What is wrong with me

I had a beautiful girlfriend for the past two years inside and out but I failed to show her any love or appreciation I took her kindness and positivity for granted.

I met her at work straight after a permanent break up with my ex girlfriend and baby mother, which looking back was a rebound at first.

At first we wasn’t a couple she use to just come round to keep my spirits high and give me company, I knew she fancied me for a while as we worked together and she was always concerned about my moods and problems.

After a while of her coming round as friends (4 months) I realised she deserved more effort from me so I suggested a relationship. She was so happy. All those times she sat with me depressed thinking about my daughter was worth it in her eyes.

If I’m honest I was just happy to be over my ex and I know it makes me sound like a horrible and nasty person maybe even using this wonderful lady but I got with her even though I didn’t feel like I fancied her or she was even my type, I now realise I was blind to it or had difficulty allowing my brain to show emotion.

She treated me like a king and my daughter like a princess but I never made her feel loved hardly complemented her or told her I loved her, yet there she was for me when my car broke down driving to my side driving me miles to find a new one. The list goes on. When I walked into work I’d catch her massive smile and I felt it was a bit much and wasn’t sure able to appreciate the love.

In August I split up with her to her sadness and although it didn’t make me happy I felt it was only fair on her if I didn’t love her. By September she was coming round again, I made clear it was just as friends and she said she didn’t want a relationship with me she was just happy to have me in her life. Again I took it all for granted and I am hating myself for it and am wrapped in guilt and regret.

Just before Xmas I asked if we could get back together as I realised she was in fact the girl of my dreams and I have no idea why I treated her with such little interests and made excuses from access to daughter to not being loved like this. She said it was over and she wasn’t going to come round anymore. I sent flowers, gifts and letters telling her if she loved me when I was so uninterested imagine what I’d be like now I realised I do actually love her. Respect to her she grew a back bone and stuck to her guns she obviously felt she was used and was embarrassed to allow herself to be.

Now this is where after research I believe OCD comes in. All through jan I have chased her and begged and now I can’t have her all I do is think about her and mourn for her. All day and all night she is on my mind and what she use to do for me. I do leave her alone now as asked but seeing her at work is killing me so much so I’ve been signed off for two weeks. I know I love her the feelings are so strong and rejection is getting me in a hole. I don’t sleep or eat she is literally on my mind constantly.

It’s an obsession, but I want to know why I didn’t feel like this when she was with me and all the depressive times I had with her. We did obviosly have fun times too and a connection but I just felt I couldn’t commit. I knew I deserve what’s happened and she deserves more but I just wish I could turn back time and show her what she means to me as I know I could and would if given the chance.

I don’t want to take medication I just want my brain to think of something else, even for an hour. I know I’m being selfish I should let her go but I just don’t understand why I only feel like this now and didn’t wake up to it when we were together.

I have a meeting for therapy next Wednesday am willing to pay whatever it costs to make this feeling go a way. My thoughts are not normal when I start thinking of her and another man so I know jealousy and rejection is a big part of my emotions as well as guilt. How could I love her if I treated her like this?

I do expect criticism and deservedly so but if anyone feels they can say anything helpful to make me stop feeling so down I’d appreciate it - and I do deserve karma etc maybe time is the only healer

5 Replies

Hello, I don't think you sound like a bad partner at all , to me you just struggle with expressing your emotions or u don't feel deserving of someone who loves yous so much.

I don't want to say it's not ocd but these feeling seem like feelings of a broken heart. It took me 3 years to stop thinking and crying over my ex constantly all day every day even though he was awful to me I seemed to forget the bad and only remember the good.

If she doesn't want to get back together you will have to accept that unfortuanlty. You will be amazed at how time heals, I never thought I would find someone with the connection I had previously but 4 yrs later I have and Ian so happy he's amazing and we have a beautiful boy x

I hope I have helped in some way x


It really doesn't sound like OCD. It sounds like, if not a broken heart as Amy suggests, then at least mixed feelings about your former relationship.

That taking a woman for granted and not appreciating her, now call me an old cynic if you want, but that is just being a man! Much as we like to be appreciated, though, women often are a bit creeped out by too much in the way of flowers and gifts.

Now that you are no longer with this woman it sounds as though you have romanticized what was, by your own account, not a very good relationship. It's best if you just remember the fun and the pleasure, think of her fondly, move on and in due course try to meet someone else. Jealousy is normal, and so is guilt at not having been able to commit. I suggest that these feelings are what are overpowering you.

It isn't karma. Most of us have some history of failed relationships. It may be that you treated her badly, but that doesn't make you a bad person. Not being able to commit to her while you were with her sounds like she was never the one for you anyway. It's no good wishing how things could have been different, it's best to learn from your mistakes and take that to your next relationship.

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Thanks ladies for replying. I’ll tell you why I believe it’s ocd. It’s wanting what I can’t have why didn’t I want her when she was here? It’s all obsessive when in reality if I loved her I would have treated her good when she was here. I fee guillt jealousy loneliness.


It's because many of us romanticize the memories we have of a relationship that wasn't all that good when we had it. It often feels better than being alone. I've had OCD for many years and I've also had my heart broken. I know the difference! It takes a while to get over a failed relationship, though quite honestly I am reluctant to call it 'failed'. Relationships can be tricky and we don't always get it right. Remember, but don't obsess over, this woman, think of the mistakes you made and resolve not to make them again, give yourself a chance to heal, and then put her away in a corner of your heart.


Ive always been one of those people that always want what they can't have x

Maybe if yous did get back you would be disappinted and feel the exact same or even less appreciative or attracted to her xx

Iam no doc and if docs have diagnosed it as ocd then listen to professionals, I do think therapy will be really useful for you though. Here anytime if u want to talk x

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