Is it OCD or is it in my mind?

I'm a 23 yr old Mother and am looking for some advice and support. I'm going to tell you about the things I do and feel and wonder if someone could shed some light on whether I nor I suffer from a particular condition.

If I trip on a pavement with my left foot I'll have to tap my right foot too so they feel the same.

I have thoughts like "I've got to do this task before a certain time or I'll die" to make me complete something quickly. Or I'll look at the timer on the microwave and think to myself "I bet I can get these dishes done before the microwave has ended. If I don't something bad is going to happen to me".

Obsession with door locking, began from always having to lock a door when I lived at home but I'm tapping the top of the door handle several times before bed to double check even though I am confident both doors are definitely locked.

Having bad thoughts a lot then quickly thinking of something good to cancel out the bad thought or I'm praying to god that he won't allow the bad thought to come true. When I feel stressed or down/low mood, the bad thoughts happen more often. I even have bad thoughts about my own family members and am always asking myself morbid questions like "what would I do if they died?"

I love cleaning and don't feel I clean more than the average person however friends and past partners have made comments that I am 'OCD' and really 'don't need to hoover everyday, or polish or tidy up so often'.

All sofa cushions and folded up throws in living room must be plumped and symmetrical. Beds made every morning and corners and cushions symmetrical. No dishes in sink.

Prepare all my meals for a week at work so I know I have something for breakfast and lunch every day. Check calories on everything and obsessed about eating healthy. Then I come home and binge eat and I don't realise how much I've eaten until I feel physically sickened by everything I've just swallowed and spent the rest of the night feeling guilty and disgusting and drink water in bed.

Frequent feelings of dread and fear, some days just a constant horrible gut feeling in my stomach which makes me feel like my friends or partner have done something to hurt me when In fact it's probably just all in my mind?

As a child I feared death so bad that used to slump down in the car and hide when we drove past a funeral director, as if the shop could see and was going to take me. I couldn't look at a funeral directors shop until years later when I was in my teens.

I pre plan everything and prepare for everything. I lay out school uniform neatly and clean for the following day every night and check that's it's there over and over, same with school bag and/or school letters to return. I check my bag multiple times to make sure my work badge and diary is in there even though I know it definitely is. I feel sick at the thought of not being organised and having to rush around at the last minute to get sorted for the day ahead.

I could go on all day about my little finicky habits. But I'm driving myself insane and feeling like I'm a bad person (when having intrusive thoughts). Can someone tell me if I should seek GP's advice please? Thank you for reading.

Thanks

A x

8 Replies

oldestnewest
  • To me, that sounds pretty much like OCD Abbie. I don't get the cleaning worries, but I do get lots of worries that I go over and over in my mind, trying to work out if I'm an awful person or not.

  • I have an appointment today to finally get to the bottom of it. The more I read up on OCD the mo I I am adamant

  • Hope the appointment goes well. I'm at a similar stage to you - I've had problems like this for quite a few years, but have only recently thought 'maybe this could be OCD'. So I have had an appointment with my GP and they've referred me to a 'Healthy Minds' centre - I've filled a long form in with them and am waiting to see what happens next.

  • You'll have to keep us updated. I just wondered how soon a GP can diagnose? Did you GP say it was OCD? I'd just feel better with some actual confirmation. I hope you referral to the healthy minds goes well!

  • Thanks, Abbie! The GP didn't actually say it was OCD (for me I think it would be what's called Pure OCD - wikipedia has a good definition of it). She just referred me to Healthy Minds. I was encouraged by the form that I had to fill in - I was worried that it wouldn't refer to any of my worries, that I would be shown to be a fraud... but it was very comprehensive, and I felt I managed to explain well what goes on in my head.

    They call OCD the 'doubting disease' so perhaps we shouldn't be surprised if we are worried about whether we have it or not...

  • If I wasn't obsessive enough, I am not obsessing over whether I have It or not. I've dedicated hours of research and feel like I'm no obsessed about being obsessed. Thanks for Your reply, it's put my mind at ease at least a little. I'm off to the appointment now!

  • Hope it goes well!

  • This is typical OCD behaviour. It becomes OCD when it takes over your life and prevents you from doing things you enjoy or in a way that you enjoy - or makes you do things you don't enjoy. Intrusive thoughts do not make you a bad person. It is OCD. Binge eating can be one manifestation of OCD - eating disorders are related to OCD as they involved a sort of compulsive behaviour. Do try to get help for it - an appointment with your GP could be a start. Get referred to a team or therapist who understands the havoc that OCD can wreak. Treatment normally consists of cognitive behaviour therapy and an antidepressant could help as well. Often they are used together. There are some useful books as well - the Overcoming OCD in the Overcoming series of self-help books is very good, as is the OCD Workbook. They can reassure you and start you on your way to dealing with it. I know how hard it can be - I have had similar problems.

You may also like...