I'm a 23 yr old Mother and am looking for some advice and support. I'm going to tell you about the things I do and feel and wonder if someone could shed some light on whether I nor I suffer from a particular condition.
If I trip on a pavement with my left foot I'll have to tap my right foot too so they feel the same.
I have thoughts like "I've got to do this task before a certain time or I'll die" to make me complete something quickly. Or I'll look at the timer on the microwave and think to myself "I bet I can get these dishes done before the microwave has ended. If I don't something bad is going to happen to me".
Obsession with door locking, began from always having to lock a door when I lived at home but I'm tapping the top of the door handle several times before bed to double check even though I am confident both doors are definitely locked.
Having bad thoughts a lot then quickly thinking of something good to cancel out the bad thought or I'm praying to god that he won't allow the bad thought to come true. When I feel stressed or down/low mood, the bad thoughts happen more often. I even have bad thoughts about my own family members and am always asking myself morbid questions like "what would I do if they died?"
I love cleaning and don't feel I clean more than the average person however friends and past partners have made comments that I am 'OCD' and really 'don't need to hoover everyday, or polish or tidy up so often'.
All sofa cushions and folded up throws in living room must be plumped and symmetrical. Beds made every morning and corners and cushions symmetrical. No dishes in sink.
Prepare all my meals for a week at work so I know I have something for breakfast and lunch every day. Check calories on everything and obsessed about eating healthy. Then I come home and binge eat and I don't realise how much I've eaten until I feel physically sickened by everything I've just swallowed and spent the rest of the night feeling guilty and disgusting and drink water in bed.
Frequent feelings of dread and fear, some days just a constant horrible gut feeling in my stomach which makes me feel like my friends or partner have done something to hurt me when In fact it's probably just all in my mind?
As a child I feared death so bad that used to slump down in the car and hide when we drove past a funeral director, as if the shop could see and was going to take me. I couldn't look at a funeral directors shop until years later when I was in my teens.
I pre plan everything and prepare for everything. I lay out school uniform neatly and clean for the following day every night and check that's it's there over and over, same with school bag and/or school letters to return. I check my bag multiple times to make sure my work badge and diary is in there even though I know it definitely is. I feel sick at the thought of not being organised and having to rush around at the last minute to get sorted for the day ahead.
I could go on all day about my little finicky habits. But I'm driving myself insane and feeling like I'm a bad person (when having intrusive thoughts). Can someone tell me if I should seek GP's advice please? Thank you for reading.