacks sometimes to the point where I was fearing a nervous breakdown recently when he diddo extra things for me because I didnt even know my own mind so my dad has been complying more because of that. He already knows you are not supposed to feed it because in the long run the OCD gets stronger and it has, but he felt it was the right thing to calm me down to a levrl where I could maybe not depend on him as much but we will just have to see how it goes

Obviously your dughter has panic attacks and panics all the time like me but I think she does understand the impact her OCD has on your life but it is in control of her like mine.

I take escitalopram to try to take t

he edge off it. I think it would be a good idea for your daughter to see a psychiatrist to explain all the pros and cons about taking some mefications benefits sode effects and everything . It does help to reduce the fear enough to get involved in any CBT or setting ground rules at home is as bad as feeding it .

Its best t for both of you o go at a very gradual pace as she hopefully improves with her counselling which is harder than CBT .

I would suggest to your daughter she sees the psychiatrist first.

Would your daughter like to email me herself? Somebody to talk to who is in the same boat as her so she will know that she is not alone.

To me it seems that she understands where you are coming from and does not mean any harm.

Let me know how iit goes .

Take care. xx

Blue425 years ago

Thank you for being so open and honest. I appreciate your support. My daughter doesn't know I'm on this forum. It is the only outlet I have to discuss her OCD with out judgment or recriminations.

I do try to let her make her own decisions about things but its still hard being the parent she wants me to be x

Hidden5 years ago

You are welcome. x

I do fully understand..

Have you not told your daughter that you ae on the forum or even about the charity?

I'm sorry I wasn't able to reply sooner as i expressed I havent been well myself. I too have got a lot more OCD to contend with, and to try to do little bits at a time as I have Mount Everest ahead of me yet.

I hope focusing on your daughters OCD doesn't have a negative effect on my own OCD which i need to concentrate on.

Take care. x

Blue425 years ago

I appreciate any help and advice that you give me x

She is very secretive about who she talks to and I understand that. She needs an outlet just like I do.

I have mentioned about forums and looking in the internet but I always get a very negative response so I have stopped trying. I do know she has a friend that she talks to online who has helped her.

Please do not let my daughters suffering impact on your recovery. Please put yourself first always xx

Hidden5 years ago

Has yoyr daughter seen her GP yet , she could explain everything to them about her OCD, even if she rings up to make an appointment and goes in there by herself because like me she does seriously need medical help no matter where it comes from.

Yes both your daughter and I need a distraction. Does your daughter like crosswords or jigsaw puzzles or watch her favourite tv programme or listen to relaxing music.

Its good that she has a boyfriend, she always talk to him on the phone if she feels she is not upto going out again yet, thats anither distractio n for her.

I will leave it open for now while I try a distraction too.

I am going back to watch my programme now.

Take care. xx

Blue42 in reply to Hidden5 years ago

The GP did come to the house to see her about 3 weeks ago but she wasn't very engaging with him. She'sagainst all medication and I've had conversations with her many times and she wont hwar anything about taking tablets. She does watch things on youtube sometimes. Which I know she enjoys x

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Hidden5 years ago

Are you getting any help for yoylur fobromyalgia and chromic fatigue ? I do know that you feel you need to spend some or most of the day in bed to rest

Brst to have a sit down discussion with your daughter and still talk about things in a pleasant manner .

Tell her wben you feel better you willcome baclk to help her ou with her compulsive rituals and them try to gi back to bed if need be.

Let me know how it goes

Take care. xx

Blue42 in reply to Hidden5 years ago

Thanks for uour concern xx

I can't take any of the tablets they normally give for the fibromyalgia as I've had really bad side effects from them. I just have to rest when I can and muddle through x

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Hidden5 years ago

You may be able to come to a compromise . Who knows.

Let me know how it goes.

you can talk to me anytime.

Take care. xx

Blue42 in reply to Hidden5 years ago

Thanks for your support xx

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Hidden5 years ago

You are welcome anytume. xx