do I have OCD?

I'm new here, and I'm not quite sure if I have OCD or not. I have had several thoughts in the past that have scared me and won't go away. Whenever I think about them, I get a clenching feeling in my gut and the thoughts in my head begin to swim around so that I can't think clearly. Also, if I get help or decide to tell someone then it feels as though I'm confirming these thoughts and as a result I feel scared and anxious. I have read a few websites about this matter, and I felt like I can relate to them in many ways. However sometimes I feel like I'm just overthinking things, and I don't actually have anything wrong with me. Is this OCD? Anxiety? Does anyone else feel like this?

-Jem

- Jem

2 Replies

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  • OCD is a huge bully and all the concerns you express are ones I suffer with and I am diagnosed as having OCD. I am part of an online community and common secondary fears of OCD include thoughts like, 'What if u don't have OCD, what if I say it out loud and that makes the thoughts true, what if I'm judged, what if therapy doesn't work or I'm told I am a monster or what fear' etc OCD makes you doubt. It's known as the doubting disease because it makes you doubt everything. It makes you doubt who you are and tries to convince you that the thoughts are real. I have so much information I could give you but not sure it will fit on here lol. I can pop a link here on a blog I wrote about OCD that may be a good starting point. OCD is when you have intrusive thoughts/feelings or urges that then lead to you carry out compulsions. Compulsions can be avoiding things that you feel are linked or will trigger your thoughts or make you feel more anxious, ruminating, reassurance seeking such as asking family or friends to reassure you that you aren't going mad or that you are normal or repeatedly questioning or googling excessively etc, trying to stop the thought or think of 'good' thoughts to try and stop the 'bad' thought, praying...these are compulsions linked to a type of OCD that has the nick name Pure O where the compulsions are internal or compulsions can be outward so counting, checking, ordering things a certain way etc these are just a few examples, there are so many compulsions that can be occurring.

    Common themes of OCD include contamination OCD, checking OCD, scrupulosity OCD (fear of God punishing you for sinning or blasphemous thoughts about a religious figure or feeling like you have to complete certain rituals so you feel God approves of you etc), and my primary OCD which is harm/sexual OCD (this is the one I battle most with so the harm side could be thoughts of harm coming to people around you like a family member being in a car accident or thinking you could hurt someone by stabbing them or strangling them or hitting someone with your car etc and then the sexual side of it could be thoughts of being gay if you're straight or straight if you're gay or transgender, thoughts of beastiality, thoughts of being a paedophile, thoughts of incest, thoughts of sexual content to do with authority figures or religious figures) etc OCD has no limit to its imagination. This again is just a few examples there are other sub types and they are all, each one of them so so common.

    The first step is getting help which I know first hand is terrifying. I promise you there are treatments available for OCD if you are diagnosed with it and OCD and anxiety go hand in hand. The gut feeling is your fight or flight kicking in. You have a thought that's of uncomfortable content then you feel like there's a threat so your body kicks off adrenaline and getting you ready to fight or flee and the compulsions ease that feeling but because the underlying OCD isn't being treated it actually feeds the OCD. Every time a compulsion is carried out your brain learns that it needs to do that to deal with the threat but actually there is no threat it's just how you've reacted to the thought because the OCD makes us attach meaning to the thoughts. Everyone has intrusive thoughts but with OCD those thoughts get stuck because we attach meaning and think 'why did I think that? What does it mean? It must mean something ' etc so we get lost in the spiral of anxiety and fear and anything you fear or are bothered by is what OCD will go for because it's an easy target. If you feel you can't say it out loud to a doctor you can try writing it down which I know is hard to but it's important because treatment is available for this. I hope this has offered an overview of things. Please ask any questions. I'm sorry this ended up being so long. Here's the link should you want to check my blog out X

    Or search online The real housewife of OCD (I'm on Wordpress and Facebook)

    wp.me/p8os9W-D

  • Thankyou, this reply really helped me to understand my situation a lot better. I think I have harm/sexual OCD, as most of my thoughts are more towards the similar things that you describe above, e.g. thoughts of having a family member in a car accident, and thoughts of being gay, and others that I'm too scared to write down here. I checked out your blog and it gave me a lot more information and helped me understand that I'm not alone. Sorry it took me so long to reply but I have kind of been avoiding thinking about it. Sometimes I feel like I'm still just overthinking stuff, but there's also a part of me at the same time that doubts these thoughts and eventually my mind is just a confusing mush.

    I have spoken to my mum about the concept of OCD to see how much she knew and later on she told me that I'm just overthinking things. I think she was a bit suspicious on why I was asking stuff like that but I still can't bring myself to tell her about the stuff going on in my brain.

    So anyway, again, thanks for the reply, you helped a lot ((:

    -Jem x

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